TVH3 The Words for 30th December 2024

The British Legion, Newton Abbot

Run No. 2056 

 

"The Magnificent Seven + 1" or is it, "And Then There Were Five"?

 

HARE: Beeflicker

 

Who wuz there: Beeflicker, Man-Pig, Piltdown Man, Smellie, Pisswell, Beefy, Pocket Rocket and Melon Picker

 

Circle

The last run of the year always falls between Christmas and New Year. Many Hashers are away, have family commitments or are simply worn out from the Christmas Festivities.

Accordingly, numbers were low which is always a shame when a Hare has set a trail. In fact, Haldon Hash were not running at all on the 30th and AshHash had decided to cancel their Tuesday run as it fell on New Year's Eve.

So, yes, numbers were down. But they were even worse than the 8 listed above. On arriving at the Cricket Field car park at 7.10pm there was only the Hare and one other Hasher present, Piltdown Man.

"Where's Smellie?" I ask.

"She's on a later train".

"Train?"

Tonight's trail was no ordinary trail. It was to be a Walkers' trail only, walking between pubs. The Pig was sent back to his car to get changed out of his Hashing gear and to contemplate an evening of savouring the best in low alcohol beers that money could buy. On the other hand, those that were arriving on foot and by public transport were on a mission to rival that of The Twelve Pubs of Christmas.

Pisswell was present but no Beefy.

"Is Beefy looking after the girls this evening?" I enquire of Pisswell.

"No. I dropped him off at the Edgemoor Hotel and he's running down".

"Nuts" I thought.

And to Melon Picker, "Where's Soapy?"

"At a pantomime".

So, with that, the six of us circled up.

"Are there any announcements?' enquires Piltdown.

"Yes" says the Pig. "Poacher has phoned to advise that next week's Hash is from the Castle Inn, Stoke Gabriel. Also, the following week's Hash (also Hared by Poacher) is almost certainly going to be from The Crown & Sceptre, St Marychurch (TBC)".

And with that we were off.

 

Trail

If last week's trail only had Walkers' and Shorts' options, tonight's had Walkers' as the only option.The trail was marked in blue chalk arrows.

The first pub was The Locomotive. Amazingly, this pub did not have any real ales. They hadn't run out. They just don't serve them. Here we met up with Smellie and Beefilcker distributed pens and a Hash quiz that he had devised. Beeflicker had concocted a short story about a Hash pub crawl but there were missing words from the script. All we had to do was to fill the blanks with a Hasher's name to create a coherent story.

Man-Pig completed the quiz first but hadn't understood the instructions and got 1 out of 10. In a flashback to his schooldays, he was sent away to try again. Pocket Rocket took a full two pubs before completing his. Smellie was being particularly diligent and received full marks with everyone else circa 7 or 8 out of 10.

We moved onto the Cider Bar where Beefy was waiting for us and we all became confused by the term "Bibs". The chalk board listed a selection of draught ciders and then another selection under the heading of "Bibs".

"What are bibs?" I ask the barman. He points to the bank of 5 litre polybins lined up on the shelf.

Mystery solved.

With a full tally of eight, we decided to move straight onto the British Legion. We lost lost Melon Picker and Piltdown on the way as they were going to call it a night. We also temporarily lost Pisswell. She would be running back to the Edgemoor Hotel to collect the car and return for Beefy.

 

Down-Downs

And then there were 5 who entered into the British Legion for a final slurp and a chat.

We agreed that we would pass on the Down-Downs this evening, even though Beeflicker was up for it. Despite, or perhaps because of, the low numbers, Beefy commented on how good it was for everyone to be sat around chatting about nothing in particular. And it was; all really rather convivial.

In the blink of an eye it was time for Smellie to catch her last train back to Teignmouth. Beefy's lift had arrived back in the guise of Pisswell and van so we bade each other "Farewell and a Happy New Year".

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from The Castle Inn, Stoke Gabriel with Hare Poacher. Check your tide tables or bring a wetsuit!

