MONDAY FROM THE NELLIE

 Run #2005 Monday 29th January 7:15 pm circle up from The Lord Nelson, Kingskerswell, Newton Abbot TQ12 5JB with the Grand Master and friends.

 And, after the fiasco of the previous 'friends' trail, Man-Pig has been formally notified that he is indeed a friend. He who should not be nam-ed, might be loitering in a tent.

 GM informs: Chicken casserole and fresh bread. Numbers at the circle.

TVH3 The Words for 22nd January 2024

Tuckers Maltings Taphouse & Bottle Store, Newton Abbot

Run No. 2004

 

Burns' Night Hash

 

HARES: Ablesemen, Slip-on-Me & Archangel

 

Who wuz there: Ablesemen, Slip-on-Me, Archangel, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Cheerio Beerio, Hotlips, Zoot, Forrest Stump, Perry, Psycho, Warm front, Smellie, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Beefy, Tamsin, Beeflicker, Well Hopped, Big End, Roger the Dodger, Fukarewe, Melon Picker, Soapy, Satnav, Coldtits, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Strap-On, Strap-Dancer, Wet-Johnny, Manopause, Only Here for the Beer, Bobbiball, Wetfart (latter 3 pub only), returnee - last of the Homohicans & special guest of honour, our piper for the evening, Teapot!

 

Circle

Well, this has never happened before. I've sat down to write The Words, and I really don't know where to start.

 

Tonight's Hash had it all: pre-run shots, fancy dress, free food, bagpipes and a closed pub! Yes ladies and gentlemen, an On-Down that was locked and devoid of light and life.

 

In was an inauspicious start to the evening which wasn't helped by a short, but heavy, downpour just as we were about to Circle Up. Was this the tail end of storm Isha or the start of storm Jocelyn?

We all huddled in the porch of the Tap House not knowing what the evening had, or had not, got in store for us.

 

Initially, things looked rather bleak. No pub, no trail and no Hare. Ablesemen had kept detail of tonight's events close to her ample chest but assured us that all had been arranged.... apart from the pub and the trail it appeared.

 

Then, out of nowhere, Ablesemen appeared to impart the following information....err nothing.

Ablesemen and Slip-on-Me confirmed that a trail had been laid. However, arranging for the Taphouse to open especially for us on a Monday night had been left in Archangel's safe and capable hands.....and he wasn't present! 

 

Those who had Archangel's telephone number made urgent attempts to contact him but all were in vain. To calm anxious Hasher's nerves, Slip-on-Me and Satnav distributed pre-run shots of whiskey or rum.

Whilst we were waiting, we were treated to Teignbridge Trotters running up and down Quay Road. They looked a fit bunch. I wondered what they were thinking about us, in fancy dress and drinking shots? "Weirdos. Not runners", probably.

 

Some had elected to wear something Scottish on the run. Others saved their Burns' Night attire for the On-Down (if it eventually opened?).

 

Some of the outfits were excellent. Beefy came with his 6 foot caber which he carried (not for the first time) around the entire trail. Slip-on-Me was trying to convince me that the long brown tail in her tam'o'shanter was an eagle's tail. Hmmm....it looked a lot more like a pheasant's tail to me. 

 

Shitfaced alleged that he was wearing a kilt. However, a mere hour earlier the said kilt had been draped across the window of his caravan....the give-away - a solitary curtain ring! 

 

Wet-Johnny had obviously come as a Scotland football supporter i.e. shorts in the middle of January and a saltire painted on each cheek.

 

The majority of the Hash had made some sort of an effort and they all looked fabulous. All we needed now was a Hare and someone with a key to open the pub.

 

At last. Salvation! The Arkangel Gabriel appeared, seemingly from the heavens. He did not have a key to the pub but advised that all was sorted and that someone would be along shortly to open the pub.

What a relief. Can you imagine it....a dry Burns' Night? The Hash would never live it down.

 

With the shots consumed and the promise of an imminent opening of the Taphouse, it was time to commence the Circle.

 

Smellie needed Hares from 26th February onwards was the only announcement so over to the apparently unflustered Hare, Ablesemen.

 

"There is a Long, a Short and a Walkers' trail. A lot of the trail will be virgin territory....unless you were running with us over twenty years ago! Walkers and Shorts down towards the canal. Longs off up Osbourne Street".

 

Trail

We ran around a bit.

