AWARDS NIGHT AT THE HIGHWEEK INN

Run #2068 Monday 24th March Circle up 7:15 pm from the Highweek Inn, Highweek, Newton Abbot TQ12 1QA with Poacher for our AWARDS NIGHT EXTRAVAGANZA. Excitement and disappointment aplenty on this, our Oscars night of the year!

TVH3 The Words for 17th March 2025

The Devon Dumpling, Shiphay

Run No. 2067 

 

Paddy's Day Run.....and someone's birthday

 

HARE: Beefy

 

Who wuz there: Beefy, Shitfaced (in body only), Man-Pig, Piltdown Man, Beeflicker, Pisswell, Coldtits, Smellie, Miss'ing, Roger the Dodger, Well Hopped, Ernie, Sarah, Smash, Miss Mash, Wet-Johnny, Erection, Only Here for the Beer, Two Little Schitz, Strap-On, Strap Dancer, Squashed Balls and AH3 visitors Gromit & Gazunder

 

Circle

Barely a Shamrock or a sign of green in the Circle to celebrate St Patrick's Day. That was up until Shitfaced tried to convene the Circle. It was, as repeated many, many times, Shitfaced's birthday....and it showed. I think that Shitfaced had enjoyed an early start celebrating. 

 

Eventually, everyone was welcomed and the GM imparted some new information. Namely a change of venue for next week's Awards' Night. The On-Down has changed to the Highweek Inn, Highweek (unsurprisingly), Newton Abbot.

 

Man-Pig had no announcements for a change but Squashed Balls did. Squashed Balls just wanted to thank all those that attended last Tuesday's funeral for Twin Buffers. There was quite a big turn out of Hashers, mainly from SH4 and TVH3. The eulogy was kind, sincere and comforting - a lovely send off for a lovely lady.

 

With that it was on to the sole Hare - Beefy. Pisswell was nowhere to be seen as this was Beefy Haring solo. I think the brief was Walkers' about 2.5, Shorts' about 3.5 and the Longs' trail sixish.

 

Trail

The evening brought with it a brisk and bitterly cold wind from the east. We were all eager to get going and warm up. Beefy promised us three Long/Short splits but delivered four...and that's excluding the initial split from the pub car park.

 

What followed was a trail so cunning that you could pin a tail on it and call it a weasel. Even with the benefit of Beefy's Strava record I am having difficulty recalling exactly where we went. Suffice it to say that there were at least two long/Short splits where the Longs looped around and back onto the Shorts......very cunning indeed.

 

The Walkers turned right out of the car park whilst the Longs and the Shorts turned left, up Collaton Road and then down Cadewell Lane and past the main entrance to Torbay Hospital. Miss'ing was FRB'ing with Wet-Johnny and the Pig in pursuit. 

 

Past the hospital the trail did not a go-go and W-J and the Pig were called back to engage in a loop around Rougement Avenue, Grosvenor Avenue and Wallace Avenue; back onto Cadewell Lane to rejoin the Shorts going down Water lane....a lovely and well hidden culture-de-sac [sic]. But this was not before a lone cyclist had rode towards us shouting, "On-On". Who on earth was this? Pisswell - as it turned out.

 

Surprisingly, the Pig and Wet-Johnny found themselves FRB'ing at this point. More perplexingly, they stayed there. I have no idea where Beeflicker was, or even if he was doing the Longs? Shirley a week is long enough to recover from the Grizzly......unless you're into face-planting? (see the Pig for guaranteed ways to enhance your looks by adopting the bitmac facial massage technique). The other usual suspects were also absent. The Topiary Twins were missing so no chance of Psycho getting an 8th consecutive Down-Down and Beefy was Haring. Hence some new faces at the head of the pack.

 

At the end of Water Lane, there wa a Long/Short split....or was it a Walkers/Long & Short split? Can't remember. Don't care. We were definitely on Shiphay lane for a while and then perhaps Lloyd avenue. Anyway, in next to no time we were passing the Chineses takeaway on Queenway before an almost invisible arrow had us enter the footpath that separates the boys and girls grammar schools. We followed the marks along the no-mans' land between the metal palisade fencing. The only thought that crossed my mind was, "Would this fencing really perform a secure barrier against jumping sperm?" There is a story behind this query....and it is a true story (see me for details of incredulous naivety).

