Run #1992 Monday 23rd October

 

7:15 pm circle up from Widecombe Church House Village Hall, Widecombe in the Moor, Newton Abbot TQ13 7TA, with Beefy for his delayed birthday hash for which he will be providing home cooked fare!

Please bring cash for a donation towards the bottled beers.

Main car park on your right as you come into the village. The village hall is opposite the Old Inn.

 

 

THE KING CANUTE RUN

 

TVH3 The Words for 16th October 2023  

Royal British Legion, Newton Abbot

Run No. 1991

HARE: Beeflicker & Jane (now Squeaky Bum)

Who wuz there: Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Man-Pig, Hotlips, Zoot, Forrest-Stump, Piltdown Man, Smellie, Big End, Well Hopped, Melonpicker, Soapy, Palmolive, Strap-On, Strap-Dancer, Fukarewe, Beefy, Coldtits, Wet Johnny, Manopause, Erection, Threesum, Cheerio Beerio & U-Bend (circle only).

Circle

A phonecall to U-Bend advised that Shitfaced would not be in attendance this evening. In Shitfaced's absence, U-Bend made a special journey into Newton Abbot as stand-in RA. Seeing as U-Bend wasn't running, or hanging around for a beer, this was dedication.....or, maybe he was popping into Motomart to buy an indicatator bulb?

Smellie had slots available for Hares from 22 November onwards. She also needed numbers for food; simple fare, pasties (cheese & onion or meat) or sausage rolls. These needed to be ordered before the run.

Beefy put in a plug for next week's Hash at the Church House, Widecombe-in-the- Moor. Due to yakking in the Circle the pack very nearly didn't get to hear the most important information regarding next week's Hash, "Free food and donations for bottled beer". Fantastic.

Eventually, we got around to hearing from the Hare who, this week, was being ably assisted by Jane. In established Hash  fashion the pack was treated to, well, err, a pack of lies:

"If you're doing the Long you may get wet feet. But there is an option to use a bridge" - porkie pie!

There was an implied suggestion that those on the Shorts would not, therefore, be getting wet feet - porkie pie!

"Longs will be about 6.5 miles" - lie. Well, actually this might have been true but my elderly Garmin only recorded 4.57 miles.

"There is a Shorts' trail" - true.

Walkers' trail - I wasn't listening.

The Trail

Time and tide wait for no man. Oh, how true. Something that King Canute found out to his cost. In the intervening 1200 years or so, it appears that the lesson hasn't been learned. Read on Dear Hasher....or should that be swimmer?

The trail took us out of the Cricketfield car park and right towards the firestation. A check at the Memorial Hall had the pack climbing the steep steps behind the Hall. 

 

Half-way up the steps was the Walkers'/Long & Shorts' split with the Walkers turning right and down a different set of steps. The Longs and the Shorts carried on up the steps to another check. 

 

The trail went right and across a road and then along Seymour Road eventually dropping down onto the roundabout near Knowles Hill School. 

 

At this point, Man-Pig was leading the pack with Beefy and Fukarewe in hot pursuit. Another check had us going right and downhill to the roundabout near the new Newton Abbot hospital.

 

The trail then took us onto the footpath beside the Stover canal. This is where we encountered a large number of head torches heading towards us.

"How on earth did the Walkers get in front of us?" I thought. Bong! Wrong. It was the Teignbridge Trotters who clearly didn't expect anyone to be on the same path as them at that time of night. We all heaved to as they rampaged through.....path hogs! 

 

The Long/Short split came where the footpath meets the Exeter Road. The Shorts returned towards Newton Abbot on the narrower footpath on the other side of the redundant railway line. For the Longs, however, it was virgin territory. Bravo!

