TVH3 The Words for 29th May 2023

by Man-Pig

 

The Highweek Inn, Newton Abbot

 

Run. No. 1971

 

HARES: Ablesemen & Slip-On-Me

 

 

Who wuz there: Ablesemen, Slip-on-Me, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Zoot, Hotlips, Smellie, Coldtits, U-Bend, Beeflicker, Bluebird, Bobbiball, Wetfart, Teapot, Satnav, Triple Jump, Broadshit, Scott, Pisswell, AA, Riff Raf and Screwed & Bella.

 

Circle

It was Ablesemen's birthday and, following AH3's and the Devon A2B tradition, Able had volunteered to lay the trail. But what else is 29th May famous for? Various guesses but none were correct.

 

 

Ablesemen gave us a little spiel about 29th May being known as Restoration Day or Oak Apple Day. This was to commemorate the restoration of the Stuart monarchy to the thrown after the end of Oliver Cromwell's term as Lord Protector over a notional republic. 

 

The term Oak Apple refers to the time when Charles 1st avoided capture by the Roundhead Army by hiding in an Oak tree. Hence why so may pubs are called The Royal Oak.

 

So, what happens on Apple Day. Well, you get a partner and get said partner to stand in front of you or behind you. The one behind then pinches the one in front's bottom...HARD! 

 

The history behind this is that, post restoration of the monarchy, pro royalists took to wearing an oak leaf as a sign of support for the monarchy. Anyone not wearing an oak leaf had their bottom pinched.

 

Ablesemen went on to confuse 328 years with 328 days, thereby maintaining that she was less than a year old! After a brief correction, a description of the trail. It was short. Longs' 3 miles; Shorts' 2 miles. Look out for Charles 1st hiding in a tree and there would be prizes and cakes back in the pub.

 

The Trail

Ablesemen directed us right out of the car park and right again through Highweek Village. Unsurprisingly, Beeflicker was FRB - no Beefy or Wet Johnny this week. An arrow had us turn left and down Coombeshead Road and then dead ahead and down a nicely mowed footpath towards the Ashburton Road (A383). Well, at least the top of the footpath was almost lawn like.

 

However, it wasn't long before we hit stinging nettles. All I could hear behind me was a series of "Oooo. Ows" and yelps. This didn't sound quite like Bluebird, and it turned out to be AA with unprotected legs. 

 

Bluebird, recently recovered, was wearing long trousers and the nettles proved no problem. Riffraff and Man-Pig just had to suffer them in silence.

 

The trail crossed Rosemary Avenue, and then an arrow had us cross the A383 and then right and left onto Barton Drive and up Ogwell Mill Lane. The tarmac gave way to the old, and once cobbled, track that leads quite steeply down to the ford on the River Lemon below Emblett Hill. An ideal place for a check but no check was to be seen by the intrepid scouting party.

 

The five of us, Beeflicker, Man-Pig, Bluebird, AA and Riffraff, looked in vain for trail clues.

Eventually, Beeflicker found a mark and we headed east and past Bradley Manor towards Bradley Park. Over a little stream and a tiny bridge that had been the site of last week's AshHash regroup and then following the marks north past some light industrial units and towards the microwave transmitter atop Broadlands. But were these new marks or last week's AH3 marks? 

 

The seasoned old Indian tracker (aka halfwit Bluebird) deduced that they be old marks. Man-Pig who, in fairness did have the benefit of having run last week's AH3 trail, concluded that they be new marks.

 

We followed them anyway. When we hit Barton Drive for the second time we came across an arrow in flour; very new flour. We were definitely "On".

 

Another arrow had us bear right onto a footpath with fencing to one side before we joined Manor Road heading due north. After only a couple of hundred yards, we were back on the A383 and the OH trail up Pitt Hill Road. 

 

The arrows came thick and fast, and we were on the wooded footpath that leads to Highweek Church and thence left and back to the pub. 

 

The GPS read 3.00 miles as Bluebird and I entered the pub car park. Ablesemen's distance was bang on the money.