 

The longs looped around Osbourne Park and then along the canal to rejoin the Walkers and the Shorts in Brunel industrial estate. The trail then took us up to the Penn Inn and under the Penn Inn flyover.

The trail now took us parallel with the A380 as we followed marks first along Addison Road and then left and up Laburnum Road. A right onto Ash Way and then a left and into the Penn Inn plantation for a woodland descent back down to the Penn Inn roundabout.

 

Here we rejoined the Walkers' trail along Aller Brook down to the banks of the Teign before a left turn and a return to Brunel industrial estate via the footpath along the bank of the Teign estuary.....simples.

Yes, there was indeed virgin territory in the Milber area. Well done, Ablesemen. How did you mange to get a trail in with all the other bits and bobs you organised on the evening? Multitasking....a skill completely alien to the male gender.

 

Down-Downs

We returned to the pub not really knowing what to expect.

 

There had been rumours that haggis might be available. There was, additionally, the slimmest of slim chances that Teapot might be well enough to pipe in the Haggis. That would be wonderful, but unlikely, I thought.

 

Well, Ablesemen could get a job at MI5 with her ability to keep a secret. On entering the Taphouse the first person I saw was Pork Torpedo resplendent in full Scottish evening dress attire. Behind him a table laden with food, but not just any food. On closer inspection, almost all Scottish in origin.

 

Scottish salmon rolls, crannickan (a Scottish desert), Tunnocks tea cakes (Tunnocks are made in Scotland and Tunnocks are currently the biggest sponsor of London Scottish RFC) and some peculiarly named Manpig sausage rolls. 

 

Ablesemen and her helpers, Satnav and Slip-on-Me must have spent ages laying on all this. What a fantastic effort.

 

But the best was still to come. The Hash were delighted to welcome back Teapot, replete with bagpipes. It was fantastic to have him back. 

 

But it was more meaningful than that. It was heartwarming. A valuable part of the very fabric of TVH had, once again, been reunited with the tapestry that is TVH3.

 

Teapot fired up his pipes and, after a bit of a misfire, we were up and running. Teapot preceded Pork Torpedo and the silver salver of haggis twice around the Taphouse bar, his drone displacing a goodly number of fairy lights in its wake.

 

Pork Torpedo then gave the traditional Burns' Night address to the Haggis...all with verses of it by memory. How does he do it? Whilst the haggis was being sliced and put on oatmeal cakes, Teapot continued playing....now with Flower of Scotland. It was a wonderful spectacle enjoyed by all.

 

Scottish themed attire had been changed for indoor use. Forrest Stump had come as a lumber jack, Psycho had only a small tartan scarf as homage to the Scottish themed evening but she made up for it by ordering an alcoholic Irn-Bru. Warm Front was wearing her tartan pyjama trousers and Smellie was looking marvellous in a tartan skirt (but not a size 8 this year!) and Laphroaig bobble hat - courtesy of one of the pub suppliers.

 

You all looked fantastic. Thankyou for making the effort....just brilliant and Teapot's attendance was the icing on the cake.

 

Once a sizeable dent had been made in the scoff, it was time for the Down-Downs. Part time thespian, Forrest-Stump assumed the role of RA for our Burns' night extravaganza.

 

First up were Down-Downs for our three main organisers for the evening, Ablesemen, Slip-on-Me and Pork Torpedo; and what a fantastic job they all did. Poor Pork Torpedo additionally had to come up with a song for his own Down-Down...Aladdin and his broken lamp.

 

Next up was Teapot As we all know, the past six months has not been a good time for Teapot and his family. Nonetheless, Teapot wanted to say thank you to the Hash in his own way for the support that we have offered him over the period; visits, cards, phone calls and messages have all been such a pickup for him.

 

Four people in particular deserve special mention; Pisswell for coming to see him so often, Beefy for cycling all the way down from Widdicombe -in-the Moor to visit him in hospital, Ablesemen for tireless support and Wetfart - especially for his visits to his home.

 

There are flowers for Pisswell and Ablesemen and a bottle of wine each for Beefy and Wetfart. It is all warmly received and somewhat humbling. We all wish you the speediest of recoveries and many, many more Hashes together.

 

Next there was a firework break....if we could light the damn things. We all shuffled outside. It was a little breezy but at least it was not raining.

 

I seem to recall that a small box of matches contains 49. I think Melonpicker got to about number 42 before he managed to ignite the box of mini rockets....but he got there in the end. With that it was back inside for part two of the Down-Downs.