Arrows had us climb up and over walls and onto the railway line. The Longs' were only four strong: Beefy, Man-Pig, Fukarewe and Beeflicker. Fortunately, Man-Pig and Beefy both have PTS* cards so we guided our non-PTS colleagues across concrete sleepers, washed out ballast (obviously not of the glued variety), around fallen trees, through out-of-control buddleia and along the edges of unsafe safe-cesses. All very interesting. 

 

At Teigngrace, we were treated to some nostalgia in the form of a restored vintage motorcycle. After some bike chat, we were on our way again and a check on the cycle path.

 

We headed south for only a few yards before another check. Now we traversed two fields to arrive at the banks of the River Teign.

Man-Pig had missed an arrow, and was on a mission back to Exeter Road only to be called back. Fukarewe had found the arrow that marked the river crossing. We could also see a mark on the opposite bank. Wet feet time beckoned...or did it?

"How deep is it?" Fukarewe asked the Hare.

"I don't know. I used the bridge 50 yards up there", pointing northwards.

The not so brave, FRBs elected for the bridge.....woolybacks all of them, but dry woolybacks nevertheless.

The trail now followed the east bank of the Teign south to the Exeter Road where we rejoined the Shorts. After 3/4 mile, we came upon a perplexed Beefy who was looking forlornly at a mark. It was an arrow pointing down into the bottom of the Stover Canal. Another mark was on the far bank. Being a canal, it should have come as no surprise that it contained water. However, it was most certainly a surprise to the Hare.

"There wasn't any water there when I laid it....and it hasn't been raining!"

"Well, there's water there now." Looking at the weed growth in the canal, it was difficult to ascertain how deep and muddy the crossing would be. It looked at least 8 inches but it could have been 18 inches. We all agreed to remain dry and follow the path back to Jetty Marsh roundabout. It wasn't far now, and we would have dry trainers if we wanted to go running tomorrow. It was a sensible decision - especially in the dark. So off we trotted, smug in our warm, dry trainers.

The smugness and warmth evaporated within 150 yards. Before us the tow path was flooded. We were heading back to Newton Abbot on a flood tide, albeit a neap tide. Initially, we were running through 2 inches of water. Then 4 inches. Then 6 inches and then we were back on terra firma. That wasn't too bad. Then another stretch of flooded path...maybe 8 inches deep at best. Having cleared that stretch of water it was only 200 yards to Jetty Marsh roundabout. At least it would be dry as our feet were now getting decidedly chilly. Bugger, spoke too soon, the last 150 yards maxed out at 14 inches deep.

At the roundabout, the trail took us over the pedestrian crossing before dropping back down onto the tow path. All was dry......for about 80 yards. We almost ground to a halt as the water's depth rose to 18 inches. Man-Pig had hitched up his shorts like a little girl. His knackers weren't going to get any closer to the freezing water if he could help it. 

 

Just behind the Avenue, a concrete ramp afforded a dry escape route from the rapidly rising tide. Beeflicker called time on the final leg of original trail and we bailed out for the short, squidgy run back to the Cricketfield car park.

What a thoroughly enjoyable run. This was made all the more enjoyable by the unexpected tidal conditions, and virgin territory to boot. Excellent. Well done Beeflicker and Jane.

Down-Downs

The Royal British Legion made us very welcome. I think this is the first time that we have run from here. At the bar, the talk was all about the last leg of the trail. The Shorts had made it almost to the tunnel under the railway line not too far from Tuckers Maltings. By this time, they were in at least 18 inches of water and it was impossible to identify where the tow path stopped and the canal started. They all, sensibly, had turned back. The Longs would have been about 20 minutes behind them and it was a rapidly rising tide. Had we continued, I think we would have found ourselves in deep water [sic].

Forest-Stump had, at least, partially recovered from last week's double jab. Hence he assumed RA duties for the evening. He commenced by thanking the pub for the beer (which Smellie had hastily arranged on the night) so a big "Thankyou" to the RBL.

First up was Fukarewe to give away his Jester's hat. this went to the Hare for an excellent trail on virgin, if somewhat illegal, territory. Beeflicker got a half pint of very cold Tetleys ale accompanied by "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy...."