 

Down-Downs

The five FRB's entered a reasonably quiet bar. Where were the others? We ordered a pint each and sat down and waited, and waited......and waited some more. Eventually, some half hour later, Shitfaced appeared:

 

"Where have you been?"

"On the Walkers' trail".

"How far have you gone?"

"4.05 miles"

"You have not been on the Walkers' trail."

 

Then, in dribs and drabs, the others made it back to the On-Down. The one thing that they all have in common is that they had all done well over 3 miles. Where had they been?

 

A panting Broadshit and Scott ordered at the bar. Whilst they were waiting, I asked:

"Did you find yourself at the Cricketfield car park per chance?"

 

"Yes" replied Broadshit.

 

Fantastic. The Hash had done last week's AshHash trail...oh dear.

 

Once everyone had got a drink and discussed where they went or should have gone, it was time for the Down-Downs. 

 

Forrest Stump wasn't present as it was Mucking Fuddle's birthday and it would be good to have someone other than the Pig to RA for a change. Hence vice GM, U-Bend, assumed RA'ing duties for the evening. But, prior to the awards, Ablesemen had some prizes to give out.

 

First question: "Who was on the throne after Charles 1st?" Some wrong answers but Bobbiball came up with Oliver Cromwell and won an apple.

 

Second question: "Charles 1st had several mistresses, but who was his favourite?"

"Nell Gwyn" declared Bluebird before collapsing and another apple was awarded.

 

Apples exhausted, it was over to U-Bend to RA.

 

"Who has an award?"

 

Satnav was first up to dish the dirt. This was all rather self-inflicted as Satnav recounted a story of looking up where tonight's On-Down was from the FB page. She printed off the map and then jumped into her car. 

 

The fly in the ointment was that she'd forgotten her reading glasses and the newly printed map turned out to be as useful as a chocolate fireguard. But, NO, she was not giving herself the Down-Down. She was giving it to Ablesemen on the occasion of her birthday. A note for the birthday girl.

 

The second award of the evening was the Jester's hat which Pisswell had. This she awarded to Smellie for taking her 3 miles off trail just to have a play on the swings in a childrens' playground. How childish. A note for "The swinger" as Smellie takes an inordinate time to down her half from the vet's sperm sample container (I think it was clean....ish).

 

The return of Bluebird also heralded the return of the Hashshit shirt. Well, the Bird rabbited on about this and that for ages, mostly unrelated to the Hash. When he eventually ran out of puff, he awarded the shirt to the svelte gazelle who ultimately succumbed to a knee injury. Kindly step forward, AA!

 

One half left. Were there any more stories? Plenty, but Ablesemen still hadn't had all the right notes but not necessarily in the right order. And so this concluded the evening's excitement.....or did it?

 

Epilogue - Good Samaritans

Bluebird and the Pig were, comme d'habitude, last to leave the On-Down. But what was this before us? Not very far down Pit Hill Road we recognised a couple of Hashers' cars pulled over to the side of the road. What was going on? 

 

We had encountered a young lady in some distress. Perhaps drug related? An ambulance had been called and Smellie's was comforting an obviously distressed young woman - probably only 15 or 16. Such a shame. But well done Hashers. You all have a heart of gold. We all care about each other and those we know. It is a true sign of a decent human being to care about those we don't know. Maybe there's a little bit of the Samaritan in all of us? We hope the young woman is now on the road to recovery.

Well done.

 

Birdlogue

Back at the watering hole, Bobby finally arrived after his off-trail meander and persuaded me that it was definitely my round. 

 

Yes, I recall it now, you bought me a pint on my birthday and then drank it for me. Bobby asked when the next Tunas' gig was and the talk turned to music. Der Rottenfuhrer then bet me £1000 that Johnny Cash didn't sing Ghost Riders in the Sky. Sorry Bob, take a look at this link and weep:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMll6TNnTs4

I'll take a cheque, Bob.

 

Thank you Able and Slip on Me for the trail. Several sections I had never seen before and what a shrewd move it was wearing trousers in the stinger alley. 

