Normality Restored & Utter Plagiarism

TVH3 The Words for 14th August 2023  

The Sea Trout, Staverton  

Run No. 1982

HARES: Bobbiball & Man-Pig

 

Who wuz there: Bobbiball, Man-Pig, U-Bend, Forrest-Stump, Perry, Archangel, Tamsin (Miss Ing), Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Checkmate, Coldtits, Slip-on-Me, Satnav, Ablesemen, Beefy, Fukarewe, Ernie, Rise 'n' Shine, Twiggy, Broadshit, Scott, Wetfart, Fallen Woman, Hotlips, Zoot, Sharon and returnees Shitfaced, iPoo'd, Flasher & Runner Bean. Also a pre-hash guest appearance at the bar by Only Here for the Beer......literally. A total of 30

 

Circle

The first sign of a return to normality at the Hash was the reappearance of Shitfaced as GM, after a four week absence, U-Bend can enjoy his retirement from formal Hash duties.

 

In Smellie's absence, there was no recruitment drive for Hares. Fallen Woman put in a plug for South Hams Hash on Wednesday 16th August as she is the Hare. SH4 will be commencing Wednesday's trail from Trucker's Field in the Teign Valley (junction of main road and Trusham turn off very close to Forrest-Stump's abode). There is a marquee, beer and plenty of parking.

Beefy also gave a plug for his Hash in two weeks' time. This, too, will be in Staverton - at the Railway Station. It is a "bring food to share" event where we will be assisting the station staff in disposing of any beer left over from the weekend's Rail & Ale festival.

Over to the Hares. Bobbiball wanted a show of hands for food - 10 takers. This was relayed to the bar. Man-Pig briefed the trail:

"Shorts' to the left. Longs' to the right. Walkers' stay here".

Hotlips queried the distance.

"Last month the Longs' was 4.64 miles".

Last month? TVH3 haven't been here for 5 years!????

The Hare went on to state that tonight there would be: no rockfalls, no ropes, no water and no sand. Hopefully, this time, the pub would still be open by the time we returned!

The Trail

Bobbiball's original plan had been to set his trail from the Manor Inn, Paignton. He had arranged this with the pub over a month ago and they had "put it in their book", or so he thought. On rechecking 10 days ago, yes, the Manor Inn confirmed that they had Haldon Hash booked in for Monday 14th August.

"Err. No. It's Teign Valley Hash".

"No it's definitely Haldon Hash".

"How on earth..... can you accommodate two hashes on one night?".

"No, it's just Haldon HHH".

Bobbi was now bereft of both a trail and an on-down.  So it came to pass that we ended up at the Sea Trout in Staverton.

They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. And so it was that Man-Pig shamelessly relaid SH4's trail from a month ago. It was so good that the hare thought it deserved another go.

The Longs' trail was a fairly simple loop and predominantly off-road. The Long's comprised Flasher and Runner Bean back to their FRB'ing best. Other FRB's included Beefy and Fukarewe. The balance of the Longs' comprised Ernie, Miss'ing, U-Bend, Archangel with Man-Pig sweeping. A couple of early checks kept the pack together as the trail led up and across Moothill Cross towards Kingston House.

At the highest point, we were treated to some lovely views across the South Hams countryside before we embarked along the public bridle way north-west towards Sparkwell.

 

A back-check just past Sparkwell Farm, a lovely Georgian House, had the pack reunited as they headed due south on a public footpath, initially past an allotment and then across a couple of open fields. At Bartonhill Cross another check had the FRB's running up and down hill but not straight across and onto an obvious (but seemingly unmarked) public footpath. Inevitably this was the correct route.

Within 200 metres we joined up with the Shorts' trail. Ahead of us was the Walkers' trail. A simple up and back down Barton Lane - a public footpath across fields and a path that we have been down many times before; usually with Poacher as hare. But that was a long, long time ago.

But Barton Lane was not the destination for the Longs' and the Shorts'. They were going almost due west and heading for Fursdon, passing Ablesemen, Slip-on-Me and Satnav on the Shorts. 

 

Another check and we were on another bridle way. This time towards Abham. Yet another check had us back on tarmac for a short uphill to Abham and the first arrow on the trail. This took us left and along our final bridle way and our final check before the long road descent to Staverton Station. Here we caught up with Twiggy and Rise'n' Shine.

The final section of our trail took us right, over the level crossing, and then immediately left along the banks of the Dart. Georgy Porgy, Piltdown Man, Checkmate and Coldtits hove. 

