TVH3 The Words for 14th November 2022

Red Rock Brewery, Humber (Jackie comes out of retirement)

Run No. 1943

 

HARES: Big End & Well Hopped

 

Who wuz there: Big End, Well Hopped, Ned, Shitfaced, iPoo'd, Cheerio Beerio, Archangel, Man-Pig, Forrest Stump, Perry, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Beefy, Pisswell, Swinger, Matt, Paul, Manopause, Wet Johnny, Fallen Woman, Piddler, Deep Semen, Ablesemen, Twisted Tart, Teapot, Wetfart, Bluebird, Bobbiball, Mateus Rose, Rise 'n' Shine, Tamsin, Polyfella, Warm Front, Threesum, Martin and Coldtits!

 

The Circle

A cooler night than of late, blustery too, but at least it was dry. Shitfaced called the Circle to order and advised that the cost for the Christmas party would be £10 for members and £15 for non-members.

 

It will take place on 10th December at Newton Abbot Constitutional Club where we have the upstairs function room all to ourselves.

 

Fallen Woman announced that she was taking pre-orders and pre-payment for Brixham's best fish 'n' chip hash on 12th December; the cost is £8 which is cheaper than the shop price. It will be a fancy dress run - Christmas theme/Santa suits. No doubt there will be Christmas carols and we are scheduled to stop at the CAMRA (Campaign for Real Ale) pub which won South Devon's CAMRA pub of the year last year.

 

No announcements from the Hare Raiser as Smellie was absent - which is pretty rare.

The Hares mentioned something about a Walkers' trail of about 2 miles. The Shorts' would be 4 and the Longs was about five and a half, "I think". Hmmmmmm. There are three Long/Short splits.

 

Finally, the Pig reached out for a volunteer for the Words.......silence. Although the Bird did say that he would add his two penneth worth.

 

The Trail

We ran down the drive from the brewery to the Walkers'/ Long & Shorts' split at the bottom. Walkers to the left. Longs and Shorts to the right. 

 

Outside the entrance to Lindridge Park, a check. The Bird and the Pig checked left, whilst a few checked right. Most hovered around the check. By the time the swine and the avian returned from discovering a cross for their efforts, all that could be seen were the shadows of back markers making their way along Humber Lane.

 

Time to catch up but where was the Bird? The crafty old coot was last seen heading back whence he came. Was he planning on roosting at the bar or gliding silently along the Walkers' trail?

 

The trail took us along Humber Lane where I was running with Polyfella. We passed Arkangel, then Twisted Tart and Piddler. 

 

A cross was encountered at the bottom of Three Tree Lane where I was sure the trail would take us. We overtook Forrest Stump and Pisswell before arriving at a kicked-out check. This was at the top of the long downhill track that takes us right and down into Luton.

 

Outside the Elizabethan pub, we came to the first Long/Short split. Here I caught up with Paul and Matt who are Swinger's friends. These were not virgins as this was their second run. Paul had run from Red Rock brewery about this time last year and Matt had been on Swinger's trail from Shaldon Ness car park earlier in the year. I'd also caught up with Swinger. The Longs took us along the footpath that runs through the Elizabethan's car park.

 

On hitting the lane, I could see Deep Semen checking at a cross, and I could just see the back of a disappearing Warm Front heading uphill towards Little Haldon.

 

We had been up this road earlier in the year, and I was sure that Warm Front was on trail, so I followed her up this interminably long hill. A call of "On-On" from Warm Front confirmed my fears....I hate this hill. Amazingly, I overtook her but she was taking it easy. In fairness, she had just cycled over from Chudleigh. 

 

Eventually, I could see torchlight in front of me. This must be Beefy or Wet-Johnny. Whoever it was, I was catching them......slowly.

 

In the distance, I could barely hear, "Long/Short split" and then the torchlight disappeared. Bugger.

 

More uphill as the second Long/Short split took the Longs around three sides of Little Haldon. The Shorts, meanwhile, kept on road to the sweetie stop at the top of Three Tree Lane. 

 

The Longs' trail took us out onto tarmac at cross-roads where Big End had just put the final Long/Short split. This was where I briefly caught up with Wet-Johnny....a hard man to catch up with.

