ANOTHER WET JOHNNY EPIC & A BIG, BIG BADGE

TVH3 The Words for 19th February 2024

The Corner Flag, Devon FA, Newton Abbot

 

Run No. 2008

 

HARE: Wet-Johnny

 

Who wuz there: Wet-Johnny, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Bluebird, Threesum, Forrest-Stump, Perry, Melonpicker, Fukarewe, Amy (virgin), Smellie, Beefy, Pisswell, Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Well Hopped, Big End, Ned, Roger the Dodger, Coldtits, Slip-on-Me, Manopause, Wetfart, Rise'n'Shine, Mateus Rose, Strap-On, Strap-Dancer, Squashed Balls, Twin Buffers, Popeye, Popeye's partner and Bobbiball (pub only).

 

Circle

GM Shitfaced welcomed all into the Circle including virgin, Amy. She was welcomed with the usual liberal dowsing of flour. 

 

Shitfaced mentioned that the Committee (the committed) were going to promote a "Bring a friend" hash (next week). 

 

There would be a prize on the Awards' Night for whoever had brought along the most friends. A lot of navel gazing took place as sad and lonely hashers contemplated:

 

a) did they have any friends?

b) if they did have friends, would any of them be potty enough to come out to get cold, wet and dirty?

Food for thought.

 

Smellie was absent. A miscommunication between her and her chauffeur, Coldtits.

 

Coldtits: "I am at the station".

Smellie: "So am I".

Coldtits: "I am at the front of the station and I can't see you".

Smellie: " I am at the front of the station and I can't see you!"

Coldtits: "Which station are you at?"

Smellie: "Teignmouth".

Coldtits: "Newton Abbot".

 

Here endeth the lesson; one less Down-Down to worry about.

 

Wetfart gave us an update on Teapot. Teapot is still in Torbay hospital. He is in good spirits but an MRI scan has confirmed that he's had two mini-strokes. On the upside, Teapot's speech is fine and the only apparent downside is that his balance is a little off. All visits would be much appreciated.

 

Man-Pig updated all on Fallen Woman's funeral and wake this coming Friday. The dress code is, "Wear something colourful to remind us of Fallen Woman's colourful character". The funeral is at Torbay Crematorium at 10.30am. The wake will follow straight afterwards at Brixham Sailing Club. I understand that the wake will continue until closing time!

 

Over to the the Hare, Wet-Johnny.

 

Wet-Johnny explained: "There are Walkers', Shorts' and Longs' trails. The Shorts' trail will be about 4.5 miles". However, he might have gone a bit overboard with the Longs'.....ahem...."7 miles! There are two Long/Short splits".

 

Trail

For the second time in TVH3 history. we were back at the Corner Flag - again organised by Wet-Johnny.

 

The Walkers and the Shorts immediately dropped into Decoy Woods for a jaunt around the lake. Six fools elected for the long Longs: Beeflicker - never to be seen again, Beefy, Man-Pig, Big-End, Well Hopped and Pisswell.

 

The Longs went up to Coach Road and turned left and then left again down the broad and muddy track into the rear of Decoy Brake.

 

Initially, we all scampered and tiptoed around the shiggy bits. We always do it and I don't know why because we all know the futility of such actions. Inevitably, you're going to get wet and muddy, and so it proved to be. The tracks in the woods were like streams in places. 

 

At the southeast corner of Blackball Plantation, I was convinced that we would go right and across the 4 fields that would take us near the Priory in Abbotskerswell. BONG!Wrong! A cross barred our way.

We took a left and down the track and followed the excellent, clear and frequent marks back to the Keyberry Inn where we caught up with the Walkers. This was also the point of a Walkers/Long & Shorts split. 

 

The Walkers headed towards the Keyberry whilst the Longs and the Shorts stayed on Kingskerswell Road heading for, well, Kingskerswell obviously.

 

I was sure that we would turn right and upto the Priory and the next junction. BONG! Wrong again. There was a check but it had been kicked out straight ahead. 

 

Beefy passed me. Where had he been? He had been miles in front earlier. At the roundabout near the new Oak business park, arrows had us carry on past the Barn Owl and then left along Torquay Road towards Newton Abbot before turning up right behind Romany Jones. This was not what I had been expecting. 

 

Climbing up Yew Tree Climb (as named by Strava) we turned left at Paraprick's pad. In front of me, I could just see Beefy's torchlight. Behind me were two torches. Almost certainly Well Hopped and Big End.

 

It was a straight trail along Milber Lane to Wet-Johnny manning the sweetie-stop. This was also the second Long/Short split. Beefy and I headed towards Milber Industrial estate where an arrow had us turn right and up towards Hiller lane but no Hiller Lane tonight. 