A peaceful canter along the river bank and past Staverton church and the On-Home sign.

All back by 8.45? Not quite. Only 200 yards short of the pub, the magnetic attraction of a free book stall halted Piltdown and Georgie's progress. Ablesemen, Satnav and Slip-on-Me were on the Shorts which was a longer trail than their usual option of the Walkers', but they said that they enjoyed it. 

 

Tail-end Charlie was Archangel who was walking the Longs and taking in the scenery and wildlife, most notably bats. When laying the trail I had the good fortune to have my path crossed by a squirrel, a rabbit and, best of all, a deer but no bats unfortunately.

Down-Downs

It has been a long time since we have run from the Sea Trout. About 5 years I think. The principle reason for this is that the pub had been shut for quite some time. Going back, perhaps, 15 years or more, the Sea Trout was a regular TVH venue. And, deservingly so as there are so many good trails to be laid in the surrounding area. The abundance of potential trails has not been lost on other Hashes as both Ashburton hash and South Hams Hash have run from here over the past 4 weeks.

Matt, the bar manager, and his team made us very welcome laying on soup and chip butties; additionally, providing the Down-Downs before we'd even asked about them. Excellent service.

And so to the Down-Downs, Forrest-Stump presiding.

The first two Down-Downs went to the Hares; simply for a scenic trail. Beefy correctly interjected to say that, by rights, the Down-Downs should have gone to the SH4 Hares from 4 weeks previously....plagiarism personified.

The next Down-Down went to Birthday Boy, Ernie. He downed a glass of water - as he was driving - which was slopping around in the child's wellington boot.  All the right notes, but not necessarily in the right order.

The fourth Down-Down went to Fukarewe. Why? He got to a check and proclaimed, "It will be down here. I live near here and there's a great track down here". There is, indeed, Fukarewe but it wasn't  part of tonight's trail as a crestfallen Fukarewe returned from having encountered a cross. Hence a note for, "Un Fukarewe".

Ernie's water meant that there was still a half pint unallocated. Who would be its recipient? Forerst told the short story of a helpful Harriet who turned out not to be very helpful at all. Forrest had forgotten Perry's lead.

"Has anyone got a spare lead?".

"Yes". Answered the helpful Harriet. It was 7pm. This was just as well as, after 20 minutes foraging in the back, front and under her Landrover, she concluded that she didn't have a spare lead after all. Slip-on-Me got a note for the forgetful one.

Next week

Next week's Hash is at Sandridge Barton (the new home of Sharpham Wine), Lower Well Farm, Waddeton Road, Stoke Gabriel TQ9 6RL  BRING CASH. The Hare is Pisswell.

On-On to next week.

MAYDAY! MAYDAY!

 .......well, not quite - but almost

TVH3 The Words for 7th August 2023

The Ness Car Park, Shaldon 

Run No. 1981

HARES: Dastardly & Muttley

Who wuz there: Bluebird, Man-Pig, U-Bend, Forrest-Stump, 

Perry, Tamsin (Miss Ing), Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, 

Smellie, Coldtits, Beefy, Pisswell, Fukarewe, Ernie, Piddler, 

Beeflicker, Melon-Picker, Soapy, Palmolive, Strap-On, 

Rise 'n' Shine, Mateus Rose, Wetfart, 

Bobbiball, Pollyfella, Kermit, Horny, Big End, Well Hopped, 

Well Hopped's son, Roger the Dodger, Fallen Woman, Strap-Dancer, 

Twiggy, Pork Torpedo (pub only) and Andrew (Smellie's friend 

(pub only).

Prologue

What follows ladies and gentlemen, is a tale of woe, ambition, 

heroics, team play and, hopefully, I pray, reconciliation.

Read on for the full story for, tonight, this was no ordinary 

Teign Valley trail.

Circle

The original plan of a summer barbecue on the beach had 

been changed the previous week due to a 

forecast of non BBQ friendly weather. And so it was that 

30 or so Hasher's found themselves at the Ness car park 

waiting on the absent Hare. 

 

For a third week on the trot, U-Bend was the GM. 

Basically no announcements so over to Hare Raiser Smellie. 

Smellie needs Hares from the end of September onwards.

Over to the Hare. Not present. What can the co-Hare offer? 