 

Hasta la vista, baby!

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is not, as previously advertized from the Wolborough Inn, Newton Abbot but from Hash HQ, the Park Inn with Hare Shitfaced.....and friend?

On-On to next week.

• 
  

So Cruise updated the group cover photo.

TVH3 The Words for 22nd May 2023

 

by Pisswell

 

Holne village hall

 

Run No.1970

 

Hare: Pisswell

 

Who was there: Soapy, Melonpicker, Horny, Teapot, Strap on, Ernie, Piltdown Man, Georgie Porgie, Smellie, Big End, Well Hopped, Roger the Dodger, Manpig, Able Seaman, Satnav, Slip on me, Shitfaced, Beefy, Pisswell, Fukarwe, U bend, Forrest, Wood lend and latecomers Archangel and Coldtits.

 

Circle:

Shitfaced welcomed hashers to the circle at the village hall in Holne, the pub being closed on Mondays. Pint and pizza and money in the pot later.

 

Hash no. 1970. What happened in 1970? I think it was to do with football because I didn’t think it was worth remembering! 

 

A welcome to returnee Forrest and to his healing (well shared on Facebook, because of its un- named and at that time un-known body part) stump. Sorry Forrest!

 

Smellie has July 31st available for a willing hare Beefy reminded us of the Staverton beer festival on Sunday 28th, which he will be participating in. A reminder from Georgie Porgie & Piltdown man of “ The grand day out” on July 15th. The hash is contributing to the cost of this and Soapy is taking names for a Greek meal at the end of the day.

 

And then over to the hare. Pisswell proceeded to confuse the entire circle so they were going around in circles! There were at least 4 trails but more could be added by the addition of either driving to Scorriton and using the hall car park there or getting a lift from Pisswell. Laid on the right. One and on (saved her some mileage and it worked well for Manpig, or did it?) and a chance to see the deer park, which the two versions of long would see but so could others if they agreed to cheating with a lift.

 

She reminded hashers that there were no rules in hashing! And dogs on leads near deer please. Walkers if not wishing to cheat, could do the longs, as we know Teapot likes to, until Scorriton, where there was a free pint if they were still there and sweeties. Then back home for walkers.

 

So all was clear as mud, hashers broke the circle and everyone set off and ignored the hare!

Pisswell then drove to and fro offering lifts in her sporty little red car! Archangel and Forrest were thrilled to see a fawn in the road from her window, and Perry was even more excited!

 

The trail:

John Denver - Take Me Home, Country Roads (Lyrics)

 

Almost heaven, days a beauty

Pint and Pizza, shame-not-near-a river!

Circle up there, 4 routes choice for three 2 Long runs in deer park/ ?taxi lift with me

-------------------

Country roads, take me t’Holne,

To the road past Ashburton,

No virgins there, Dartmoor mania,

Take me home, country roads

----------------------------------

All the hashers, gather 'round me I’ve confused them, “there’s no rules in hashing”!

Pretty footpaths, lead to Scorriton, Sweetie stop and pint there, milks gone off and gone!

-------------------------------

Country roads, take me t’Holne,

To the road past Ashburton,

Want a taxi? If routes too far,

To see deer in the park.

---------------------------

I hear her voice at the sweetie stop she calls me

Directing all the walkers to the start far away

Running up the road, longs get a feelin'

That they should be on home the same day, the same day!

-----------------------------------

Country road, take me t’Holne,

To the road past Ashburton,

At Chalk ford there, there’s a ha ha

Back to short, take me home.

---------------------------------

No more roads, through the deer park

To the moor at Gibbycombe

Via a small bog, no shoes lost there

Take me down, to Mitchelcombe.

-------------------------------------

Take me home, past the church

Take me home, I’m on home.

===================

 

Afterwards Pizza and beers followed by scones, jam and cream.

 

The down downs:

Horny was the only one with an award, which she awarded to the hare Pisswell, because of her persuading people to join her in her sexy red car to while away a few minutes!!