 

A kicked out check had us heading on a track that we haven't been on in ages. We were heading towards Buckland. 

 

At Shaldon Road, it was straight across and then down Haytor Drive. At the bottom, we crossed over the yellow pedestrian footbridge and into the edge of the Brunel industrial estate. We took a left and back to the Penn inn roundabout. 

 

Under the underpass, after having stopped to admire oneself in the mirror that is supposed to keep cyclists and pedestrians on the correct side of the underpass - Popeye beware.

 

Exiting at Sainsburys, (I thought we were going to ban trails running past supermarkets - too much of an distraction for Smellie) the trail took us past Mcdonalds and back into Decoy Woods via a narrow ginnel running behind a row of houses. 

 

Again, the marks were clear and copious for a simple climb back up and into the Devon FA playing fields.

 

Another fine solo trail laid, marshalled and replenished by Wet-Johnny. Well done.

 

Down-Downs

Forest-Stump had asked Man-Pig to RA for the evening so it was:

 

"Thank you to the pub for doing the scoff and for the beer". From memory, I don't think that the pub does scoff on Monday after 7pm so it was good for the chef to stay on to cook for hungry hashers.

"What did we think of the trail?" Despite the usual jeers of "Too dry", Too flat" it was an excellent trail following an unexpected and circuitous route.

 

"Who has an award from last week?"

 

Manopause had the Hashshit shirt and looked straight at Smellie.

 

"Wrong station?" but it was such a cheap shot that the shirt went to a recipient for his performance at last week's Valentine's Day hash. 

 

Someone had ducked out of dancing lessons and headed straight to the pub. To make matters worse, he had placed himself in a window seat so that he could wave at passing Hashers whilst quaffing his beer.

So who had placed themselves squarely in a window looking for all the world as though he was sitting for a portrait painting? Roger the Dodger. In addition to the Hashshit shirt, he got a big turd hat (or was it a giant walnut whip?) courtesy of Beeflicker.

 

A note for the portrait boy.

 

Next up was Beeflicker himself. He had the Jester's Hat. He outlined a brief story about two SCB's. It concerned Fukarewe and virgin Amy. 

 

Eventually, Fukarewe did the honourable thing and stepped up to take the Down-Down. However, there was a new award, again courtesy of Beeflicker via Yorkshire Hash.

 

A pinny with a pair of ladies projecting 'accoutrements'. There was a snap taken but perhaps, on reflection, Fukarwi decided that he looked too much of a prize wally. Mind you, Roger the Dodger certainly looked the part in his shirt and walnut whip outfit.

 

A note for the SCB.

 

There was one award left over from last week. 

 

Last week Checkmate's virgin friend, Shay, was given the horned hat. He wasn't going to be present this week so he had given it to Miss Whiplash (AKA Coldtits) to give away. 

 

So what had Coldtits seen on trail? It was not so much what Coldtits had seen, it was more a case of what Popeye had seen.......a lot of himself. Apparently. Popeye had been seen running through the Penn Inn underpass but momentarily stopping at each mirror in order to undertake a bit of preening!

A note for the vain one.

 

Were there any more stories? Squashed Balls piped up that it was twin Buffers' birthday on Thursday.

Now, normally, this would have warranted a Down-Down. 

 

However, tonight was a very special night. There was a big, and I mean BIG, run badge to award. So big, in fact, that the RA had never seen one before......1100 runs! 

 

So who had wasted 1100 Mondays. My guess was that we'd be looking for someone old. Front and centre there was a table of contenders, Bluebird, Wetfart and Bobbiball.

 

"And the winner is..............Wetfart". What a fantastic achievement!

 

"Get a life. Get a life, life,life...." etc.

 

An echo of the Lurv hash, Strap-On distributed the contents of a box of Milk Tray chocs. Very generous.

 

My word, Smellie. How on earth you didn't get a Down-Down.....but there's always next week!

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is a long awaited return to a former favourite watering hole of TVH, The Bishop Lacey, Chudleigh. Our Hares for the evening are Hotlips and Zoot. 

 

And don't forget to bring a friend!

 

On-On to next week, MP.

Monday's details

 Run #2008 Monday 19th February 7:15 pm circle up from the Corner Flag bar, Devon FA, County Headquarters, Coach Rd, Newton Abbot TQ12 1EJ with Wet Johnny.