 

The first down-down of part two went to the only Hare on trail - Arkangel. Pork Torpedo came up with "Twenty Toes".

 

There was a 50th run badge to award. But to whom? Forrest knew and immediately tried giving it to Slip-on-Me. this, despite Forrest having given Slip-on-Me her 200th run badge at last week's Hash. The scene was reset. 

 

This time he wanted to give it to Warm Front. Continuing last week's panto theme, the Hash shouted out, "Oh no it isn't". There was a second reset. Forrest is threatened with being banned from future RA'ing before he eventually settled on Strap-Dancer.

 

There was only one award present from previous weeks. Shitfaced had the Jester's Hat. The nomination was all to obvious. For his senior moment , Shitfaced gives the Jester's hat to a thoroughly deserving RA. The songmeiter piped up with, "He's no bloody use for anything....." Quite apt really.

 

Were there any stories? Regrettably, yes. Pork Torpedo stepped forward in full Scottish regalia to remind us all of what is, and is not, worn under the kilt. Pork Torpedo went on to remind everyone of the shameful events that were "uncovered" at the TVH3 Christmas Party. 

 

Oh dear. I could see this unfolding before me in slow motion. It was just like recalling a car accident - both inevitable and unavoidable. 

 

And so it was that the only other bekilted Hasher got to get his underpants back. But, there was a catch. Well, there would be with Pork Torpedo. The guilty party would have to drink his Down-Down through his pants!

 

"Back or front" Pork Torpedo invited the pack to chose.

 

"Back" was the answer. The Pig was blindfolded with his own grundies and forced to down his half of ale through said attire......and Horny had only just washed and ironed them too!

 

The last half of ale needed dispatching, and we had a birthday. A big birthday. Someone would be 70 on Thursday. It was Slip-on-Me. Ablesemen had arranged a card which had been signed by all of the Hash. Now it was time to give Slip-on-Me her card and birthday Down-Down - and a birthday cake!. As per usual, all the right notes but not necessarily in the right order.

 

Finally a big "Thankyou" to the pub for the Down-Downs and opening especially for us.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Lord Nelson, Kingskerswell. The Hares are Shitfaced and friends, I think.

 

On-On to next week. MP

BURNS NIGHT WITH TVH

 

Run #2004 Monday 22nd January 7:15 pm circle up from Maltings Taphouse & Bottle Shop, Teign Rd, Newton Abbot TQ12 4AA with Able for our annual BURNS NIGHT extravaganza.

Wear something Scottish if ye have it! 

Parking in Osborne Street car park about 200 yards away and also nearby on the road.

TVH3 The Words for 15th January 2024

The Claycutters Arms, Chudleigh Knighton

Run No. 2003" For whom the Bell Tolls"HARE: Beeflicker

 

Who wuz there: Beeflicker, Shitfaced (Circle only), Man-Pig, Hotlips, Zoot, Forrest Stump, Perry, Psycho, Warm front, Slip-on-Me, Smellie, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Beefy, Pisswell, Well Hopped, Fukarewe, Ernie, Melon Picker, Soapy, Palmolive, Piddler, Ablesemen, Coldtits, Wet-Johnny, Manopause, Erection, Roger the Dodger and AshHash visitor/returnee - Cinderfella. Perhaps another hasher I have missed, might have been a visitor?

 

Circle

I arrived late so I didn't catch any of the notifications. I think Ablesemen was reminding everyone about next week's Hash. It is our Burns' Night run and Hashers are requested to wear something Scottish or, in Beefy's case, log (get it?) a caber around the trail.

 

It was even colder than last week but the appeal of summer attire was becoming infectious. All the Penners were sporting shorts as was Fukarewe.

 

Over to the Hare, Beeflicker.

" I have no idea how long it is?" a good start.

"At the church, go right and the Longs is an out and back trail", and, with that, off we went....all thinking to ourselves, "Which church?"

 

Trail

This is the first trail that I've ever been on where it has been easier to stay on trail by pretending to be a bat and rely on echolocation rather than blobs of flour. In fairness, the marks were good but, after 20 minutes into the trail, we were additionally aided by the sound of bells.

 

What we didn't know was that this was the siren call of disaster as the Longs were being lured to the Hill of Death (now renamed Three Pee Hill), see later.

 

In simple terms, the trail took us out to Bovey Tracy and back.

 

Initially, the trail took us west along a road parallel with the A38. Soon we turned north heading for Knighton Heath.