Just exiting the no-mans' land, we meet up with Beefy, Gromit and Gazunder. Gromit has recovered well from his earlier, and undisclosed, fall. 

 

We are now in a loop around the edge of a small park and probably along Raleigh Close and Grenville Avenue taking in a bit of Markham Plantation....are we heading to Cockington? Another footpath across a road and up Weeksland Road would be my guess and then up the steep track that leads onto Staddons Lea Lane. Some of these paths look familiar but I am not used to running them in this direction so I am having difficulty placing myself...until....hallelujah....Nut Bush Lane. A loop into a field parallel with Nut Bush City Limits and back across and down the track past Armada Park. 

 

At the lowest point, an arrow leads us into Armada Park. We now do three sides of a square around the submerged reservoir.

 

The marks really are quite excellent and we are soon out of the park and heading for Higher Edginswell Lane. A long descent followed by our fourth Long/Short split of three?! 

 

Back up Fowey Avenue turn right at the garden gnomes and back onto Higher Egdinswell Lane to retrace our footsteps back onto the Shorts. Then it is a straight trek along Higher Cadewell Lane and "On Home" at Collaton Road.

 

Looking at the OS map, Beefy has done jolly well. He has very nearly had us back on the outward trail by yards and he seems to have covered every footpath in Shiphay. It's not surprising that he's clocked up 15 miles laying it....fantastic. 

 

Who says that you can't have a good Hash in town? Excelllent.

 

Down-Downs

Back in the pub, it is evident that the birthday boy never actually made it out on trail. He is a tad wobbly. Hence Shitfaced gets all the right notes.....but not necessarily in the right order.

 

The second Down-Down goes to the Hare. But not for Haring. This is for delivering a wholly inaccurate pre-Hash briefing. We were all clearly advised that there would be three Long/Short splits. there were, in fact, four. Well, four for everyone except Smellie who, somehow, managed to find five L/S splits. Both were called up front and centre - a note for the mathematically challenged. Beefy also gets the only award present, the Checking Chicken Hat.

 

Are there any stories? Well Hopped has one. Unfortunately, she has had the misfortune to be sitting beside our rather wobbly GM. 

 

I think the gist of the story was that Shitfaced had asked her, on four occasions within 15 minutes, "Do you know it's my birthday today?" A rather poor chat up line and I can't recall what we sang.

There is a half pint of water left but are there any more stories?

 

Pisswell discloses that there were quite a few fallers on the Shorts' trail. These included Ernie and Strap-On. Strap-Dancer confirmed that Strap-On will sleep anywhere and at every opportunity....but cuddling up to a sleeping policeman in the middle of the road...at night! How unwise. A note for the Plod Lover.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is the AGPU....so be there! Our Hare is, once again, trail laying supremo - Poacher.

 

On-On to next week, MP

DEVON DUMPLING

Run #2067 Monday 17th 7:15 pm circle up from ye olde Devon Dumpling, 108 Shiphay Ln, Shiphay, Torquay TQ2 7BY with Beefy.

Hash fare: Curry or, vegetarian alternative £10.

Please order, and pay for, your food before the Circle.

TVH3 The Words for 10th March 2025

Maddacombe Farm barn

Run No. 2066 Revenge of the WereRabbit

 

HARES: Cheerio Beerio & Martin

 

Who wuz there: Cheerio Beerio, Shitfaced, Only Here for the Beer, Man-Pig, Forrest-Stump, Beeflicker, Beefy, Pisswell, Pocket Rocket, Poacher, Coldtits, Smellie, Psycho, Forest-Stump, Miss'ing, Melon-Picker, Soapy, Roger the Dodger, Ernie, Red Rum, Sarah, Smash, Miss Mash, Slip-on-Me, Ablesemen, Archangel, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Base Camp, Threesum and Two Little Schitz

 

Circle

Melonpicker commenced the announcements with an update on both Broken Man and Teapot. Soapy and Melonpicker had been over to see Broken Man a couple of weeks ago. Basically, he is OK and his daughters visit fairly regularly. However, Broken Man hasn't been out with any of the Hashes recently which I think we should all be aware of. The last time that I saw Broken Man on a Hash was at the South Hams pre-Xmas Hash weekend in Brixham where he was helping out with the drinks stops. All seemed well enough then so I am just a little concerned that he appears not to have been out since. Soapy & Melonpicker had also phoned Teapot. Teapot is fine and very much welcomes hearing from the Hash. However, he is still tired and his mobility does ebb and flow a little so he is looking forward to meeting up with us again as soon as his mobility improves.