 

A HEART TO HEART HASH by Pisswell

TVH3 The words for 12th February 2024

Run No 2007, Valentines hash

 

The Dolphin, Bovey Tracey

 

Hares: Coldtits, Beefy and Pisswell

 

Who woz there: Shitfaced, Manpig, Manopause, Wet Johnny, Big End, Wellhopped, Slip on me, Cheerio Beerio (dance venue only and bringing professional dance experts, Eva, AKA Puddle Plopper, and Darcy AKA Twinkle Toes,) Able Semen, Zoot, Hotlips, Mateus Rose, Rise and Shine, Wet Fart, Melon Picker, Ernie, Piltdown Man, Georgie Porgie, Checkmate, Checkmate’s mate (Shane), Warm Front, Pyscho, Beefy, Pisswell and Coldtits.

 

The circle

People unfortunately had not persuaded their “unwilling partners” to attend our Romantic valentines hash, but many had turned out inappropriate [sic] clothing!

 

There was no Smellie re further hash dates. Apparently, she had better romantic ideas for herself! No Pisswell at the circle either, so hope everyone paid up!

 

Georgie Porgie and Piltdown Man announced that they would not be attending for the next four weeks and so Able offered to take names for attendees.

 

Wetfart said that Teapot had been unwell again and it would be a while before he would be back to the hash. DIY Scoff orders for the evening to be placed at the bar please.

 

No 1 Hare: The other hares being out on trail, Beefy explained that there would be three trails from the Dolphin, with regroups. The regroups would be overseen by two dominatrices.

 

Hashers were reminded that it was important to be obedient and be submissive as there would be prizes for those that obeyed.

 

The trail

Hashers ran from the CP in all directions as expected but where was the trail? Beefy herded the hash, and the odd cat, to the first regroup, just across the road in the Riverside community hall. 

 

There they were greeted by hares no 2 and 3, Coldtits and Pisswell, and also Cheerio Beerio and her two professional dancers Eva and Darcy. (Their real names are listed above, but they used their professional names for the evening!)

 

The 5 had decorated the hall in balloons, banners and lots of fairy lights. Love potions were served, roses were placed between teeth and hashers were given a pre hash warm up, by learning some dirty dancing.

 

A simple sexy salsa was taught to them all to the tune of Despercito. Coldtits and Pisswell wielded their whips to keep everyone in line and having a go.

 

Heart Trail 1

Beefy had lovingly and romantically devised the same route for everyone with a heart being incorporated into each trail. So if you are a Strava or Garmin fan, you will have gone home with at least two, if not three, extra hearts.

 

Pisswell and Coldtits tried cleverly to stagger the intervals between departures from the hall, pretending that some groups had tried harder or done it better, (ha ha!) and hoping that everyone should return at the same time, whilst Beefy tried to ensure that it happened.

 

As you can imagine, it was like herding cats! The first trail was a simple 1/2m around the Mill Marsh park, but obviously not as simple as the people doing it!

 

However, eventually all returned to the hall to dance party no 2. 

 

Again, all were welcomed with any left over love potions. Actually, I think it made all the difference to these “close encounters” with the opposite sex hashers! This time there were strawberries, some of which were dipped in chocolate.

 

The rest had a promise of chocolate, slightly spoilt by Pisswell’s emergency run to the camper van to do some more. She found Beefy lying unconsciousness from his running efforts, and despite their best combined efforts, they were unable to produce enough gas to light the stove!

 

For the health conscious, there was also oyster (mushrooms) at the party, to get you going, and carrots to see whereyou were going! All sugar free, gluten free, wheat free. In fact just free!

 

So to the accompaniment of some Irish music, we then attempted to “Strip the willow”. In fact the Irish dancers “tie their laces” or, is it “ undo the laces”? But it all happens in the middle of sets. (not sex!) 

 

Well, I have no idea how our hashers ever get to a hash on time with their shoes on, because it was hilarious! How hard is it to “Right hand turn your partner”, “left hand turn” the next in the line? It was!

Anyway, again the walkers won the contest, followed by shorts and leaving the longs to shape up those moves!

 

Heart Trail 2

This time, Beefy directed the hashers up to the recreational ground, where they picked up marks ( dashes) to form a new heart. 

 

The mileage this time was about 1m, giving the walkers a total of 1 1/2m covered, before their return to the pub. 

 

For some, this was sooner than others. Wet Fart said he was exhausted from the dancing! Do I believe that? ….No.

 

Well, eventually more filed in to the music from Chris de Burgh, Lady in Red. So our last dance was an up close and personal, smoochy number. 

 

Again, the whip was out encouraging people to swap partners and phone numbers or whatever.

Unfortunately, at this point, I totally forgot there was one more run! So my plan to send out the shorts, then longs, then walkers went for a burton!

 

I think I thought, “ ok that’s enough drooling, hand wandering, sexy stuff” but instead said, “ ok, you can go now. Get lost!” And so they did, to trail 3. (shorts and longs only).

