TVH3 The Words for 19th December 2022

King's Arms, Kingsteignton

Christmas Raffle

Run No. 1948

HARES: Hotlips & Zoot

 

Who wuz there:

Runners: Hotlips, Zoot, Warmfront, Beefy, Pisswell, Piddler, Man-Pig, Piltdown Man, Smellie, Big End, Well Hopped, Melon-Picker, Soapy, and I'm pretty sure that I saw Wet-Johnny doing a pre-hash run with Beefy.

 

Raffle team: Ablesemen, Satnav, Threesum & Slip-on-Me.

 

Rafflers: Shitfaced, Archangel, Teapot, Wetfart, Cheerio Beerio, Fallen Woman, Pork Torpedo, Horny, U-Bend, Strap-On, Bobbiball & Coldtits.

 

The Circle

Pretty much only a single announcement; Smellie requires hares for 16th January and thereafter.

 

Over to the Hares. Hotlips advised that it would be a short run owing to the raffle and the pub putting on food for us - courtesy of the hash.

 

Longs' about 3; Shorts' 2 and there would be a Walkers' if anyone was interested. The Longs' would be an out and back on the same trail whereupon you would rejoin the Shorts'. The return point on the Longs would be clearly marked - except for those who were not paying any attention i.e. Man-Pig and Beefy.

 

The Trail

The BBC weather forecast was not promising. At 7pm it forecast a 96% chance of rain, rising to a 98% chance by 8pm. They weren't wrong. The weather was atrocious. Heavy rain and strong winds. On the plus side, the temperature had picked up from -2 to +13 degrees celsius in just 24 hours - that would explain the strong winds.

 

The weather contributed to only five stalwarts (or should that be fools) doing the Long and I think it might have been only four plus the Hare on the Shorts as I can't remember if Piltdown and Soapy were on trail.

 

The trail took us diagonally across the main road in front of the pub, and running up Fore Street towards the Bell Inn. Opposite the Bell, an arrow directed us along the footpath towards St Michael's church; this is the footpath with the stream running down one side.

 

The marks took us into the churchyard and left, behind the church, to the first check. The trail then took us out of the churchyard and along a narrow footpath running parallel with the churchyard to the next check. Man-Pig checked left and up, I think, Honeywell Road. They were faint but there were two marks and an arrow at the first road junction. "On-On" I called, but no-one was following.

 

I went back to the check to find that it had been marked in the opposite direction. In fairness, Hotlips had mentioned that there were some old marks. These must have been from our run from Tuckers' Maltings Taphouse a fortnight ago. Despite the torrential rain, the cold weather had frozen these marks into the tarmac.

 

Back on trail, it was across Greenhill Way towards Hackney Marshes and onto the new cycle path behind Newton Abbot racecourse. Passing the Hare, and some of the Shorts, I caught up with Pisswell and Piddler before Beefy overtook me and disappeared into yonder distance.

At a Y branch, the Shorts' trail diverted left and under a railway bridge. This path leads to The Passage House Hotel. The Longs went right and up to the new bridge over the canal. Beefy and Man-Pig had not seen the U-turn marked just before the bridge and embarked upon an unrewarding search for non-existent marks around the Brunel trading estate. Beefy must have realised his error before I did, as I spent the rest of the trail on my lonesome.

 

Rejoining the Shorts' trail, it was along the banks of the Teign, left into the Passage House and down and then up Hackney Lane. The Hares had not mentioned anything about waders, buoyancy devices or small boats. However, all would have been useful when navigating the huge puddle halfway along Hackney Lane. 

 

A most confusing mark appeared at the junction between Hackney Lane and Greenhill Way. This comprised crossed out Walkers, Shorts and Longs all going left and traversing a grassy area before hitting Greenhill Way and eventually backtracking the out trail. 3.5 miles all told - and still back in the pub for ten past eight.

 

The Down-Downs

Fallen Woman had the Hashshit shirt from last week. Who else to give it to but none other than last week's Good Samaritan - Bobbiball. Songmeister, Pork Torpedo, kicked off with "Old McDonald had tourettes.....".