 

Smellie requires Hares from 14th April onwards.

 

Man-Pig gave us a reminder of Twin Buffers' funeral arrangements as St Mary Magdalene Church, which is actually on Union Street in the Upton area of Torquay. Details should be on the TVH3 webpage and they are definitely on the SH4 webpage.

 

Soapy also has some news. The Devon Hashes are applying to host NashHash in 2027, exactly 30 years after it was first hosted in Devon.

 

Finally, Shitfaced advises that he is not available to continue in the role of GM after April due to work commitments. Are there any volunteers for this prestigious position? - you do get perks i.e. a free stick!

So, over to the Hare.

 

Cheerio explained that there were the three usual trails. The Walkers' would be about 2.5 miles, Shorts' 4 miles and Longs' maybe 5.5 miles. "The first and last part of the trail are along the same route but you will realise this when you reach it. Turn right at the road."

 

Trail

Trail? What trail?

Initially, all was well and good. We climbed Maddacombe Road up to its highest point by Foredown kennels before a large arrow has us turn right and into Kerswell Downs. Man-Pig, Forrest-Stump, Slip-on-Me and Ablesemen comprised the Walkers; the former two on account of having done The Grizzly the previous day.

 

At the edge of the wood, there was what appeared to be an arrow but it was a little indistinct. We took the broadest track up to the open part of the Downs that runs along the top of the north ridge. There were no marks. But it didn't matter. We weren't in a rush so we were happy to do our own thing.

Eventually, the open downs give way to woodland. We pass through one of the two stone walls that separate Kerswell Downs from Whilborough Common and spy our first blob of floor - but it is on our left. Are we doing the Trail in reverse?

 

The next two blobs are on the right. Then we see torchlight coming towards us. It is the FRB's (well, most of them). They have been onto Whilborough Common only to find an arrow pointing back into the woods.

 

Forrest and the Pig have lost contact with the other Walkers and are now on their own. We get onto the Common convinced that we will finds marks - but no. We elect to take the narrower of the two tracks that drop down onto Bickleigh Road near Brook Cottage and simply make our way back. It is 8.45 and we are not first back; nor are we the last back.

 

From speaking with Cheerio and viewing Miss'ing's trail map, it looks like we went wrong from the moment we entered the woods. I suspect that we should have followed the central track through Kerswell Downs, straight across Whilborough Common and then down the farm track known as Common's Lane. This joins up with Doctor Mac's Lane/Poo Lane (local names) where we should have gone right, past Long Barn, and into North Whilborough. Then, first right and up and then down Mill Lane onto Bickleigh Road opposite the Bickleigh Mill Inn.

 

Next, the Longs undertook an anticlockwise loop up the track called Compton Lane. Then its left and up Whilborough Road for a short jog until a right and up the steep track called Windmill Lane (and for good reason). At the top, there is a real windmill - but no sails alas. Left at Moles Lane and the long downhill drop towards Kingkerswell. But well before the village the marks are taking the Longs back into North Whilborough via Burnthouse Hill....at least it is downhill.

 

This is where the Longs find themselves running back on themselves to rejoin the Shorts which I am guessing was at the junction of Common's Lane and Doctor Mac's Lane.

 

Well, I don't know who did what trail wise. All I can think is that, despite the best efforts of mice and men (Cheerio Beerio & martin), they appear to have been undone overnight by the actions of the wererabbits!

 

Down-Downs

Irrespective of what sort of trail you undertook, Only Here for the Beer's hospitality was exemplary as usual. The barbecue was fired up and it wasn't cold outside. Basecamp, however, had moved the fire pit away from the hay bales.....a wise move.

 

Shitfaced was on cooking duty and doing a pretty good job of it. Miss'ing was, in fact, not Miss'ing at all. She was back at the barn and enjoying a burger and a beer....no star gazing lessons this evening sadly.