 

The Longs went diagonally across the cross-roads and onto the public footpath that crosses the, now empty, golf course. At the club house, we went left and right and commenced a short descent down the top of Shepherd's Lane before an arrow had us going right and through a small gravel car park. At the far end of the car park, there was another arrow and we descended trestled steps into woods.

 

By this time, Warm Front had caught up and overtaken me. The trail followed the footpath that runs just below the club house to the picnic tables at White Well. Wet-Johnny and Warm Front had disappeared from sight by the time the trail rejoined tarmac. 

 

An arrow left followed by an arrow right, took us up to the boundary of Teignmouth golf course to a welcome sweetie stop. This is where, for the first time, I'd seen Beefy on trail. The Walkers had already been through but quite a lot of the Shorts were still scoffing.

 

By now, I was hot and sweaty so it was time to take off the wind cheater and get a push on down Three Trees Lane. Big End kindly offered to take my wind cheater back to the pub but I declined the offer. This was simply because Three Trees lane can be a bit dodgy underfoot at night. The lane used to be tarmac along its entire length, but that was many moons ago. Very little tarmac remains but where it is still intact, it presents a problem. This is the case when sound black top gives way to eroded sub-base, and there is usually an ankle twisting two inch drop. If I were to fall over and stop running, I would soon get cold. Hence my decision to decline Big End's offer.

 

The final leg down Three Trees Lane and back onto the out trail was uneventful. Inevitably, I never did catch up with Beefy, Wet-Johnny or Warm Front but I did overtake some of the Shorts including Piddler, Twisted Tart and Cheerio Beerio.

Just before the brewery, I caught up with Shitfaced and iPoo'd and then it was time for a quick change and a beer.

 

And now, we dubiously present:

 

The Adventures of Crafty Coot, Bobby Woll & Bobby Kirk

 

A rare excursion for the Blues Brothers, and excitement was in tents. Der Panzerkampfwagen was fired up and trundled forth to do battle with the shrapnel-scarred veteran Bobby Woll at the controls.

 

The crafty Coot was all of a flutter as he waited at Maidencombe Cross for der Panzer. Should he risk it and go as a biscuit, or merely adjourn to the bar for what he Shirley does best? The vexing question would be answered shortly.

 

A dull rumble and billowing clouds of black diesel heralded the arrival of der Panzer, and the Red Rock baby beckoned.

 

With a snarl of rage, Bobby slewed the Panzer into a parking bay, narrowly missing young Wetfart and effectively precluding any further entry into his chariot. A splendid start to proceedings, I doff my flying helmet to you, Bob.

 

A goodly turnout to the hash-friendly brewery, no doubt lured by the pasty and pint deal. I had missed the deadline but had packed my usual cheese and pickle sarnie as a consolation prize.

 

The long was decidedly off menu but the forecast four for the shorts might just be possible. Meanwhile, Bobby Woll had morphed into his other alter ego, Bobby Kirk, as he unpacked the ski poles.

 

Bobby was given a crisp twenty for the drinks, and the chequered flag dropped. Game on!

After a hundred yards, I knew it wasn't going to happen. Warm Front didn't like the look of the Coot and advised him to take the walkers route which did little for the confidence.

 

Never mind, the first check loomed at the grassy island junction. Left would have at least ensured a little longer on trail, but right, down the hill and then up up and not away would Shirley be goodnight Vienna for the aged Coot.

 

On one, on two, blast it, the cross of destiny, and the Coot ran up the white flag, intent on initiating Plan B, with a capital B that stands for beer. 

 

Cries of bewilderment ensued as hashers called to the Coot as he careered crazily towards the bar. But there was Bobby, who said he was going left for a potter down the bridle path. Whoa there, Neddy, and the Coot turned once more.

 

While Bobby slowly advanced, the Coot coursed up and down the lane until the maximum two miles was reached, and then rejoined the ski master for an amiable amble, brewery bound. Fifty minutes in the bag, job jolly well done. We thought so anyway.

 

Inside, we both plumped for the Freshwater IPA 4.2 calibre which was quite suppable, and I had a refuel just to make sure. 