 

Heart Trail 3

Trail 3 was up past the fire station and into Parke. There the trail went up beside the road and then right to the Dartmoor pony heritage centre. 

 

It then went right down towards the road, crossed and up again.

 

Any shortcuts here would have broken or ruptured a heart, but everyone seemed to have survived! Shortly afterwards, at the cattle grid on the main drive, hashers found our only long/ short split.

 

The shorts returned through the deep mud out to the fire station and on home. The longs went left and then onto a woodland trail, which eventually took them back through muddy fields to the National Trust carpark. They returned to the short trail and on home.

 

At this stage, Shane, who is Checkmate’s mate, took a fall, landing in the mud and giving himself a chocolate coating look. (unlike the strawberries).

 

Heart(y) Down downs

Meanwhile, back at the Dolphin, the hash was awaiting the returnees.

 

The longs had completed another 3.8m, making just over 5m and the shorts did somewhere between.

It was a sheer delight for me to be sat in the pub waiting for others, especially as, on this very rare occasion, Manpig was the last man in!

 

After a quick pint placed in his hand, he was able to perform his RA duties. 

 

The pub was thanked for its beer and the hares for their hash with a difference. 

 

Psycho had the jesters hat. It was awarded to Shane for his spectacular fall. The hashit shirt had boomeranged back to Pisswell last week, and in the absence of Wetfart, (who deserved it back), was given to Manopause for his dirty dancing or was it sweaty dancing in his posh, flowery, non-absorbent shirt!

 

Two remaining pints and no further tales. Slip on me and Able Seaman received a down down for something that had happened with Ernie. He did say his end had dropped off so what had they been doing to him?

 

Beefy accepted a down down on behalf of the hares for his dashing outfit (great tie), or was it his dashes instead of dots? Even then, all was not over!

 

As promised, it was on to the dancing awards. As Melon Picker rushed home to make full use of the slow to work love potion, he was handed a small bottle of Prosecco, winning the title of most sexy dancer.

 

Next was the award for the most romantic couple, a meal out to celebrate their togetherness. Well Hopped and Big End were delighted to receive their lady and the tramp bowlful of spaghetti and sausages. (we were on a tight budget). 

 

Unfortunately, the food was cold, (gas problems again) but they fed each other lovingly with forks, even attempting the romantic spaghetti kiss as per lady and the tramp!

 

It was so tasty, even Pyscho joined in later! The best male outfit was awarded to Shitfaced for his suit and bow tie, winning a bottle of red wine. 

 

Best female outfit was to Slip on Me, with a beautiful dress and makeup, winning a dozen red roses.

The award for best dancer went to Warm Front, particularly for her boisterous swinging. She won a romantic evening kit for two, comprising a candle, body spray, lubricating jelly, condoms and a chocolate heart.

 

The most promising dancer was Checkmate’s Mate (Shane) for being game and having a go. He won a box of chocolates. The best dad dancer award went to Wet Johnny for his unique style. He was awarded a small bottle of Prosecco. 

 

The most impressive dancer was awarded to Pyscho and she therefore had the most impressive prize. She rushed out to try her new Pellet battery toy and had full hopes of the batteries being exhausted by next weeks hash!

 

Realising that the goody bag was now empty, we hurriedly tried to find an award for the best dirty dancer, Manopause. 

 

Unfortunately, he declined the left over two glasses of pure Dolphin water, but I’m sure was very grateful to the many people who took their time to vote for him!

 

So a big thank you and well done to everyone who came, and to all your efforts with outfits & dancing.

Special thanks to Cheerio Beerio & her lovely 2 young girls for helping prepare & de-rig the dance hall, & showing us their own wonderful dance moves.

 

And lastly, as I usually do my words as a song, just a quickie…. To the music of Lady in red, as below:

 

https://youtu.be/Vt2YIpZWBqA?feature=shared

 

I've never seen hashers look so lovely as you did last night

I've never seen such fairy lights, mhm hm

I’ve never seen so many men try avoiding to dance

They're looking for much more than romance

Given half a chance…..

We’ll never forget the way you looked tonight!

 

Next week. Beat that Wet Johnny! In fact, It will be lovely to get back to normal next week! We will be circling up at the Corner Flag bar, Coach road, Newton Abbot.

TVH3 The Words for 5th February 2024

Ye Olde Jolly Sailor, Teignmouth

Run No. 2006 - Polyfella's Birthday Run

 

HARE: Polyfella

 

Who wuz there: Polyfella, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Bluebird, Archangel, Hotlips, Zoot, Cheerio Beerio, Threesum, Only Here for the Beer, Forrest-Stump, Perry, Melonpicker, Fukarewe, Warmfront, Psycho, Smellie, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Beefy, Pisswell, Beeflicker, Well Hopped, Big End, Ned, Roger the Dodger, Ablesemen, Coldtits, Slip-on-Me, Wet-Johnny, Manopause, Broadshit, U-Bend, Piddler, Tamsin (Miss Ing), Wetfart, Triple-Jump, Rise'n'Shine, Mateus Rose and returnee Ollie.