Forest-Stump suggested that an early naming might be in order. Apparently, before the trail, the co-hare had admitted to having got very sweaty when laying the trail earlier in the day. So sweaty in fact that the cheeks of her bum were squeaking. We didn't even need a vote on the name. Man-Pig had Jane on her knees whilst he ordained her (and Perry) with liberal amounts of Holy Water. Henceforth, Jane will now be known as "Squeaky Bum".

Man-Pig had the Baby Bat Hat from last week. Given the porkies emanating from the circle regarding "opportunities for a dry alternative", the Pig awarded the baby Bat Hat to Beeflicker. This was ostensibly for not having consulted the tide tables for a run along a tidal estuary. Appropriately, the Down-Down was water.

Beefy had the Checking Chicken Hat. You may recall that yakking in the Circle interrupted Beefy's briefing for next week's run. Who was the guilty party? Hot Lips who was having difficulty with his R's...unable to distinguish "one" from "run".

Erection had the, unwashed, Hashshit shirt. This he awarded to Fukarewe who has a nice new hybrid BMW. Apparently, you can talk to it and it will do what you ask. Amazing. This is much more responsive than a wife. Hence the Down-Down was accompanied by, "Get a wife. Get a wife, wife, wife".

There was still a half pint of ale to go but no awards. Are there any stories? Beeflicker piped up with a story of absent-mindedness. Despite having run from the Cricketfield car park three times this year, Smellie had phoned Beeflicker to ask, "Where is the Cricketfield car park?" In fairness, she was asking on Piltdown Man's behalf as he was the driver. Piltdown stepped up to drink his very cold beer very slowly.

Next week

Next week's Hash is Beefy's delayed birthday hash. The On-Down is NOT AT A PUB. It is at the Church House which is next to the large car park in Widecombe-in-the-Moor. Beefy is providing free home cooked food. If his flan and flap jacks are anything to go by, it will be very good fare. Bring cash for a donation towards the bottled beers.

On-On to next week.

MONDAY 16 OCTOBER details and map

Run #1991 Monday 16th October 7:15 pm circle up from the Royal British Legion club, Newton Abbot, 2 Marsh Rd, Newton Abbot TQ12 2AP with hare Beeflicker.

Food available on the night. Show of hands at circle. £10-£12 which also includes a drink. Parking nearby at Cricketfield Road car park

 

 

TVH3 The Words for 9th October 2023

Cockhaven Arms, Bishopsteignton

 

Run No. 1990

 

HARE: Well Hopped

 

Who wuz there: Well Hopped, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Bluebird, Forest-Stump, Beeflicker, Beeflicker's lady friend, Jane, (returnee), Smellie, Melonpicker, Soapy, Strap-On, Strap-Dancer, Wetfart, Fukarewe, Beefy, Pisswell, Big End, Wet Johnny, Manopause, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Threesum, Cheerio Beerio, Piddler, Rise'n'Shine, Mateus Rose, Twiggy, Polyfella, Forrest, Arkangel & very athletic looking virgins who are friends of Well Hopped.

 

Circle

Shitfaced welcomed the pack to an unseasonably warm car park at the Cockhaven Arms. We had one returnee (Beeflicker's friend, Jane). She was welcomed back with the usual liberal dosing of flour over what looked like a pair of new white tennis shoes. The GM was somewhat more polite with our virgins as they did not get the full flour initiation treatment. The virgins are all friends of Well Hopped and comprised 4 young athletic looking potential FRB's and, I hazard a guess, Mum & Dad?

 

After welcoming our svelte-like visitors, it was over to Wetfart for an update on Teapot. He is in better spirits but still not eating and losing weight. He has had more tests done but our illustrious NHS is still somewhat befuddled as to exactly what ails him. On the upside, Wetfart had spoken with Teapot and he is delighted with his card and the chocolates from TVH and he sends his thanks. We all wish him a successful diagnosis and to welcoming him back soon.

