PRINCE OF ORANGE

Run #2050 Monday 18th November Circle up 7:15 pm from The Prince of Orange 157 Barton Hill Road, Torquay, TQ2 8HN with Smash, MisMash and Satnav.

No food in the pub but there's a fine chippy (Paul's Plaice) and Chinese takeaway (Wok's Cook-in) across the road at Barton shops.

 

 

TVH3 The Words for 9th November 2024

Highweek Inn, Newton Abbot

Run No. 2049 Remembrance Day Hash

 

HARES: Ablesemen & Poacher

 

Who wuz there: Ablesemen, Poacher, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Archangel, Beeflicker, Beefy, Pisswell, Pocket Rocket, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie Ernie, Ted, Coldtits, Satnav, Wetfart, Smash, Psycho, Warmfront, Big End, Well Hopped, Ned, Roger-the-Dodger, Wet-Johnny, Erection, Strap-On, Strap Dancer, Threesum, Base Camp, Cheerio Beerio, Triple Jump, Red Rum, Graham, Only Here for the Beer, Dog End, Popeye and family and virgin Stuart brought by Coldtits and returnees, Ollie and Triple Jump - welcome back.

 

Circle

Shitfaced welcomed the huge pack of 40 to the Highweek Inn, 37 of which I think were runners.

"What number run is it Man-Pig?".

Silence, as The Pig has yet to arrive.

There were quite a few announcements.

Beeflicker is in need of a Santa Claus and some elves for his charity's grotto. Volunteers, please see Beeflicker.

Beefy advises that the next Devon Lunatics Hash is this coming Friday; 7.30 from the Star at Liverton.

Both Psycho and Wetfart provide us with an update on Teapot. Essentially, slow progress but in the right direction. Teapot is hoping to join us at an On-Down in the near future. It will be good to see him again.

 

There is a message from Fukarewe apologising for his recent absences. He has a peculiar work commitment which commits him to remaining on ferries between Harwich and the Hook of Holland 24 hours a day for 5 days a week. He hopes that this particular assignment will be complete by Christmas.....just one last rat to catch. Perhaps a return to old technology might be the answer.......get a Ship's cat!

 

Eventually, it is over to the Hare.

 

Ablesemen welcomes all and clarifies that Haldon Hash have now abandoned the plan of setting their Hash from the Highweek Inn. They have now relocated to Kingsteignton. Hence no overlapping trails to confuse the easily confused. Poacher adds that he has no idea as to distance but there is livestock in most of the fields, so "Dogs on leads please".

 

"Livestock in fields? On a trail from Highweek? Where on earth are we going?"

 

Being Remembrance Day, Ablesemen asked if we would all join in a minute's silence to remember all those who have served their country and especially those who have made the ultimate sacrifice for our tomorrows. For the next 60 seconds we were lost in our own thoughts and the thankful reflection that, within our lifetimes, the world has been a relatively peaceful place. The 60 seconds conclude with a simple, "Thankyou", from Able.

 

We were getting chilly on a clear night so it was onto the first check at the edge of the car park.

 

Trail

We checked this way and that, eventually picking up the trail leading down Ringslade Road and then we ground to a halt.....somewhat perplexed. There was an undecipherable mark on the grass. It looked strangely like a fish hook but the Hares hadn't mentioned fish hooks in the Circle. Warmfront didn't even know what a fish hook was. Beneath the fish hook (if it was a fish hook) should have been a number. Instead we had a dodgy smattering of flour. We stayed there scratching our heads until Poacher arrived and deciphered the hieroglyphics.

 

"First 9 of you here, go back to the Hare". And so the hapless nine FRB's cantered back to Ablesemen who was someway back.

 

About turn and back down to the new roundabout on the Bovey Road. Head scratching metamorphosed into navel gazing as we encountered a check. The trail now took us up towards Forches Cross. The FRB's had missed an arrow crossing the road and Poacher had to call them back. 

 

The trail now took us down Greycoat Lane and the Walkers split at the T-junction near Twelve Oaks caravan and camp site. The Walkers headed right and towards the Old Exeter Road. For the Longs and the Shorts it was left, past Twelve Oaks Farm and onto Teigngrace and a back check.

