TVH3 The Words for 18th April 2022 Run No. 1913

The Passage house Inn, Kingsteignton

"Wot - No Checks?" by Man-Pig

 

HARE: Screwed and Bella

 

Who wuz there: Screwed, Bella, Shitfaced, U-Bend, Man-Pig, Pollyfella, Only Here for the Beer, Piltdown Man, Georgy-Porgy, Smellie, Teapot, Rambo, Fallen Woman, Broken Man, Coldtits, Piddler, Able Semen, Cheerio Beerio, Forrest Stump, Jonathan (virgin).

 

The Circle

As is frequently the case on Bank Holiday Mondays, numbers were a little down when compared against the usual turnout. This evening we had 19 hashers including a virgin brought along courtesy of the Hare. Shitfaced was back from a three week absence (must have been some 40th!) and welcomed all into the circle. Shitfaced gave an announcement regarding the following weekend's beer festival at Tucker's Maltings. Historically a group from the Hash has attended the beer festival on the Friday night. Shitfaced was planning on getting there around 3pm. 

 

However, details of what time the Hash should aim to get there will be posted on the Hash Facebook page. So, watch this space!

 

Then it was over to introduce the virgin - Jonathan.

Q. "Who made you cum?"

A. "Cath....errr, I mean Screwed"

and, with that, Jonathan was duly anointed with flour by Teapot.

Able Semen then stepped forward to remind all about the Friday 13th May hash weekend in Exeter. It is a pay-as-you-go affair. Just turn up and follow the marks. See Able in the pub for more details. From memory I think it is kicking off at 7.30pm from the Mill-on-the-Exe.

 

Screwed then came forward with details of tonight's trail. "There is a Walkers', a Shorts' and a Long's trail. Longs 6. Shorts 3. Walkers 2. The Longs' will join up with the Shorts' at St Michael's church. There are no checks. I couldn't be arsed". Absolutely clear instructions but, inevitably, they still befuddled poor old Piddler. 

 

"There is only one Long/Short split" seemed to clear the confusion i.e. don't do the Longs' or you're committed to an additional 3 mile loop.

 

The Trail

No checks. This was going to be novel. Well, not quite. Three years ago Fukarewe set a trail with no checks in Broadhempston but failed to tell anyone at the start. Screwed asked me to look after virgin Jonathan who would be doing the Longs'. Now Jonathan is young, athletic and carrying a backpack for extra weight. I rather feared that this was going to be a fast run, especially without any checks!

 

The trail took us onto the banks of the Teign estuary running back towards Kingsteignton through Hackney Marshes. When we arrived at the new cycle path, that links Newton Abbot to Kingteignton via the back of the racecourse, we came to the only Long/Short split. Most of pack went right on the Shorts' towards Kingsteignton. Jonathan and the Pig went left towards Newton Abbot. But who was that in front of us? Was it a Hasher? Whoever it was, he was motoring as we never caught him up. 

 

Only when we arrived at the sweetie stop did the penny drop. Our FRB was Polyfella who had obviously fully recovered from injury. Crikey, he was quick. No doubt on a mission to burn off all those extra calories consumed during high tea at the Ivy over the weekend.

 

The trail took us over the new cyclists/pedestrian footbridge at the northwest corner of the Brunel Industrial estate before following the lower parts of the River Lemon back towards Tuckers Maltings. Just before the Maltings the marks took us over an elderly cast iron footbridge and onto the tow path on the western side of the lower reaches of the Stover canal. We followed the tow path upto Jetty Marsh Road where we crossed and continued to follow the trail up the western side of the Stover canal upto Teign Bridges and Gallows Cross. 

 

The marks were excellent; frequent and closely spaced. I have never been on a trail that has been so well marked. However suspicion set in when, just before, Teign Bridges, we encountered runners coming in the other direction. I knew that Haldon hash were running from Twelve Twenty in Newton Abbot this evening. Was it possible that we had got on their trail by mistake and were running in the wrong direction? I didn't recognise any of the oncoming runners and they were motoring. I consigned myself to believe that they were probably Teignbridge Trotters.....too quick for hashers.