Man-Pig admitted to only having been involved in setting 

the last three quarters of the trail. To the best of his 

knowledge, there was no Walkers' trail, no sweetie stop and 

he wasn't quite sure where the Long/Short split was or even 

if it had been marked. Yes, the Pig had been about as useful 

as a chocolate fireguard.

Miraculously, from almost nowhere, a dishevelled, but 

enthusiastic, Bird appeared. He was buzzing 

with excitement. This was going to be a good trail (for most). 

Perhaps a candidate for Best Lay of the Year? 

 

He brandished a pair of secateurs, shouting that he 

".....had come prepared for all eventualities". 

Once again the secateurs proved to be about as useful 

as the aforementioned chocolate fireguard.

Instructions were simple. "Follow me" as Bluebird gleefully 

hurdled towards the Smugglers' tunnel.

"Oh. By the way Man-Pig. Lay it as we go!"

And so we were off.

The Trail

Well, what had the Bird got in store for us this evening? 

What indeed? The one thing that we could all be reasonably 

assured of was that the trail would most certainly 

not be boring.

We have hashed Bluebird trails for many a year. Bluebird 

always does his best to keep us on our toes

and provide us with something out of the ordinary. 

But this usually comes at a cost. Namely, the trail 

is likely to be challenging.

This trail did not disappoint. In theory the trail was 

simple but definitely not straightforward.

 

In the absence of a dedicated Walkers' trail, the Walkers 

would have to do their own thing whilst the 

Longs and the Shorts sallied forth into the unknown.

The plan was for the Longs and the Shorts to turn right 

at the end of the Smugglers' tunnel and run 

along the beach; navigate the debris from two cliff falls

and make their way to the aptly named  Rock Flats

 At this point, we would ascend the cliffs to the Hidden 

Valley, the high point of Bluebird's birthday Hash back 

in May. 

 

Exiting the Hidden Valley, we would be back on 

the cliff path. Bluebird would take the Shorts right and 

continue along the cliff path, past the Ness Golf Club and 

back to the car park. 

 

Man-Pig would take the Longs on a 

4 mile loop of tracks and pathways down to 

Stoke-in-Teignhead, and then up Millen Lane to the trig 

point at the top of Commons Lane. 

 

From there it was all downhill back to the car park. 

Simples!. What could possibly go wrong?

Indeed all was well....initially. The trek across 

the boulder fields was painfully slow. This is a potential 

leg breaker and it has to be undertaken carefully, 

very carefully. The sandstone rock is embedded with sharp 

flint. Supporting one's bodyweight with your hands 

is an uncomfortable experience.

Bluebird led the pack whilst Man-Pig swept the rear with 

Melon-Picker for company. 

 

Traversing the boulder field with a canister of flour in one 

hand was a bit of a handicap. I hate crossing the boulder 

fields at the best of times. 

 

Part way across the first rockfall Melon-Picker spied 

a seal not 10m offshore...probably sniffing around the 

lobster pots. I actually didn't see it but 

spent some time scanning the calm waters awaiting its 

resurfacing like a miniature submarine - but it was not to be. 

 

The combination of flour canister and seal gazing meant that 

Melon-Picker and I arrived at the Rock Flats at 

least 10 minutes later than everyone else.

 

We had regularly looked behind us and had seen no back 

markers. We assumed that the back markers had, sensibly, 

bailed out and were making their way back to the pub.

It was bang on 8.30 when we arrived at the Rock Flats. 

 

Bluebird was elated.

"Well done. You've all made it. Are you the last?"

"Yes", I replied in all honesty.

Bluebird was beaming from ear-to-ear. 

 

He had thought, not unreasonably, that he had 

laid a corker of a trail and he was as pleased 

as Punch that everyone had made it safely across 

the rocks.

 

We ascended the cliffs in single file with the 

assistance of the ropes - some knotted so as to 

provide more grip. Safety first, only one

person was allowed on a roped section at a 

time. 

 

In truth, only the very last 15 feet or so 

truly required the aid of a rope. 

 

Ten minutes later we were all back on the 

cliff path atthe Long/Short split. 

Tamsin looked at her Garmin. The last mile 

had taken 49 minutes. 

 

I recalled having done this trail back in about 

2013 when my Garmin recorded an average 

speed of 1.4 MPH. 

No change over the intervening 9 years then!

Despite the time, a goodly number elected to 

do the Long. This comprised Beeficker, Beefy, 

Pisswell, Soapy, Palmolive, Fukarewe, Piddler,

Horny, U-Bend, Tamsin and the Pig. 