 

However, the adventurous Bobby (with my cash) thought he'd like to try the Tasty Waves, and I quote: 'Naturally Hazy New England IPA, dry hopped with a load of punchy American hops' - packing a mighty 5.5 calibre punch.

 

What did Bobby do? He only poured it into the remaining half of the Freshwater! An absolute disgrace Bobby, I can't take you anywhere.

 

Back to near sanity with MP:

 

The Down-Downs

Forrest commenced proceedings by thanking the pub for the beer, and for Jackie coming out of retirement especially for us. Hooray! 

 

The pasties and the pint offer should have been pre-ordered by the previous Thursday. Naturally, being hashers, there were always some who would chance it on the night, "Any spare pasties?" Fortunately, there were so I don't think anyone went home hungry.

 

Beefy had the Hashshit shirt to give away. Apparently, Beefy had slept in it and then proceeded to spill lumpy porridge all over it the following day. Ablesemen could have been the recipient for forgetting when the raffle draw was going to take place.....and she's the organiser.

In the event, the shirt went to Deep semen. I think Beefy felt sorry for him as he turned up in late autumn dressed for summer. He really did need another shirt. The master of proceedings called for all to join in with "Hold it your hand Mrs Murphy".

 

Big End had the bat hat from last week. The request to pre-order food had fallen on deaf ears as Threesum had sent an e-mail to Big End at 2pm on the Monday afternoon for her pre-order. A note for the Ginster minger.

 

A mystery award in the form of a pearly king/queen hat was produced from nowhere to accompany a down-down for the Hares. 

 

Rather than electing to share their well earned beer, Well Hopped nominated Big End to to drink it on behalf of both Hares. It was dispatched in pretty swift order to a rendition of "Here's to the pearly queen....." well done hares. A good trail.....but that bloody hill!

 

Finally a run badge to award. Man-Pig gets his 500th run badge. Obviously a chorus of, "Get a life, life,life".

 

Next week

Forrest's firework hash at Tinkley Bottom. If you don't like beer, bring your own poison. Roadkill stew will be on offer but please bring a plate and your own eating irons.....along with fireworks of course..

 

On-On to next week.

TVH3 The Words for 7th November 2022

by Man-Pig

The Palk Arms, Hennock (in lieu of postponed Fireworks' Hash)

 

Run No. 1942

 

HARES: Forrest Stump & Wood Lend

 

Who wuz there: Forrest Stump, Wood Lend, Shitfaced (circle only), Man-Pig, Piltdown Man, Smellie, Beefy, Pisswell, AA (Pisswell's daughter), Raf (to be named), Big End, Well-Hopped, Ned, Swinger, Ernie, Manopause, Wet Johnny, Fallen Woman, Fukarewe.

 

The Circle

The forecast of gale-force winds and heavy showers did not deter eighteen hashers from making the blustery trip up to Hennock for a change from the originally advertised venue.

The Teign Valley road is closed for 10 days so Forrest's Firework Hash had to be postponed. Just as well because nothing was going to burn, fly or explode in this weather.

 

The Firework Hash is now rescheduled for 21st November - weather permitting. So get down to Trago Mills and see if they've got any fireworks going half price.

 

As per usual, the circle commenced with Smellie reiterating her request for Hares. The only date that remains unfilled for this year is Boxing Day! U-bend couldn't now do 5th December but someone has stood in for this slot.

 

Returnee Fallen Woman, resplendent with healthy tan, confirmed that the annual Brixham Fish 'n' chip run would take place on 12 December. I seem to recall that the fish 'n' chips will be delivered to the on-down for consumption. This will be CAMRA's South Devon pub of the year for 2020, The Queens. Man-Pig requested a volunteer for the Words. No takers......yet again.

 

The Trail

The trail commenced with the whole pack trotting from the pub, along Church Lane and past the church, to the dead end. A Walkers' trail was marked to the left and through the churchyard. Amazingly, there were no takers. 

 

At the end of the cul-de-sac, we passed through a wicket gate and down the public footpath towards the fantastically named Twizzle Tree Cottage. The field gave way to woodland as we started our descent to the bottom of the valley. Down a couple of steps and then a dogleg. A concrete drive took us downhill towards the cottage for a hundred yards before we spied a public footpath sign to our left. It was back into woodland and uphill through Greatrock Copse and past Great Rock itself.