 

Smellie already has a Hare for 4th November but needs Hares going forward from that date.

Rumours abounded about a 14 miles trail. The pack turned a whiter shade of pale. Then the Hare came to the rescue with some pre-run clarity.

 

"Yes. I did do 14 miles this morning but the trail isn't 14 miles".

 

Thank goodness.

 

"The Walkers' is only about 1.5; Shorts' about 4 and Longs' about 6.5".

 

There was also some mention of marks being on the left apart from when they were on the right. If they are on both sides of the road you are on an out and back trail etc.

 

The Trail

The trail took us right, out of the car park, and downhill to an early Walkers & Short/Long split. Longs went right and uphill. Then left into a car park and along the edge of a park and play area. Bear left, through some undergrowth and out onto the Newton Road. 

 

From here, the trail crossed the Newton Road and onto a broad track at the edge of two fields. This took us onto the foreshore of the Teign estuary. We have done this part of the trail before on a Piltdown Man trail. From memory, I think that this is where there used to be a WW1 convalescent hospital.

 

At this point, the Longs had caught up with, and overtaken, the Walkers. Fortunately it was low tide and an arrow had us head east over the slippery shells, weed and pebbles. It wasn't long before another arrow had us going left and due north.

 

Beeflicker was leading the Longs with Beefy in hot pursuit. We turned right along the Newton Road passing Strap-On and Smellie. Then it was a left turn and up Church Street and another Walkers/Long & Shorts' split. The Walkers were now heading directly to the bar!

 

For the Longs and the Shorts it was up Shute Hill and Radway Hill before turning right along Coombe Way (I am sure we ran along Coombe way on a Polyfella hash but I may be mistaken) and then left, over a small stream, and along a short track to Ashhill Farm.

 

This is the juncture at which Man-Pig lost illumination. It was also the Long/Short split. Try as he could, the Pig could not get his torch to function. Fukarewe came to the rescue by offering his head torch as he was only doing the Short and this would be on road all the way back to the pub. The Longs, however, would definitely need a torch as there was quite a bit of off road with a lot of tree roots to contend with.

 

Man-Pig and Big End said goodbye to Wet-Johnny and Fukarewe as they ran down Old Wallis Hill and back into Bishopsteignton. Man-Pig and Big End had a big climb in front of them as they commenced the slog up Old Wallis Hill towards Little Haldon. We had lost quite a bit of time whilst the Pig failed to mend his torch. As such, there was absolutely no chance of us catching the FRB's who comprised Beeflicker, Beefy and Polyfella.

 

Just before the golf course, the trail went left and then immediately left again through a small car park. I recognised where we were. We were now on the pathway that runs past the picnic area where Bobbiball had his birthday drink stop two years ago. We could hear Beefy calling "On-On" ahead of us so we weren't that far behind.

 

Soon we were at the top of the public footpath near Higher Radway Farm. This is the point at which we've had a beer stop on a previous Big End/Well Hopped trails. I also recall an alcoholic sweetie stop here about 3 years ago where we sampled iPoo's treats.....lovely.

 

It was going to be all downhill from here (well, nearly). The trail now followed the public footpath across a steep field and down a footpath with a couple of stiles.

 

The footpath takes us back into Bishopsteignton on Teignview Road. From there it was right and uphill towards the cemetery. But, before the cemetery, an arrow had us turning left and down an alleyway.

We crossed Murley Crescent and followed the very well marked trail down another alleyway. Finally, we zigzagged around some housing estates in parts of Bishopsteignton that I've never seen before to arrive back at the Cockhaven Arms.

 

The last long loop had been a real leg stretcher and I really enjoyed it. So my thanks to Fukarewe for the use of his torch and to Big End for staying with me.