Satnav was awarded a water down down: 'Here’s to Manuel’, as an episode from Fawlty Towers arose in the kitchen as she snatched the pizzas from Forrest after realising she had promised them to someone else! Great help Satnav. IOU a pint.

 

Georgie Porgie, also a water down down, for seeing the dear sheep, or was it deer?

Manpig’s down down escapes me too. Something about losing their way at the ha ha. Please comment the reason.

 

Lost property was a green jacket, to be worn on the next hash by Manpig for identification and embarrassment!

 

On on to next week from the Highweek Inn, Newton Abbot with Able Seaman. Details to follow.

TVH3 The Words for 15th May 2023

The Corner Flag, Devon FA, Newton Abbot

 

Run. No. 1969

 

HARE: Wet Johnny

 

Above: Facebook header of the mystery hasher on trail which turned out to be Archangel, wandering lonely as a cloud.
 

 

Who wuz there: Wet-Johnny, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Archangel, Beefy, Piltdown Man, Georgie Porgy, Smellie, U-Bend, Beeflicker, Slip-on-Me, Coldtits, Big End, Ned, Well Hopped, Wet Johnny's son - Gianluca, Erection, Small Erection - Harry, or was it Mason? Ablesemen, Satnav, Triple Jump, Ernie, Fukarewe, Screwed & Bella (welcome back) and, finally, AH3 visitor Total Recoil.

 

Circle

What a beautiful evening following a glorious weekend, although a tad windy. Those that did turn out all had smiles on their faces in recognition that spring had arrived at last. This was a new venue for us. Most of us had no idea that the Devon FA's bar, The Corner Flag, is not a members only bar. It is, effectively, a public house, but, obviously, with a focus on soccer.

 

Being a new venue, parking perplexed some easily perplexed hashers. Ernie thought that the car parking spaces were too small so parked his new Audi (selected by Mrs Ernie) so as to take up two spaces. U-Bend's van was too high to park in the main car park, so he initially parked it in the overflow car park. However, this had a pair of green iron gates at its entrance. "I wonder if they lock them at night?" contemplated our running plumber. "B******s. I'll move it somewhere else", which he promptly did. Cold Tits didn't make it to the car park, preferring to park at the top by the Clubhouse and Archangel didn't park anywhere as he was late.

 

So, what had the Hare to offer in addition to the new venue? A Walkers', Shorts' and Longs' trail, the latter being approximately 5 or 6 miles.

 

The Trail

The first part of the trail was in town with the first Long/Short split at the entrance to the Devon FA. Longs to the right and the Walkers and Shorts to the left.

 

The Shorts and Walkers went left along Coach Road and then right and up Penshurst Road before crossing College Road and climbing the steps on the footpath that climbs up to join South Road. The Longs took the long way round to the same spot. The Longs then went right down Coach Road, and then looped up and left heading west along College Road to join with the Walkers and the Shorts for the footpath from College Road to South Road.

 

Unsurprisingly, Beeflicker was miles ahead but so were the youngsters - Small erection and Wet Johnny's son, Gianluca. Next in line on the Longs were Man-Pig and the visiting Total Recoil paying us a visit from Ashburton Hash. Total Recoil has been injured since August but he wasn't showing any signs of it.

 

On the footpath, we caught up with Coldtits, Smellie, Screwed and Bella. At South Road, an arrow had us going right and then left up another footpath. This is at the highest point in Newton Abbot and boundaries the edge of the site of the former Wolborough Hill school - now a posh housing estate with lovely views. Total Recoil informed me that his dad used to attend Wolborough Hill school and I used to play rugby against them when I was at Buckfast Abbey school - but I digress.

 

This footpath leads onto Courtenay Road that encircles the northern half of Wolborough Hill. An arrow took us straight across Courtenay Road and a little way down Powderham Road before leading us onto the footpath below Highwood Grange. This footpath arcs around to Wolborough Church.

 

In the distance, we caught a glimpse of a Small Erection and Gianluca.....a long way ahead. At Wolborough Church, an early sweetie stop. This was so as to make sure that, this week, the Walkers didn't miss out on the sweeties. Very thoughtful W-J.