 

At this point the Pig was, surprisingly, an FRB along with Beefy and Wet Johnny. But where were Beeflicker and the Topiary Twins? It didn't take long for Psycho and Warmfront to catch up. The back check now had us going down the gravel driveway that takes us to Locksbridge where road, canal and railway converge.

 

Across the railway line and, behold, the one and only Long/Short split. A very fast Pocket Rocket is first to take the Short. I wish I'd followed. For the Longs, Man-Pig, Beefy, Wet-Johnny, Pisswell, Warmfront, Psycho, Ernie, Ted, Big End and Well Hopped it was left and up the Templer Way on the banks of the Stover Canal. At Ventiford Bridge a single mark had us bear right and into fields.

 

We were now following the southern bank of the Teign downstream. Marks we few and far between but Beefy found the trail marked over a wooden footbridge where we ground to a halt. 

 

We were sure that the trail would have taken us east on the northern bank of the Teign. However, we were faced with a gate, no discernible footpath and a steep mound to our left that we didn't recognise. Big End checked over the gate but found nothing. Beefy checked upstream and found marks but these were clearly going to take us in the wrong direction. It appeared that we should have forded the river a little way upstream and approached the bridge from the other side. Indeed, looking at the OS map, I can now see that we were not on the bridge that we had thought we were on. That was another 600 yards downstream. We were on a bridge near Mortimer's farm and I'm not sure that I've ever been on this one before.

 

The trail was now a simple "follow the banks of the Teign" down to where it passes under the Old Exeter Road. This is a long old hike and the FRB's were beginning to get a bit stretched out. However, it was a clear night and it was nice to see the torchlight of the FRB's now some 400 yards ahead of the trailing Longs.

 

At the Old Exeter Road I was convinced that it would be up to the A382 and straight across and "On Home" up Whitehill Road. Pete Tong. I had merrily carried on over the bridge when a voice behind me called "On back". Some mistaka - Shirley? No it wasn't Shirley and it wasn't a mistake. The trail crossed the road and was now following the redundant railway line along the western bank of the Stover Canal. We were heading back towards Newton Abbot. A quick GPS check with Ernie revealed 4.75 miles so far. This was going to be a six miler and the pub kitchen wanted us back for scoff by 8.45 - no chance.

 

Sure enough, the marks took us up and onto the roundabout at the end of Jetty Marsh Road near Newton Abbot Hospital. Then it was up towards Coombeshead School roundabout and across the Bovey Road. An arrow had us bear right and the climb upto the public footpath that would take us up to Highweek Church. Here we caught up with Ablesemen and Strap Dancer, then Ollie, Roger-the-Dodger, Strap-On and Poacher, eventually catching up with Big End and Well Hopped just past the Church.

 

It was a good old canter. I was going to enjoy my well earned pint; 6.3 miles on our first crisp evening of the autumn.

 

Down-Downs

The RA commences by thanking the Hash for the beer.....or lager as it turned out.

 

What did we think of the trail? Very good. So good that the Hares may even get a Down-Down this evening. First, let's see who has remembered to bring an Award and who has any stories, authentic or otherwise.

 

Warmfront was amongst about half a dozen or so people who had the Jester's Hat on their head at some stage during last week's firework Hash. This she awards to Pisswell for unladylike language on trail.

"I'm going to catch that Wet Johnny. Hunt him down and rub his face in the mud". Oooooerrrrr, missus. The RA was trying to think of the name of the Greek Godess of Hunting. Beefy came to his assistance with Diana. Accordingly, a note for "Diana".

 

Shitfaced has the Horned Hat and has a story about a Hasher discussing first dates and what they might do to woo the heart of another. Now, buying one's new beau a plug doesn't immediately spring to mind. There then followed a rendition of the Two-Ronnies' hardware store sketch:

"Plugs. Do you have any plugs?"

"Yes. Rawlplugs. Solid or hollow core door?"

"No".

"Concrete or masonry?"

"No. No. No."

"Oh. Bath plugs! 1 1/2 inch or 1 3/4 inch?'

"No!"

"Aha. Plugs! Square pin or round pin?

Again, despondently, "No".

"13 amp or 5 amp?"

Exasperated, "BUTT PLUGS. BUTT PLUGS!!!"

Without a change of expression or tempo:

"Latex or rubber?"

A note for "The butt plug charmer".