However, there must have been others on the 

Long before us as all of the checks had already 

been kicked out. I rather suspect that the FRB 

was probably Pollyfell.

 

At least we could now stretch our legs for the 

next 4 miles and enjoy a well earned pint in 

the Ferry Boat Inn. I looked at my watch. 

This part of the trail was hilly but potentially 

fast. I estimated ETA at the car park at 9.30 

and having a pint in my hand by 9.45.

Yes, it had been a technically and physically 

challenging trail in parts. Up to this point everything 

had been going swimmingly, and Bluebird could 

justifiably promote this trail as a candidate

for Best Lay of the Year.......well up to 9.23pm.

The last of the Longs' were almost at the bottom of 

Commons Lane. Only a half a mile to go and we'd 

be back at the cars.

 

I'd just finished laying the lastof the arrows. 

This was just in case there were any 

backmarkers that I didn't know about. Although 

this would be highly unlikely at 9.23pm. Then the 

phone rang and everything changed in an instant.

Catastrophe! Averted?

Who on earth is phoning me at this time? By the 

time that I wrestled the phone from my pocket 

it was silent. A missed call. I looked at the screen. 

 

Without my glasses is was rather blurred. 

Nevertheless, I could make out a name 

"Mary Sturgess - missed call". It was Coldtits.

 

This was not a social call at this 

time. My immediate thoughts were, 

"What's gone wrong?" I phoned her back

immediately.

"Hi Coldtits. It's Man-Pig. Where are you?"

"Hi Man-Pig" replied a positive sounding 

Coldtits. My anxiety eased fractionally.

 

At the other end of the line was a composed 

Coldtits. No hint of panic. A good start to the 

conversation.

"We're stuck at the last length of rope and

 can't get up. Ernie is on the Shorts'".

Jeeper's. They've crossed the two boulder 

fields! I was convinced there was no-one behind 

me.

"Who is "We"?" I enquired.

"Me, Georgy Porgy and Piltdown Man".

I was incredulous.

"OK. I'm 10 minutes away. I will come 

back for you now. We will do the best 

we can with torchlight from our phones".

And, with that, I retraced my steps up 

Commons Lane, across the A379 and 

back to Labrador Bay car park and the cliff 

path to the top of the Hidden Valley.

 

Only 100 yards short of the access to 

the Valley, my phone rings again. It is Coldtits. 

They have made it onto the cliff path. 

60 seconds later I am with 

them. Coldtits is fine. Piltdown Man 

is exhausted and Georgy Porgy appears 

OK but is having dizzy spells.

We make our way up to Labrador Bay

car park and Coldtits asks where my car is.

"In the Ness car park".

With hindsight, it might have been better 

for me to have stayed with the Longs all 

the way back to the 

Ness car park and jumped into my car

and made my way back to Labrador Bay. 

At least then I would 

have had torches and rope. Right now, all I 

had was a half empty container of flour!

I offered to run back and get my car but 

Coldtits said she'd phone for a taxi. 

Regrettably, no answer. 

 

So we commenced our way back to the Ness

on foot. First along the decidedly dangerous main

road and then onto the top of Common's Lane. 

 

My phone rings again. It's Smellie but I can't 

hear her. I try to phone back but no answer. 

I then borrow Coldtits' glasses and try phoning 

Bluebird. No luck. I try Forest. we're in luck...comms.

"Where are you?" Enquires Forest.

"The top of Commons Lane".

"Where's that?"

"Near Labrador Bay car park".

"Are the others with you?"

"Yes".

"Ernie, Pisswell and Beefy have gone out to look 

for you in their cars".

"How long ago did they leave?"

"They left the pub 2 minutes ago but I don't have

 Ernie's number".

"Great. I have time to run back to the top of 

Commons Lane and flag them down. Coldtits,

 Piltdown Man and Georgy Porgy are already 

on the Longs' trail, down Commons Lane. We will 

 pick them up en route".

By this time, I am at the top of Commons lane, 

for the fifth time today, I do not have long to 

wait before the cavalry arrives....relief. 

This is in the guise of a bright yellow former 

AA van followed by Ernie and his new Audi. 

I tell Pisswell and Beefy to follow 

Ernie down Commons Lane and we'll pick 

everyone up.

It is not long before everyone is safely recovered

and deposited back at the Ness car park. 