 

After most people had enjoyed a bit of scran it was Down-Down time with Forrest presiding. We start by thanking OHFB for his hospitality and the venue and then it is onto the Down-Downs.

Amazingly, there are awards present. Basecamp has the Union Jack stove hat. Almost inevitably, this went to the Hare....but there's a problem. Cheerio will be sick if she has a beer.....and beer is all that there is. There is not even a glass of water in sight. Fortunately, Cheerio has brought her own beverage. It looks like antifreeze but we are assured that it is vodka based and not ethylene glycol based. She takes a couple of swigs whilst Pork Torpedo leads us in S.H.I..Y. T.R.A.I.L.

 

Threesum has the Horned Hat. I think this might have gone to our host, OHFB. Pork Torpedo leads us into another song. I think it is, "He's the meanest. He sucks....." etc.

 

There are no more awards so Forrest blames poor old Man-Pig for taking him off trail and getting lost in his own back yard. These are, of course, mistruths. I think the real story has its origins in the Pig's failure to match fluid intake with fluid loss the previous day....and he has the scars to show for it....feckwit! I have no idea what song Pork Torpedo came up with but Mrs Man-Pig's instructions not too have a beer rather went out of the window.

 

Psycho was feeling a little under the weather and managed to avoid her seventh consecutive Down-Down so Forrest nominates himself to have a well deserved Down-Down. this is, ostensibly, for having complete the Grizzly for the seventeenth time! Well done. However, Pork Torpedo's ditty was not quite as flattering, "You're a c**t, c**t, c**t to the tune of "get a life....."

 

[I wonder if this will get through facebook's language control protocols?]

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from The Devon Dumpling, Shiphay with Beefy Haring.

 

On-On to next week, MP

BARBY TIME

 

Run #2066 Monday 10th March Circle up 7:15 pm from Maddacombe Farm, Stoneycombe, Maddacombe Rd, Newton Abbot TQ12 5LF with Cheerio Beerio and Shitfaced. Look out for balloons at the entrance to guide you in.

BBQ is courtesy of the hash (hurrah!). Bring your own beer. If you forget, beer will be available to buy.

  

TVH3 The words for 3rd March 2025

The lion sleeps tonight!(Rora) Hash number 2065

Who wuz hare: Pisswell

Who wuz there:

Bee flicker, Beefy, Pisswell, Strap on, Strap dancer, Slip on me, Shitfaced, Manpig, Coldtits, Smellie, Warmfront, Pyscho, Red rum, Sarah, Forrest, Pocket Rocket, Miss Mash, Smash, Miss Inn, Able Seaman

The circle:

The GM welcomed hashers to the circle.

He asked Smellie to remind us of next weeks hash but then delighted in reminding her as he will be involved! (details later)

Miss Inn was awarded her 50 run badge as she was likely to be Miss Inn from the pub again later.

The hare gave details of the 5m Long, 3m Short and 2m walkers trail, 2 long/shirt splits and laid on the right. She warned of the large animals in the woods, possibly released from the Ark as Mt Ararat is nearby! She had seen evidence of large animals in the Forrest and went to check the route was safe, leaving the FRBs and others to handicap themselves by eating her pancakes!

And then they were off, with Red Rum making a late start but soon catching up as they entered the sand school at Rora. Definitely some evidence of large animals here. The longs had to have 3 clear rounds before exiting. Forrest took a nasty fall but sadly was very uncollected, and therefore incurred so many points he had to continue until all the jumps were on the ground and could be stepped over! Pyscho tried to run out at the first but after regaining her seat galloped off on left with a rosette in her hair! The crowd were wild and there was much neighing and roaraing. I have never seen show jumping quite like it!

The trail: sing along!

https://youtu.be/yynOSgti1jk?si=_l26MEWG6xgz2UUz

.

The Lions Sleeps Tonight SONG (Official Lyrics Video) Lyrics Video

Intro

(A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh

A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh) x2

In the woodland, the Rora woodland

The hashers run tonight

First the show ring, the clear round jumping

The hashers jump in fright!

(A-weema-weh, hare whips away, A-weema-weh, you try to neigh!