 

No more awards but Poacher has a simple story. This is about a Hasher who has left the lights on in his car but insists he hasn't. The guilty party is Beeflicker but he can't drink because he is driving. It is suggested that Poacher nominate last week's hangover merchant, Psyco. Psycho is so nominated.

In a return to tradition, Ablesemen and Poacher as Hare and Co-Hare are awarded the last two drinks,: Poacher's to the accompaniment of "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from a new venue for Teign Valley. We are running from the Prince of Orange, 180 Barton Hill Road, Torquay TQ2 8HN. Our Hares are Smash and MissMash.

 

On-On to next week. MP

HIGHWEEK INN

 Run #2049 Monday 11th November 7:15 pm Circle up from the Highweek Inn, Highweek, Newton Abbot TQ12 1QA with Poacher and Able Semen. Land Ho! hash are also there but apparently there are separate trails.

 

"Forrest's Famous Fireworks & Roadkill Stew Hash"

 

TVH3 The Words for 4th November 2024

Tinkley Bottom

Run No. 2048

HARES: Forrest-Stump & Man-Pig

 

 

 

Who wuz there: Forrest-Stump, Man-Pig, Shitfaced, Beeflicker, Beefy, Pisswell, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Poacher, Ernie, Ted, Coldtits, Satnav, Ablesemen, Smash, Miss Mash, Psycho, Warmfront, Soapy, Melonpicker, Palmolive, Big End, Well Hopped, Ned, Roger-the-Dodger, Arkangel, Wet-Johnny, Wide Receiver, Threesum, Base Camp, Woodlend's friend (sorry - forgot your name), Only Here for the Beer, Judge-Mental, Dog End and returnees Flying Pig, Trucker and Pocket Rocket

 

Circle

"Welcome to the the Teign Valley Strip - a smoke free zone" (for the time being).

Shitfaced continued the welcome by welcoming back Pisswell who had just returned from a diplomatic mission to the White-House. Her goal? To secure permission to use the TVH3 stockpile of fireworks outside the borders of the Teign Valley. Joe Biden thanked Pisswell Putin for visiting and her reassurance that TVH3 had a special place for Kamala in the Teign Valley. In fact so good that she'd brought Kamala back with her!

 

Threesum notified the Hash that this year's Christmas Party would be held at Teignmouth Rugby Club on Saturday 7th December. The cost of £15/head would be subsidised by the Hash. Accordingly, those who pay an annual membership get the reduced price at £5/head and those who pay weekly subs would pay £10/head.

 

Piltdown Man promoted the upcoming TVH3 beer and curry night. This will take place in Newton Abbot on Friday 22 November and take in the Cider Bar, Weatherspoons and probably end up in the Eastern Eye.

 

Ablesemen reminded us that next week's Hash is from the Higweek Inn, Newton Abbot. Importantly, if you want food (baked potato & chilli con carne or ham, egg & chips - both at £8/head) she will need to know by Wednesday 6th November. Kindly advise your orders via the FB page.

Eventually it is over to the Hares.

 

Forrest has laid the Walkers' trail which is exactly 1 mile as we need to get everyone back quickly for the roadkill stew and fireworks.

 

Man-Pig has laid the Shorts' and the Long's trails which are "not long". The only thing to be aware of are back-checks, "Go back to the last mark and pick up the trail from there. The last part of the trail will be coming back on the outward trail. Do not go round again!"

 

Trail

Following the establishment of independent parliaments in both Wales and Scotland, the Teign Valley Strip is fighting for devolulion from the tyrannical machinations emanating from London as a result of last week's budget. 

 

To this end, the valley has created the TVH3 LDV. Our very Home Guard and tonight was to be our first training run in preparation for the BFT. Thirty four volunteers assembled to learn the arts of night time vision, orienteering and observation with a little bit of fitness thrown in for good measure.

But, before embarking on the nighttime operation, a quick inspection of the volunteers was required. This was taken by the QM, Sergeant Piltdown-Fraser. He reported back that he could not detect any North Koreans amongst the volunteers and that all of Corporal Forrest-Jones cats and dogs had been accounted for. Excellent.

 

The route march was fairly straight forward. The Walkers, under the command of Corporal Forrest-Jones would follow the river to the first bridge. Then, about-turn, and return via the woods. A simple case of following the dots.