 

Circle

Inevitably, the main topic of conversation pre-circle concerned Fallen Woman.

You could tell by the faces that Fallen Woman's passing had come as a huge shock. The sadness was palpable and our thoughts and prayers are with Broken Man and daughters Sarah and Kim and larger family.

 

After a brief welcome by GM Shitfaced, Man-Pig was invited into the Circle to say a few words about Fallen Woman and recent developments.

 

Man-Pig had spoken with Sarah and, with her permission, he imparted a little more information regarding Fallen Woman's passing.

 

Perhaps, more crucially, he went on to explain that the Hash is much more than a drinking club with a running problem. 

 

We are friends, bonded together by big hearts and kindness. The Hash it is our hobby and our chill-out time. 

 

When we arrive at the Hash, we put on our happiest smiles and bravest faces even when, inside, we may not be very happy. 

 

Each one of us has had a time in our lives when we've found ourselves in a dark place; for some, darker, deeper and more prolonged than others.

 

In the Hash, you are surrounded by friends and, for many, these are close friends. When you're among friends and someone asks you how you are, it's OK to say, "Well, actually, today I am not so good". There is no shame or stigma attaching to feeling down or depressed or sharing your anxiety. 

 

From the surrounding nods we've all been there to a lesser or greater degree. As my dear old Mum used to say, "A trouble shared is a trouble halved." 

 

It is good to talk and, hopefully, the camaraderie of the Hash, the run and the post run beer and banter brings a little light into the darkness. 

 

Ergo, we hope that the comments on the SH4, TVH3 and AH3 Facebook pages can provide a little comfort to Broken Man, Kim and Sarah as Fallen Woman was always such a joy to be with.....fun all the way. 

 

A Harriet who will never be forgotten by those who enjoyed the privilege of her warm, and frequently gregarious, company.

 

On a more pragmatic note, Broken Man is currently in Cheltenham with their youngest daughter, Kim. I understand that the plan is for Broken Man to return to Brixham at the weekend. 

 

The funeral will be at Torbay crematorium on Friday 23rd February at 10.30 followed by The Wake at Brixham Yacht Club. Kim has advised that the family will be keeping Fallen Woman's Facebook account open in order to update friends regarding the funeral etc.

 

We are sure that Fallen Woman would have wanted the show to go on so next it was a change of tempo as Pisswell promoted next week's Valentine's Day hash.....although some seem to have already recategorised it as a Hallow'een hash. Wear something bright or outrageous; just don't be boring....perhaps, just perhaps, even think of bringing your partner along?

 

Fukarewe put in a plug about this Saturday's (10th February) Broadhempstone Beer Festival. This takes place at Broadhempstone village hall and, historically, it's been a bit of a hoot - just ask Warmfront.

Finally, the Hare.

 

"The Longs' is about six. The Shorts' four and the Walkers' about two and a half. There is one Long/Short split, so once you're on it you've committed to a two mile loop. There is sausage and chips laid on in the pub afterwards", which we found out later had been bought and paid for by Polyfella as part of his birthday celebration - Thank you.

 

Trail

With the Hare's porkies still ringing in our ears and our thoughts very much with Fallen Woman and Broken Man and family, we sallied forth.

 

A mixture of arrows and dots saw us down to the seafront and running east and then up Eastcliff Walk footpath. 

 

At Cliff Road, we all crossed the A379 and embarked on the punishing climb up the footpath past Middle Holcombe House. 

 

This was reminiscent of the 2022 Hallow'een Hash trail. Almost at its peak, we arrived at the Long/Short split and the Tardis. For the Shorts it was a repeat of the 2022 Hallow'een's Longs' trail. It was going to be a Longgggggggggggg 4 miles for the Shorts.

 

For the Longs, it was a trip back in time. We found ourselves on tracks that we haven't been on for about a decade.

 

At the L/S split, we continued straight ahead. As per usual, Beeflicker was leading with Psycho and Warmfront in tow. Struggling behind them was the Pig followed by a rapidly closing Wet-Johnny. Beefy was, surprisingly, nowhere to be seen. It transpired that he had a bad cold and was walking the Shorts.

 

The Longs descended down a track that was badly rutted in places. We passed Oakleigh Farm just as Wet-Johnny overtook me. 