On-On to next week and a Happy New Year and a prosperous 2025 to one and all MP XXX

FANCY DRESS PUB CRAWL

Run #2056 Monday 30th December 7:15 pm circle up from the Royal British Legion club, Newton Abbot, 2 Marsh Rd, Newton Abbot TQ12 2AP with hare Beeflicker.

FANCY DRESS 'Wee Willy Winkle' (night attire to the posh hashers) pub crawl hash. Bring yourselves and BRING CASH! 

 

 

TVH3 The Words for 23rd December 2024

The King's Arms, Kingsteignton

Run No. 2055 Christmas Raffle Draw "Wot....no Hares?"

 

HARES: The Invisible Man & Harry Potter and his invisibility cloak - alias Hot Lips & Zoot

 

Who might have been there:

Runners & Walkers - Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Only Here for the Beer, Beefy, Pisswell, Pocket Rocket, U-Bend, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Beeflicker, Wet-Johnny, Erection, Warmfront, Psycho, Red Rum, Melon Picker, Soapy, Roger-the-Dodger, Big End, Well Hopped, Ernie, Coldtits, Smash, Miss Mash, Miss'ing, Gagga-4-it, Triplejump, Arkangel, Strap-On, Strap-Dancer, Wide Receiver and a big welcome to a visitor from Isca hash - Spocky Bitz

 

On-Down only: Threesum, Base Camp, Cheerio Beerio, Darcy, Eve, Ablesemen, Wetfart, Teapot, Pork Torpedo, Hornie & Satnav

 

Circle

The only thing missing from the Circle were the Hares....and I know not why?

 

Shitfaced welcomed everyone to the TVH3 Christmas raffle run 2024. The only announcements were that all of the raffle tickets had been sold; food was being provided by the pub and would Hashers please contribute by putting something in the pot during the evening?

 

Man-Pig advised that he had visited Doris the previous week and found her to be perfectly lucid and having had a good old chat about the Hash.

 

Beeflicker advised that he was the Hare for next week's run from the Criket Field car park, Newton Abbot. It would be more of a pub crawl than a Hash so bring MONEY!

 

At this point, we would normally hand over to the Hares for a briefing about the trail. However, and I think for the first time in TVH3's history, there were no Hares present. In the past we have started plenty of Hashes in the absence of the Hares. This was usually because they were still out laying the trail. This evening was different. The trail had been laid. The Down-Downs had been paid for but there would be no Hares......and no explanation as to why. Nevertheless, it was left to Shitfaced to brief the pack:

 

"There is a Walkers' trail and a Shorts' trail"........silence........and......more silence. " If you want to do a Long, go around twice!" (or even thrice?)

 

Trail

The Short's trail was a simple run around Hackney Marshes looping up through the Passage House and back into Kingsteignton. The 1.9 mile loop did take in some virgin territory through the new housing estate above the Passage House. Here we encountered lots of Christmas illuminations and the marks were clear and frequent....until we reached The Bell Inn. The FRB's were now running back towards me. They had encountered an "On Home" mark just outside The Bell but it was pointing back whence we came. I ignored it and carried straight on only to encounter another "OH". This time pointing back to the King's Arms. I am surmising that the first "OH" was supposed to have been an "On Inn" for the Walkers i.e. walk up to The Bell, have a pint and walk back again.

 

Some did, indeed, go round again. Beefy and others were last seen heading down Kingsteignton Road towards the racecourse. The main thing was that we all got back in plenty of time for the draw.

 

Down-Downs

Forrest must have finished his panto season by now. Nonetheless, he was AWOL so were we left with the Pig as RA. We commenced by thanking the pub for having us and welcoming back Teapot and our visitor from Isca Hash - Spocky Bitz.

 

The potential for awarding a Down-Down to the Hares was negated by their absence, so who has an Award from last week?

 

Beeflicker has an Award and a set of car keys .........that aren't his. So which Nissan owner is missing their starting apparatus? It is Ablesemen. Almost by definition, Ablesemen is driving so she elects for a glass of water. "Hold it in you hand Mrs Murphy".