 

Next up was Warm Front. She did not have an award from last week but she did have some lost property from the Christmas Party. It was Amy's belt and top. What on earth had been going on at the Christmas party....or coming off? More crucially, why wasn't I informed? In Amy's absence, a snitching Warmfront was awarded a down-down on Amy's behalf accompanied by the Songmeister's version of "Love me tender....."

 

Amazingly, Warmfront made the half pint disappear in under 2.5 seconds whilst simultaneously doubling her body weight!

 

Cheerio Beerio had the jester's hat from two or three weeks ago. She came up with a story that she'd originally been given the birthday hat (the one with the candles) by mistake. This was not the correct hat and she had to give it back and it would be replaced with something more appropriate. In this instance, the jester's hat. What drivel! There are no rules on the hash.

The agent of this diatribe of nonsense should have known better....it was Teapot. Apparently Teapot was manifesting a "mansplanation". PT came up with a wholly inappropriate song in the form of: "This is your down-down song. It won't take very long". It took ages.

 

The last half pint had to go to the Hare, especially as it was his birthday. "Hashy birthday. F..k you...." repeat 10 times was the accompanying ditty.

 

Finally, a big THANKYOU to the raffle organisers and also to the pub for the scoff and the beer.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is at The Park Inn, Kingskerswell. Shitfaced will lead the Boxing Day trail that will take in the Lord Nelson and maybe the Sloop or the Hare & Hounds dependant upon the weather....so bring money!

 

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas.

On-On to next week, MP.

The King lives

 Christmas Party uh huh huh

INSPECTOR CLOUSEAU INVESTIGATES, A MODEST HERO & NOT A YARD TOO FAR

 

by Man-Pig

 

Chez Broken Man & Fallen Woman's abode

 

Annual Christmas fancy dress fish 'n' chip hash

 

Run No. 1947 Monday 12th December

 

HARES: Fallen Woman and Bobbiball

 

Who wuz there: Fallen Woman, Bobbiball, Broken Man, Wet Johnny, Man-Pig, Shitfaced, iPoo'd, Archangel, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Twin Buffers, Beefy, Pisswell, U-Bend, Able Semen, Slip-on-Me, Melonpicker, Soapy, Palmolive, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Piddler, Threesum, Coldtits, Teapot.

 

THE CIRCLE

Smellie announced that all dates for 2023 were available. Step right up and book your slot. Ablesemen proclaimed that tonight would be your last chance to buy raffle tickets for next Monday's Christmas draw, so get in quick.

 

Threesum thanked everyone who came to Saturday's Christmas party and advised that the venue had been booked again for next year. NoNo oneanted to do the Words so it was over to the Hares.

 

Fallen Woman said that the trail was quite short but festive and scenic nonetheless. The Longs would be longer than the Shorts and there was a Walkers' trail which would involve following Bobbiball straight to the pub. Hurrahs all round. 

 

Bobbiball then chipped in that the trail might seem a little confusing as some of it was laid in sawdust and some in flour and some in a combination of the two. There was no mention of legacy trails spreading across Berry Head.......hmmm

 

THE TRAIL

The trail took us out of Freshwater/Oxencove car park and down a dozen steps onto the coast path where we headed for Bixham; past the working port with lorries loading up with the day's catch and then around the old harbour and past the Christmas decorations.

 

Near the harbour's Christmas tree, we came to an indistinct mark. A check? A Long/Short split? We didn't know.

 

Wet-Johnny checked along the coast path towards Berry Head while the Pig checked up some steps onto Berry Head Road. Three dots. "On-On" but no one was following.

 

I'd left Piddler at the bottom of the steps and he hadn't come up them, so I went down to see what he was doing. He wasn't there. Further up the coast path, I could see a fluorescent jacket. This was Pisswell. I caught her up and she advised that Wet-Johnny was calling it "On".

Crikey, it was cold. Even though the onshore breeze was fairly gentle, it made a cold winter's day noticeably colder.

 

An arrow took us up some steps and onto Berry Head Road and the only Long/Short split of the trail. Piddler and U-Bend looked unimpressed. I had thought that they had gone Short.

I heard Wet-Johnny calling "On to check" to my left on the Longs. At least I think that's what I heard. 