 

Sure enough, when we hit the old Exeter Road we came to an arrow. We were on trail and going in the right direction. Thus far the marks had been on both the left and right hand side of the trail. The marks took us onto the northern side of Exeter Road and then onto a brand new bit of cycle path and over a shiny new green bridge spanning the Teign. Jonathan's insider knowledge came to the fore. "Screwed did say that we went over a new bridge", so we were definitely on trail....but not for long. 

 

Somehow we missed a mark that would have taken us right and back into Kingsteignton via Broadway Road. Undaunted, Jonathan and the Pig pushed on and took the next right onto Chudleigh Road past the school and then hitting the centre of Kingsteignton on Newton Road. Due south to the Kings Arms where we picked up the trail again....much to the relief of Jonathan. Back on trail we followed the marks down Church Street before loosing them in the Churchyard. We retraced our steps to find the trail had run along the alleyway with Kingsteignton Bowling Club on it. This is really quite unique as a small stream runs all along this alleyway and the back of the houses can only be accessed by large granite (occasionally concrete) slabs that span the stream. Straight across Fore Street, past the Bell Inn and along Crossley Moor Road, still following the stream. 

 

At the roundabout, it was right and up Longford Lane, across another roundabout before turning left and up Longfield Avenue. Still we were climbing. Turn right into Gate Tree Close and then right and up some steps before finally arriving at the sweetie stop in the play park, the view point.....and Bella's favourite tree.

 

"Are you the last of the Longs?" asked Screwed.

"We are the only Longs", I answered innocently.

"No. You are not. Polyfella was here ages ago".

 

Ah. Question answered. The fast fella infront of us at the start of the Long/Short split was a hasher after all.

 

Having gobbled up most of the remaining sweets, hungry work this - running with no checks - it was follow the footpath out of the play park. 

 

Down Warecraft Road and then left and back onto Longford Lane before turning left onto Coombsend Road and crossing the footbridge over the A380. Rejoining Coombesend Road on the eastern side of the dual carriageway before turning right onto Coombesend Road East. Then it was across Teignmouth Road and follow the public footpath that skirts the edge of a large field above the Passage House Hotel. Just as we exited the field we caught up with Rambo at the "On Home" sign. We had just beaten the sunset and got back in daylight.

 

Despite the absence of checks, or more probably as a result of the absence of checks, it turned out to be a great runners trail - even if we never did catch up with Polyfella. The marks were quite the best I've ever seen on a trail. Frequent, yet discrete. And to round off a lovely run in daylight, Jonathan bought me a pint. You can come again young man!

 

The Down-Downs

Now, this is the bit that Bluebird usually edits and adds a bit of colour to the Pig's otherwise boring weekly episode of War and Peace. Regrettably, the Bird is poorly and I think that his Mum, on the cusp of her 100th birthday, is a tad under the weather too. Hence a no show from the Bird this evening. We wish them both a speedy recovery. The awards were a little thin on the ground as some of the previous week's recipients were absent.

 

First, a thank you to the pub for providing the Down-Downs. Then it was over to the awards for the evening's misdemeanours.

 

After some chat and grammatical corrections regarding the corrupt, corrupters and corruptees, Shitfaced awarded the Hashshit shirt to U-Bend. Apparently this was for impersonating the GM at last week's circle.

 

Teapot pulled the substitute Jester's hat from his bag and gave it to our RA for the night, Forest Stump. Forest then awarded it to Man-Pig.....something about pretty girls with big VW camper vans - or thereabouts. Man-Pig even had to sing his own "Hold it your hand Mrs Murphy...." song! What is the Hash coming to?

 

There were two spare beers - courtesy of the pub. The first spare beer was awarded to Forest Stump. This was because his dog, Perry, had a pee on Able Semen's tyres. A note for the "Tyre Slasher".

Finally the last down-down was awarded to Screwed for laying the trail. Crikey, didn't it go down quickly!

 

Next week

Bridford Inn with hare Forest Stump. That is the Bridford Inn in Bradford (hope he means Bridford!); not to be confused with the Cridford Inn which is not in Bridford!

 

On-On to next week if we don't all meet up at Tucker's Maltings beforehand!