Forrest had thoughtfully collected overcoats from other 

Hashers in the pub and deposited them in Ernie's car lest 

exposure be an issue. Thankfully, they are not 

required. Piltdown is miffed by the overly difficult trail 

and doesn't want to go to the pub, although Smellie 

needs to be collected. Georgy is too tired to care. 

Coldtits just fancies a drink.

Smellie phones again. Working comms this time. 

I give her an update and say that we'll be at the pub in 

5 minutes. No time to change, we jump in Piltdown's 

car and get dropped off at the pub. It is 10.30. 

Last orders have been called and we are being shuffled 

out the door before we've even got in. It is 10.35 

and time for some very late Down-Downs.

Down-Downs

Many have already gone home. Pork Torpedo thrusts a 

plastic half pint of ale into the hands of Man-Pig, 

Piltdown-Man and Beefy. No explanations are required.

Man-Pig's Down-Down is for an overly ambitious trail 

and poor sweeping.

Piltdown Man's is for getting overly delayed on trail.

Beefy's is for being part of the rescue party.

Pork Torpedo sings us an apt song but, for the life of me, 

I can't remember what it was. Meanwhile, 

Bluebird catches it all on film for posterity.

That concluded a most eventful evening. Well, not quite. 

 

There is something called The Management of 

Expectation. It is a curious thing and basically centres 

upon different people's perception and 

interpretation of identical information. 

 

I do not know what went on in the pub. 

I rather suspect that there would, inevitably, 

have been some leg pulling of Bluebird 

regarding an overly ambitious and potentially 

dangerous trail. At the other end of the spectrum,

several Hashers will have welcomed the challenge 

and onsidered it an excellent trail. 

 

Certainly the photos of the Hashers clambering over 

the rockfalls reveal smiling faces of Hashers 

relishing the challenge.

Bluebird had put a lot of thought and effort into planning 

tonight's trail. Initially, as a Hash summer BBQ 

and subsequently "The Rockfall Challenge". 

 

Bluebird lays more than his fair share of trails 

and he is also the first port of call when Hares are thin 

on the ground or something comes up at the last moment 

that prevents the original Hare from laying their trail. 

 

Basically, we all have a lot to thank Bluebird for

over the years. 

 

Yes, the trail was challenging. Yes, part of the 

nature of the Hash is leg pulling. 

Additionally, all Hashers are expected to give as 

good as they get in the leg-pulling stakes.

Bluebird. You are an eccentric old coot, but we love 

you because of who you are, not in spite of who 

you are. 

 

We all welcome your speedy return. The nature of 

the Teign Valley Hash is what it is because of 

people like you. 

 

Whilst I would never knowingly put someone's 

life at risk, I equally do not want Hashes to 

become overly sanitised to the point of being 

bland. We already live in a cosseting and intrusive 

nanny state. 

 

Monday night is our opportunity to break free of the 

cotton wool cocoon and enjoy Devon's great outdoors.....

rockfalls and all.

We will all miss you. Speedy and safe return, my friend.

Epilogue & lessons learned

 

Well that was a close call. At one point, seemingly trapped 

between the north and south Rock Flats, 

Georgy Porgy was on the verge of calling the coast guard. 

 

Thankfully, Coldtits encouraged Georgy to push 

on over the second rockfall and the temporary respite 

of the roped climb to higher ground. At least there 

would be no exposure to the incoming spring tide. 

 

If the coastguard had been called, you can bet your bottom 

dollar that there would have been an enquiry into the 

activities of the Hash and it might not have stopped at 

just TVH3 being under the microscope.

This is not the time for finger pointing, blame or

 recrimination. However, it is a timely opportunity 

for some introspection.

Most us know what Bluebird trails are likely to

comprise. They are frequently challenging. 

 

Any outdoor activity has an element of danger 

associated with it. It is up to us, individually, to 

decide for ourselves if we want to expose ourselves

to these potential dangers. 

 

Some exposure is as a result of the trail itself. 

Other exposure, maybe entirely down to individual 

behaviour and how we tackle the terrain below our 

feet. 

 

If we are going to charge down rocky ravine at full pelt, 

we can expect to:

a) eventually fall over

b) get hurt when you do fall

We are all adults and responsible for our own 

safety and, collectively, the safety of our fellow 

Hashers.

 

I do not want the nature of the Hash to change and

I certainly do want any outside interference with 

the Hash - even though it is likely to be dressed up

 by some well intentioned do-gooders as "....

It's in your own best interests". 