 

Off I trotted but all I found was a cross. I backtracked and checked up Victoria Road.....nothing. Back down to Berry Head Road retracing my steps. I'd overshot an arrow. We were back on the coast path and onto the beach where the temperature had frozen the shingle together in a solid mass.

 

The tide was quite high, and the onshore wind was creating one or two white horses. Fortunately, the path was not icy. I didn't fancy a dip on my own at this time of year.

 

Up some stone steps, and then around the shoal pool and across the shoal pool car park. We were back on Berry Head road but no sign of the other Longs; Beefy, Wet-Johnny, Pisswell, and Piddler as it turned out. I went right only to find the same cross that I'd found five minutes earlier.

 

Yes, there were dots to my left leading into Berry Head Hotel. The dots were, at first, on the left but then changed to the right. 

 

Opposite the pedestrian gate which accesses the hotel's car park was a very obvious hash check which had been kicked out in the direction of the car park.

 

INSPECTOR CLOUSEAU INVESTIGATES

I knew that the broad track that led to Berry Head was just the other side of the car park. But, would we be going all that way when we still had a pub stop and a fish 'n' chip meal to contend with later in the trail? I had my suspicions.

 

This was definitely a hash check that had been kicked out. However, it had been kicked out when the ground had been soft and muddy. The edges of the kick-out created a raised shoulder of frozen mud. The temperature in Brixham hadn't been above freezing for at least four days. This didn't strike me as a new mark.

 

I carried on, and a nice shiny white dot of flour appeared some fifteen feet further on. Just as the lane starts to ascend, there is a cul-de-sac to the right with, perhaps, half a dozen houses. I recalled running past these houses, but from the other direction, a year ago. Torch out. Let's look for marks.

 

There was a sawdust mark but, up until this point, I'd been following almost exclusively flour. I continued to a small gate to find an unkicked-out check in sawdust. There was only one way to go - through the gate. I kicked it out and I was, indeed, on last year's footpath. There were marks but this time they were all in sawdust.

 

Exiting the woods, there was a big white arrow directing us across Victoria Road and onto Lands Road and thence Heath Road. Lots of marks but we were back to flour again. Still no sign of the other Longs. I had called several times when I'd found myself on trail but that last check hadn't been kicked out. Had they gone out onto Berry Head or would they be back in the pub quaffing ale? We would soon find out.

 

Towards the end of Heath Road, there was a little bit of a zig-zag. I was following a combination of arrows and dots. This brought me to a pedestrian alleyway where the vehicular part of the road ended. 

 

Another arrow had me on a narrow road high above the Quay. I am pretty sure that this was North View Road. More arrows and dots had me running under the Christmas lights on Fore Street before crossing the bus station and finding marks around Church Street. 

 

At last, a road I recognized but no marks. This was Station Road and I knew that dry, warm sanctuary in the form of The Queens lay at the top of yonder hill.

 

Marks were leading up steps to my left. I surmised that his would be a run around the school playing field for the Shorts - so I ignored them, and made a bee-line for the pub.

 

Beer at last. But where were Wet-Johnny, Beefy, Pisswell and Piddler? Before I could ask, Soapy had started the Hash version of the Twelve Days of Christmas. Just as that had finished, an exhausted Piddler arrived. He was the last of the Longs to make it back (into) the pub.

 

£3.20 A PINT!

The previous Saturday had been The Queens' beer festival. Beer was an astonishing £3.20/pint and the beer festival had made £1,400 for charity. An excellent effort by Chris and his team at the pub. They had also tapped the 65% proof plumb brandy that had been sitting on the bar for the previous decade. The first tot had been auctioned off for £60 on Saturday. Hmmm......65%.

I may have to return to try that when I'm not driving. Chris made us all very welcome, and his selection of beers and ciders was simply astounding. A proper good old boozer. Well done, Chis and his team for putting this pub on the map as Camra's best South Devon town pub on at least two previous occasions.

 

Fallen Woman gave the five minute warning to down our pints and, in next to no time, we found ourselves scoffing fish 'n' chips and admiring the views over Brixham harbour.