 

Refeshed, it was carry on west along Coach Road for a short while before dropping down Old Coach Road and crossing the A381 and the footpath that drops onto Bunting Close. At this point, we managed to overtake Gianluca and Small Erection. But this was only because they'd stopped due to Small Erection having a stitch.

 

The trail rejoined Totnes Road (A381) just before Ogwell Road. An arrow had us cross Totnes Road at the cemetery and head up Old Totnes Road towards Abbotskerswell. Total Recoil commented on how good the marks were. I agreed.

 

Near the top of Old Totnes Road, there was a Long/Short split. The Shorts were going off road and left across two fields that would bring them out at the sweetie stop once more. The Longs' trail was market right and, initially up and then down Firestone Lane. This took us into Abbotskerswell. At the junction with Manor Road, there was a kicked-out check. Excellent. Beeflicker was doing his job.

 

Pacewise, Total Recoil and I were well matched. I was a little surprised that Well Hopped and Big End weren't with us. It later transpired that they'd elected to go Short. A combination of a tiring weekend for Well Hopped in Wales and a tiring weekend at the bar for Big End........well, what are weekends for? I think about ten Hashers eventually made it to some elements of Saturday's Newton Abbot pub crawl and curry. This was hastily organised courtesy of Hotlips as a substitute for the Ale Rail outing as a result of the rail strike.

 

The Longs trail continued along Manor Road until its junction with Priory Road. This was the only point at which we spied Beeflicker doing a bit of checking out. The trail bore left and up Priory Road before an arrow had us crossing the most deeply ploughed field that I have ever come across. Thankfully, it was dry but, from the tyre marks, you could tell that this has been ploughed by a Ford Country or some such tractor sporting four enormous tyres. 

 

Once out of the ankle breaker, it was past the solitary, and inaccessible, barn (reminds me a bit of Father Ted's abode on Craggy island).

 

The trail followed the footpath into the south east corner of Decoy Copse where there should have been a check - but there was none. A fool's errand down the track towards Keyberry had us encounter two dots and a cross. Our only bit of off trail in the evening. 

 

Backtracking, we got back on trail and looped around towards Decoy Lake and another Long/Short split. Once again we passed Smellie, Screwed and Bella.

 

Again we headed towards the lake but we were also heading towards the sound of shouting, "What the f**k?" from the bushes. Had we disturbed an amorous encounter? Were youngsters comparing tattoos? We didn't stop to find out. It wasn't long before we were swinging left and then right onto a narrow footpath that exits onto the edge of the Devon FA playing fields and the "On-Home" sign. For the third time, we had caught up with Smellie just as we entered the car park.

 

A fast little run out. 5.51 miles on the Long. Now for a beer.

 

Down-Downs

The Corner Flag had a surprisingly good selection of beers and ciders - both bottled and draught. I elected to go for the Shipyard ale which is an American IPA; just the job. Once everyone had arrived back and had eaten, it was over to the RA for the Down-Downs. Man-Pig thanked the pub for the beer and the venue and additionally thanked Martin for cooking the scoff.

 

Again, in the absence of Bluebird, only one tangible award was available again this week. Once again, the Bacardi Hat was on the look out for a deserving (or even undeserving) miscreant. 

 

Ablesemen had a story about the Hare recruiting a cow onto the Hash and then ushering it into someone's front garden to chew on the chrysanthemums. Wet-Johnny was called out for being both Hare and for recruiting cows. A note for the bovine lover.

 

Next was the issue of lost property. An item had been found in the car park. Had anyone lost anything? The RA then pulled a £20 note from his pocket. "No not this. That's mine". Another rummage in the same pocket produced a bar coded ID tag.....with a name on it, "Peter Exon". Would U-Bend please come forward and reclaim his lost property? 

 

Now, I wasn't wearing my glasses but I am sure that this tag was a Medical Alert tag to warn third parties of U-Bend's herpes. U-Bend maintained that it wasn't. It was, in fact, a Park Run ID. A note for "The Lost One".