 

This area of the valley is heavily mined and, at times, there was a steep drop to our right. Up and up and up followed by down and down as Wet Johnny led the pack towards a distant lone torch. This was Wood Lend and Fuddle guiding us down and to the first of two Long/Short splits.

 

At Beadon Bridge, the Shorts went left and up Beadon Lane. The Longs were directed right and up into Newton Cleave Wood. Here we came to a mark which almost no-one recognised. It was a fishhook with the number 4 below it. The first four to the fishhook were Beefy, Raf, Wet-Johnny and Man-Pig. A bit of head scratching went on whilst Swinger, Ernie and Manopause caught up, closely followed by Big End, Well Hopped and Ned. 

 

Some thought it was the sweetie stop and looked for non-existent sweets. Man-Pig, who knew exactly what this was, simply asked if anyone was behind us. "Yes. Pisswell and AA" replied Big End. "OK, we'll wait for them and push on" suggested the Pig.

 

The fishhook had sort of been complied with - despite Swinger saying "You've broken the rules". "There are no rules on the Hash my dear!".

 

Not far after the fishhook, the track levelled off and we came to a T-junction. This was on the broad track that is, nominally, the boundary between Netton Cleave Wood and Canonteign Down. An obvious place for a check but we found nothing.

 

Soon there was a shout of "On-On" to our left. Wet-Johnny was on trail as we headed back towards the reservoirs on the high path. Another check and we were on a more minor path that descends back to the Long/Short split at Beadon Bridge. Here we rejoined the Shorts (who we never caught up) and ascended Beadon Lane to Chericombe Head.

 

Chericombe Head provided the second and last Long/Short split. Wet-Johnny was waiting for Manopause and I guess that they both took the Shorts' route back to the pub via Bell Lane. 

 

Raf and Beefy were well ahead. Not even a reflection of their torchlight in the distance as Ernie and I commenced the final Long. This took us down the bridal path that enters Hennock at Five Lanes and, inevitably, a check. Beefy and Raf were running back to kick-out the check but I had already done the needful.

 

Up to this point, the weather hadn't been as bad as forecast but now it was pelting down. Despite the torrential downpour, Beefy had decided to dispense with his kagool. I, on the other had, zipped up and rummaged around for my beanie hat. A quarter mile trot back into Hennock had us back at the pub in no time.

 

What a fantastic evening to be out and close to nature whilst everyone else was tucked up at home.

 

The Down-Downs

Back at the pub, the landlord had put on a vey welcome chilli con carne. This, despite the fact that Monday is the chef's night off. Just what we wanted after a wet and windy run.

 

First up was Fukarewe to award the Bat Hat. Initially, there was a story about a hasher who thought that he knew where he was going, "Because I've seen an arrow", but proved to be wrong.

 

However, this was trumped by an out-of-hash sighting the previous week. Fukarewe had been out and about on his antiquated two wheeled British iron when he saw what he thought to be a hasher. He was correct. This was Big End having a pee at the side of the road. We did ask which part of the hasher Fukarewe recognised but there was no answer. A note for the "Hasher Slasher".

 

Next up was Forrest. He had been passed the hashshit shirt to award. Forrest had thoughtfully hung it outside to get a good clean before awarding it to Beefy. Beefy had started the trail with a kagool, hood, gloves and survival pack but ended up back at the pub in just a pair of speedos. Accordingly, a note for the "Wardrobe malfunction".

 

There were no other awards but there was an un-named hasher in our presence - Raf.

Now, Raf is Portugese and the last time we saw him was four years ago at the Rugglestone when Jess was named AA (pronounced "Ahhhhh"). The jury is still out as to whether this is an abbreviation for "arseholes anonymous" or a reference to Mum's van. 

 

Some naming suggestions were put to the floor, all pivoting around the initials RAF. In a wholly undemocratic conservative three line whip, Raf was duly anointed "Raffasfuk".

 

A final half of the valley's finest ale to dish out. The award properly went to a deserving Hare. However, Forrest admitted that the reality was that he had been the Hare's assistant. The true hero of the hour was Wood Lend. Hence Forrest nominated his son as the worthy recipient of the final down-down.