 

I was the last to leave the car park as I had been buttonholed by Shitfaced. I now had some catching up to do.

 

By the time that we found an arrow that took us off road and across a frozen marsh, I had caught up with Piddler, Palmolive and Soapy.

 

We tried tiptoeing through the marsh and jumping from tuft to tuft so as to avoid breaking through the ice. However, just like last week, there was always going to be a solitary bit of wet that was impossible to avoid.

 

So wet feet it was.

 

Marsh turned to a muddy trail in woods. Smellie also failed in her tiptoeing exploits. Back on road, at Little Bovey farm, it was a right turn and heading due north towards Bovey Tracey.

 

By this time, we could hear bells. There was only one church that it could be - Bovey Tracey church.

It did cross my mind that there is a bloody long steep hill that runs immediately to the west of the Church - Furzeleigh Hill. We have been up and down it many times before on a Hash. Still, we wouldn't be going up there as the Hare had told us to keep to the right at the church. Besides, a return trail to Bovey and back would clock up at least 5 miles; long enough at -5 degrees centigrade.

 

An undone shoelace had me at the back again. The lane was just beginning to get a little icy in places so I was quite glad when another arrow had us bear left and onto a public footpath that crossed two fields before passing through the middle of Lower Bradley Farm.

 

I didn't recognise this area at all and, for me, it sure looked like virgin territory - at least in the dark.

Again I caught up with Piddler, Soapy and Palmolive. Once past the farm, we were on a mixture of narrow tracks and raised boardwalks next to a couple of ponds.

 

It is only now that I have the OS map out in front of me, that I can see that we were in Little Bradley Ponds Nature Reserve. I suspect that it looks lovely in the daylight.

 

Out of the woods and onto tracks again and the Walkers/Long-Short split at the eastern edge of Bovey Tracey.

 

Piddler, Soapy and Palmolive followed the walkers, whilst I thought that I was following the Longs and the Shorts into Bovey.

 

A couple of hundred yards ahead, I could see Hashers emerging from hedges to the left and crossing the B3344. I had obviously missed a bit of off road. Never mind. These hashers transpired to be Pisswell, Smellie, Ernie and Fukarewe.

 

We zigzagged our way up, over and around numerous residential roads following arrows in chalk. then we ground to a halt. Too many arrows.

 

On a concrete manhole cover, there were at least 8 arrows, all pointing in different directions. All very confusing.

 

However, on closer examination, only one of these arrows was in yellow chalk, all of the others were in white spray paint...the sort that Western power use!

 

Apparently, we were not the only ones to be befuddled by the plethora of arrows. The Topiary twins had also got waylaid by the marks.

 

We had rather guessed that Warmfront and Psycho might be in front of us.

 

The give-away was not the fact that they're twice as fast as us, it was that some of the "kicked-out" checks had been marked with bundled of leaves or other plant life!

 

As we followed the trail, the sound of bells grew ever louder. At the church, we arrived at the Long/Short split. We followed the dots and the arrows, but not to the right of the church - to the left. My heart sank....marks up fecking Furzeleigh Lane. What made it worse was the fact that there's nothing at the top of Furzeleigh Lane except a panoramic view over Bovey (in the daytime).

The marks were now on both the left and the right, so this was the out and back trail.

 

Our misery was further compounded by the fact that we had't encountered any returning FRB's. Had they already done the out and back or was this a long, long out and back? It proved to be the latter.

Up, up and up we went. Just before the tarmac lane turns into a farm track, a local's four-wheel drive sped past us forcing us into the hedge....pillock.

 

More climbing, and no sign of returning FRB's. All the way up to Bearacleave Wood and still no sign of the FRB's. "We must Shirley be doing an about turn by now", I thought, with 3.2 miles already registering on the GPS.

 

But it didn't stop there. The marks led us into Bearacleave Woods. the last time that we were in here we had a lovely drink stop, port and rum, I think, courtesy of Soapy. I bet that was nearly 15 years ago. No port and rum today. Eventually, we saw lights coming towards us. It was the missing FRB's.

 

"Not far to go now", advised Beefy as he sped past in the opposite direction.

 

Hmmm......not far to the end of the out and back but then we have to make it all the way back to Chudleigh Knighton.

 

To be honest, the woods were quite enchanting. They would be a good run in the summer.