A-weema-weh, go clear, you say? A-weema-weh, all hell to pay!) x2

Long, short split now, the lion hunt now

The lion sleeps tonight

Ramshorn down now, the walkers hunt now,

But ready for the fight!

(A-weema-weh, the hares great lay! A-weema-weh, and now which way?

A-weema-weh, what a great day, A-weema-weh, you find your way) x2

Sing High!

(Wee heeheeheehee weeoh, rest run away

Wee heeheeheehee they split away) x2

Hush, the short trail, don't fear, it’s Rora

The lion sleeps tonight

Rush the Longs though, don't fear, Penn woodland,

You’re sure to see the lights!

(A-weema-weh, Ramhorns the way, A-weema-weh, view point will say!

A-weema-weh, lions at bay!, A-weema-weh, are you ok?) x2

(Last weehee!)

(R..O..A..R…….A quickrun away

R..O..A..R………A quick shout Mayday! ) x2

The Out takes:

The Hare got a bit lost shortcutting to her planned check point!

Well done Shorts and Walkers for your exciting checking! Too many checks, Shitfaced?

Forrest was blooded with his repaired metal shoe losing traction on the mud!

I’m not sure many did their intended trail! Hey ho!

Lovely panoramic plaque view point at Ramshorn down

Loopy bracken circle was fun?

And then on to the Welcome stranger for down downs.

No food was ordered as people were still full of pancakes!

First award was from Wet Johnny and given to Forrest for his amazing lack of show jumping ability! A note to Harvey Smith…

Next Slip on me received a down down for not being able to get out of her new car with all its new gadgets! Was it a Smart car or a dumb car? Was it the car or was it the driver?

Next……..what Pyscho again? No Beefy pushed her aside and asked for her to nominate someone else so that her 28th down down record could be terminated. Unfortunately/ fortunately he was then chosen to take the down down, so here’s to the purist…..

And lastly to the hare, Pisswell. Thanks all for coming.

Next week: A hash BBQ, at Only here for the beer’s farm in Stoneycombe and helped by Shitfaced and Cheerio Beerio. On on to next week.

Ps A garmin watch has been found at Rora. Anyone lost one/want to buy one?

A WALK ON THE WILD SIDE

 

Run #2065 Monday 3rd March Circle up 7:15 pm from Rora House, Halford, Liverton, Newton Abbot TQ12 6HZ with Pisswell. On Down is at the Welcome Stranger, Liverton, Newton Abbot TQ12 6JA

EATERS PLEASE NOTE:

Hashers will need to pre-order food in advance. They will be looking to dish up and serve between 8:45pm and 9:00pm. Ham, Egg, Chips & Peas Sausages, Chips & Peas Home-made Chicken Curry Scampi, Chips & Peas Vegetarian Curry All at the set price of Ten Pounds Fifty per head.

Orders by the weekend please

 

 

TVH3 The Words for 24th February 2025

The Claycutters, Chudleigh Knighton

Run No. 2064

Short, Flat & Dry?

HARE: Poacher

 

Who wuz there: Poacher, Man-Pig, Beefy, Pisswell, Pocket Rocket, Judge Mental, Piltdown Man, Georgie Porgie, Smellie, Beeflicker, Warmfront, Psycho, Forrest-Stump (non-runner, all bets refunded), Miss'ing, Wet-Johnny, Melon-Picker, Soapy, Roger the Dodger, Well Hopped, Ernie, Strap-On, Polyfella, Sarah, Bobbiball (non-runner, all bets refunded) and special returnee, Squashed Balls & friend (my apologies, I did not get your name & I am assuming that you are a relative of either Squashed Balls or Twin Buffers?)

 

Circle

There was only one announcement - and it was an important one. Squashed Balls was in attendance to advise details of Twin Buffers' funeral. It will take place on Tuesday 11th March at 3.30pm. The venue is The Church of Saint Mary Magdalene, St Marychurch, Torquay. All Hashers are invited and Squashed Balls has specifically requested that attendees do NOT wear black. After the service, there will be a wake at a local pub.

 

I had not checked the weather forecast before venturing out. I don't think many others had either. Soon after arriving at The Claycutters the heavens opened. Fortunately, it was only a short burst which had finished by the time that we started running. If the trail hadn't been wet before, it was certainly going to be wet now.