 

Down-Downs

The original plan, if there ever had been a plan, was for Forrest-Stump to undertake the RA'ing for the evening; a break from the interminable Man-Pig. 

 

Regrettably, Forrest was feeling pretty poorly after having had both his flu jab and covid jabs earlier in the day. Hence he bailed out early. Step-in the Pig. Other absentees included Georgie Porgy and Piltdown Man who have tested positive for covid.

 

It has been a long time since we were last at the Cockhaven Arms (Cockhaven Manor prior to 2016). The pub had been kind enough to provide us with the Down-Downs so a big "Thankyou" to the pub.

So, "What did we think about the 14 miles trail?". Cheers all round. I think Well Hopped can take that as a resounding approval. It was certainly a well marked and interesting trail.

 

There appears to be group amnesia affecting the Hash recently. A lot of former sinners are arriving at the Hash but without their awards from previous weeks. Where are they all going? It would appear that the Bermuda Triangle of disappearing awards is centred around the Tinkley Bottom area of the Teign Valley.

 

Over the years, numerous awards have disappeared into the ether only to resurface at Tinckley Bottom. The original Checking Chicken hat had a 4 year sojourn under Wood-Lend's bed. 

 

The Horse's Head hat must have been stabled there over winter as, when it reappeared, it was chewing straw. More recently, two, rarely seen, awards had flown in to roost during Forrest's recent non firework hash. These comprised the Checking Chick hat and the Baby Bat hat. Initially, they had chosen an AA van to perch on and subsequently relocated to roost on a Range Rover wing mirror.

 

The latest Award to go Walkabout was the Hashshit shirt. In the Hashshit shirt's case, as long as it doesn't get anywhere near a washing machine there won't be a penalty to incur....Wet-Johnny.

And so it was that Wet Johnny (sans Hashshit shirt) came forward to name and shame the first sinner of the evening.

 

Earlier in the evening, Forrest had been trying to return some lost property that had been found at Tinkley Bottom. This was a battery pack - but there were no takers. Wet Johnny continued on the battery theme to enquire as to exactly what electrical device could be so important as to compel a Hasher's spouse to pilfer the batteries from a Hasher's torch?

 

Step forward Man-Pig who had a torch malfunction earlier in the trail (not as a result of stolen batteries I might add). Well, actually, it was a leg malfunction that resulted in said torch making contact with concrete. The outcome was not good. No illumination and a horizontal Pig. That'll teach you to save power by turning off your torch when you think you're running on a nice level surface, Mr Pig!

Man-Pig got the Baby Bat hat and a half pint of ale. Songmeister Pork Torpedo was in attendance and led the chant that accompanied the Down-Down.

 

Next up was Fukarewe who had also forgotten his award from last week. It was so warm when he drove into the Cockhaven Arms car park that he had his windows down. This enabled him to overhear a fellow Hasher say, "Here's Fukarewe. He'll get lost in the car park!" So, who was this critic of the directionally challenged? Beefy, come on down to don the Checking Chicken hat.

 

The Songmeister piped up with, "I don't want to join the army....."

 

No more tales but there is a 300 run badge to award. Lots of guesses all round: Piddler, Smellie - No. It is Wet-Johnny. Congratulations. Another tune from our Songmeister.

 

The final half and it had to go to our Hare for her sterling efforts; over a half marathon covered and all for the benefit of TVH3. Thankyou. But! Could there be anyone else even more (un)deserving? What sort of a man sends his girlfriend out to lay a 14 mile trail on her own? Step forward Big End and take your punishment - again accompanied by a PT ditty.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is at the Royal British Legion, Newton Abbot (near the Cricket Field car park). The Hare is Beeflicker. Scoff is around the £10-12 mark but this does include a free drink.

 

On-On to next week.

 

MONDAY 9TH OCTOBER

Run #1990 Monday 9th October 7:15 pm circle up from the Cockhaven Arms (formerly Cockhaven Manor) Cockhaven Rd, Bishopsteignton, Teignmouth TQ14 9RF with Big End and Well Hopped. 