 

Next up is Well Hopped with the Horned Hat. There is a story of someone who isn't very well in the family and who has been diagnosed by someone else in the family.....who is not a qualified Doctor - Roger the Dodger. RtD arrives front and centre muttering, "This is what happens if you go out with your daughter". Accordingly, a note for the incestuous one.

 

Awards are coming thick and fast. Warmfront has a story about someone on the Longs who nearly got run over by the smallest car on the planet. Our absent minded Jay walker is Psycho. A note for the Jay walker.

 

Shitfaced reminds us all of an incident that occurred many years ago when running from this very pub. An incident so lewd that it resulted in the arrest of one of our senior citizens. For those that havn't been running with us very long, Wetfart was called up to recount the tale of his indecent exposure charge. As Wetfart was chauffeuring Teapot, he also elected for a water accompanied to the Grand Old Duke of York.

 

I think Awards had run out by this time so there was a call from the floor about anyone having a birthday recently? The most recent birthday was U-Bend's last Wednesday. However, on this occasion, a birthday alone did not warrant a Down-Down. Man-pig got out his phone and showed Darcy, Cheerio's daughter, a photo of a van.

 

"Could you read out the number plate on this van?"

Darcy read it out.

"Who's van is this?"

"Mine" says U-Bend

"What is the van parked on Darcy?"

"Double yellow lines!"

A note for Reginald Molehusband - the worst parker in town (for those of you who might recall the public safety advert on the TV from the early 70's).

 

At this point, the bar staff start to bring the scoff out. There is only one beer left so we push on with the show.

 

Shitfaced suggests that the final half should go to Threesum. This is as a thanks for all the effort that she has put into arranging the raffle. And very well deserved too. However, once Threesum has the half of ale in her hand, another story comes to light. 

 

An FRB that had been around the Shorts twice was a tad thirsty when they arrived back at the On-Down. So thirsty in fact that they couldn't wait in the queue for a beer. Spying an unguarded pint, our thirsty Hasher takes a huge, and uninvited, gulp out of Threesum's pint. Not for the first time, our beer monster is none other than Psycho. A note for the alcoholic and then it is onto the raffle.

 

In an attempt to speed up the raffle, we now have two dips into two different buckets. The first dip generates the winner and the second dip identifies the prize. It takes about the same time as the previous "first out of the bucket gets first choice of prizes". 

 

Nevertheless, we proceed with the raffle as fast as possible with Wet Johnny and Only Here for the Beer appearing to scoop the majority of the prizes. As improbable as it seems, the two pies are won by Shitfaced.

 

We end by thanking the committee for organising the raffle and wishing everyone a Happy Christmas and, for those who are not doing next week's Hash, a Peaceful 2025.

 

Thankyou all for coming and making it so enjoyable.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Cricket Field car park, Newton Abbot. Our Hare is Beeflicker and we are promised more of a pub crawl than a run, so leave your car at home and bring beer tokens!

 

On the subject of pub crawls, AshHash's 12 pubs on Christmas will take place on Saturday 28th December. Wear fancy dress. It will commence from about 5.30 from The Railway then it usually makes its way to Tuckers Maltings followed by Weatherspoons (Richard Hopkins).

 

On-On to next week and a very Merry Christmas to one and all. MP XXX

CHRISTMAS DRAW

Run #2055 Monday 23rd December CHRISTMAS DRAW hash from the Kings Arms 6 Oakford, Kingsteignton, Newton Abbot TQ12 3EG with Zoot & Hotlips.

THE TRAIN OF LIGHTS

 

TVH The Words for Monday 16th December

From The Railway Inn, Churston

Run #2054

Scribe: Pisswell

 

The train of lights Tickets please for: Georgie Porgie, Piltdown man, ManPig, Shitfaced, Miss Mash, Smash, Judgemental, Pocket Rocket, Beeflicker, Beefy, Pisswell, Satnav, Soapy, Melon Picker, Red Rum, Palmolive, Only here for the beer, Threesum and Cheerio Beerio ( circle only), Well hopped, Psyco, Warmfront, Smellie, Able Seaman, Strap on, Coldtits.