 

I am sure that none of us want the Hash to run the 

risk of being sanitised to the point of being bland, 

dull and boring.

I have had a look at the photos posted on the 

TVH3 Facebook page on Tuesday. All I see is 

happy smiling faces atop the rockfalls. 

 

Accordingly, I think it would be a fair assumption 

that the majority of the Hashers thoroughly enjoyed 

last night's trail. 

 

Yes, the clambering over the rockfalls was, at times, 

challenging, tiring and painful. However, that didn't 

prevent at least a dozen Hashers committing to 4 

more miles on the Long at the Long/Short split.

There is a well known saying: You can please some 

of the people all of the time. You can please all of the 

people some of the time. 

However, you will not be able to please all of the 

people all of the time. 

 

And so it is with the Hash. We do our best to 

accommodate an age range of between 6 and 80+,

male and female, and all of differing abilities. 

 

With the best will in the world we will not get it 

right every time - or for everyone. 

 

Please accept this as a fact of life.

Last night's trail was a typical Bluebird trail. 

Exciting, interesting, different........just plain 

Bluebird really. 

 

However, the clamber across the rockfalls is 

always slow and time is always going to be a factor 

in undertaking a trail of this nature.

Man-Pig was supposed to be doing the sweeping 

of both the Longs and the Shorts along the beach. 

I was aware that I had passed some Hashers on 

the beach straight after the smugglers' tunnel. 

 

Several times I looked behind me but I could see 

no-one.

 

I believed that everyone behind me had turned back

and done their own thing. 

 

As it was, Melon-Picker and I were at least 10 minutes 

behind all those ahead of us by the time we reached the

roped ascent to the Hidden Valley. 

 

As far as I was concerned, I had no reason to believe that 

there was anyone behind us.

The timeline of events shows that our three stranded

Hashers arrived at the rope ascent atthe northern end of 

the Rock Flats approximately three quarters of an 

hour after the sweeping Hare. 

 

This was nearly an hour after 

the arrival of the FRB's. 

 

The single reason for this huge discrepancy was the 

nature of the terrain. The rockfalls make for jolly 

slow going. 

 

Yes, I am guilty of not having swept properly. 

Equally, unless there are at least 3 Hares 

 (and I can't remember the last 

time that TVH3 had a 3 Hare trail) 

it is not realistic to expect the 2 Hares to comprehensively 

marshal a trail where there is an hour's difference 

between the FRB's and the tail-enders over exactly 

the same course. 

 

In this respect, I think that a certain amount of 

introspection is required.

We are all getting older and slower. We no longer 

have any members of the Hash whose daily routine 

includes undertaking the assault course at Lympstone.

 

We must be aware of our own limitations. Many 

of us like to push ourselves on the Hash, including 

me. 

 

Nevertheless, it is an unfair burden to place on 

the Hares to expect them to cater for every eventuality. 

 

This includes marshalling a 3 hour hash when it 

should have taken two hours.

However, all is not doom and gloom. Far from it. 

There is most definitely a silver lining to all of this. 

The camaraderie and support of the Hash is excellent. 

Special thanks must go to:

Ernie: for running on ahead to raise the alarm at the 

pub and then to jump in his car and come back out 

to recover the stranded trio.

Forrest-Stump: for his forethought in ensuring that 

Ernie took with him warm coats; remember our

 stranded Hashers were dressed for the summer. 

 

These thanks are, additionally, extended to all those 

who volunteered their fleeces, jackets and coats to the cause.

Beefy and Pisswell: for coming to the rescue in their

AA van. Fortunately, no-one had broken down.....

just running a little slower than usual. 

Last night there were heroes and victims. There were 

no villains, other than time. 

 

Last night we had a lucky escape. The coastguard was 

not called out. 

 

May I respectfully ask that both Hashers and Hares 

reflect on the events of last night going forward?

Thank you.

Next week

Next week's Hash is at The Sea Trout 

with Hares - Bobbiball and Man-Pig.

On-On to next week.

TEAPOT TURNS 80 & UPSETTING NEWS

TVH3 The Words for 31st July 2023  

The Ship Inn, Cockwood  

 

Run No. 1980

HARES: Piltdown Man & Georgy Porgy

Who wuz there: Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, U-Bend, Man-Pig, Forrest-Stump, Perry, Tamsin (Miss In'), Smellie, Beefy, Pisswell, Fukarewe, Ernie, Beeflicker, Slip-on-Me, Melon-Picker, Soapy, Palmolive, Strap-On, Ablesemen, Rise 'n' Shine, Mateus Rose, Wetfart and youthful birthday boy - Teapot

Circle

Once again, U-Bend assumed the role of GM for the evening in the absence of Shitfaced. Announcements were few. Smellie repeated last week's update on available Haring opportunities; namely 25th September. 