 

Super Hare, Poacher, stepped into the Circle to brief us regarding the trail. Some of the information offered was accurate; some of it not. The accurate bit was that it was muddy and we were going to get wet. The Shorts' distance of circa 4.5 miles may or may not have been that accurate. Poacher's statement that he did not know how long the Longs' trail was might have been a little white-lie. I think a lynch mob would have gathered if he advised that we'd all be exceeding 8 miles.......albeit, only if you followed Warmfront. Finally, a warning: "You will be crossing a main road. It is slippery. Be careful". I foresaw an army of squashed frogs. The legacy of a failed attempt to cross the A38. Just what on earth had Poacher planned for us this evening? Time to find out.

 

Trail

"Short, flat and dry?". Anything but.

Out of the Claycutters' car park and across Homelea/B3344 heading towards Soapy & Melonpicker's residence - but not so fast. A partially washed out check holds up the pack. Poacher lingers before adding a splodge of flour in the alleged correct direction. A lot of meandering around River Valley Road, Harveys Close and Bellmarsh Lane before Wet Johnny finds marks on Belmarsh Lane, "On-On".

We cross the small footbridge over the Teign. It is in flood and flowing fast. Warmfront doesn't fancy her chances if she falls in. She doesn't. There is no discernible check on the other side of the footbridge and the Pig finds a dot of flour to the left and thinks he is "On". He is not as the next mark he finds is a cross. Back the other way and under the flooded underpass below the A38. 

 

Poacher is moaning. The FRB's have run straight over a fishhook and haven't come back...what fishhook? We follow a flooded track and cross the B3193 at The Old Mill House and follow the FRB's into and across two fields, over a stile and then up a broad and muddy track towards Gappah. But what is this in front of us? It is the Longs on a reciprocal bearing.

"Arrrrh! They've seen the second fishhook", exclaims the Hare.

 

Eventually, we leave the slippery, muddy field and get onto Gappah Lane and the Long/Short split. The Shorts head right and towards Gappah whilst the Longs go left for a short while until a public footpath sign attracts them into a steeply sloping field. Over another stile where Miss'ing very nearly falls. Across a more level field and over another stile and onto road. An arrow has us straight across the road at Winstow Cottages and along a broad farm track and through a galvanised steel gate. This is the last mark that we see for sometime.

 

Warmfront is at the head of the pack and is within sniffing distance of her husband's culinary expertise. Guided more by her nose than the marks, she leads the Longs on a merry dance, off trail, past Lawell House and back into Chudleigh. Here Beeflicker says, "I haven't seen any marks for a while". Nor has anyone else.

 

U-turn and back almost to Winstow Cottages....MARKS!

 

The trail now passes some oak trees in the middle of a field and we follow an indiscernible track to another galvanised gate that is almost blocked by felled timber on the other side. Clamber over the gate we go and, indeed, more flour is spotted. We are in woodland now. The track is broad but muddy and slippery; the tale of the entire trail. 

 

Upwards we climb, acutely aware that we are heading past Chudleigh Rocks and towards Castle Dyke Fort i.e. we are moving further away from the "On-Down". Polyfella consults his Strava....4.5 miles. Ooooo.....errr. it's going to be a long one.

 

Eventually, we arrive back onto tarmac and an arrow has us turn back on ourselves heading southwest along Gappah Lane. To our left, the lane is flanked by a stone wall. This is the edge of the Ugbrook House estate - Lord Clifford's residence - a rather nice country pile. Man-Pig, Beeflicker, Well Hopped, Polyfella, Judgemental and, amazingly, Psycho are at the back of the Longs.

 

We reach a check that has been kicked out straight ahead towards Gappah. We are certainly going to be running over our previous tracks - and, indeed, we do. We recognise the entrance to the steep field (surprisingly no-one is foolish to go around again) and very soon we arrive at the solitary Long/Short split. From here on we are on the Shorts' trail back to the pub.

 

At Gappah, I am sure that we will take the first right, past Gappah Brake and drop down onto the B3193 opposite the junction at New Bridge. PeteTong. 

 

Judge Mental spies an arrow on a lump of straw in the middle of the crossroads. We are destined to carry straight on along Gappah Lane. This is going to be a long one. At least it is downhill. It also comprised two artificial lake crossings where the lane had flooded. On the upside, this should wash away some of the accumulated mud.

