PUDDLES AND SPLASHES GALORE!

TVH3 The Words for 8th May 2023

 

Two Mile Oak, Ipplepen

 

Run. No. 1968

 

HARES: Only Here for the Beer & Shitfaced

 

 

Who wuz there: OHFB, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Arkangel (pub only), Beefy, Pisswell, Piltdown Man, Smellie, Beeflicker, Slip-on-Me, Big End, Ned, Well Hopped, Wet Johnny, Erection, Able Semen, Ernie & visiting virgin - Anna from London.

 

Circle

Well, what a change from last week! A damp coronation bank holiday weekend conspired to keep numbers low. Although, given the weather, a turnout of 17 was, really, very acceptable.

It has been a long, long time since we last ran from the Two Mile Oak. Over twenty years ago according to Able Semen. The Two Mile Oak has a very large car park. The last time that I was here was to watch a music festival with Bobbiball; one of the acts?......The Out of Tunas.

Having such a large car park I thought that parking would be easy. How wrong I was. It was nearly full. OHFB explained that this was because it is now one of the very few pubs in the area that does food and remains open on a Monday night.

 

We circled up in reasonably heavy rain with a brisk breeze as Shitfaced welcomed us to the Two Mile Oak (TMO). Shitfaced first welcomed Anna. Anna is from London and taking a break in Devon. She had never hashed before. What was she going to make of a wet run in Devon and the bunch of oddballs that comprise TVH3?

 

Then came the most alarming bit. Shitfaced said that the Hash would normally anoint newcomers with a liberal dosing of flour - but they hadn't got any. Crikey, what on earth had they laid the trail with? Had they laid a trail at all? Had the trail been washed away? We would have to wait and see.

 

Poor Smellie really did look like a drowned cat with her cat hat on.....and we hadn't even started the run. Nevertheless, she advised that we were OK for Hares. Over to OHFB and Shitfaced for details of the trail:

 

"Yes. It has been laid - and in flour. If it's still there? Walkers about two and a half. Shorts' about four and Longs' six".

 

"Really?" I thought to myself.

 

Shitfaced went on to say, "When you come to the puddle, just keep going", with a particularly wry smile on his face. What could could he be insinuating?

 

The Trail

The weather was pretty poor and the doubting Thomas in me kicked in. I wasn't expecting great things, especially as I had bumped into OHFB in the Park Inn on Saturday. Yes, he had a plan for the trail but it would involve a lot of road. I told him not to worry. We would all be thankful for any trail given the forecast.

 

How mistaken I was! The Hares had laid a great trail and, despite the rain, virtually all marks were intact on a clearly laid trail. Did I say, "Clearly laid trail?". The FRB's thought that the trail was clearly marked. Beeflicker only got off trail once. Running straight across the OH sign he decided to go around the trail again. He only stopped when he ran past the wooden horse for the second time.

 

Man-Pig, Big End, Ned and Well Hopped stayed together on the way round and had no problems with the marks. We even caught a glimpse of principle FRB, Beeflicker, in the far distance at one point.

 

However, not everyone followed the marks as assiduously as the FRBs. Or, maybe they did, just not the same marks. At the Circle, Shitfaced did mention that Haldon Hash were running from Denbury. However, it was impossible to confuse the two trails as their trail was laid in sawdust and TVH's was exclusively flour.

 

Impossible? Believe me, nothing is impossible for a Hasher. And so it was that we had the latest Down-Downs in living memory* - they commenced at 9.45 when the last of the lost/diverted hashers reached the On-Down.

 

What had happened? Well, one - very late - hasher had bumped into Fallen Woman who was doing the Haldon Hash trail. Fallen Woman had promised this particular Harriet great things on the Haldon trail,including a free beer stop. So this Harriet abandoned our virgin visitor, Anna from London, and merrily followed Fallen Woman to the Haldon beer stop. It must have been some beer stop as this Harriet didn't make it back to the pub till 9.45!

 

Meanwhile, back in the pub, it transpired that quite a few Hashers had been in Denbury open prison. Not literally, but they had run through the car park and the public footpath that exits at the eastern end of Denbury. Maybe this was part of the Shorts' trail but it certainly wasn't part of the Longs'. Latecomers included Ernie and virgin visitor, Anna. They arrived back at the pub at 9.20 and, additionally, Beefy was even later. In fact, the latecomers were so late that Piltdown Man kindly went on a recce to look for them.

 

What had gone wrong with Beefy? A footwear malfunction apparently. Beefy is still recovering from a badly sprained ankle. It is on the mend so he is happy to walk the Longs, but in hiking boots. These hiking boots are nice and sturdy. They support the ankle well and, crucially, they are waterproof. Therein lies the folly. Things that keep the water out are also very good at keeping the water in. And so it proved to be when the trail took us through nearly 2 feet of water on a flooded farm track. Now, 24 inches of water doesn't work too well with 6 inch high hiking boots. The net result was that Beefy had a very slow and squidgy walk around the Longs as each of his boots now weighed at least 10 pounds. He said that he felt like a deep sea diver minus his Siebe Gorman copper helmet.

 

OHFB was right about a lot of road but this was more than outweighed by the swimming; literally in the case of Ned who couldn't touch the bottom and resorted to doggy paddle at the first, and deepest, puddle. Shitfaced had fibbed. He had only mentioned a single puddle in the pre run spiel - not the twenty or so that we encountered over the 6 mile long.