 

We crossed Westbrook where we thought we'd encountered a sweetie stop but no. It was a farmer feeding his cattle. 

 

When we reached tarmac, the obvious route would have been to our right. Indeed, there were calls of "On-On", only to be followed by returning head torches. Not "On-On" after all as Wet-Johnny and the Topiary twins ran back whence they came.

 

Beeflicker was on trail, on tarmac, and on his phone. We passed and ignored a sign for a public footpath to our right only to find two dots and a cross. 

 

Meanwhile, the Topiary Twins and Wet-Johnny had stolen a march. Beeflicker caught them up but Man-Pig never did. Returning to an unseen chec,k he was now at least 200 yards behind the FRB's but this had, at least, allowed Well Hopped to catch him up so he would not be doing the rest of the trail on his lonesome.

 

Following the footpath along the hedgeline of two fields provided a sense of deja vu. In the far distance were bright lights atop a hill. If my instincts were correct, this would be the BAM Nutall construction site next to the Smugglers' Arms.

 

When we left the field only to enter what looked like someone's garden, I knew where we were. We were on a trail that we'd last done from the Smugglers' Arms a long time ago, but in reverse. Sure enough, the marks took us down an alleyway and out onto the A379 just on the Dawlish side of the Smugglers'.

 

The trail now took us onto the Southwest Coastpath and down the steep loop below the Smugglers'; down to the railway line and up the other side.

 

At the bottom of the valley, we could see the FRB's torches, now a good 400m ahead. We looped back onto the A379 and came across a check marked with a sock....pointing back towards the Smugglers' Arms. Shirley some mistake. We checked out all the other alternatives. Nothing. Follow the sock!

The red sock did not deceive. We were back on trail, crossing the A379 and heading into Holcolmbe. The marks took us past the Castle Inn (I'd forgotten that Holcombe had a pub it's been so long since I've been here).

 

The more we followed the marks, the more certain I was that there must be some sort of mistake as soon we'd be crossing the outward trail. We left the village to follow a trail up another footpath that I recognised from many years ago. At the end of this particular section of footpath, my fears were confirmed. We'd arrived back at the Long/Short split. This is going to be a long 6 miles I thought.

The Longs now followed the Shorts trail back to the pub. Initially, we had a 1km climb up towards Woodlands Farm and past Higher Holcombe House.

 

At the highest point, the marks took us left and down Higher Woodway Road following part of Piltdown Man's and Georgie Porgie's Christmas trail. 

 

This time we went right at New Road which we crossed and continued down Ferndale Road followed by Paradise Road and Higher Brimley Road before running down Shute Road by the railway station. We crossed the Exeter Road opposite Lidl supermarket. 

 

We did not succumb to the magnetic force enticing us in to do our weekly shop. We continued, unburdened by groceries, back to the On-Down - nearly catching up with Coldtits who was tailending the Shorts.

 

A great trail covering some old, old ground. Fallen Woman would have enjoyed it immensely.

 

Down-Downs

I think that this is the first time that we have Hashed from Ye Olde Jolly Sailor. For some reason, quite a few Hashers got it mixed up with The Blue Anchor and ended up taking a rather circuitous route to the correct pub.

 

Forrest-Stump assumed the role of RA in advance of his impending three week absence. He is having a sojourn visiting his brother in Kenya where he will be climbing Mount Kenya amongst other things. Enjoy your hols.

 

Following in the footsteps of South Hams Hash and our skiing Hashers in Austria, we commenced the Down-Downs by raising our glasses to the memory of Fallen Woman. 

 

Our memories of her will be cherished for a very, very long time. "On-On".

 

The Down-Downs started with the birthday boy - Polyfella. Is it all the wrong notes in the right order, all the right notes in the wrong order or all the right notes but not necessarily in the right order? Nobody knows nor does anyone care as the cacophony kicked off. 

 

Thankyou for a wonderful trail, the scoff and the birthday cake. You are a star hasher, Polyfella.

There was a 100 run badge to award....to a local boy. Who was it? The first guess was correct. It was Broadshit. However, he had to go home early to start his paper round, so it will keep for another hash.

Next up was Warmfront with, or without, the Jester's Hat. Had she seen anything on trail? No. But she had heard a lot. 

 

A lot of yakking on the phone by one of her fellow FRB's on the Long. Who on earth had been yakking incessantly? It was Beeflicker speaking to his boss......about flashing on trail. 

 

A half pint of Teignmouth's finest eau du tap was dispatched PDQ.

 

"Where's the Hashshit shirt?"

"With Pisswell still out on trail"

Simultaneously Pisswell appeared, already changed.

"Where's the shirt?"

"In the car".

"Go back and get it"

"Any other stories whilst we're waiting?"