 

Those who had already passed their basic assessment would be on a slightly longer and hillier route. They would be under the command of Captain Pig-Waring. Initially, the route ascended Farley Hill, avoiding any booby traps laid by the Pooks. At the Long/Short split, the Shorts would descend down past Ruggedon Farm and take the footpath that runs parallel with the goyle down, and then up, to El Dorado (Trusham). A couple of checks were laid to challenge their sense of direction but, all being well, they should be back well within the hour.

 

The Longs continued along Farley Hill. Their challenge was to recall what a back-check was and what to do when they reached it. Nearly all found the back-check a mere 300 yards past the Long/Short split. An about turn and back to the last mark which, unsurprisingly, was the Long/Short split. All the Longs arrived back at the L/S split before the Shorts and continued their FRB-ing all the way back to Platoon HQ at Tinkley Bottom. 

 

Back at the L/S split ,one of the group had used their initiative to assist the back markers by placing three logs strategically across the road so as to form an arrow. Not only did the improvisation mark the direction of the trail, it also blocked the road from any Pooks pursuing by quad bike. Good work. This had all the hallmarks of the Topiary twins at work. They will be mentioned in dispatches....and in the Circle.

 

Down-Downs

Back at HQ the first order of service was to get some scran down you. The recruits had brought their plates, KSF and, most importantly, money. In fact, Forrest's road kill stew was so popular that Forrest didn't get to have any himself....it was that good.

 

Captain Main-Pig assumed his RA'ing role. The first thing we did was to thank Corporal Forrest-Jones for the venue; then for the roadkill stew, the beer and, best of all, for the enormous bonfire. It must have taken ages to build.

 

Captain Man-Waring then asked if anyone had an award from last week.

 

"What? No-one?" The only award present was the one sat on the good Captain's head. It was the Jester's Hat and it wasn't even his own award. It was Wetfart's from last week. An initial candidate was Wide-Receiver. Wide Receiver didn't want to get the tires wet on his vintage MGB Roadster so he parked on the tarmac outside Corporal Stump's residence. 

 

However, Wide-Receiver was missing. Apparently he'd been RTU'd immediately after the trail......for pretending it was a race. Serves him right.

 

The Topiary Twins were then invited into the Circle.

"Which one of you was responsible for the road block?"

"Neither", respond the twins. "It was Sapper Poacher".

"Where's Sapper Poacher?".

"Over by the bonfire sir. Preparing the ordnance".

"Get him here PDQ".

Now, owing to the nature of the evening's activities, we have been loaned Sapper Poacher from 9 SQN due to his expertise in pyrotechnics.

 

Sapper Poacher arrives whinging about primed detonators in proximity to a large fire.....nothing to worry about there I'm sure. There is some scurrying around behind the Field Kitchen in search of a pint mug. We have three very large half pint measures of beer pre-poured but Sapper Poacher only drinks cider. We have the cider but no receptacle. It is soon sorted and the cider disappears to the accompaniment of "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

 

Eventually, a story is squeezed out of the pack. It involves Warmfront....again. I think she was a faller. Warmfront is driving and asks to nominate. Medic Godfrey-Psycho is nominated and is already a bit doddery on her feet. Another pint will finish her off. Corporal Stump-Jones saves the day by offering her a bed to lay.....erm....her head and the generous half pint disappears.

 

Private Shit-Sponge has a story.

 

"We have a retired Hasher in our midst from just across the water. In fact, a mere stone's throw away. Despite the distance, 40 yards as the crow flies, he has got a taxi here".

 

In fairness, the River Teign does lie as a natural protective border along one edge of our HQ. Nonetheless, if he'd been Jesus, he could have walked. So it is a note for, "Here's to Jesus he's so blue....." etc.

 

A backdated (in the mists of time) DD is awarded to Wet Johnny. His misdemeanour, being found naked at the side of the road.

 

When this story eventually unfolded, this event did actually take place. But not in this country and not this year. It was many years ago in Chile. Apparently, WJ had got blind drunk and was throwing up on the side of a road. Despite being blind drunk he had the presence of mind to make sure that he didn't mess himself if he followed through at both ends. His solution was to undress and carry on throwing up at the side of the road......delightful!

 

The final half pint has to go to our host, Corporal Forrest-Jones-Stump for, well, everything. Another fantastic firework Hash. Talking of which it is now time for Sapper Poacher to do his stuff.