 

THE DOWN-DOWNS

Ablesemen was first up in a search for someone befitting of rehousing the small bat hat. However, she first thanked the committee for organising Saturday's Christmas Party and thanked everyone who had made the effort to come in fancy dress.

 

"Who set the long?" enquired Ablesemen. Bobbiball quietly shrank into the corner. "Thankyou for advising that it ran all over marks from South Hams pre Xmas hash from a fortnight earlier."

 

The net result of this was that the majority of the intrepid Longs were on the TVH3 trail as far as The Berry Head Hotel. At that point, they commenced the South Hams trail.

Just as well some of the marks had been washed away. Otherwise they would, alarmingly, have found themselves at the Ship Inn in Kingswear!

 

Broken Man had brought out the yard of ale, and Melonpicker started the down-down songs with "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy..." as Bobby proceeded to spill most of his half pint over first himself, and then the hosts' floor.

 

Next up was Melonpicker. He did not have a physical award but he had a virtual award from the previous week. Once again, the errant Longs were in the firing line. Only three of the five Longs had made it back to the Queens but, perplexingly, only two had actually entered the pub.

 

For some inexplicable reason, Wet-Johnny had, eventually, made it back to the pub via Berry Head. He must have been knackered poor thing....too tired to even enter the pub! A note for "the under 18". Again an attempt was made on the yard of ale. Another spillage and a quarter of a pint remaining in the bottom.

 

Next up was Wet-Johnny himself for the great reveal. "I have an award," he said, "....from a couple of weeks ago." He unzipped his kagool to reveal a very sweaty and smelly hashshit shirt. Who on earth was going to get that filthy thing....and the shirt!

 

Wet-Johnny recounted a story of many a lay. The trail, as undertaken, had been laid by Fallen Woman, Bobbiball and South Hams Hash. Three trails for the price of one.

 

Once in the pub, the laying continued or, more accurately, the mislaying continued. Fallen Woman had mislaid her credit card.

 

The yard of ale had been topped up to a full half pint, and the hash started singing "Here's to the multi-laid harriet" or something like that. A lot of near gagging was going on, and yet another unfinished yard of ale.

 

Were there any more stories or awards?

 

U-Bend had been given a down-down the previous week, and he was on trail but I can't remember if he'd made it back to Fallen Woman's and Broken Man's. There was the best part of bottle of beer still to go, but no stories.

 

NOT A YARD TOO FAR

Somehow, in the general conversation of the moment, Man-Pig had innocently mentioned that he'd never done a yard of ale. In no time at all, Fallen Woman had poured the last bottle of beer into the yard long glass and thrust it towards Man-Pig. 

 

Wottamistakkatomaka. With a lot of trepidation and a steady hand, the Pig managed to, very slowly, gulp his way through the lot without spilling a drop. Unbelievable.

 

A rather flustered Pig was somewhat red in the face and looked about to throw up when out came the most enormous belch....applause all round.

 

Thank you, Fallen Woman and Broken Man for, once again, inviting the hash into your home. We had a great time and I can only apologise for Bobbiball's excessive dribbling!

 

POSTSCRIPT

Our Bobby - a modest hero

 

Whilst setting the trail at the hotel end of Berry head hotel, Bobbiball had come across an elderly lady who had fallen over and couldn't get up. She had been walking a friend's dog that was far too big for her to control easily. She'd fallen but couldn't risk letting the dog go.

 

However, it was the very presence of the big dog that was preventing her from getting up. A catch 22 situation.

 

Bobby came across the tangled and stricken duo, and could barely handle the dog himself. It was not a vicious dog; simply too big for an elderly lady to control properly.

 

It was bitterly cold and the pair were in a tiny, hidden viewing spot just off the Berry Head Road. 

 

Who knows what might have occurred if Bobby had not happened along? A deed well done methinks - and not a word from the modest hero to the hash.

 

If we still had the trophy, the Crusher Cup (for valiant deeds) would be his at the Awards Night.

 

Bravo, Bobby!

 

NEXT WEEK

Next week's Hash is at The Kings Arms, Kingsteignton and the annual TVH3 Christmas draw. The hares are Hotlips and Zoot. Good luck everybody.

 

On-On to next week, MP.

