Run #1782 Mon 18th Feb. The Keyberry Arms Newton Abbot with Wig Wam Wiggle
Hello, night owl SM Ellie from the nocturnal Bat - you that are always the first to read.
Ah, the good old Keyberry, yes, we old timers remember it well. Playfully chucking Poacher's king caulis at each other, Flip Flop (talented Pillock he) pouring beer over Bluebird's anti DD suit - yes, the Good Old Hashes of Yore indeedy, but distract me not from my purpose of casting illumination on the forthcoming chaotic content Cyril..
Quickie observation notes: Return of Archangel (moved house); Mouldy Dick (finally let out to play); Piddler (just out of traction recovering from an 11 mile hash); U Bend and Slobbadog. No Raf (football injury); Roxanne (ill); WJ (Washington); Poacher (broke down en routey). Parkies mob handed with Shitfaced, T Humper & Spud, Slobbadog and Cums Too Late; scouting force of Ipplepenners - Manopause and Erection and gaily attired girls section of Rise 'n Shine, Tear Arse and Mateus Rose. The TBGS speedsters, Hugo and Ben present virgin Will to the circle and baptism by flour. Roll called at forty three.
Winfield sadly related the passing of one of our past warriors Tooth Prick or Howard the dentist. One by one we fall but are fondly remembered, fellow hashers and dear friends all.
Birthday boy Wiggsy announced a 2 L/S splits trail + SS and a hinted promise (or veiled threat depending on your courage mes braves) of some shiggy and he Shirley wasn't smiling..
The hare then abruptly and unexpectantly retired inside the Keyberry to confer with the management about the hash grub and left the pack to fend for themselves without so much as an ON ON. Like lost sheep they cavorted in the pale moonlight before order was restored with a cry: 'ON ON is that way!' 'Who says?' retorted a Doubting Thomas. 'I says!' quoth the Bat, who sometimes, if rarely, had an idea or three.
Fukarwi and Manpig, thus resummoned, tore back down the road - to be passed by U Bend and the Bat going the other way, sigh.
It was a classic case of 'Head 'em off at the pass Percy' as the devious duo (U Bend: 'I got into bad company') suddenly appeared as if by Bat Magic in front of the flying Grammar Boys HA and DOUBLE HA!
Their leader Ben, swept past, but failing to spot the first L/S split had to be recalled by the Wily Bat. It was interesting to see the super FRBs in action at close quarters and back and forth they surged at various checks, seeking the trail, interspersed by much shouting at each other. 'You fool, it wasn't down there, I'm not ruddy following you again!' and various other words of gentle encouragement.
Thus continued the merriment until, plunging down a path, there appeared the Ice Cream lady** dispensing chocolate caramels in the foyer with the stern commissionaire Piltdown overseeing the operation Ollie.
If the Bat was wily, then the Wig Wam Wiggle was the God of Sly and there was devilment in his trail design out there that night oh Dearly Soon to be Frustrated...
Through the meandering and idle chatting shorts did the FRBs weave until the trail inexplicably petered out and hashers, both longs and shorts scattered in search of clues that were not easy to find Fukarwi.. 'Clueless in the Country Park' to be released later this month.
Several minutes later, the ON ON was called and the fast boys were not seen - ever again.. Indeedy, nary a long was bat sighted from then onwards.
Legend has it that splinter groups made the Wolborough church and thence into the savage slurry hash killing fields of terror. Ben, now soloing (again) heard a very rude word shouted from said slurry - Sugar Puff had lost a shoe and was reduced to diving into the diarrhoeal depths to retrieve his footwear.. oh woeful night, how canst you treat me so?
Now we haven't had a song for some time and I know you love a ditty, so singalong with me if you please oh Dearly Beslurried:
Hashers and harriets and bats better scurry
When Wigwam takes you out in the slurry
When Wigwam takes you out in the slurry with the flour on top!*** OLE!
Meanwhile, back in the woods, a mournful cry didst manifest itself from the depths of Decoy's Black Lagoon. The emanation came from the abomination that was the Lesser Blue Bat. Caught in a film set of Groundhog Day, the Bat was embarking upon his third lap of the same long split and was, as ever, delirious and babbling insanely 'It can't be true, oh déjà vu.' Bobby and Dozy Parrot heard the Bat screech and paused in their dithering meander. A few moments later and the Bat, hanging onto the bank for dear life, emerged, Bat Hat askew and muddified beside the not surprised Bobby and Dozy Parrot. Gently did they lead him back across the playing fields and the safe haven of the pub.