 

Well done Hares. A great trail laid in atrocious weather conditions. Well worth the journey out to darkest Hennock and a very welcoming pub to boot.

 

Next week

Wed Wock Brewery, Humber with Hares Big End and Well Hopped. There is a deal on regarding food. i.e. a pasty and a pint for some money (I've forgotten how much was quoted). 

 

More importantly, if you want food, Well Hopped needs to know by Thursday. 

 

Well Hopped/Bluebird will put something on the Facebook page so that hungry hashers can place their orders by the deadline. We are, additionally, promised that Jackie is coming out of retirement to serve behind the bar....sterling service.

 

On-On to next week.

Halloween Hash Newton Abbot 31.10.22

We laid the trail in Sunshine – Palmolive, M.P. and I,

then waited for the hours to pass, kept looking at the sky.

The clouds came in, the rain came down as we bore our fancy dress,

we drove to Newton Abbot to assess the sodden mess

Most of the dots were still in place, but checks were washed away

some long/shorts splits had disappeared, so again we had to lay.

We huddled in the car park as the rain again starts spitting

Piltdown man had taken names, so now there was no quitting.

A fine display of spooky guises, such effort people made

zombies, skeletons and werewolves, I was sore afraid.

Face masks, face paints, blood and bandages even pumpkin twins

Shit Faced called us hares in circle - so Melon Picker begins:

“3 long/short splits and walkers trail, laid in flour on right”

Forgot to mention sawdust too was washed away tonight.

He did remember pub stop and take some money to buy beer

There would be games at re-group. “You have to stop” was clear!

Spitting now had turned to rain as we left Newfoundland way car park

around the corner Longs split off and disappeared in the dark.

The pigeons had eaten most the flour, the rest had washed away

Longs ran to far end of the road then set off on wrong way!

Eventually they realised no marks upon the ground

And after running half a mile the whole pack turned around!

Through traffic lights past back of Asda, then along Bradley Lane

At re-group - donuts on a string, they met with hares again.

“ you have to eat them with no hands and do not lick your lips”

Pisswell got in quite a mess as down her face jam drips!

Past derelict buildings to Bakers Park, we waded through the flood

Confused the longs as sodden sawdust was invisible in the mud!

With a little help from nearby hares who kindly called them back

To St Marys church at top of hill we puffed up narrow track.

We forgot to say the sweets were hidden in nettles behind the bin

But luckily the shorts had found them and were already at ‘On Inn’.

A variety of spooky sweets were quickly gobbled down

Then off they set through muddy field - great views across the town.

Last long/short split at top of hill most of the flour still there

With thought of pub stop spurred them on - a spooky one beware!

Through narrow streets and terraces adorned with Halloween

We made it down to East Street where Red Riding Hood was seen.

Entering the Locomotive pub – I realised was SM Ellie

Other hashers drinking shots or watching football on the telly!

i-pood who now has turned eighteen had various shots in line

but 5 min warning, “Time to leave - we have to eat at nine!”.

Twelve Twenty for the ON Down, a new venue but no avail

Although the food was yummy there was no beer or real ale

A pub that’s open, and sells food is difficult to cohere

It never crossed my mind to ask “excuse me do you sell beer?”

But they gave us Haze for Down Downs that sparkly cider stuff

The first one went to i-pood (‘cos she wasn’t drunk enough!)

Then poor Palmolive got an award for falling on her arse

She took a mouthful, made a face then gave i-pood the glass

Who drank it down without a breath - this one even faster

A true professional like her uncle Shit faced our Grand Master!

Palmolive was a pumpkin and Fukarewe looked like her brother

Fukarewe got the down down as we couldn’t waste another.

Melon Picker drew short straw to represent the hares

Guinness, Cider, Beer or Ale - He never really cares!

Here ends another evening of frivolous, harmless fun

I hope you all enjoyed it and now the words are done.

Everyone looked brilliant, I thank you one and all

I look forward to our Christmas Newton Abbot Pub crawl.

Next weeks trail is from Palk Arms and NOT from Tinkley Bottom

Our bonfire party’s two weeks time - in case you had forgotten.