 

We pass through the one-horse hamlet of Fosterville, past the sand pits and some parked up items of road plant and hit the B3193 - the main road between Sandygate and Chudleigh Knighton. This is the "squashed frogs" part of the trail that Poacher had warned us about. We all have an uneventful crossing and bear right.

 

Polyfella and Beeflicker have got a push on, Judgmental and Man-Pig take up the middle ground whilst Psycho and Well Hopped are tail end Charlies for the final push back to the pub. 

 

As expected, at New Bridge we turn left over the stone bridge with a 90 degree bend on either side, over the A38 and then right to drop into the western edge of Chudleigh Knighton. It is 9.25pm before we are back at the On-Down and a further 10 minutes to get changed and get to the bar.

 

Yes - Poacher you have excelled yourself. Over 8 miles in February. Amazingly, it barely rained at all whilst we were out on trail and I overheadr more than one Hasher comment, "A proper Hash trail this". So well done Poach for getting us all out and, more importantly, all back. All a bit of a craich really.

 

Down-Downs

We start by thanking the pub for having us. I think that we are the only ones in the bar.

There are no awards present so it is story time.

 

Non-running thespian, Forrest-Stump, has a story about a Harriet who can't stop fingering her beer. In fact, not satisfied with just getting her finger in she tried inserting her entire fist. Now, that usually works with a pint glass. However, this evening, our finger-licking Harriet was a tad short on funds and had to make do with a diminutive half pint. This didn't stop her from seeing if she could still get her fist into the glass....not with great success I'm afraid. Suffice it to say that our serial Down-Downer, Psycho, was the recipient ......and for the 5th time in a row! A note for the "Hand-jobber".

 

Beefy has a Strava that recorded the Longs at a staggering 8.2 miles. He also has a story about the Pied Piper of Hamelin. This particular Pied Piper had left her husband at home preparing dinner (how long does it take him?). Around the 3 mile mark the piper was getting a little peckish.

 

"Oh. I'm near home. I'll pop back and have my dinner and then go back to the pub afterwards". 

 

Unfortunately the whole of the Longs followed our tummy rumbler to the lower reaches of Chudleigh before realising that they hadn't actually seen a mark for 3/4 mile. A U-turn and a 1.5 mile detour eventually had the Longs back on track and heading away from Chudleigh and Chudleigh Knighton. So who was our hungry, short sighted Harriet? None other than the other half of the Topiary Twins - Warmfront. A note for the Pied Piper of Hamelin (these two are costing the Hash an arm and a leg in beer!).

 

Are there any other stories? Yes.

 

Georgie Porgie drops Piltdown in the mire. Georgie tells us how Piltdown Man Piltdown packed the car for the evening's hash. He had dutifully put two pairs of trainers in the boot. Unfortunately, both pairs were Piltdown's. How he can mix up a size 7 with a size 18 is anyones guess. Recalling the central ethos of George Orwell's Animal Farm there was a note for, "Four legs good. Two legs bad". Piltdown sensibly elects to go for the half pint of water so as to ensure that Hashers can get home before midnight.

 

Poacher was next up for an excellent, long and shiggy trail. Poacher decides to finish his own half of cider.

 

There are two beers left.

 

Bobbiball has come out to play for the first time in ages. Hence, he deserves a half pint just for turning up. He enters the Circle with some half ar*ed excuse that he can't drink because he's on Doctor's orders. This might have been a valid excuse save for the fact he glided into the Circle with a full pint of beer in his hand. A note for "He who ignores medical advise" or some such similarly themed ditty.

We still have one beer left. There must be another story.

 

Indeed there is. Pisswell reminds us of Judge Mental splashing us all by jumping in puddles at the beginning of the Hash. Judge Mental is invited into the Circle to advise us all of the sentencing guidelines pertaining to puddle splashing. However, he goes off on a tangent about tax evasion. Hence a note for our "Embezzeling puddle splasher".

 

A final reminder of the details for Twin Buffers funeral on 11th March and then it is adieu until next week.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from Rora House with the On-Down somewhere else. I will need to check with Pisswell to remind me of where we are going. Dementia is setting in.

 

On-On to next week, MP.