 

Smellie narrowly avoided a down-down. She had been spotted approaching the On-Down from the wrong direction. Had she been home for a shower? 

 

No. The lure of a trail passing a supermarket was too strong for her, yet again. She had an unavoidable urge to take advantage of the opportunity to do her week's shopping. 

 

Note to self. Do not lay any TVH3 trail that passes a supermarket.

 

There was a story about a young Hasher and an elderly Hasher and a near RTA. The younger man was obliged to beep his horn. This was so as to encourage an elderly and apparently deaf pedestrian to speed up his crossing of the road lest he be run over. So, who was our jaywalker of the week? None other than Archangel.

 

The timing was perfect. Pisswell reappeared with the Hashshit shirt and presented it to Wetfart for paying his subs in five pence pieces!. Wetfart downed his beer without exposing himself (he has a criminal record for this you know). However, in boomerang fashion, Forrest returned the Hashshit shirt to Pisswell for being late on parade.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is a Valentine's Day themed Hash from the Dolphin, Bovey Tracey. The Hares are Pisswell, Beefy and Coldtits. Wear something romantic/outrageous.

 

On-On to next week. MP

MONDAY'S TRAIL

Run #2007 Monday 12th February circle up 7:15 pm from the Dolphin Hotel, 1A Station Rd, Bovey Tracey, Newton Abbot TQ13 9AL with Beefy, Pisswell and Coldtits.

Valentine's Day theme, wear something romantic or outrageous.

Run #2006 Monday 5th February

 

7:15 circle up from Ye Olde Jolly Sailor, 46 Northumberland Pl, Teignmouth TQ14 8DE with Polyfella.

I cannot recall TVH ever hashing from here. It is claimed to be the oldest pub in Teignmouth, tracing its origins back to the early 16th century when it was named the Ferry Boat Inn. Obviously predates the existing Ferry Boat Inn on the Shaldon side of the Teign.

 

FALLEN WOMAN - SAD NEWS

It is with a heavy heart that I bring you the very sad news that Fallen Woman has passed away. I have phoned Broken Man and spoken with one of Broken Man's and Fallen Woman's daughters - Sarah. Both daughters are at home with Broken Man and I have passed on the Hash's condolences. This was most unexpected as Fallen Woman has always been the life and soul of the party. Until very recently she was active in many Hashes as well as the Pedal Bash. We will all have our memories of Fallen Woman, particularly the Christmas fish'n'chip hash from their home. She is a Hasher's Harriet through and through. Never one to miss out of a Hash or Bash weekend. You will be sorely missed. Our thoughts are with Broken Man and his family. RIP Fallen Woman - you never failed to brighten up our Mondays. On-On.

TVH3 The Words for 29th January 2024

Lord Nelson, Kingskerswell

Run No. 2005

 

HARES: Shitface & 'Friends'

 

Who wuz there: Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Bluebird, Hotlips, Zoot, Warmfront, Smellie, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Beefy, Pisswell, Beeflicker, Well Hopped, Big End, Roger the Dodger, Ablesemen, Twin Buffers, Squashed Blls, Slip-on-Me, Strap-On, Wet-Johnny, Erection, Manopause, Wetfart, Threesum, Cheerio Beerio (latter 2 pub only), and returnees Fishbait & Knottie.

 

Circle

For January, the weather was particularly mild, circa 13 degees. However, the wind had picked up and the pack had dressed accordingly......well, most of the pack. I can only assume that Ipplepen must have been geographically relocated into the southern hemisphere as all three Penners were sporting t-shirts and shorts both on trail and in the pub.

 

Shitfaced welcomed all, including long term absentee Fishbait. Good to see you again. There was a call for numbers i.e. how many of you out there want scoff after the run?

 

Smellie needs Hares for a single date in April and then we're OK till May!

 

Bluebird stepped into the circle to give a plug for the Out of Tunas. They are playing at St Mary's Church, Kingskerswell this coming Friday. If you haven't heard them it is....well....an experience! (A SELL-OUT, no tickets available.)

 

Finally, one of the Hares is called into the circle. He imparted little information apart from advising some of the Shorts to do the Longs as the Shorts is quite boring.

 

Trail

We started up Fluder Hill. Just past the first junction with Southey Lane was supposed to be the first Walkers/Long & Short split but it wasn't there. Well it was. It just wasn't visible. Someone had put their recycling bin right on top of the marks.

 

Now, so as to avoid offending locals, I try not to put marks on what is clearly other people's private property. I always make the effort to try to avoid door steps and front gateposts. My preference is to put marks on on pavements and lamppost bases in built up areas. 