The inevitable Stewards Enquiry klaxon was sounded soon after shell-shocked survivors returned to their chariots Charlene. They all had a sorrowful tale to relate and not one hasher could confidently state that they had completed the long splits on offer. The final scoreline read: Hare 42 Hashers 0 and oh Dearly Demented, the living Leg End that is Wig Wam Wiggle had Shirley committed an unprecedented Birthday Hash outrage that would be whispered in the Hash Halls of Infamy for years to come...****
Inside the jazzed up Keyberry and the only game in town was the Tribute (at a reasonable £3.50 a gogo) as previous residents had drunk the Doom Bar dry over the weekend. The management of Dave and Linda had also put on a hash menu of good ol' bangers and chips at 3 1/2 sovs a throw. Hashers comfified themselves in the back room snug and awaiting the entertainment, busied themselves filling out the Awards forms.
The 'entertainment' resulted in the following as awarded by RA Mouldy:
The "AWARDS",on our 1782nd Trail from The Keyberry Arms Newton Abbot. with Hare Wigwam, who was celebrating his Birthday, was one that some will never forget......
...like SUGAR PUFF (Horsey Horseface Hat) who had his shoe sucked off in that mud!
BEN (Bat Hat) - yet to be named who didn't kick the checks out for those in his slipstream.(or to stay ahead?)
MOULDY DICK (ceremonial Bat Hat) who signed his E-valentine "From your Wife"
Man O'Pause who claimed his 50 Runs badge at last!
WIGWAM a Birthday DD from those who are washing their clothes etc today!
What can I say oh Wiggers m'dear.. A good time was had by all and a true baptism of mud and tears for the novices. How I wished I could have made the Slurry Killing Fields once more - how I envied those that did. Happy Birthday and many more old buddy.
*Yes, a horse named Wig Wam Wiggle ran Monday afternoon in the 2:30 at Carlisle and finished third but made me a wallet pleasing £106.
**Wigwam you fools
***From the original 'The Surrey with a Fringe on Top'
****Did you like that? No? Well please...
ON ON to next week and The Tally Ho at Littlehempston, Totnes (Coldtitz & Bobbiball)
Hello, night owl SM Ellie from the nocturnal Bat - you that are always the first to read.
Ah, the good old Keyberry, yes, we old timers remember it well. Playfully chucking Poacher's king caulis at each other, Flip Flop (talented Pillock he) pouring beer over Bluebird's anti DD suit - yes, the Good Old Hashes of Yore indeedy, but distract me not from my purpose of casting illumination on the forthcoming chaotic content Cyril..
Quickie observation notes: Return of Archangel (moved house); Mouldy Dick (finally let out to play); Piddler (just out of traction recovering from an 11 mile hash); U Bend and Slobbadog. No Raf (football injury); Roxanne (ill); WJ (Washington); Poacher (broke down en routey). Parkies mob handed with Shitfaced, T Humper & Spud, Slobbadog and Cums Too Late; scouting force of Ipplepenners - Manopause and Erection and gaily attired girls section of Rise 'n Shine, Tear Arse and Mateus Rose. The TBGS speedsters, Hugo and Ben present virgin Will to the circle and baptism by flour. Roll called at forty three.
Winfield sadly related the passing of one of our past warriors Tooth Prick or Howard the dentist. One by one we fall but are fondly remembered, fellow hashers and dear friends all.
Birthday boy Wiggsy announced a 2 L/S splits trail + SS and a hinted promise (or veiled threat depending on your courage mes braves) of some shiggy and he Shirley wasn't smiling..
The hare then abruptly and unexpectantly retired inside the Keyberry to confer with the management about the hash grub and left the pack to fend for themselves without so much as an ON ON. Like lost sheep they cavorted in the pale moonlight before order was restored with a cry: 'ON ON is that way!' 'Who says?' retorted a Doubting Thomas. 'I says!' quoth the Bat, who sometimes, if rarely, had an idea or three.
Fukarwi and Manpig, thus resummoned, tore back down the road - to be passed by U Bend and the Bat going the other way, sigh.
It was a classic case of 'Head 'em off at the pass Percy' as the devious duo (U Bend: 'I got into bad company') suddenly appeared as if by Bat Magic in front of the flying Grammar Boys HA and DOUBLE HA!