Man-Pig advised a change of venue for next week's Hash. Due to the poor weather forecast, Bluebird was going to abandon his plans for a barbecue on the beach. 

Additionally, the on-down was now going to be the Ferry Boat in Shaldon with the circle up in the Ness car park.

On the subject of circles, the numbers present at this evening's circle were a little down - only 22. I suspect that the school holidays had forced parental commitments on some whilst others were still recovering from the Isca Roman Away which had only concluded on Sunday afternoon.

Then some upsetting news. Piltdown Man stepped into the circle with an update on Winfield. Winfield now needs to use a wheelchair when he is taken out by his carers. Regrettably, his new wheel chair wasn't strapped down properly in the back of one of the carer's vans. The wheelchair fell backwards and poor old Winfield is now in RD&E with a broken neck and other complications. It goes without saying that all our thoughts are with Hovel Annie and Winfield's family.

On that sad note it was over to the Hare for some rudimentary instructions:

"It's On-On up there" and Piltdown pointed up Church Road.

The Hare did enlighten us that he wouldn't be running. There was a Walkers' trail but it might not be marked. The Shorts would be about 4 miles and the Longs' about 6 (that's a whole mile less than was overheard a few minute earlier).

The Trail

In, almost a repeat of last week, we were, once again, back at a pub that we haven't run from in ages (I'm sure Bluebird will enlighten us with the exact date that we were last at The Ship Inn, Cockwood, or should that be Cockoo'd?). Local Harriet, Bev, confirmed that the locals refer to their village as Cockoo'd. 

Perhaps, under the circumstances, it was appropriate to be running from The Ship as this was one of the pubs from which Winfield has previously laid hashes. He was the Hare the last time that we'd run from here.  

In fact it was #1713 23rd October 2017. Prior to that, Winfield laid a hash here in 2013.

The trail took us a short way up Church Road before two arrows had us bear left and up a steep cul-de-sac, called Middlewood, which then turned into a steep track. I do not recall ever having run up here before. 

Too much yapping post circle meant that I was at the back of the pack. However, before too long, I could see Wetfart and Teapot continuing up Church Road on the Walkers' trail whilst I started the ascent up Middlewood, picking off back markers Rise'n'Shine and Mateus Rose.

Somehow, I managed to catch up with Pisswell and Forrest Stump before we rejoined tarmac on Cofton Hill. 

Descending Cofton Hill ,an arrow had us bear right and onto a public footpath through the woods above Cofton Holiday park. Passing Soapy and Palmolive (yakking), I could see Ernie, Fukarewe and Tamsin in front of me as we descended through the woods and through the graveyard of Cofton Church. It all looked rather peaceful.

Despite a day of changeable weather, the sun had come out but there was a brisk, and refreshing, breeze to cool you down.

 

A short jaunt through the holiday park and three arrows had us crossing the A379 at Cofford Cottages. We passed a car storage area on the left and ran along a track towards the first Long/Short split at Higher Cofford. 

Beeflicker was running back from the Short, and we had caught up with Beefy. Confusingly, there were two checks, one of which had been kicked out. Eventually, we worked out that one check was for the Longs' and the other for the Shorts'....cunning. I had never seen this before - note to self, "There are no rules on the Hash".

The Longs' comprising Beeflicker, Beefy, Man-Pig, Tamsin, Ernie, Fukarewe and Pisswell, headed due west towards Westlake Farm and then negotiated a U-turn to take us back onto the track that we'd just been on. 

At a ninety degree bend, the FRB's had run out of marks. A poorly signed public footpath led across some duckboards through marshy ground. Beefy found a mark and we were back on trail heading for Mowlish Farm. Another arrow had us bear left onto Mowlish Lane and, after a couple of hundred yards, we came to a check.

Beeflicker had us on trail and heading up the edge of a field towards Mamhead House. 

As we exited the field, we were greeted by the Hare who was  sweeping in his car...what a novel idea. The Hare directed us right and up a lane towards Black Forest Lodge. Before the lodge an arrow led us onto a footpath that skirted the lower edge of a wood.