 

The fireworks commence (no maroons this year). We have boxes where you light one corner and then wait for the pyrotechnics to go off in sequence. We have flares, roman candles, giant sparklers but I don't see any bangers, jumping jacks or Catherine wheels....I think they've been banned. The Catherine wheels always used to fall off their nails and then appeared to deliberately chase children around the garden. Then the finale - the rockets. Oh, the rockets. Big ones. Small ones. Whistlers, wailers and starbursts and then there were the Katoushkas!

 

Unbeknown to the TVH3 LDV, the valley's goal for independence was now a major concern for the new Labour Government. Could this be contagious, an explosion of devolution across the UK? At that very moment, a USAF AWACS was flying high above our heads. Their incredibly sophisticated thermal imaging had detected Poacer's missile launch site. Unfortunately, the AWACS was running some new Beta software. This identified the Standard Firework Whizzer's heat trail as the exhaust signature of a Katouska rocket. Additionally, its trajectory was towards Tel Aviv. Mossad intercepted and deciphered comms from the AWACS. Four F-15E's were scrambled from Hatzerim airbase to make a targeted precision strike on the Teign Valley; a round trip of 6,440 miles. Recently deployed KC-46A Pegasus were already in the air and provided the two refuellings required by each F-15E.

What a spectacular firework display.

 

When asked about the attack, Private Shit-Sponge (a retired opium farmer from the Teign Valley) said:

"We weren't expecting that! As long as the IDF don't hit any pubs, bars or licensed cafe's they can come again next year."

 

Another eye witness, Medic Psycho, said that she was so traumatised by the amount of beer she'd drunk that she missed the whole thing!

 

In the aftermath of the attack a source, who has asked not to be named, said:

"Death will come on swift win,gs to those who have defiled the Valley. Once we secure authorisation from the FO (Lieutenant Scroogesum) to expend Hash funds, we will be beetling down to Lidl for another box of fireworks". Although informed sources understand that authority to expend Hash Cash will only be granted after 5th November when the FO anticipates that they'll be on offer at half price.

Sir Kier Starmer addressed the House on Tuesday morning. He described the Teign Valley as a place of utter lawlessness.

 

"It is bandit country", he said. The prime minister went on to reiterate that Israel has the right to defend itself against the acts of November 4th.

 

A spokesman for the TVH3 LDV confirmed that one bonfire had been completely destroyed in the attack and that there had been a single casualty; one Guido Fawkes, a 454 year old catholic man from Westminster, London. Apparently he had been hiding on the top of the bonfire at the time of the attack.

Also missing was Private Coldtits who was last seen on Monday night, off trail, and heading in the direction of Chudleigh. In light of the attack, TVH3 LDV have advised that they will, in future, read the instructions on the side of the box before leaving it next to the bonfire!

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Highweek Inn, Newton Abbot. Ablesemen is Hare. I think that this is a joint Hash with Haldon. 

 

On-On to next week. MP

BONFIRE NIGHT IN TINKLEY BOTTOM

Run #2048 Monday 4th November 7:15 pm Circle up from Forrest's abode at Tinkley Bottom down in deepest Teign Valley for the Bonfire night extravaganza.Entertainment , food and ale aplenty, provided by thine host Forrest with the trail niceties left to the long-suffering Man-Pig.

IMPORTANT PLEASE NOTE

If you want food and beer, you must bring your own drinking vessel and eating implements Namely, beer mug, plate, knife, fork and a spoon for the gravy. Also, bring a firework or two if you have them. 

 

 

"Hallow'een Fancy Dress Run"

TVH3 The Words for 28th October 2024

The Brunswick Arms

 

Run No. 2047

 

HARES: Soapy, Melonpicker & Palmolive

 

Who wuz there: Soapy, Melonpicker, Palmolive, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Beeflicker, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Wetfart, U-Bend, Strap-On, Ernie, Corey, Slip-on-Me, Coldtits, Satnav, Ablesemen, Smash, Psycho, Warmfront, Polyfella, Red Rum, Roger the Dodger, Ned & Nice Tackle visiting from South Hams H3

 

Circle

I was going to name this run Four Weddings and a .....er no, "Two Run Badges and A Naming". However, this might have been a distraction from the fantastic Halloween costumes and make-up adorned by almost all present. It was unseasonably balmy and this had an impact on some Hashers' body temperature as the run progressed. In fact, some were visibly misting up!