On on Soapy xx

Monday 31st October map

 

TVH3 The Words for 24th October 2022

The Park Inn, Kingskerswell

iPood's 18th birthday hash - Run No. 1940

 

HARE: Shitfaced and "friend"

 

Who wuz there: Shitfaced, Man-Pig, iPoo'd, Archangel, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Slip-on-Me, Threesum, Pisswell, Soapy, Melonpicker, Teapot, Wetfart, Warmfront, Big End, Well-Hopped, Ned, Strap-On, Piddler, U-Bend, Hotlips, Zoot, Bobbiball (pub only) & pub staff Park'n'Ride and T-Humper.

 

The Circle

The circle commenced with Smellie reiterating her request for a Hare for 14th November - and thereafter - 5 slots left till the end of the year. Man-Pig requested a volunteer for the Words. No takers. Ah well!

 

Man-Pig described the trail: "Walkers' 3. Shorts' 5. Longs' 6. Judicious use of flour means that marks are few and far between. On the Shorts' trail, if you find yourself on a long, flat broad track - keep going. Ergo, on the Longs', if you find yourself going uphill on another wide track, as long as you're still going uphill you're on trail".

 

And with that, we were off.

 

The Trail (see map attached - courtesy of Streetmap)

Despite the forecast, the weather was dry and ridiculously mild for the time of year. A zig-zag through the village to the Hungry Horse/Clipper via a couple of checks kept the pack together.

Then it was up Coffinswell Lane, over the top, and into Coffinswell. Another couple of checks en route kept Warmfront and Big End busy whilst a late Pisswell caught us up. Another check by the Linney pub had the pack grinding to a halt before turning left and going uphill, past Connybeare and Blue Hills (the latter famous for its helicopter - regrettably now sold).

 

During this stretch, I had a conversation with Archangel and Melonpicker about the weekend's rugby. The Chiefs had so very nearly beaten Saracens on Saturday afternoon. But the weekend's highlight was Gloucester's Adam Hastings drop goal against London Irish.

 

Just before reaching the back road between Newton Abbot and the top of Torquay near Barton Hall, we came to the Long / Short and Walkers' split. The Longs went straight ahead and down a rutted track towards Haccombe House. The Shorts' and Walkers' tracked across a field to the Walkers'/Shorts' split. The Walkers' returned towards Coffinswell whilst the Shorts' took them down Long Lane and towards Centrax on the Milber trading estate.

 

Sweeping the Longs, I could see torchlight in front of me. This was just near the stone arch at Drum Cottage. I guessed it was Pisswell with Warmfront out of sight at the head of the pack. I was wrong. To my amazement, it was Smellie.

 

"Are you meant to be on the Long?" enquired the Pig.

 

"No".

 

"Well, you are now".

 

We continued on the Longs' trail past a couple of kicked-out checks. The single-track road between Netherton and Haccombe House is pretty straight and level. By the time we reached this road, we could see two torches and a blue glowing collar 300 yards distant. This was Big End, Ned and Well Hopped checking out the next junction. Despite offering an unmarked shortcut, Smellie elected to commit to the Long and kept up a pretty impressive pace. This, despite a continually slipping knee support.

 

For the next two miles, we could just keep the shadows of the leading torches within sight. At Netherton, arrows took us up the interminably long, and suitably named, Hiller Hill. This took us up to the Milber industrial estate where we rejoined the Shorts. As expected, all the checks had been kicked out by the Shorts who, by rights, should have been a mile in front of us.

 

By the time we dropped down into Kingskerswell, behind the quarry, we'd caught up with one of the FRB's - Pisswell. Smellie had done incredibly well taking on an unplanned Long for the first time in ages, and with a dodgy knee. Fortunately, there were no supermarkets en route this week to distract her!

 

Back in the pub, a headcount revealed an anomaly. Not everyone was back. It then transpired that Big end and Well Hopped had the kids for half term and had needed to get back to relieve the babysitter - probably Roger the Dodger. But still, one person missing - Archangel. Twenty minutes later, Archangel appeared. He had walked the Long! Well done.

 

The Down-Downs

Bat Hat from Hotlips to U-Bend for proposing a Threesome to well, err, Threesum, and Soapy; a note for the sex pest.