We reached a clearing just before the U-turn. Here we noticed ropes hanging from the trees. No doubt so that Hashers could hang themselves after just having climbed up Furzeleigh Lane.

 

Anyway, back we went. Just before leaving the woods, we encountered Pisswell and Smellie coming the other way.

 

They are a jolly determined pair - even if Smellie had thought that she was still on the Shorts!

 

Back at the top of Furzeligh lane, the cold took its toll. First Ernie succumbed to the call of nature, followed by the Man-pig. Then, so as not to be left out, Fukarewe decided to take a pee as well.

We backtracked to the church and the Long/Short split, and followed the trail back towards Chudleigh Knighton. A lot of the return trail was along the edge of the unpavemented B3344. Fortunately, we were all wearing hi-vis running tops, so we made it back without incident.

 

The trail had been 7.04 miles according to Ernie's Strava but only 6.27 miles by my elderly Garmin. It was now ten past nine and time to get changed, and get a well earned pint in.....but only if I could get my shoelaces undone which had frozen solid.

 

Down-Downs

It had been bitingly cold out on trail. Hence a pub with an open fire was a jolly welcome sight to thaw out some frozen hashers.

 

Forrest had a night off from pantomime duties so officiated on the evening.

 

"Does anyone have an award from last week or any week".

 

There was only one award present. It was Psycho with the Horned Hat. Regrettably, Psycho was out of practice regarding Hash etiquette and had no accompanying story. Forrest, accordingly, made something up.

 

"I heard a Harriet in the car park saying that she had a "Cold but(t)....", but what? A cold - but I can still run or a cold bottom? What is the opposite of a Cold butt?"

 

Man-Pig suggested a Hot Willy. This was clearly not what the RA was after. Eventually the Hash came up with the correct answer - a Warm Front. Hmmm, evidently Forest was not having a night off from panto duties after all.

 

Somehow Warm Front's Down-Down ended up with Psycho so she got her hat back again only 3 minutes after having surrendered it!

 

Next up was the Hare. Over 7 miles in this weather! I ask you? We all agreed that it was an excellent trail, if a tad flat on the Longs! A note for the Hare accompanied by a glass of water.

 

"Any more stories".

 

Fukarewe mentioned that he was fed up running with senior members of the Hash. They slow him down as they are always stopping for a pee. Namely Man-Pig and Ernie. What's worse is that they take an inordinately long time rummaging for their John Thomas. Well, it was cold out there and we did have to take our gloves off first.

 

However, this is not the Down-Down story. The actual story concerned a Harriet who entices two Hashers into her car just before the Circle. Now, Fukarewe was less than forthcoming in advising the Hash as to why they were invited into the back seat of Ablesemen's car. Suffice it to say, that is not the first time that Ernie and Fukarewe have fallen under Ablesemen's spell.

 

Accordingly a half pint of ale and a note for Ablesemen.

 

Smellie did not escape a Down-Down for trying to tiptoe her way around a muddy length of track - unsuccessfully.

 

Forrest also had a run badge. Continuing the panto theme, the Hash all have to guess the number...... "Higher"...... "Lower"; this was irrespective of whether you've guessed it correctly. Once we'd settled on 300 it was guess the name of the recipient. The badge eventually landed on a very surprised Slip-on-Me. Slip-on-Me looked rather uncomfortable as she tarried her way through the half pint of ale. I agree. It's just not the same as a G&T is it?

 

There was one solitary half pint of ale left. But someone had a birthday tomorrow....don't you Soapy?

The cacophony of the all the right notes, not necessarily in the right order, was rendered in traditional Hash fashion - much to the amusement of the bar staff.

 

Forrest thanked the pub for the beer which, I think, Smellie had a hand in organising.

Finally, "Where are we next week?"

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Tuckers Maltings Taphouse, Newton Abbot with Ablesemen Haring. It is our Burns' Night run so please wear something Scottish.

 

Finally, finally. A quick plug for Broadhempston's annual home made beer festival. Once again, Fukarewe is amongst it's organisers. It is taking place at the village hall in Broadhempston on 10th February. Put it in your diary.

 

On-On to next week. MP

TVH3 The Words for 8th January 2024

Two Mile Oak, Ipplepen

Run No. 2002

 

" A Sense of Deja Vu"

 

HARES: Only Here for the Beer, Shitfaced & Slip on Me

 

Who wuz there: Only Here for the Beer, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Arkangel, Bluebird (late), Beeflicker, Slip-on-Me, Smellie, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Beefy, Pisswell, Well Hopped, Big End, Roger the Dodger, Ernie, Melon Picker, Soapy, Palmolive, Popeye & family, Ablesemen, Wet-Johnny, Manopause, Squashed Balls, Twin Buffers and Triple Jump.