 

Who was going to have the penultimate half? Ernie had a story from about 3 years ago. Yes, really. This concerned Newton Abbot's female night workers. Apparently, Ernie and Fukarewe were off trail and running around the back of Newton Abbot racecourse. In the course of their wanderings, they came across two well endowed young ladies of the night. 

 

"Do you come here often?" asked one. Ernie was stupefied to recognise the temptress as none other than our very own Ablesemen! A second job perchance? Crikey, the cost of living crisis hadn't even started then! "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy" seemed rather appropriate.

 

Now, Well Hopped and Big End are both young and fit so it came as a surprise that they hadn't been seen on the Long. This was because neither had been on the Long. Were they injured? No. Just tired. Well Hopped had just spent a long weekend with a friend in Wales and she was tired. Had Big End been in Wales too? No. So what's his excuse? Some paltry excuse about too much cider at Sandford cricket club. A note for "The Lazy One".

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is at Holne village hall with Hare Pisswell. Bring coins, NOT £20 notes, for your beer and scoff.

 

On-On to next week, MP.

PUDDLES AND SPLASHES GALORE!

TVH3 The Words for 8th May 2023

 

Two Mile Oak, Ipplepen

 

Run. No. 1968

 

HARES: Only Here for the Beer & Shitfaced

 

 

Who wuz there: OHFB, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Arkangel (pub only), Beefy, Pisswell, Piltdown Man, Smellie, Beeflicker, Slip-on-Me, Big End, Ned, Well Hopped, Wet Johnny, Erection, Able Semen, Ernie & visiting virgin - Anna from London.

 

Circle

Well, what a change from last week! A damp coronation bank holiday weekend conspired to keep numbers low. Although, given the weather, a turnout of 17 was, really, very acceptable.

It has been a long, long time since we last ran from the Two Mile Oak. Over twenty years ago according to Able Semen. The Two Mile Oak has a very large car park. The last time that I was here was to watch a music festival with Bobbiball; one of the acts?......The Out of Tunas.

Having such a large car park I thought that parking would be easy. How wrong I was. It was nearly full. OHFB explained that this was because it is now one of the very few pubs in the area that does food and remains open on a Monday night.

 

We circled up in reasonably heavy rain with a brisk breeze as Shitfaced welcomed us to the Two Mile Oak (TMO). Shitfaced first welcomed Anna. Anna is from London and taking a break in Devon. She had never hashed before. What was she going to make of a wet run in Devon and the bunch of oddballs that comprise TVH3?

 

Then came the most alarming bit. Shitfaced said that the Hash would normally anoint newcomers with a liberal dosing of flour - but they hadn't got any. Crikey, what on earth had they laid the trail with? Had they laid a trail at all? Had the trail been washed away? We would have to wait and see.

 

Poor Smellie really did look like a drowned cat with her cat hat on.....and we hadn't even started the run. Nevertheless, she advised that we were OK for Hares. Over to OHFB and Shitfaced for details of the trail:

 

"Yes. It has been laid - and in flour. If it's still there? Walkers about two and a half. Shorts' about four and Longs' six".

 

"Really?" I thought to myself.

 

Shitfaced went on to say, "When you come to the puddle, just keep going", with a particularly wry smile on his face. What could could he be insinuating?

 

The Trail

The weather was pretty poor and the doubting Thomas in me kicked in. I wasn't expecting great things, especially as I had bumped into OHFB in the Park Inn on Saturday. Yes, he had a plan for the trail but it would involve a lot of road. I told him not to worry. We would all be thankful for any trail given the forecast.

 

How mistaken I was! The Hares had laid a great trail and, despite the rain, virtually all marks were intact on a clearly laid trail. Did I say, "Clearly laid trail?". The FRB's thought that the trail was clearly marked. Beeflicker only got off trail once. Running straight across the OH sign he decided to go around the trail again. He only stopped when he ran past the wooden horse for the second time.