 

Please try and park in the rear car park for the pub to be able to manage parking for other customers.

Homemade sausage rolls available for £3. Kindly indicate on Holly's post (Well Hopped) to give an idea of numbers. Thank you.   

HASH ROYALTY, A HASH HERO & WHATAMISTAKATOMAKA!

TVH3 The Words for 2nd October 2023

Lord Nelson, Kingskerswell

Run No. 1989 (#1988 struck out)

HARES: Shitfaced and "friends"

 

Who wuz there: Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Bluebird, Beeflicker, Piltdown Man, Smellie, Melonpicker, Soapy, Strap-On, Strap-Dancer, Coldtits, Wetfart, Fukarewe, Beefy, Pisswell, Big End, Well Hopped, Wet Johnny, Manopause, Broken Man, Fallen Woman, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Threesum, Martin, Bobbiball, Hotlips, Zoot, international returnees Wigwam & Mrs Sheen and special returnee Kingfisher (Dan, Winfield's son).

 

Circle

Shitfaced needed numbers for the chicken casserole and bread which was being laid on by the pub especially for us.

 

There then followed a number of announcements regarding future trails and events:

 

Soapy promoted the Day of the Dead Hash on 30th October. This is to celebrate past Hashers who have passed through the pearly gates. It is a fancy dress run to celebrate the lives of those Hashers who are no longer with us. It is NOT a Halloween Hash and do not dress for Halloween. If you cannot access appropriate attire, red dresses are acceptable.

 

Hotlips is planning on organising a train based pub crawl from Exmouth on 25th November. More details to follow.

 

Smellie needs Hares from November onwards.

 

Finally one of Shitfaced's "friends" managed to get a word in about the trail.

"It's appallingly marked...even by my standards. The Longs' is up a long hill and right at the first junction. This part of the trail is unmarked. Bluebird will take the Shorts. Walkers? I have no idea if Shitfaced has laid anything".

 

The Trail

Having done such a great job of marketing the trail, we ended up with eight stalwarts on the Long: Beeflicker, Beefy, Fukarewe, Pisswell, Big End, Well Hopped, Kingfisher and Man-Pig. 

 

Bluebird had even less takers for the Shorts' trail: Strap-On, Manopause, Coldtits and Smellie. Zoot and Hotlips commenced the Long up Fluder Hill but said that they would do their own thing. I can only assume that the balance of 17 did a live Walkers' trail with Shitfaced.

 

The beginning of the Shorts' trail was also the end of the return trail so it was probably just as well that Bluebird was there to guide the easily confused quartet.

 

Meanwhile, the Longs climbed the mile up Fluder Hill before turning right and down Kingskerswell Lane to join the Shorts near the Wighton public house.

 

The trail was predominantly on road/pavement and the Hares had used blue and yellow chalk to mark the trail. The reflection off the damp tarmac made it particularly hard to see the marks.

 

Eventually, a call of "On-On" from Beefy. The dedicated pack carried on along Newton Road and the first check at Rougemont Avenue. It was straight on and right up Cadewell Lane to Torbay Hospital and the second, and last, Long/Short split.

 

The Shorts, guided by the Bird, carried on up Cadewell Lane to its junction with Collaton Road. The Longs crossed Cadewell Lane into the hospital grounds - and promptly got loss. In fairness, this is where the marks, such that they were, were...errm.....shockingly laid or plain absent.

 

First everyone got lost in the woodland walk before the Hare called them back up to the helicopter landing pad. Fukarewe and Pisswell had been given direction through the main hospital approach by the Hares. In Fukarewe's case, the insider knowledge imparted by Bluebird gave him a head start. In Pisswell's case, the directions imparted by Man-Pig resulted in Pisswell getting lost in her own hospital and ending up at Torquay seafront!