 

Circle

Cold out there wasn't it? A very light fluttering of snow was swirling as we circled/huddled up waiting to be called to attention.

 

Almost everyone was was running on the spot and clutching opposite shoulders with their hands. The wind had picked up and it was a tad chilly.

 

Somehow this didn't seem to affect Manopause or Beefy who were still in shorts and T-shirts!

No announcements from the GM apart from a New Year welcome for those who weren't in attendance last week. So, immediately, over to Smellie. The Hare Razor needs Hares as from 24th February.

Now over to the Hares.

 

First off:

"Who wants food? Sausage, chips and beans at £6 a head?" I think that there were about 9 scoffers.

OHFTB explained that there were three trails. A Long, about 6 miles; a Short, about 4 miles and a Walkers' trail of about one and a half miles.

 

Shitfaced also added that there might be a bit of water and that there was some ice.....something to look forward to but this would only be on the Longs' and the Shorts' trails.

Finally, OHFTB said, "You will know where you are!". He wasn't kidding!

 

Trail

The trail took us right out of the pub car park and down towards Denbury. At the first junction, there was a check. This had already been kicked out to the right towards East Ogwell. I was running with Big End who was only just recovering from the winter lurgy. He was, nevertheless, keeping up a good pace. Ahead of us, we discerned the occasional reflection of the FRB's torches - Beefy and Beeflicker.

We followed the very clear marks as the trail zigzagged along a lane that runs through the middle of a small farm.

 

At the next junction, we came to the first of three Long/Short splits. The Longs beared right and continued towards East Ogwell. At Ogwell Green, an arrow had us going left and down into the village and past the Jolly Sailor. This pub had partially burned down about 4 years ago but still hasn't reopened. A shame as we used to Hash from here frequently.

 

At the first junction past the pub, another arrow had us going left and uphill. I was beginning to get a sense of deja vu as we passed the spot where the Bird had collapsed into a hedge about 3 years ago - only to be saved by Swinger, Carl and Big End.

 

Soon we were at a crossroads and another Long & Short/Walkers' split. To the left was road. Ahead of us, the Walkers had a dry track. To the right of us everyone else was about to enter icy water. We were, indeed, repeating OHFTB's trail from April last year.

 

Accordingly, I offer you last April's description of the trail here below:

 

The weather was pretty poor and the doubting Thomas in me kicked in. I wasn't expecting great things. Especially as I had bumped into OHFB in the Park Inn on Saturday. Yes, he had a plan for the trail but it would involve a lot of road. I told him not to worry. We would all be thankful for any trail given the forecast.

How wrong I was! The Hares had laid a great trail and, despite the rain, virtually all marks were intact on a clearly laid trail. Did I say, "Clearly laid trail?". The FRB's thought that the trail was clearly marked. Beeflicker only got off trail once. Running straight across the OH sign he decided to go around the trail again. He only stopped when he ran past the wooden horse for the second time. Man-Pig, Big End, Ned and Well Hopped stayed together on the way round and had no problems with the marks. We even caught a glimpse of principle FRB, Beeflicker, in the far distance at one point.

However, not everyone followed the marks as assiduously as the FRBs. Or, maybe they did, just not the same marks. At the Circle Shitfaced did mention that Haldon Hash were running from Denbury. However, it was impossible to confuse the two trails as Haldon's was laid in sawdust and TVH's was exclusively flour.

"Impossible". Believe me, nothing is impossible for a Hasher. And so it was that we had the latest Down-Downs in living memory* - they commenced at 9.45 when the last of the lost/diverted hashers reached the On-Down.

What had happened? Well, one - very late - hasher had bumped into Fallen Woman who was doing the Haldon Hash trail. Fallen Woman promised this Harriet great things on the Haldon trail including a free beer stop. So this Harriet abandons virgin visitor, Anna from London, and merrily follows Fallen Woman to the Haldon beer stop. It must have been some beer stop as this Harriet didn't make it back to the pub till 9.45!