 

Man-Pig, Big End, Ned and Well Hopped stayed together on the way round and had no problems with the marks. We even caught a glimpse of principle FRB, Beeflicker, in the far distance at one point.

 

However, not everyone followed the marks as assiduously as the FRBs. Or, maybe they did, just not the same marks. At the Circle, Shitfaced did mention that Haldon Hash were running from Denbury. However, it was impossible to confuse the two trails as their trail was laid in sawdust and TVH's was exclusively flour.

 

Impossible? Believe me, nothing is impossible for a Hasher. And so it was that we had the latest Down-Downs in living memory* - they commenced at 9.45 when the last of the lost/diverted hashers reached the On-Down.

 

What had happened? Well, one - very late - hasher had bumped into Fallen Woman who was doing the Haldon Hash trail. Fallen Woman had promised this particular Harriet great things on the Haldon trail,including a free beer stop. So this Harriet abandoned our virgin visitor, Anna from London, and merrily followed Fallen Woman to the Haldon beer stop. It must have been some beer stop as this Harriet didn't make it back to the pub till 9.45!

 

Meanwhile, back in the pub, it transpired that quite a few Hashers had been in Denbury open prison. Not literally, but they had run through the car park and the public footpath that exits at the eastern end of Denbury. Maybe this was part of the Shorts' trail but it certainly wasn't part of the Longs'. Latecomers included Ernie and virgin visitor, Anna. They arrived back at the pub at 9.20 and, additionally, Beefy was even later. In fact, the latecomers were so late that Piltdown Man kindly went on a recce to look for them.

 

What had gone wrong with Beefy? A footwear malfunction apparently. Beefy is still recovering from a badly sprained ankle. It is on the mend so he is happy to walk the Longs, but in hiking boots. These hiking boots are nice and sturdy. They support the ankle well and, crucially, they are waterproof. Therein lies the folly. Things that keep the water out are also very good at keeping the water in. And so it proved to be when the trail took us through nearly 2 feet of water on a flooded farm track. Now, 24 inches of water doesn't work too well with 6 inch high hiking boots. The net result was that Beefy had a very slow and squidgy walk around the Longs as each of his boots now weighed at least 10 pounds. He said that he felt like a deep sea diver minus his Siebe Gorman copper helmet.

 

OHFB was right about a lot of road but this was more than outweighed by the swimming; literally in the case of Ned who couldn't touch the bottom and resorted to doggy paddle at the first, and deepest, puddle. Shitfaced had fibbed. He had only mentioned a single puddle in the pre run spiel - not the twenty or so that we encountered over the 6 mile long.

 

The actual trail turned right out of the pub car park and then right again at the first crossroads (Dornafield Cross). We passed what must be an equestrian centre on our right as it had a half size carved horse in front of the entrance.

 

We passed through a dog-leg at Rydon Farm. This I recognised from a trail that we did about a year ago - Tamsin's virgin lay. However, this year we were doing it in reverse.

 

At the next crossroads (Rydon Cross) we came to the first of two Long/Short splits. The Shorts carried straight on towards Stubbins Cross whilst the Longs' went right and then left towards East Ogwell.

 

On the Longs' trail we passed Ogwell Grange. This is a lovely old building with ornate stone chimneys. The Longs' dropped down into East Ogwell following clear marks - surprisingly almost unaffected by the rain.

 

By East Ogwell church, an arrow had us bearing left and heading uphill to where Bluebird had collapsed into a hedge on Tamsin's trail last year. Oh why, oh why, did Swinger and Matt rescue him?

 

We arrived at Stubbins Cross but no sign of the Shorts. However, we did find an arrow pointing right and down a particularly damp farm track towards West Ogwell Cross. However, as so many of the Shorts had said that they passed through Channings Wood car park, I wonder if the Shorts had, accidentally, followed the left fork of the farm track that leads to the prison car park?

 

It wasn't long before we found out why Shitfaced had a wry smile on his face. PUDDLE? My a**e. It was a lake! At its deepest, is must have been pushing 18 inches deep. There was no way around it. You had to go through it. Poor Ned had to doggy paddle yet again to get past the watery obstacle. But this was only to encounter another four "puddles" before we hit tarmac again.