 

We had the usual smattering of witches and ghouls, Mr Hydes, skeletons, mad axe murderers (American Psycho apparently), polytunnels, ladies of the night and Slash from Guns & Roses. Some of the faceprint was remarkable. I am amazed that the make-up doesn't start running as one builds up a sweat but the faceprint looked as good in the pub as it had done in the Circle. Well done.

 

There were a few announcements. First was about the run in a fortnight's time. This would be Ablesemen's run and it is from the Highweek Inn, Newton Abbot. Able announced that Haldon Hash would also be running from the same venue. I do not know if there are separate trails or would we be sharing a common trail? I guess that we'll find out in a fortnight.

 

Man-Pig had received a telephone call from Forrest Stump regarding next week's bonfire Hash. Yes. It is going ahead and Forrest has already constructed a huge bonfire. Forrest will be providing roadkill stew and beer. However, Hashers are requested to bring along their own drinking vessel, KFS (knives, forks, spoons) and a plate each....if you want to eat and imbibe. Additionally, please bring along a firework or two.

 

Man-Pig also advised that he had spoken to Broken Man during the week. He is now contactable on Fallen Woman's mobile number. He has sold his large camper van and got a smaller one. He spent much of the summer travelling around France and Spain which he enjoyed very much. He is back in Brixham now. 

 

This week, being half term, he has his daughters and their families visiting him so he is going to be a busy grandpa. Nevertheless, he is planning on making a return to the Hash and I am sure that he'd be delighted to hear from any Hashers in the meantime.

 

So, what do the Hares have in store for us this evening?

 

Soapy briefs us that there is a single trail. No separate Long, Short or Walkers' trails per se. One trail but with 4 Long/Short splits. Walkers should do all the Shorts which will result in a distance of circa 2 miles. The last of the Longs is the Longest loop. Those embarking all 4 Longs will end up covering circa 4 miles. Mix and match your Long/Short splits to your preferred distance.

The pub is doing chips or cheesy chips and you can order after the run.

Soapy points to the western end of the car park; "On is that way".

 

TRAIL

We ran upstream and to the first Long/Short split. The Longs ran across a small footbridge over the river for a circular loop around Dawlish Water only to arrive back on the same footbridge....crafty. Soapy and Palmolive then had us back on the Short and on another loop around the edge of a park that took us onto Church Street and the second Long/Short split. 

 

The Longs proceeded north along Church Street and then left along Weech Road and a back check. We soon found a near concealed alleyway that took us to Vicarage Gardens and Stonelands Park Roads. Once again Soapy and Palmolive were ahead of us and directed back down the public footpath off Aller Hill and back to the second Long/Short split outside the church....again.

 

The Longs are reunited with the Shorts as we climb up Oak Hill and then divert into and out of a footpath that runs parallel with the road. A check, or is it the third Long/Short, split has us descending down John Nash Drive before entering Oaklands Wood. This seems familiar. Were we anywhere near the Smugglers Inn? If so, this used to be well trodden TVH3 territory but many, many moons ago.

 

Melonpicker keeps calling "On-On", guiding us to the sweetie stop or, for some, the sweaty stop.

 

Psycho has misted up and is flapping around big time in an attempt to create a draft to dispel some of the accumulated condensation. I don't recall American Psycho having this problem. Everyone else tucked into chewy eyeballs and chocolate pumpkins....very topical/tropical.

 

We were soon at the final, and longest, of the Long/Short splits. I traipsed behind Ernie and Corey as we followed a footpath along the southern edge of Oaklands Wood up to Oak Hill Cross Road. The trail stayed within the field and looped back to Soapy and Palmolive who pointed us down footpath onto Bunting Way. The FRB's overshot another alleyway that took us onto the Teignmouth Road before we ended up heading up John Nash Drive then right and into Nash Gardens before following a footpath running parallel with Teignmouth Road.

 

Across the road and we were on very recent and familiar territory; at least for those on the TVH3 40th anniversary weekend. The marks took us down the cliff footpath, past the bandstand and down towards Marine Parade before crossing ver the railway line and down to the underpass at the railway station. At this point Polyfella was leading the Longs. 

