PLEASE NOTE this is a venue change from the posted words (now amended)

Run #2040 Monday 9th September Circle up 7:15 pm from the Church car park at Manaton.ON DOWN from the Kestor Inn TQ13 9UF with Poacher.

Chips/cheesy chips - show of hands at circle.

 

 

TVH3 The Words for 2nd September 2024

Tinpickle & Rhum, Moorland Hotel, Haytor

Run No. 2039

 

HARE: Slip-on-Me

 

 

 

Who wuz there: Slip-on-Me, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Forrest-Stump, Perry, Archangel, Beefy, Pisswell, Beeflicker, Able Semen, Wetfart, Runner Bean, Smellie, Coldtits, Poacher, U-Bend, Big End, Well Hopped, Ned, Psycho, Warmfront, Johnny, Red Rum, Melonpicker, Soapy, Justin, Dylan, Wide Receiver, Cheesy Nipples, Cheesy Helmet (pub only I think) and virgin Harry - Pisswell's son

 

Circle

It was one day after the TVH3 40th anniversary away weekend. How many would turn up? A very respectable 27 as it turned out. Slip-on-Me was delighted with the turnout, especially as the weather forecast had been on the damp side. Even more incredulous give the state of some Hashers sore heads the previous morning.

 

Shitfaced welcomed all into the Circle and immediately observed an unfamiliar face....Harry. Harry is a virgin and also Pisswell's son. There is an absence of flour in the Circle but the Hare scoots off and comes back with some sawdust to anoint Harry's trainers with.

 

Smellie has no announcements about Hare Raising. Shitfaced is just about to hand the Circle over to the Hare when Man-Pig butts in.

 

"Can I have a volunteer for The Words for the anniversary weekend? Runs 2036, 2037 & 2038."

Forrest is volunteered as he was the ring leader behind Saturday's post disco shot-fest.

So over to the Hare.

 

"The trail is laid in an assortment of materials, none of them flour - mainly sawdust. It is not very long; Longs' 3 ,miles, Shorts' 2 miles and Walkers' 1 mile", all much to the delight of the still fragile competitors in the shots competition.

 

"Does anyone know why the bar is called the Tinpickle & Rhum?"

 

Nobody knows except Wide Receiver. Apparently the "Tinpickle & Rhum" sign over the entrance to the bar was found in the loft of the hotel and the name stuck.

Finally:

"There is a pickle and rum stop at the quarry".

 

Trail

What could possibly go wrong on a 3 mile Hash?

 

We were directed out of the lower entrance to the hotel car park for our first challenge. Searching for a mark....any sort of mark. Wide receiver went downhill towards Pinchaford. Poacher headed for the granite railway track and everyone else congregated around the small green with the telephone kiosk.

After a while Poacher alleged that he was "On" and we followed him across the road, onto the moor and along the granite tramway.

 

In the distance to our left, we could see the distinct shape of Slip-on-Me's Landrover climbing up towards the quarry.....at least we knew where we were going to end up.

 

As we moved along the tramway, we came to several spots which would have been ideal places to put a check or a Long/Short split. Eventually, we came to a fork in the tramway. This was a perfect spot for a split. After a lot of searching, we found an "S" and an arrow pointing downhill. 

 

The Longs carried on straight ahead only to find a cross..... perplexing as the only other obvious route was an even shorter track that leads directly up to the quarry. Poacher back-checked towards Smallacombe Rocks. Wide Receiver also back-checked on a minor track that led up to the quarry. Most Hashers were still running back from the cross. Where was the Longs' trail? 

 

We had Hashers speed out all over the moor. Eventually, we gave up on searching for the elusive Long and embarked on the Short. This was basically due west down and then up to Holwell Tor. 

 

We then headed for Emsworthy Rocks before running out of marks again. From on-high atop Haytor, Wide Receiver and Slip-on-Me were shouting directions to befuddled and bamboozled Hashers.

 

We all made our way across country and through a ravine that formed part of an area of quarried stone at the end of one of the tramline's spurs. I was following Big End and Well Hopped as we climbed out of the narrow gulley and onto open ground between Haytor and Emsworthy Rocks. It was only ten past eight but is was getting very dipsy indeed but, fortunately, dry. Somehow, by the time that I skirted around to the south side of Haytor, I'd lost sight of Big End and Well Hopped and, indeed, every other Hasher. 

 

With the broad open lawn down to Haytor middle car park I commenced my run home

 but........something's missing - and it's not just other Hashers. Half way down, the penny dropped - THE BEER STOP; well, pickles and rum stop.