 

It was at the point, the marks changed from being laid in flour to being laid in dead dogs, or that's what it looked like. Although it is more likely to have been a dead and decaying fox.

The end of the footpath came back onto road at Kenton Common and an arrow had us steer hard to starboard and along the road that leads straight into Starcross....but not for us.

At the first crossroads, the trail took us to port and along a decidedly underused lane running along Wood Brake to the east of us. At the top of this lane, we hit a 3 way junction with another track and a road. Hard to starboard this time and up a recently strimmed track (today's Hares are so thoughtful) towards a small wood and the second Long/Short split. 

 

I think all the FRB's went Long, up a steepish track along the north edge of the wood and then down a steep lane and onto the sweetie stop.

Well, I say sweetie-stop but this is an injustice. The sweeties were, in fact, chocolate covered strawberries, hand dipped by Georgy Porgy - delicious. 

Beeflicker, Beefy and Man-Pig commenced the final leg of the trail as the balance of the FRB's were just arriving. This was probably just as well as I think we were rather tempted by a third strawberry each. 

We were just shy of Vennabridge Farm when the trail took us left and up our last bit of off-road and up a track that leads to Staplake Lane. From here it was downhill into the back of Starcross. A right turn, past the primary school and the back of the golf course before arriving at the staggered cross roads opposite Cock'ood boat pool and the final 100m to the On-Down.

What a fantastic run; 6.41 miles and much of it on virgin territory. Well done, Piltdown man and Georgy Porgy. Two fantastic trails on two consecutive Mondays!

Down-Downs

It was a pleasant evening, so we all stood or sat outside quaffing our ales. The pub had been kind enough to donate the four halves of beer for the Down-Downs. Accordingly, RA Forerst-Stump commenced by thanking the pub for the beer. Then it was rapidly over to last week's miscreants for the awards.

Ablesemen (award in car) was the first to step forward and select a sinner for an award. Able told us of a not so gallant Hasher. The previous week this Hasher asked why Ablesemen has her shirt on upside down? Upside down? Surely an impossibility. Naiively, Able lifted up her shirt to inspect the typescript and, in so doing, reveals all. What a low-down trick to play on a sweet young Harriet (albeit with great t**s). Ernie you are a scoundrel. Ernie downed his beer to the accompaniment of "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

Forrest had two awards from the previous week. The child's wellington boot (appears to have replaced the bull's sperm collector as the Hash's down-down vessel of choice) went to Fukarewe. But why? 

Initially, Forrest had thought that he'd caught up with Teapot on the Long. Hmmm, highly unlikely. This then appeared to be confirmed by the sound of Teapot's horn - or was it? A train was speeding by, it's horn blaring. The ID of this teapot doppelgänger? Fukarewe. Melon-Picker pipes up with, "The Grand Old Duke of York".

Forrest's second award was the Hashshit shirt. There followed the story of two Harriets who were yakking away incessantly on trail. The two culprits, with more rabbit than Sainsbury's, were Soapy and Palmolive. A vote was called for, and ignored, as Soapy stepped up to receive the Hash shirt in proper fashion i.e. by removing her top. Well, not all of her top. Her modesty was protected by a black sports bra. A note for "Gattling Gob".

Finally, a Down-Down for each of the Hares for a lovely trail and for another stretch of virgin territory. It was, indeed, a lovely run with an especially nice "sweetie stop" where the sweets came in the form of chocolate dipped strawberries. So good, I had to have two. Thank you Georgy.

Well, not quite finally. Sat on a table outside the pub was a tray of chocholate cake - baked courtesy of Ablesemen. In fact, it was also a birthday cake. But who was it for? None other than our former Grand Master over several years - Teapot. Teapot had just celebrated his 80th birthday the previous Friday....and still Hashing and blowing his horn. 

Well done indeed.

Next week

Next week's Hash is at The Ferry Boat Inn, Shaldon with Hare - Bluebird. Circle up in the Ness car park.

On-On to next week.

Hash #1980 from the Ship Inn at Cockwood

 

Wetfart knows something.

Deputy GM, U Bend exhorts his cohorts.

Circle convenes outside the Ship Inn.

Co-hare Piltdown advises the assembled hashers.

Hey-ho, hey-ho, it's on the trail we go. A ribbon of hashers 'dwarfed'  by towering trees.

The harbour at Cockwood - a dramatic photo by Beefy.

The longs in full flight led by Long Tall Sally MP. Proof that the camera does indeed 'lie'.