 

The circle: The GM welcomed everyone to hash no 2054 at The Railway Inn.

 

Announcements: Beeflicker announced that Mortica from South Hams hash had passed away recently. Threesum reminded that she was selling tickets for the Christmas draw next week The hare Pisswell, ( writing this) reminded people to book their scoff themselves from the pub. She was impressed at the lights people had dressed up in but forgot to say! She meant to offer a quick shower to anyone that wanted one as she was again wearing her shower curtain, cleverly disguised this time as the train of lights! (so no it wasn’t a bridal veil, but it did make Beefy run away much quicker than usual!).

 

Pisswell offered a 2m+ walkers and a nearly 5m long with something in between for the shorts. Having encountered some more interesting hashes in Vermont, USA, she was keen to share her experiences, so there would be several regroups and Christmas silliness along the way, not to be missed! She then drew examples on the tarmac to confuse hashers. “Please cooperate for fear of missing the tricky train timings or fear of whipping as per Valentines hash!” The trains come each hour at about 10 to 15 mins past the hour so early birds would have seen the first train of lights at the station, and she was hoping all would see the second at some point. She said that the trail was like a train track and might run both ways and that she had found “ foreign “ hash marks, also that her marks had been kicked out already by helpful ants!

 

The trail: the runaway train nursery rhyme The train of lights

 

The runaway train came up from Paignton and she blew, she blew

Fancy dress trains hung down hasher’s backs and lights too, lights too

The full hashing pack looked down the track,

On on they bayed and the train whistled back

As they do, do, do, do, do.

The train of lights was a hash treat and they knew, they knew

American checks would regroup the pack as they do, they do.

The station was near but the ride was too dear,

Missing the train was the hares greatest fear,

As we knew, knew, knew, knew, knew.

All could have played golf if they wanted to at Churston, Churston

But to regroup the pack, they had to play games and have fun, have fun!

They hugged by moonlight, played by Fairylight Dancing, then singing well into the night

So Well done, done, done, done, done

The longs went on down to Elberry cove to the sea, the sea

They puffed round the track, finding the trail laid by me, by me!

The others were shorter, but went by the water

Ending at Broadsands, where we could then loiter.

And see the moon above the sea.

We stopped in our tracks on the way back for mulled wine, mulled wine

Mince pies, no cream, watching for steam, for a sign, a sign.

The view we would learn was the train on return

Didn’t quite work but mince pies were well earned

A great time, time, time, time, time.

We regrouped the pack to the Railway Inn for On Downs,on downs

All were on home, stragglers were found, they were found, they’re found.

We drank down the beer, still in festive gear

Have a great Christmas and Happy New Year.

 

Cheers to all at the On down

 

Out takes: The first regroup check was a GH (group hug), but incorporating a long GG ( group game) of NOT duck, duck, goose, but sun, sun, moon! The moon was shining brightly from some of those hash bums Monday night! But the more modest sang or told a joke. Unfortunately, I think Haldon were playing games with us too as all but the walkers seemed to have gone the wrong way and Beefy, Beeflicker and Coldtits didn’t even turn up to the groupies!

 

The next regroup was a GD (group dance) so the plan was a grand chain made of hashers swinging arms around the circle and singing along to Cotton eyed Joe. That was the plan, but at that point, the train arrived and hopefully some people did manage to see it!

 

The last regroup was a homemade mince pies and mulled wine stop at the cafe at Broadsands, served by the brilliant Annie, who had met the 2 Beefs earlier. whilst they did the route backwards, or with Haldon, not sure which! There was little time as the pub was waiting and we were well behind. So the GS (group sing)), was done as quickly as possible, using Soapy's adapted 12 days of Christmas, ( many thanks, Soapy).

 

Pisswell decided to save time as Shitfaced was sending her “ Hurry up” messages and she was replying with short sweet replies! The 12 days of Christmas therefore started with 12 and people sang prolonged numbers whilst they waited for her to turn the page!