 

The recycling bins had been placed so squarely over the marks that it must have been done deliberately. Accordingly, the Pig moved the bins 18 inches to one side whilst simultaneously giving verbal directions to the Walkers to descend down Daccombe Mill Lane.

 

Three quarters of a mile up Fluder Hill, the terrain levels off and we arrived at the first Long/Short split at Kingskerswell Cross. The Shorts descended down Willowpark Lane whilst the Longs headed into woodland for a zigzag that eventually would take them back onto Fluder Hill at Orestone Cross. Beefy had found two crosses but no trail. 

 

Eventually, an arrow was spotted leading down Orestone Lane. This time Beefy found a back check. Everyone else was hanging around the Hare in the expectation of him imparting some guidance - none was forthcoming.

 

An expeditionary force of one (Pisswell) checked out a path in Orestone Plantation marked "pedestrians" but only to find a cross. There was only one other avenue. Hey presto, a mark! All the Longs were back on trail running on a footpath that exits onto Kingskerswell Road opposite Torbay Holiday Centre (formerly Barton Hall/Torbay ski centre).

 

We were back on road for about 200 yards before the marks had us back on a woodland track that runs parallel with Kingskerswell Road up to its junction with Daccombe Hill Lane and a check.

 

No-one was fooled. All descended down the unbelievably steep hill towards Daccombe. Piddler confessed to Smellie that he'd tried cycling up this hill. Nutty. I could barely get the Harley up here. I'm amazed that traffic is allowed to use the route.

 

At the Daccombe Hill/Orestone Lane junction was another check. Again, no-one was fooled. At Daccombe there was a check, but it was relatively obscure and everyone veered left towards Coffinswell. 

 

Here we bumped into the Bird coming the other way. He guided returnees Knottie and Fishbait to the Walkers trail whilst Man-Pig, Smellie and Piddler took an off-trail shortcut.

 

Being off trail, we did not expect to encounter any of the pack on our shortcut, and certainly not running in the wrong direction. But, there in front of us were two head torches closing fast. These were Warmfront and Beeflicker attempting to get back on trail.

 

We rejoined the second leg of the Long and Shorts' trail for a loop over Kerswell Hill. Piddler and I let Smellie run on. What a mistaka. We could see her in the distance at the corner of the Sloop. She must have been standing on the On-Home mark and a huge arrow. We looked on incredulously as she started running towards Newton Abbot - "Not that way Smellie".

 

It was a relatively short run. Bang on 8.30 and only 200 yards from a beer and a chicken casserole.

 

Down-Downs

The RA thanked the pub for the beer and for putting on the scoff especially for us - the Lord Nelson is, predominantly, a dry pub.

 

Beeflicker had a new award to give away. Guinness hat of the sort that is always wheeled out near St Patrick's Day (17th March). This he presented to Ablesemen for an illumination issue. Not a headtorch but a motorcar. 

 

Able had been kind enough to give Beeflicker a lift back to Newton Abbot after his Hash from Chudleigh Knighton. Now Ablesemen, being an ecologically minded person, decided that she would do her bit to save the planet. She would save electricity by driving back to Newton Abbot without any lights on. How very commendable! For your valiant attempts to save the planet, you get a Down-Down.

 

Man-Pig had two awards, the Hashshit shirt (nice and damp as he'd worn it around the trail) and the Jester's hat. About the only thing he'd seen on trail were a couple of Hashers that were off trail. Taking an off-trail short-cut at the edge of Coffinswell, he saw two head torches coming towards him.

"Can't be Hashers", I thought, "They're off trail and running in the wrong direction". Bong! Wrong. They were Hashers. It was Warmfront and Beeflicker.

 

"OK. Which one of you two clowns was in front?"

 

It was Warmfront so she, appropriately, got the Jester's hat.

 

"Are there any more stories of Hashers off trail? Namely heading towards Newton Abbot?"

Pisswell alleged that she was led astray by Strap-On. So, who got the Hashshit shirt, the leader or the led? The shirt went to Pisswell. This was a combined Down-Down so a note for the "Misled clown".

A final half remained. Bluebird stepped forward. I thought that he was going to drink it himself as Hare. 

 

No. Bluebird was a little put out. He had laid the Walkers and Shorts on Sunday evening. Man-Pig had laid the Longs on Monday morning; unbeknown to him the Walkers and Shorts had already been laid by the Bird. 

 

Hence, the anal Pig decided to check the Bird's homework and correct his mistakes. So, in what has become a bit of a rarity in recent years, the Hare got to have a Down-Down.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from Ye Olde Jolly Sailor, 46 Northumberland Pl, Teignmouth, Teignmouth. The Hare is Pollyfella and we understand that sausage and chips will be available in the pub.

 

On-On to next week. MP