TVH3 The Words for 5 December 2022

 

The Abbey Inn, Buckfast

 

Run No. 1946

 

HARE: Pisswell 

 

Who wuz there: Pisswell, Shitfaced, iPoo'd, Man-Pig, Cheerio Beerio, Threesum, Beefy, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, U-Bend, Fallen Woman, Able Semen, Slip-on-Me, Melonpicker, Soapy, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Big End, Ned, Well Hopped and Teapot.

 

The circle

Reminders regarding draw tickets for sale, for Dec 19th, party details (6pm start at the Taphouse, Kings & Queens theme, food and party at Con. club), and next week's hash (Christmas fancy dress, fish & chips at Brixham).

 

The trail by Pisswell

 

Music to 'Fairytale of New York' by the Pogues

 

It was Abbey Inn, babe Hash at Buckfast.

Old hasher said to me, God, not another one!

But still we circled up,

The Rare Teign Valley crew

I turned my face away

And dreamed what might have been.

========================

I had a lovely one

Steam train of lights had come

But not on Monday nights

So planned another one!

So happy Christmas

The lights of Buckfastleigh

We all heard the party planned

Will Manpigs dreams come true?

======================

They’ve got Kings' and Queens' party

Oh what shall we wear?

But the wind goes right through her

If Cheerios bare!

But back to the hash

On a cold Winters Eve

You promised a Great hash was waiting for me.

==============================

There was sweeties

There’s plenty

Queen of Dartmoor cemetries

When the spirits stopped spooking

They howled out for more

The old church bells swinging

All the hashers were sprinting

Some split in confusion

Then ran home in fright!

=================

The guys of the TVH3 hash

Were running through the night

And they all went rushing back

To get a pint.

============

Midget gum?

Brave the souls

Feel for sweeties in holes

Running there through the dead,

find your way through the graves

The Abbey was after

They all cried with laughter

They were sent through the bollarks

And on with the mass.

================

The guys of the TVH3 hash

Were running through the night

We ran round the Abbey gardens

To see the lights.

============

The Walkers soon were gone

The shorts and longs on on

Onto a split they came

Longs would soon do the same

But first a place was sought

They looked for Hembury fort

Into the woods they ran

Before the same route on home.

=====================

The guys of the TVH3 hash

Were running through the night

Down downs at Abbey Inn

Were all in sight.

=============

 

The Down-downs as recalled by Man-Pig

U-Bend was first up to give away the birthday cake hat. This proved to be a case of mistaken identity. U-Bend couldn't make out who a female FRB was. Cheerio-Beerio was running next to U-Bend and said, "Oh. I know who that is. It's Fallen Woman". Fallen Woman FRB'ing? Was it Hell?. It was Soapy.

 

Pork Torpedo was in attendance so it was a 10 toes up and 10 toes down rendition for Cheerio followed by a glass of water - as she doesn't do beer!

 

Next up was almost a returnee. It was Threesome who had the Baby bat hat from the Red Rock brewery hash. This was awarded to Ablesemen for losing her hat on trail. It was caught by an overhanging thorn bush and left hanging in the air above a rapidly cooling Ablesemen. I can't remember the down-down song for this one.

 

We had run out of awards but there was still almost a pint and a half to go. Were there any stories? U-Bend was named and shamed by Pork Torpedo for nervous parking. A ditty about an Aladdin's lamp purchased from a hasher that. "......hadn't produced f**k all yet!"

 

Next there was a story, the substance of which I can't recall. However, Melonpicker got a down-down accompanied by a variation of the Aladdin's Lamp song.

 

Finally, Beefy spilled the beens on Pork Torpedo and Horny. 

 

Either by design, or by accident, Pork Torpedo and Horny found themselves back in the pub and enjoying a pint after having only covered 3/4 of a mile. Short cutting or what? 

 

This time Melonpicker started the down-down song with, "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

Finally, finally. No beer left so a pint of water to the Hare for the trail and a welcome return to an old venue. Unsurprisingly, she didn't want it.

 

A couple of Hashers remarked on the good trail and thought positively of the On-Down. They suggested that it would be good to return here again in the summer. 