 

The Pig was cheating and remained on Marine Parade waving at Polyfella who was now on the other side of the tracks. Meanwhile, the Topiary Twins were catching up fast. Pysycho could be mistaken for a steam train the amount of water vapour that was escaping from her fancy dress.

Just before the pub we came across the OH sign. Shortly thereafter we encountered the Walkers and the Shorts who had already got changed and were heading beer wards.

 

A good old fashioned Hash. Not a lot to separate the Longs, Shorts and Walkers time wise. I'd say that was the sign of a well laid trail!

 

Down-Downs

What did we think of the trail? Excellent. Very old school keeping the pack together with twists and turns. A good mixture of town and country with some lovely night-time views of the Dawlish seafront on the descent down to Marine Drive. Well done Hares.

 

So, who has an award from previous weeks? There is only one. It is the Jester's hat and it currently resides with Horny....but not for long. Horny has two stories. The first is about on Harriet who has been cultivating mushrooms in her hot house whilst on trail. This refers to Psycho who does not wish to get blood all over her new business suit:

"Saville Row ma'am?"

"No. Jimmy Saville"

 

In order to avoid the inevitable blood stains and accompanying dry cleaning bill as a result of her axe murdering rampage she has decided to protect herself by wrapping herself in transparent polythene. Clever eh? Perhaps not so clever when you're a fast FRB. As the trail progressed so did the build up of condensation. At the sweetie stop Pyscho was trying hard to introduce some air vents into her polytunnel....without success. Never mind. At least you will have had some fresh mushrooms for this morning's breakfast.

 

Despite Psycho's faux pas she did not get a Down-Down. Instead we have a short sighted Hasher. Barton Lane car park is huge and relatively empty. Some parts of the car park are well lit, other parts not. This particular Hasher parks in the best lit part of the car park. These are the spaces for the only two charging points for electric cars. Does he have an electric car? No. But he does have a conscience and elects for a half pint of water accompanied by, "The grand old Duke of York....." didn't you Wetfart?

 

Warmfront, she of the matching Man-Pig skeleton (definitely go faster) suit is summoned forth for what I think was asking if there was parking outside the pub. This was after she'd parked up in Barton Lane car park which is 100m from the pub!

 

There is a Run Badge to award. It is 400 runs. Piltdown Man has insider knowledge and correctly "guesses" Satnav. We have the Songmeister with us and I think Satanav gets "Twenty toes".

 

Amazingly, there are no more stories but there is an item of lost property, a witches' hat. But which witch is which? In a Cinderellaesque piece of detective work the RA goes around the room searching out a head to match the hat from the dozen or so witches gathered. Eventually a perfect fit. It is the Hare - Soapy. She selects a beer and the Songmeister pipes up with the Aladdin's Lamp song.

 

As there were no more stories, the GM produces another run milestone badge. This time it is a 100 run badge. Initial guesses fall upon Roger the Dodger. No. Not him. It is, in fact, Ernie. Ernie elects for a glass of water and is treated to part two of the Aladding song. Something about paint brushes and the Sultan's favourite camel.

 

A naming. A naming. Ernie's grandson, Corey, has yet to be named. Suggestions are few but those that are suggested all centre around Benny Hill's single, "Ernie", and he drove that fastest milk cart in the West. We get suggestions of: Ten Ton Ted from Teckington, simply TED and Triple T. We settle on "Ten Ton Ted".

 

Corey kneels before the RA who anoints him in the name of the Great Hash God. Then, lo and behold, a real miracle. In the blink of the eye Ten Ton Ted's beer has changed into water.....an anti-miracle. The Songmeister comes up with, "Old McDonald had tourets..."

 

With so many drivers wanting a glass of water there is a half of cider looking for an owner. This is a bit like last week when there was a pair of socks and a tracksuit bottom left at the Cockhaven Arms which were also looking for their owner, weren't they Coldtit's?

 

Coldtits dispatches the last Down-Down and it is "On" to next week.

 

A great fancy dress turnout. Thankyou.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Forrest Stump residence, Tinkley Bottom in the Teign Valley. This is IMPORTANT. If you want food and beer you must bring your own drinking vessel and eating implements Namely, beer mug, plate, knife, fork and a spoon for the gravy. Also, bring a firework or two if you have them.

 

On-On to next week. MP