 

Horned hat from Slip-on-Me to iPoo'd for engaging her as the kitchen assistant; a note for Egon Ronay.

 

Smellie's hashshit shirt to iPoo'd on the occasion of her 18th birthday; all the right notes - not necessarily in the right order.

 

Final half pint to Shitfaced for being joint Hare.

 

Postscript

I cannot let Man-Pig's efforts be omitted from the words.

The advertized 'Shitfaced and friends' jolly hare trio failed to materialize as I was still laid low.

Man-Pig had planned both the long and short trails and had sent the maps to me, making my email to him all the more difficult..

 

With the GM marking the walkers' trail, MP took on both trails, sending an email after some three and a half hours stating that at least he had a couple of hours to recover before the circle.

Man-Pig then went round the six-mile long once more, before R A'ing proceedings from the Park. 

 

Undoubtedly, the hero - not now unsung - of the hour, as all will agree. 

 

You may not have had a downdown, MP, but rest assured, I will get you a pint next time.

 

Next week

Newfoundland Way car park, Newton Abbot with Hare Soapy. this is the Halloween Hash so fancy dress is mandatory. the On-down is the pub opposite the car park "12-21". Please order your food before the run.

 

On-On to next week. MP

 

TVH3 The Words for 17th October 2022

Teignmouth Rugby Club

 

Run No. 1939

 

HARE: Polyfella

 

Who wuz there: Polyfella, Shitfaced, iPoo'd, Bluebird, Man-Pig, Arkangel, Forrest-Stump, Perry, Wet Johnny, Wet Johnny's son, Wet Johnny's son's friend, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Slip-on-Me, Coldtits, Ablesemen, Beefy, Pisswell, Teapot, Wetfart, Warmfront, Big End, Well-Hopped, Ned, Ernie, Strap-On, Strap-Dancer, Fukarewe, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Hotlips, Zoot, Bobbiball, Mateus Rose, Rise 'n' Shine, U Bend, Swinger and Piddler.

 

The Circle

The circle commenced with Smellie requiring a Hare for 14th November. Man-Pig requested a volunteer for the Words and, not for the first time, Bluebird was the agent of his own downfall. A spooky wave of his hand confirmed that he'd volunteered as scribe.....despite looking decidedly under the weather.

 

Polyfella was dressed as a Bavarian in aid of Oktoberfest, although Man-Pig thought he was promoting Swiss cheese and yodelling. 

 

The description of the trail was brief. Long 6. Shorts 4. Walkers about two and a half. Most importantly, there was a beer stop near the end of the trail, "Fill your boots!". Additionally, we would be waited on by a beer wench with "Big Jugs!" What more could the Hash wish for?

 

The Trail (Longs)

1939 "Oh dear. Oh dear." (King Charles III) The outbreak of war. And so it seemed for this auspicious run number as the first mile was undertaken at breakneck speed. Initially, Man-Pig led the pack left out of the rugby club and along the A379 towards the Shaldon Bridge where we crossed to the north side of the A379 and continued towards Newton Abbot.

 

Warmfront took the lead with photographer, Beefy, in hot pursuit. Man-Pig and Arkangel commented on how effortless Warmfront's running was as she disappeared into the distance. We almost overshot an arrow that took us along the footpath that runs along the edge of Broadmeadow.

 

The next mile was excruciatingly fast....well under 10 minutes. Warmfront leading along the narrow footpath where a dozen or so fallen fence panels had to be negotiated as well as criss-crossing the partially exposed cast iron water main that is supposed to be submerged below the path....but isn't! Beefy occasionally stopping to take a snap or two. Man-Pig running as hard as he could with someone breathing down his neck. This proved to be Wet Johnny with Big End a short way behind.

 

By the time we'd reached Coombe Way, the Pig and Big End were knackered. This was where the Walkers'/Long Short split was. The Walker's went right whilst the Longs' and Shorts' trails went left and uphill. Wet Johnny, son and son's friend had caught up and, after 500 metres, we came to our second check. A footpath to the right looked promising and took us up towards Ashhill Farm. Here we came to a Long/Short split with the Longs heading left, down Old Walls Hill and into the upper reaches of Bishopsteignton.