 

The return home was along the seafront for those who wanted to and then up the road, under the viaduct, and then led some again through the golf course. The Beefers again ignored Instructuctions, choosing Haldon above Teign valley!

 

The Down Downs : The landlord was thanked for the venue. Thanks to the hash for the beer.

Warmfront had the hashit shit and nominated a choice of Strap on or Satnav for their “mooning”. As Satnav refused a repeat performance and the pub probably never would have had us again, a quick assessment gave the award to Satnav.

 

Next up was Beefy and Pisswell. I’m not sure why we got it! Beefy had the jesters hat for a great Haldon hash I think, and Pisswell for making nearly everyone miss the train! So the only train they saw was the train of lights she was wearing! Sorry, not my best trail but such fun!

 

Next Pocket Rocket gave ManPig a down down for using his nerd name. This was Manpig’s third award in a row from Pocket Rocket. Funnily enough, Pocket Rocket also co hared Haldons run, so it was obviously him that messed it all up! Lastly, Well Hopped had a down down for Shitfaced’s dog sitting service. She nipped to the loo for just 15 mins, fitting in a quick look at the train, downed a quick pint and had done her Christmas shopping!

 

Next week is from the Kings arms at Kingsteignton and of course the Christmas draw. No trains to catch, no group games, no more draws to buy, no Haldon, yaaaaaaaay!

 

On on to next week!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CibqOPMw9e0

Railway Inn at Churston

Run #2054 Monday16th December Circle up 7:15 pm from the Railway Inn, Dartmouth Road, Churston TQ5 0LL with Pisswell for the Train of Light extravaganza. Fancy Dress a must - wear something 'illuminating', fluorescent, bright, wacky... just do your thing - whatever it might be! 

 

TVH3 The Words for 9th December 2024

The Smugglers' Inn, Dawlish

Run No. 2053 - "Poacher's 1000th lay!"

HARES: Poacher & U-Bend

Who wuz there: Poacher, U-Bend, Man-Pig, Shitfaced, Beefy, Pisswell, Pocket Rocket, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Beeflicker, Wet-Johnny, Warmfront, Psycho, Red Rum, Only Here for the Beer, Melon Picker, Soapy, Roger-the-Dodger, Big End, Well Hopped, Ned, Polyfella, Coldtits, Ablesemen and Wetfart

Circle

It was quite an eventual weekend. Storm Darragh whipped up the wind for four days. We had the Christmas party which I think we can say was a complete success with some fantastic "At the Movies" fancy dresses - even if Man-Pig and Piltdown Man can't tell the difference between a horse and a dinosaur.

On the drive over, we noticed that some Hashers had started the trail early. Beefy and Polyfella had elected to run to Hash whilst Warmfront had decided to attend by bicycle.

Shitfaced welcomed intrepid Hashers and about the only notice was that raffle tickets would be on sale in the pub after the run.

Over to the Hares. U-Bend said that he had laid the trail but that Poacher had done a little bit. I think he meant that Poacher had done the Long. There was some muttering about the Long only being four miles and with that we were heading down the A379 towards Holcombe dip.

Trail

We hadn't gone far before we arrived at the first check at Windward Lane - an ideal opportunity to divert onto the Southwest Coastal Path...but no. Poacher called On-On down the dip as ace checker, Beefy, falls at the first hurdle and checks out the coastal path.

In almost no time at all we arrive at the second check at the junction of Holcombe Drive and Smugglers' Lane. In true Hash fashion we all grind to a halt waiting on someone to start the checking. Beefy checks down Smugglers' Lane as Poacher now points us across the A379 and down Fordens' Lane.

At the junction of Fordens' Lane and Holcombe Road another check. This time Polyfella checks up a track whereupon a friendly local advises him that it's a dead end with no public right of way.

Back to the check - now kicked out west and up Holcombe Road and then down Holcombe Road and back onto the A379. I think that this is where the Walkers did a U-turn and followed the main road back to the pub.

For the Longs and the Shorts it was continue towards Teignmouth and then grind to a halt whilst Hashers simply wandered about aimlessly. I think it was Wet-Johnny or perhaps Psycho who called it "On" and up New Road.