Their leader Ben, swept past, but failing to spot the first L/S split had to be recalled by the Wily Bat. It was interesting to see the super FRBs in action at close quarters and back and forth they surged at various checks, seeking the trail, interspersed by much shouting at each other. 'You fool, it wasn't down there, I'm not ruddy following you again!' and various other words of gentle encouragement.
Thus continued the merriment until, plunging down a path, there appeared the Ice Cream lady** dispensing chocolate caramels in the foyer with the stern commissionaire Piltdown overseeing the operation Ollie.
If the Bat was wily, then the Wig Wam Wiggle was the God of Sly and there was devilment in his trail design out there that night oh Dearly Soon to be Frustrated...
Through the meandering and idle chatting shorts did the FRBs weave until the trail inexplicably petered out and hashers, both longs and shorts scattered in search of clues that were not easy to find Fukarwi.. 'Clueless in the Country Park' to be released later this month.
Several minutes later, the ON ON was called and the fast boys were not seen - ever again.. Indeedy, nary a long was bat sighted from then onwards.
Legend has it that splinter groups made the Wolborough church and thence into the savage slurry hash killing fields of terror. Ben, now soloing (again) heard a very rude word shouted from said slurry - Sugar Puff had lost a shoe and was reduced to diving into the diarrhoeal depths to retrieve his footwear.. oh woeful night, how canst you treat me so?
Now we haven't had a song for some time and I know you love a ditty, so singalong with me if you please oh Dearly Beslurried:
Hashers and harriets and bats better scurry
When Wigwam takes you out in the slurry
When Wigwam takes you out in the slurry with the flour on top!*** OLE!
Meanwhile, back in the woods, a mournful cry didst manifest itself from the depths of Decoy's Black Lagoon. The emanation came from the abomination that was the Lesser Blue Bat. Caught in a film set of Groundhog Day, the Bat was embarking upon his third lap of the same long split and was, as ever, delirious and babbling insanely 'It can't be true, oh déjà vu.' Bobby and Dozy Parrot heard the Bat screech and paused in their dithering meander. A few moments later and the Bat, hanging onto the bank for dear life, emerged, Bat Hat askew and muddified beside the not surprised Bobby and Dozy Parrot. Gently did they lead him back across the playing fields and the safe haven of the pub.
The inevitable Stewards Enquiry klaxon was sounded soon after shell-shocked survivors returned to their chariots Charlene. They all had a sorrowful tale to relate and not one hasher could confidently state that they had completed the long splits on offer. The final scoreline read: Hare 42 Hashers 0 and oh Dearly Demented, the living Leg End that is Wig Wam Wiggle had Shirley committed an unprecedented Birthday Hash outrage that would be whispered in the Hash Halls of Infamy for years to come...****
Inside the jazzed up Keyberry and the only game in town was the Tribute (at a reasonable £3.50 a gogo) as previous residents had drunk the Doom Bar dry over the weekend. The management of Dave and Linda had also put on a hash menu of good ol' bangers and chips at 3 1/2 sovs a throw. Hashers comfified themselves in the back room snug and awaiting the entertainment, busied themselves filling out the Awards forms.
The 'entertainment' resulted in the following as awarded by RA Mouldy:
The "AWARDS",on our 1782nd Trail from The Keyberry Arms Newton Abbot. with Hare Wigwam, who was celebrating his Birthday, was one that some will never forget......
...like SUGAR PUFF (Horsey Horseface Hat) who had his shoe sucked off in that mud!
BEN (Bat Hat) - yet to be named who didn't kick the checks out for those in his slipstream.(or to stay ahead?)
MOULDY DICK (ceremonial Bat Hat) who signed his E-valentine "From your Wife"
Man O'Pause who claimed his 50 Runs badge at last!
WIGWAM a Birthday DD from those who are washing their clothes etc today!
What can I say oh Wiggers m'dear.. A good time was had by all and a true baptism of mud and tears for the novices. How I wished I could have made the Slurry Killing Fields once more - how I envied those that did. Happy Birthday and many more old buddy.
*Yes, a horse named Wig Wam Wiggle ran Monday afternoon in the 2:30 at Carlisle and finished third but made me a wallet pleasing £106.
**Wigwam you fools
***From the original 'The Surrey with a Fringe on Top'
****Did you like that? No? Well please...
ON ON to next week and The Tally Ho at Littlehempston, Totnes (Coldtitz & Bobbiball)