 

The bulk of the Longs went this way and that, but, with the aid of several "On-back"s called by the Hare, they eventually found themselves back on trail behind the nurses' accommodation.

At the eastern edge of the hospital grounds, there is a footpath/cycle path that runs parallel with the railway track all the way down to Shiphay Lane. The last time we ran down here, 20 years ago, it was mud and gravel. Now it is tarmac and lit at night.

 

The trail took the Longs up Shiphay Lane and into the grounds of the grammar schools. This is where we caught up with Fukarewe who was standing forlornly over a back check.

 

It wasn't long before Beeflicker picked up the trail which ran between the lines of the two security railings that separate the girls' grammar school from the boys' grammar school. It looked like part of the Great Escape filmset but without Steve McQueen and his motorcycle. This is an official footpath and it was also virgin territory. At its end, it exits onto Queensway.

 

The trail took us all the way down Queensway and then right at the Haywain pub and the slog up Sherwell Valley Road.

 

Where it levels off, Sherwell Valley Road turns into Hawkins Avenue before meeting Upper Cockington Lane at a T-junction. The trail took us right, along the part of Upper Cockington Lane that forms the eastern boundary of the grammar school.

 

At Marldon Road, it was right and along the top end of Shiphay Avenue.

 

The Longs had just completed a huge loop (well, more of a square really); another 200 metres and we would have been back at the entrance to the grammar schools. But it was not to be.

 

The trail now took us down Dairy Hill and past the Devon Dumpling and along Collaton Road. Amazingly, the Longs did seem to be finding the indistinct chalk marks as the sweeping hare couldn't keep up with them.

 

The junction of Collaton Road and Cadewell lane is where the Shorts' and the Longs' trails rejoined for the final descent into Edginswell opposite the Vauxhall dealership.

 

The trail now veered left and into the new industrial estate, part of which is still under construction. This did not deter visually impaired Hashers and the trail now took us through an unlocked five bar gate and across a large levelled building plot. 

 

On the other side, the exit onto a public footpath was blocked by two large panels of galvanised Heras fencing....or was it? If you breathed in you could just about squeeze through a tiny gap at the edge of the fencing. 

 

Here a large arrow took the pack onto a wide gravel footpath, under Hamelin Way, across a pedestrian footbridge over the railway and out onto the Torquay Road just east of the Hare and Hounds. From here it was a simple trot back to Nellie.

 

All back by 9pm. Well, almost all. Pisswell was enjoying a dip at Torquay seafront and Beefy was on parade as he was moonlighting as a big yellow taxi driver....or was that a chauffeur?

 

THEBIRDISTHEWORD

The friends of Shitfaced were faced with a possible dilemma for the trail from the Nellie. Man-Pig was doing the Salcombe marathon on Saturday and might be a little worse for wear come the Monday.

To try and take the strain, for once, I came up with what I thought might be a passable trail going Torquay side for a change.

 

Man-Pig successfully completed the full marathon and reported all was well on the Sunday. However, on Monday afternoon when we set off, Man-Pig suffered a delayed reaction and was pretty tired I can tell you.

 

We spent a drizzly few hours or so making it up as we went, encountering unfortunate trail interruptions along the way. 

 

In the hospital grounds, a public footpath was chained off and we were thwarted several times trying to escape the sprawling complex.

 

Shiphay Grammar school's former green and pleasant fields had now been transformed into a nightmarish Stalag. Razor sharp security fencing and locked gates were everywhere. My planned foray around our (Torquay Boys Grammar) cross-country circuit was now impossible.

 

I had thought the long would be about four miles and the short about three but the forced detour through to Queensway added considerably to the total mileage. Never mind, it was, as usual, an enjoyable trail lay for us.

 

Come the trail later on, there was excitement and drama aplenty out there for the loyal and dedicated hashers who actually went on trail on a drizzly, far from welcoming evening.