Meanwhile, back in the pub, it transpired that quite a few Hashers had been in Denbury open prison. Not literally, but they had run through the car park and the public footpath that exits at the eastern end of Denbury. Maybe this was part of the Shorts' trail but it certainly wasn't part of the Longs'. Latecomers included Ernie and virgin visitor, Anna. These arrived back at the pub at 9.20 and, additionally, Beefy was even later. In fact, the latecomers were so late that Piltdown Man kindly went on a recce to look for them.

What had gone wrong with Beefy? A footwear malfunction apparently. Beefy is still recovering from a badly sprained ankle. It is on the mend so he is happy to walk the Longs', but in hiking boots. These hiking boots are nice and sturdy. They support the ankle well and, crucially, they are waterproof. Therein lies the folly. Things that keep the water out are also very good at keeping the water in. And so it proved to be when the trail took us through nearly 2 feet of water on a flooded farm track. Now, 24 inches of water doesn't work too well with 6 inch high hiking boots. The net result was that Beefy had a very slow and squidgy walk around the Longs' as each of his boots now weighted at least 10 pounds. He said that he felt like a deep sea diver minus his Siebe Gorman copper helmet.

OHFB was right about a lot of road but this was more that outweighed by the swimming; literally in the case of Ned who couldn't touch the bottom and resorted to doggy style at the first, and deepest, puddle. Shitfaced had lied. He only mentioned a single puddle in the pre run spiel. Not the twenty of so that we encountered over the 6 mile Long.

 

Down-Downs

The Two Mile Oak is a lovely old pub with a warm welcome; made even more to be appreciated when the weather outside is so bitterly cold. Accordingly, the RA commenced by thanking the pub for the beer for the Down-Downs and for laying on the scoff...... but the bar had no staff present so he repeated this again when they returned.

 

Now onto the Down-Downs. "Any awards from last week?"

 

Shitfaced appeared with the Jester's Hat and a story of delight only to be followed by bitter disappointment.

 

A fellow Hasher had given him a late Christmas present. It was a beautifully gift wrapped box of walnut whips; a six pack no less! Do you remember them when they had a walnut on the inside as well as on the top?

 

Shitfaced likes his chocolate so decided to dig right in. He'd have one now and save the rest for later.

Opening the box, his smile faded. The six had shrunk to two. All the Harriets agreed. It is so very disappointing when you're expecting the full six but the best that is on offer on the evening is a mere two. I think that this contravenes the Trades Description Act; now superseded by the Unfair Terms in Consumer Contracts regulations 1999. I know exactly how the poor Harriets must feel when six becomes a two. It was the same at Blundell's!

 

Apparently the benefactor had got a bit peckish in the pub......not enough sausage, I suspect. Hence she couldn't resist the temptation of a chocolate fix instead. The guilty party? Triple Jump who despatched her glass of water pretty quickly.

 

Any other stories? Well, Manopause had a tale of a harriet who had a dislike for a ducking. Step forward, Well Hopped if you please.

 

Obviously the Chief Hare deserved a DD for laying the six miler in jolly cold weather; not that he needed a map. The Longs' was an inch perfect repeat of his last trail from the Two Mile Oak. Well done OHFTB as well as our GM Shitfaced (shorts) and Slip on Me (walkers).

 

"Does anyone have a birthday?"

 

Yes. Piltdown Man will be 69 on Wednesday.

 

Squashed Balls had a story about visiting the Two Mile Oak way back in the 70's. This was when they fielded their very own squash team. The story eventually unfurled into a joke about late night lock-ins and dodgy gambling in one bar whilst folk music was being played in the other bar. A term known locally as, 'Fiddling at front. Poker in the back'. "This is all very well Squashed Balls but who are you going to give the Down-Down to?".

"Err. I was only telling a joke".

"Well give me a name", requested the RA, "Any name".

"Oh. Melon Picker".

So, with that, the last beer was consumed to a rendition of, "Here's to Melon Poker. He's so blue....."

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Claycutters Arms, Chudleigh Knighton. Our Hare for the night is Beeflicker. Drivers are requested to park their cars in the lower car park below the children's play area. We do not yet know if the pub is doing food on a Monday night so watch this space for further information.

 

On-On to next week. MP

Run #2003 Monday 15th January

Circle up 7:15 pm from the Claycutters Arms, Chudleigh Knighton, Newton Abbot TQ13 0EY with Beeflicker.

Please try and park in the lower car park.

 

Run #2002 Monday 8th January circle up 7:15 pm from

Two Mile Oak Inn, Newton Abbot TQ12 6DF with Only Here for the Beer.