 

The marks were close and clear as we were directed down Radway Street and Radway Hill then right along Fore Street and up Clanage Street eventually arriving at another Long/Short split near the Old Commercial Inn. 

 

We carried on up Smith Hill where Warmfront ran out of electricity. "I'll have to run with you" suggested Warmfront to Big End. "Not at that f***ing pace you won't", thought Big End - but said nothing. His face was a picture. Man-Pig saved the day with a spare torch and that was the last we saw of Beefy and Warmfront till the beer stop.

 

The trail did a tight, conservative style, U-turn onto Teignview Road. As feared, arrows now took us up the steep footpath past Radway Farm and onto Humber Road. We entered the Humber Down plantation that runs along the edge of the road and then exited back onto Humber Road. A right followed by a left and then an arrow into White Copse and the picnic area where Bobbiball celebrated his birthday last year. The footpath looks entirely different by night. Lots of soft leaves and tree roots which are perilous when wet. Fortunately, tonight it was bone dry.

 

Leaving the woods we came across the Hare near the Golf Club; we were offered a shortcut which we declined.

 

A steep downhill whence we'd been, Old Walls Hill, before the trail took us left and into a field of cattle followed by a recently tilled and seeded field. Calls to the right of us. It was the Hare guiding us onto Shepherds Lane.

 

A long downhill took us to its junction with Coombe Way at Headway Cross. Left and downhill again along Headway Cross Road, past Slip-on-Me, Ablesemen, Mateus Rose and Rise'n'Shine and into the western outskirts of Teignmouth. Straight across and then right into Coombe Vale Road where we caught up with Archangel. 

 

At last an arrow pointed down some steps to a very welcome drinks stop at a period Victorian terraced property - chez Polyfella.

 

The final leg was a left at the bottom of the first flight of steps and the "On Home" marked at Westbrook Avenue. A great trail and, also, the fastest trail of the year.....Big end and I will take a while to recover!

 

The Trail (Shorts)

The four mile short (exact to the yard) was interesting for a number of reasons I would rather not relate.

 

My grateful thanks go to Hornie for assisting me when I was in some distress. Forrest and Perry accompanied me for the rest of the trail and we had our share of adventure. 

 

Exiting the field of cattle homeward bound, Forrest took what I thought was a false step and tumbled over, adding further pain to his back injury. As I went to help him up, I stepped into a hole and ended up alongside Forrest. The ground by the stile was pock-marked with holes and we called out a warning to Well Hopped as she approached with Ned. 

 

Through and around a crop field we proceeded and just before reaching the road, Forrest's ski foot got stuck in the mud but fortunately, he stayed upright.

 

Swinger passed us as we descended back into town and Forrest kept me going until we hit a cross which proved to be outside Polyfella's abode and beer stop. Quite a few hashers were already there and supping the Deck Hand.

 

There was another casualty. Piltown informed me that Georgie had taken a tumble and grazed both palms on the unforgiving tarmac. I trust it is not too serious and heals up without infection.

 

Bobby was not in the bar when I got back and, as he had my money, the Grand Master most kindly lent me his card to get a drink and some chips.

 

The downdowns were a bit of a blur but I enjoyed the atmosphere. I was very happy to get my Bluebird baseball hat back unharmed - thank you Pork Torpedo.

 

I have taken on board the wise advice given by Pork Torpedo and Archangel and will be more careful next time.

 

Thank you Polyfella for the trail and hospitality.

 

The Down-Downs

Fukarewe Bat Hat to Hotlips "Come inside"; Songmeister "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

 

Pork Torpedo horned hat to Slip-on-Me "do you live here or are you just a charitable beer stop?" Songmeister, "She a little flat chested.....".

 

Pork Torpedo lost property to Bluebird (stuffed down his trousers).

 

Bobbiball almost to himself for mobile phone ringing in The Circle but trumped by Smellie's on trail trip to Morrisons for her weekly shop! Songmeister, "Wrap you lips around my meat....".

 

Last quarter of a pint to the Hare for an excellent trail and beer stop.

 

Next week

The Park Inn, Kingskerswell. IPood's "18th birthday. Hare, Shitfaced and "friends".

 

On-On to next week.