Another check and we are now on Higher Woodway Road until the FRB's came to a cross. Poacher was grinning behind us as a newly marked arrow had both the Longs and the Shorts on a loop around Higher Holcombe Road and back onto Higher Woodway Road.

At its highest point, we come to a check which is kicked out down a track that the Longs usually run up when we are in Teignmouth.

We catch up with Beeflicker and then Beefy, Beeflicker, Polyfella, Wet-Johnny and the Topiary Twins hightail it downhill to a junction at bisecting tracks. No check this time - just an arrow pointing directly ahead. Pisswell and the Pig are at the back of the Longs but the FRB's torchlight is just within view as we traverse the edge of two windswept fields with knarly oak trees forming their southern border.

We catch up with U-Bend and Coldtitsd sweeping the Shorts at the second Long/Short split. The marks had been excellent all trail so I was a little surprised to hear Coldtits ask U-Bend, "Are you sure you know where you are?"

The Shorts now have a relatively direct route back to the pub. For the Longs, we are back on Holcombe Road but now heading north and downhill towards Westbrooke Farm. It's been a while since TVH were last down here. At Westbrook Farm, the road changes its name to Oak Hill Cross Road and it is a steep uphill climb until we come across Poacher....again. This time he is directing us down the footpath along the edge of Oaklands Wood which we ran down on Soapy and Palmolive's Halloween trail. We finish by running down Bunting Close and South Downs Road and the "On Home" almost opposite the pub.

A brisk and well marked trail......and so it should be. You've been practicing for 999 trails!

Down-Downs

We start by thanking the pub for having us. Despite no food allegedly being on offer, some of the Walkers were back in time to grab some cheesy chips.

So what did we think of the trail and which hare deserves a Down-Down? I am reminded that this is Poacher's 1000th trail so he obviously gets the Down-Down....or does he? His co-Hare, U-Bend has just paid for the Down-Downs and he's got 4 halves of beer. No cider and Poacher only drinks cider so he has no qualms in instantly nominating U-Bend to have the ale on his behalf. This is dispatched pretty quickly.

U-Bend remains front and centre as he has the Hashshit shirt. He also has a large van and a large heart. This is amply demonstrated when a damsel in distress asks if she and her bicycle can have a lift back to Newton Abbot, He is only too pleased to accommodate her. Now, I had assumed that Warmfront was in Grizzly training mode having ridden to the pub from Chudleigh. Obviously not. Hence a note for "Lazy bones".

Pocket Rocket has the Jester's hat. Regettably, the Pig has had a minor trip for the second week in a row. Even more regrettably, Pocket Rocket has clocked it. "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy" and, in the blink of an eye, the ale disappears.

Shitfaced has the Horned hat and a story of misfortune. Storm Darragh was a tad windy over the weekend. There were quite a few trees down. Most regrettably, one of those trees fell through Only Here for the Beer's timber framed house. A note for the "Homeless one" followed by a plea for anyone with some spare wood glue.

Coldtits was then called out for being a doubting Thomas. Namely, asking the Hare if he knew where he was? A note for the doubting one.

All the beers have gone. There remains only a solitary half pint of water so are there any stories?

On the way to the Hash several Hash drivers and their passengers noticed two Hashers on a mission to save the planet and minimise their carbon footprint. How? By running to the Hash. One of them was recognisable by his gait, Polyfella. The other was more easily recognisable by having had his name printed on the back of his shirt in Scotchlite reflective print.....Beefy. So, whom to award the water? Given Beefy's new business enterprise; namely the manufacture of portable showers, it only seemed natural that he should get the water....if only to ensure that the shower doesn't have any leaks. "Here's to the shower manufacturer".

Finally, huge congratulations to Poacher on achieving 1000 lays across multiple Hashes over the past 20+ years. Quite a feat, or should I say feet!

Next week

Next week's Hash is from The Railway Inn, Churston. Our Hare is Pisswell and there is a fancy dress theme - the train of light.....wear something illuminating!

On-On to next week. MP