 

Teapot also reminisced of the time that he had organised a steam train to take us to Buckfast. We engaged in an egg catching competition before being returned to a railway junction near the Tally Ho for our canter back to the pub.

 

I bet that was over 20 years ago!

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is at Oxencove car park, Brixham, with Fallen Woman haring assisted by Bobbiball. 

 

This is the annual Christmas themed fancy dress run - no doubt with Christmas carols. There will be a pub stop so BRING CASH as the pub doesn't accept credit cards!

 

On-On to this Saturday and next Monday.

TVH3 The Words for 28th November 2022

 

As posted on Facebook by Beefy:

by Man-Pig

 

Tucker's Taphouse, Tucker's Maltings, Newton Abbot 

 

Run No. 1945

 

HARE: Wet-Johnny

 

Who wuz there: Wet Johnny, Man-Pig, Shitfaced, Arkangel, Cheerio Beerio, Hotlips, Zoot, Ollie (Hot Lips' son), Smellie, Beefy, Pisswell, AA, Raff-as-Fuk, U-Bend, Fallen Woman, Able Semen, Slip-on-Me, Melonpicker, Soapy, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Big End, Ned, Well Hopped, Roger the Dodger, Strap-On, Broadshit, Scott (virgin), Wetfart, Amy & Bobbiball (pub only.)

 

The Circle

Announcements were almost exclusively about money. Fallen Woman wanted money for the Brixham fancy/Christmas dress fish'n'chips run on 12 December. Shitfaced wanted money for the TVH3 Christmas party on 10 December. Man-Pig didn't want money but a volunteer for the Words....usual response.

 

Smellie didn't want anything as she wasn't there to do the Hareraising; her train was running late apparently. But not as late as her train to Brixham for the South Hams pre-Christmas bash. Oh no, that train was running 70 years late!

 

Nevertheless, Shitfaced confirmed that all dates were available in 2023. It was unclear as to whether this referred to Smellie's availability to go on a date, or opportunities for hashers to get laying! Sign up quickly to avoid disappointment.

 

Over to the Hare. Wet-Johnny explained that there would be a common bit of trail on both the outward and return legs. Hence don't be surprised to see dots on both sides of the track, cycle ,path, road etc. There was a Longs', Shorts', and Walkers' trail. There was also a sweetie stop. Longs' could be 5 or 6,, Shorts' 3 and Walkers' 2 miles.

 

The Tap House does not do food but feel free to visit takeaway Ali and Ali's kebab shop. I never knew Cheerio had so many strings to her bow. Big portions assured.

 

The Trail

Whatever Wet-Johnny had in store, it was bound to be better than last week's abomination. As it turned out, all of this evening's hashers managed to make one of the laid trails. Even if it took one lone hasher till 9.45 to return to the On-Down.

 

The Longs were sent back towards takeaway alley before turning left under the railway bridge and heading for Brunel Industrial estate. As we passed under the bridge, a Mercedes AMG 55 E-class estate roared through. What an echo from the 5-litre V8.

 

The Long proved to be a loop through the industrial estate. This took us down to the banks of the Teign estuary before rejoining the Shorts' and Walkers' at the new bridge that takes pedestrians and cyclists onto the newish (about 12 years old now) cycle path that runs alongside the eastern edge of Newton Abbot racecourse.

 

Beefy was running ahead and taking photos. Pisswell was a little slower than usual as she was still recovering from a bicycle accident. Returnee Broadshit and virgin Scott were near the tail end of the Long with ex-virgin Amy not too far ahead. RAF (Raf as Fuk) was long gone.....never did see AA either!

 

Along the back of the racecourse, I overtook Smellie who had had to catch the train from Teignmouth to make this week's hash in Georgy Porgy and Piltdown's absence. Piltdown is pretty poorly with flu.

 

At the second Long/Short split, I just passed Ablesemen and Slip-on-Me before the paths of the Longs' and the Shorts' diverged. 

 

Heading towards the Passage House Hotel, I passed the demon duo of Wetfart and Melonpicker, soon followed by the trio of Roger the Dodger, Well-Hopped and Ned.

On we coursed through the Passage House car park and onto Hackney Lane before the final Long/Short split.