 

The plan went to the script as the longs and shorts joined up seamlessly at the traffic lights before the Wighton. A marvellous sight to see Beefy, Beeflicker and Kingfisher pouring it on.

I wish I could have been with you.

 

I continued with the shorts up to the final L/S split outside Cadewell lane Hospital entrance.

Sending them on their merry way, I had a rather unfortunate encounter with someone I thought was Wetfart. 

 

It certainly looked a lot like him and I was surprised he had got here in front of us. I approached and called out: 'Hi Wetfart, what are you doing this far out?' It was not Wetfart. Getting closer, it transpired it was someone much younger and he hadn't taken kindly to being called Wetfart.... I hastily retreated.

Whatamistakatomaka!

 

I saw Coldtits through the L/S and went back, avoiding the climb to the Dumpling.

 

Wet Johnny was sadly injured and could not do the long but did what he could - speedy recovery, I trust.

 

For Man-Pig to sweep the longs was necessary but extremely brave. He was tired in the afternoon, so gawd knows how he managed it. A hash hero.

 

Lovely to see Kingfisher after what we think a twenty year gap. In case the longs didn't know, he was a high class runner back in the day - and seems to still be able to go a bit!

 

Hash royalty were there with Wigwam and Mrs Sheen paying a flying visit from Poland. Quite a night!

The only 'low' was when I mislaid my phone and spent some time on the floor searching for it... sigh.

The Royal Bat Hat had an airing in celebration of Kingfisher, Wiggy and Mrs Sheen.

Once again, as is now the recognized protocol, neither hare got a DD. Strange, as all other hares get one, eh, MP?

 

Never mind, we had a really good evening! ON ON!

 

Down-Downs

The Down-Downs commenced by thanking the pub for the beer and laying on the chicken casserole.

Awards were thin on the ground. In fact, there was only one award present. This was the jester's hat which Man-Pig had from a fortnight ago. Man-Pig hadn't seen very much on trail....including his own marks! However, he did have a story relating to Saturday's "Rambo Salcombe Marathon 2023". 

 

Someone, with insider knowledge knew of a promising shortcut in the vicinity of the Garage Rock hotel. This SCB pleaded with man-Pig to join him in his heinous crime of shortcutting but Man-Pig's integrity remained intact. "No sir. I shall pursue the coast path to its bitter end". With that, the duo went their separate ways.

 

On arriving at the Salcombe/Eastportlemouth ferry, this SCB was looking very smug and tucking into his second ice cream. So what is the identity of this king of the SCB'ers?. None other than our very own Fukarewe. Well done. Songmeister Pork Torpedo piped up with the dodgy Aladdin's lamp song.

In the absence of any other awards, tales or even blatant lies, we gave two halfs to our international returnees, Wigwam & Mrs Sheen. Another ditty from Pork Torpedo.

 

We also had a huge run badge to award but who on earth had achieved 800 runs? Calls to the floor suggested Bobbiball as a top candidate but with Soapy and Melonpicker also in contention. The badge belonged to Bobbiball who, amazingly, didn't know how to drink a Down-Down after 800 runs! Well it was a pint of water - his first, allegedly, in 800 runs!

 

The final half pint of ale. Should it go to Bluebird for directing the co-hare across a building site and having the entire Hash squeeze through a tiny gap in some Heras fencing? Then a timely entry from behind. It was 9.50pm and Pisswell had just finished the trail. Apparently, she got lost in her own hospital. Obviously, she won the Down-Down hands down. Pork Torpedo came up with a rude song about rolling back foreskins!

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is at Cockhaven Manor, Bishopsteignton with Hares Big End and well Hopped.

On-On to next week.

PLEASE NOTE THE VENUE FOR 2ND OCTOBER

Run #1988 Monday 2nd October 7:15 pm from the Lord Nelson, Fore Street, Kingskerswell, Devon TQ12 5JB with Shitfaced & Co.