Run #1903 Monday 7th February from the Lord Nelson, Kingskerswell
HARES: Cheerio-Beerio, Little Eva, Zoot & Hotlips
Who
wuz there: Cheerio-Beerio, Hotlips, Zoot, Shitfaced, Forrest-Stump,
Teapot, Pollyfella, Bluebird, Beefy, Pisswell (late but earlier than
last week), Threesum, Martin, Piltdown-Man, Georgie-Porgy, Smellie,
Broadshit, Coldtits, Wetfart, Man-Pig, Archangel, Only Here for the
Beer, Rambo, Able Semen, Tamsin, Strap-On, Well Hopped, Big End &
Ned, Wet Johnny, Manopause and Erection.
Through a gloomy gorge she struggled, valley of the shade of death..
The rutted and tortuous ascent began to take its dreadful toll and she struggled to catch her breath.
And then - her head torch failed and she was overtaken by an all-consuming darkness...
It was indeed going to be A Night to Remember (1958) for the 'disabled' Able.
THE CIRCLE
It
was back to Kingskerswell, the adopted home of Teign Valley Hash, for
Cheerio-Beerio's virgin lay. As usual, Shitfaced welcomed all to the
hash and put in a plug for the Dartmoor Distillery visit. This is
scheduled for the afternoon of 26th February.
With
no announcements, virgins or returnees, it was straight over to our
virgin hare for the evening, Cheerio-Beerio. Before describing the
trail, Cheerio wanted to know how many people would be wanting sausage
and chips in the pub afterwards. Cheerio counted seven raised hands and
then queried, "Is that correct?", to which Only Here for the Beer
innocently replied, "I don't know. I wasn't counting". Great merriment
all round. With seven confirmed sausage noshers Cheerio gave us the
barest, but nevertheless accurate, description of the trail: "Walkers
two and a half. Shorts three and a half. Longs five and a half. Three
dots and On". And On it was.
THE TRAIL
The
Hash continued to make a major contribution to major flour shortages
in the Torbay area as an enormous arrow directed us left and up Fluder
Hill. Just past the junction between Fluder Hill and Southey Lane an
arrow, partially concealed by roadworks, took us left and down the
narrow lane and through Daccombe Mill.
Bluebird
had stolen an early lead followed by a struggling Man-Pig (with a
working torch this week). It wasn't long before Beefy overtook with the
three of us arriving at a crossroads and the first check by Aller Brook
House. The trail led straight across and into the footpath that runs
along the edge of Aller Brook. At the end of the footpath another large
arrow. Left and uphill towards Coffinswell.
At
the first junction another check. Beefy made a beeline for Coffinswell.
Man-Pig opted for the obscure little lane to the left. Bluebird, as a
true hash professional, stood on the check waiting for someone to call.
Three dots in rapid succession and a call from the Pig. Left it is,
but only for 100 yards before a junction and an arrow pointing right
towards Coffinswell Church. At the bottom of the hill, some 250 yards
distant, the Walkers/Long split.
The
Walkers went left and up and over the footpath known as Coffinswell
Lane. Coffinswell Lane starts as a fairly wide and steep footpath but
narrows considerably at its zenith. It is also the route of a cast iron
water main which occasionally breaks the surface. In places it is quite
deeply rutted and unstable under foot. However, it is a footpath well
worn by the hash over a number of years.
Despite
being dry, on this particular evening, many of the Walkers found it
more akin to an ankle breaking torture rather than an evening's jolly
jaunt in the countryside. When tarmac was eventually encountered,
outside Kingskerswell Primary School, it was a simple walk down to the
Sloop and a left along Kerswell Road and back to the Lord Nelson.
Suffering Walkers included Wetfart, Able Semen, Rambo and Shitfaced. No
whining from Only here for the Beer. Heeding last week's mantra that
Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance, Only Here for the Beer
had adorned ankle high hiking boots for the evening....a good choice
sir!
Back
on trail, the Longs and the Shorts contained back into the centre of
Coffinswell, passing the Church and Only Here for the Beer's former two
residences. Outside the Linney, another arrow directed us left and
through one of Devon's prettiest villages (well, in the daylight it
is!). After 250 yards a check. Man-Pig checked uphill but after only 25
feet encountered the three dots. Back to the check to kick it out.
Beefy, Pollyfella and the Bird were just arriving at the check and all
four of us ran up the hill past a house on the right hand side called
"Tickenham". I always remember this name because it sounds like
Twickenham. Talking of which, did anyone see the rugby at the weekend?
Almost
inevitably, the trail took us onto Milber Lane, behind Aller quarry,
and past Haccombe Farm House and the Paraprick residence. Just outside
his residence, we encountered the Long/Short split. The Shorts went
left and down Yew Tree Hill to Romany Jones. Then it was left and a
straight run back to the pub along the main road through Kingskerswell.
The
Longs continued along Milber Lane, behind Aller, almost to its end.