 

The final Long was a long loop that followed the public footpath towards the Teignmouth Road. This crosses two fields and then a dogleg across Teignmouth Road and onto Coombeshead Road.

 

I passed Arkangel in the first field. That would be the last that I, or anyone else from the Hash, would see of him till 9.45!

 

In the far distance, along Coombeshead Road, I could make out flickering torchlight. Someone quite quick but I couldn't quite make out who. But I did recognise the top. It was the Hashshit shirt. This must be ex-virgin Amy dutifully adorning the Hashshit shit on only her second Hash!

 

The trail took us onto the footbridge over the A380 and into Kingsteignton. The trail then turned left down Vicarage Hill before an arrow had us turning right and up Longsford Lane.

By this time, I had caught up with Amy. Another 600 yards and another arrow had us going left, crossing Longford Lane and running up Golvers Hill Road. This exited just behind the car park to the Bell Inn.

 

An arrow had us crossing Fore Street and running down Church Street with the leat running along one edge. Into the churchyard where Beefy was, once again, on photographic duty. Two snaps later, we were back on trail and following the footpath that crosses Greenhill Way and back into Hackney Marshes. 

 

It wasn't long before we arrived back at the junction of the second Long/Short split. Here Wet-Johnny was merrily handing out Cadbury's Celebrations and also ensuring that no-one went around the trail again!

 

Then it was back up the cycle path next to the racecourse where we had been some 25 minutes earlier. We passed Ablesemen, Slip-on-Me, Melon-Picker, Rodger the Dodger, Ned and Big End for the second time.

 

At the far side of the new bridge over the canal, there were two "OH" signs clearly pointing back towards the canal and the shortest route back to the On-Down. But hold! What's this I spy in the yonder distance? 'Tis Wetfart re-entering the Brunel estate in the direction of Sainsburys.

Before you could say "ex-virgin", Amy, Beefy, and I were back at the cars. A quick run. It was only 8.30 but excellent marks kept the pace up.

 

The Down-Downs

Man-Pig led the evening's proceedings but couldn't remember if he'd thanked the pub for the beer...or had Wet-Johnny bought it? Nevertheless, awards were thin on the ground but, as Amy had worn hers all the way around, she was first up to give it to someone equally deserving. Not sure what "story" she came up with although she started with,"Once upon a time.....".

 

Ultimately, the Hashshit shirt went to Wet-Johnny for an excellent trail. Removing his shirt was a revelation. It looked like a huge chest merkin. Accordingly, a note for "Ryan Giggs"!

The birthday cake hat had been returned from Polyfella's run from Teignmouth rugby club. Pork Torpedo awarded this to U-Bend for huffing and puffing his way around the trail. "I was trying to catch you up!" wheezed U-Bend. A short ditty from Pork Torpedo's extensive repertoire ensued.

 

No more awards but two half pints of Edwin Tucker's prize winning beer to give away. Shitfaced dropped Smellie in it for being late and missing the circle. Smellie didn't want a down-down as she's got the Ofsted inspectorate at her college for the next four days.

 

"Please don't give me one", she pleaded. This made matters ten times worse and Pork Torpedo came up with something that ended, ".....so stop your whingeing and get back in the kitchen".

The final half went to Wetfart for ignoring the very large "OH" marks and embarking on an alleged shopping trip to Sainbury's. 

 

However, when he got there they'd sold out. This was because Cheerio-Beerio had got there first.

 

Is this what the hash has come to? An excuse to do your weekly shopping? I blame Smellie....she started it!

 

However, this wasn't quite the end of the evening. We weren't all present and correct. Someone was missing. It was Arkangel. 

 

Slip-on-Me wondered if he'd taken a tumble into the canal. A seriously concerned Wet-Johnny dragged Man-Pig into the car park to ID his Honda Jazz...still parked. Hence he was still out on trail.

 

Wet-Johnny dutifully started checking back towards the racecourse. Fortunately, within a few minutes the single torch of a lone hasher could be seen heading towards the "On-Down".

Just like a horse will always find water, a Hasher will always find a pub.....sometimes it's even the On-Down!

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from The Abbey Inn, Buckfastleigh with Pisswell Haring.

 

On-On to next week!