 

At West Ogwell Cross, an arrow had us skirting the edge of HMP Channings Wood, past the bluebell carpeted Oxenham Woods, on our way towards Denbury Sports fields and Start Cross.

At Start Cross, it was left and uphill into the middle of Denbury arriving at the crossroads with a public water trough at its centre. Another arrow. This time left and towards the Union Inn. The marks were still good but had changed from right to left. Had we missed something? A quick check confirmed that we were on trail as we followed the marks to Newton Cross and thence onto Ipplepen Cross. The latter proved to be the location of the second Long/Short split with the Longs bearing right and down to Denbury Cross....and more puddles! Although these were on tarmac and not nearly as deep as those on the farm tracks.

 

At Denbury Cross, it was left and past Ipplepen football fields until arriving at a second crossroads sharing the name Dornafield Cross (how many of them are there?). It was left again and up Dornafield Lane as we completed three sides of a square to arrive back at the first junction of the outward trail and, inevitably, the OH sign.

 

6.46 of your English country miles - amazingly undertaken substantially in the dry as the rain stopped only ten minutes into the trail.

 

Down-Downs

Judging by the number of cars in the car park, when we arrived, I surmised that a lot of non-Hashers would be eating inside the pub. We certainly didn't want to alienate the landlady on our first visit after an absence of some twenty years, so I was preparing to execute the Down-Downs outside. I needn't have worried. By the time it came to do the Down-Downs all non-hashers hard eaten up and left the pub. 

 

Debbie, the landlady, was very welcoming. She had laid on sausage, beans and mash for the Hash in addition to providing the Down-Down beers. And when it came to doing the Down-Downs she said that we could make as much noise as we wanted. The only non-Hasher at the bar was Matt. We had been chatting about bikes and the TMO music festival where he had been DJ, MC and one of the acts - and yes, he did recall The Out of Tunas!

 

In the absence of Forrest-Stump, Man-Pig assumed the RA'ing duties. We thanked the pub for the beer, the scoff, the parking and the weather!

 

Awards were going to be thin on the ground as the absent Bluebird had rather monopolised them last week. Nevertheless, Ernie was present and he had the Bacardi hat. Inevitably, this had to go to the last person back who had just walked in the door at 9.45pm. It was Pisswell who had had a rather jolly time on the Haldon Hash! A note for "The diverted one".

 

That was the only award present but were there any stories? Beeflicker had one. He had come across a rather bedraggled cat in the form of Smellie where the Shorts and Longs temporarily rejoined at Denbury Green. Smellie was highly unimpressed. A four way junction and no marks. No marks apart from an enormous flour arrow. A note for the "Bedraggled One".

 

Another story? Yes. Shitfaced recounted the sorry tale of a thirsty hasher who had forgotten his purse. Never mind. Wet-Johnny will buy me a drink. Wet-Johnny is at the bar. He gets himself a drink, acknowledges that Erection wants a drink and says, "I'll be right back". With this, Wet-Johnny goes over to join Big End and Well-Hopped for the next twenty minutes! Who should get the Down-Down? Wet-Johnny, Erection or Big End? Shouts for Big End and a note for "The tempter".

 

It was a surprisingly good trail and from a new venue that looked after us very well (we will, undoubtedly, be back). Hence the last half pint of Otter went to a thoroughly deserving OHFB. A note for "The Lying Toad" as he professed to have laid the trail on foot. What poppycock!

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Corner Flag, Coach Road, Newton Abbot with Hare Wet Johnny.

 

On-On to next week.

 

* The latest Down-Down was at Riverford Farm (I think an Ashburton Hash). This was a post 10pm Down-Down as Doris had got off trail big time. She had, somehow, found herself in Ashburton. Nevertheless, she had found a pub that served Guinness and convinced the Landlord to stand her a pint and, could she use the pub's phone to phone Rambo to come and get her and pay for her pint? Accordingly, a jolly late Down-Down.