Beefy was in pole position and pulling away. Man-Pig, Lewis
Hamiltonesque, in second position but torchlight not far behind. This
was a partially recovered Polyfella. No sign of Bluebird. This was not
surprising as he'd gone on the Short's trail.
At
the end of Milber Lane, yet another arrow. This directing us into
first, Ben Stedman Wood and then the Penn Inn Plantation. The marks were
good. Very good. No chance of getting lost on this hash. I had lost
sight of Beefy. He must have pulled away. But I could hear someone
behind me and they were catching up fast. I was pushing myself hard. Who
on earth could this be? Was it Wet-Johnny? I hadn't seen him at the
Circle. Tamsin perhaps? She is quite quick. Whoever it was, they had a
jolly bright torch. Curiosity got the better of me. I pulled over to let
the athlete overtake. It was Beefy. "I thought you were in front of
me?". "I was", came the reply, "But I stopped for a pee". Hash slash it
was then.
A
few yards later and we came to the end of the woods just north of the
Penn Inn roundabout. With no-one else in sight, it was a left turn and
into the Milber Housing estate. It wasn't long before we picked up the
dots as we ran back towards Kingskerswell, parallel with the new
Kingskweswell bypass. Beefy continued to pull out a lead as we
progressed towards the On-Down. Along a straight patch of road I looked
behind me too see if there was anyone else on the longs. Maybe 300
yards away I could see a lone Hasher. This was Pollyfella. A pretty
good effort as he's just returned from injury.
Outside
Romany Jones the Longs' trail rejoined the Shorts' trail. By the time I
reached the Sloop I had caught up with the co-hares for the evening,
Zoot and Hotlips. "On-On", "On-On' is the traditional Hash response as I
staggered past en route to a quick shower before the Down-Downs.
Thankyou
Hares. I thought that it was a jolly good effort by Cheeri-Beerio on
her virgin lay. The three closely spaced dots certainly made for a fast
run. Back at the pub by 8.13 so plenty of time for a s**t, shower and
s**g before heading back to the On-Down (only one of those three is
true).
NELLIE DOWNDOWNS
Commenced
as usual by thanking the pub for the beer, but we may have been a tad
premature with the applause. With three awards from last week and two
big badges on the agenda, the RA Forrest was faced with a Five Fishes
and Two Loaves dilemma. You'll see what I mean later Oh Dearly
Short-Changed..
HEINOUS PAVEMENT PARKING
First
to be summoned to the oche was Wetfart for alleged pavement parking.
The usual 'treat' of Wetfart stripping off for the event was cancelled
and a cheer went up. A note for the Pavement Parker, he's so blue!
SHIRT MISTAKA
Archangel,
accompanied by the bewhiskered cum pampas grass chewing Homing Horse
Head hat called into question Man-Pig's Burn's Night dress code -
wearing a New Zealand shirt. A note for Scotland the Brave please.
ROAD TRIP RECIPES
Pollyfella
was honest to admit that he had gone to the Park Inn (we did wonder why
he was seen running on the main road prior to the circle) but never
mind and the Jester's Hat was destined for ThreeSum for entertaining
online with various road trip recipes. A note for gluttony please..
RUN OUT OF BEERIO?
Only
two awards as we had run out of beer. It seems that there were only
three halves supplied but times being as they are, understandable - but
perhaps we should have bought two more halves as is usual when this
happens?
Fortunately,
no beer was needed for our successful virgin hare Cheerio Beerio - the
name gave the clue and she downed a water before the Big Badge
awardees took centre stage. And when I say BIG I mean VERY BIG BADGES.
Able survived the walkers hill of woe to take possession of her 900 run badge in a fetching yellow - the badge you fools, not Able!
Fellow hill of woe survivor Rambo swept to joint first place in the Teign Valley Hash Hall of Fame with a stupendous 1400 run badge, joining dear Doris.
We bow to your achievement Rambo - awesome, just plain awesome.
POSTSCRIPT
Didn't
she do well! Yes, three cheers for Cheerio Beerio's virgin lay. I had
good reason to applaud as the L/S split came not a moment too soon.
Pollyfella sensed I was struggling and paused to make sure all was well
as I saluted and gratefully free-wheeled down to Zigzag quarry and the
haven of the main road run in.
Cheerio may have half thought that I was half serious (me?) when I teased about the Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
that the walkers encountered on their two mile odyssey but it
certainly tasked those that undertook the trail and well done those that
did! I don't think I would have relished descending that lane with no
head torch!
I
cannot recall - possibly as it has never happened on a hash before - an
award not being given owing to no available beer and let's hope that a
further shrinkage of the downdown (the pint downdown a fading memory -
when hashers were hashers) is on the cards. Mind you, they do a third
of a pint beer glass!
And
high sweltering summer Shirley arrived early inside the Nelson with
that fierce log burner. All we needed was a ladle of water to have a
group sauna!
ON ON to
next week and the Palk Arms, Hennock. Hares are Soapy and Melonpicker
for the St Valentine's Day hash (for those of us who are allowed out). WEAR SOMETHING PINK!
It's goodbye from Man-Pig and goodbye from me. ON ON!