 

The actual trail turned right out of the pub car park and then right again at the first crossroads (Dornafield Cross). We passed what must be an equestrian centre on our right as it had a half size carved horse in front of the entrance.

 

We passed through a dog-leg at Rydon Farm. This I recognised from a trail that we did about a year ago - Tamsin's virgin lay. However, this year we were doing it in reverse.

 

At the next crossroads (Rydon Cross) we came to the first of two Long/Short splits. The Shorts carried straight on towards Stubbins Cross whilst the Longs' went right and then left towards East Ogwell.

 

On the Longs' trail we passed Ogwell Grange. This is a lovely old building with ornate stone chimneys. The Longs' dropped down into East Ogwell following clear marks - surprisingly almost unaffected by the rain.

 

By East Ogwell church, an arrow had us bearing left and heading uphill to where Bluebird had collapsed into a hedge on Tamsin's trail last year. Oh why, oh why, did Swinger and Matt rescue him?

 

We arrived at Stubbins Cross but no sign of the Shorts. However, we did find an arrow pointing right and down a particularly damp farm track towards West Ogwell Cross. However, as so many of the Shorts had said that they passed through Channings Wood car park, I wonder if the Shorts had, accidentally, followed the left fork of the farm track that leads to the prison car park?

 

It wasn't long before we found out why Shitfaced had a wry smile on his face. PUDDLE? My a**e. It was a lake! At its deepest, is must have been pushing 18 inches deep. There was no way around it. You had to go through it. Poor Ned had to doggy paddle yet again to get past the watery obstacle. But this was only to encounter another four "puddles" before we hit tarmac again.

 

At West Ogwell Cross, an arrow had us skirting the edge of HMP Channings Wood, past the bluebell carpeted Oxenham Woods, on our way towards Denbury Sports fields and Start Cross.

At Start Cross, it was left and uphill into the middle of Denbury arriving at the crossroads with a public water trough at its centre. Another arrow. This time left and towards the Union Inn. The marks were still good but had changed from right to left. Had we missed something? A quick check confirmed that we were on trail as we followed the marks to Newton Cross and thence onto Ipplepen Cross. The latter proved to be the location of the second Long/Short split with the Longs bearing right and down to Denbury Cross....and more puddles! Although these were on tarmac and not nearly as deep as those on the farm tracks.

 

At Denbury Cross, it was left and past Ipplepen football fields until arriving at a second crossroads sharing the name Dornafield Cross (how many of them are there?). It was left again and up Dornafield Lane as we completed three sides of a square to arrive back at the first junction of the outward trail and, inevitably, the OH sign.

 

6.46 of your English country miles - amazingly undertaken substantially in the dry as the rain stopped only ten minutes into the trail.

 

Down-Downs

Judging by the number of cars in the car park, when we arrived, I surmised that a lot of non-Hashers would be eating inside the pub. We certainly didn't want to alienate the landlady on our first visit after an absence of some twenty years, so I was preparing to execute the Down-Downs outside. I needn't have worried. By the time it came to do the Down-Downs all non-hashers hard eaten up and left the pub. 

 

Debbie, the landlady, was very welcoming. She had laid on sausage, beans and mash for the Hash in addition to providing the Down-Down beers. And when it came to doing the Down-Downs she said that we could make as much noise as we wanted. The only non-Hasher at the bar was Matt. We had been chatting about bikes and the TMO music festival where he had been DJ, MC and one of the acts - and yes, he did recall The Out of Tunas!

 

In the absence of Forrest-Stump, Man-Pig assumed the RA'ing duties. We thanked the pub for the beer, the scoff, the parking and the weather!

 

Awards were going to be thin on the ground as the absent Bluebird had rather monopolised them last week. Nevertheless, Ernie was present and he had the Bacardi hat. Inevitably, this had to go to the last person back who had just walked in the door at 9.45pm. It was Pisswell who had had a rather jolly time on the Haldon Hash! A note for "The diverted one".

 

That was the only award present but were there any stories? Beeflicker had one. He had come across a rather bedraggled cat in the form of Smellie where the Shorts and Longs temporarily rejoined at Denbury Green. Smellie was highly unimpressed. A four way junction and no marks. No marks apart from an enormous flour arrow. A note for the "Bedraggled One".

 

Another story? Yes. Shitfaced recounted the sorry tale of a thirsty hasher who had forgotten his purse. Never mind. Wet-Johnny will buy me a drink. Wet-Johnny is at the bar. He gets himself a drink, acknowledges that Erection wants a drink and says, "I'll be right back". With this, Wet-Johnny goes over to join Big End and Well-Hopped for the next twenty minutes! Who should get the Down-Down? Wet-Johnny, Erection or Big End? Shouts for Big End and a note for "The tempter".

 

It was a surprisingly good trail and from a new venue that looked after us very well (we will, undoubtedly, be back). Hence the last half pint of Otter went to a thoroughly deserving OHFB. A note for "The Lying Toad" as he professed to have laid the trail on foot. What poppycock!

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Corner Flag, Coach Road, Newton Abbot with Hare Wet Johnny.

 

On-On to next week.

 

* The latest Down-Down was at Riverford Farm (I think an Ashburton Hash). This was a post 10pm Down-Down as Doris had got off trail big time. She had, somehow, found herself in Ashburton. Nevertheless, she had found a pub that served Guinness and convinced the Landlord to stand her a pint and, could she use the pub's phone to phone Rambo to come and get her and pay for her pint? Accordingly, a jolly late Down-Down.