 

U-turn. Back up towards Haytor and look for the broadest track to my right. I found a narrow track and headed northeast. After only a couple of hundred yards, I spied the distinct shape of a Landrover roof and a solitary Hasher. It was Red Rum who was about to make her way back to the hotel. She advised that everyone else was in the quarry.

 

"Hey presto!", the drink stop was ahead of me including all of the other Hashers except for Poacher and Archangel. And what a drink stop it was. A flavoured rum, pickles comprising red cabbage, beetroot and green chillies, homemade bread, cheese and biscuits and some sweet biscuits with a whortleberry base.....delicious.

 

It was dark now. This week most Hashers had remembered to bring torches. The final leg was shared with Pisswell and Forrest Stump descending down the vehicular track from the quarry to the road and then the final 300 yards back to the hotel.

 

Down-Downs

Forrest-Stump had drawn the short straw and was RA'ing.

 

The drink stop had been excellent. The absence of marks had given us all a a giggle rather than a headache and the tot of rum was just enough to clear the vestiges of the weekend's hangover. Hence the first Down-Down goes to the Hare for her excellent refreshment stop.

 

"Do we have any awards?"

 

Red Rum has the Hashshit shirt and a simple story. Someone had mentioned that they only come to the Hash for the beer and not the run. Amazingly, this was not Only Here for the Beer. It was Big End. "Hold it in you hand Mrs Murphy".

 

Next we had the Wet Johnny doppelgänger up and I didn't know what for....impersonating Wet-Johnny? No, it was apparently for forgetting to pay his pound. Anyway, Johnny gets a beer and a note to, "Here's to non-Wet-Johnny....." and also gets the Checking Chicken Hat.

 

The final half pint of ale and the final award. Pisswell has the Jester's hat and, despite fierce competition, Beefy gets it for being the most drunk of the weekend. This included making a mess of Pisswell's van. Beefy tried to palm this off on Smellie alleging that Smellie had been very much looking forward to Beefy's trail the previous week. But this was when it had been scheduled for Staverton Beer Festival. However, last week's trail had to be relocated to Trendlebere down where Smellie failed to make an appearance. She had, however, made it to the beer festival on Sunday afternoon so the wandering half pint of ale found itself back in Beefy's hands. A note for the "inebriated one" or some such similar moniker.

 

Just before we left, we thanked the pub for having us just before we risked being thrown out. Beeflicker had found a pair of lady's trainers on trail and Forrest was determined to auction them off in a bid to get the weekend's collection for the "Pete's Dragons" mental health charity up to £600. He banged his hand on the table so hard, to mark the end of the auction, that he sent Warmfront's beer glass flying which smashed on the stone floor!

 

.....and there concludeth the Hash.

 

Next week -NOTE change of venue

Next week's Hash is from the Church CP at Manaton OD Kestor Inn with Poacher haring. Bring your torches.

 

On-On to next week. MP

TODAY'S TRAIL DETAILS (WITH PROFUSE APOLOGIES FOR TARDINESS)

Run #2036 Monday 2nd September

Circle up 7:15 pm from Tinpickle And Rhum, The Moorland Hotel, Haytor, Newton Abbot TQ13 9XT with Slip on Me.

 

Food to be ordered before the circle please.

See menus below.

 

TVH3 The Words for 26th August 2024

Trendlebere Down middle car park

Run No. 2035

 

HARE: Beefy

 

Who wuz there: Beefy, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Hotlips, Zoot, Pisswell, Beeflicker, Ernie, Slip-on-Me, Wetfart, Runner Bean, Peter (Runner Bean's brother), Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smash, Melonpicker, Soapy, Miss-Ing, Miss'Ing's daughter, Justin, Dylan, Ollie, Wide Receiver and returnee Red Rum and one virgin whose name I'm afraid I don't get who was brought along by Slip-on-Me

 

Circle

Another bank holiday. what would the turnout be? Not bad actually....23. Beefy's Facebook directions to the car park were inch perfect, 0.2 miles past the cattle grid so no-one got lost en route to the Hash. The return to the Dolphin would be a little more complex as the road had been closed off at the roundabout so we all had to loop around via the swimming pool road.

 

Shitfaced welcomed all to run number 2035 and asked if either Zoot or Hotlips had anything to say about this weekends TVH3 40th anniversary weekend.....nothing! All sorted then.

 

No Smellie so no update from the Hare Razor but I think we only have 30th December to fill.

 

Shitfaced asks the long time absent returnee and a virgin into the Circle. He purloins Beefy's flour and welcomes both in the time honoured manner....a liberal dusting of flour on their trainers. Talking of trainers, Shitfaced was sporting a new design of super light running wear. I think that they are called flip flops and he still managed to get to the sweetie stop before anyone else.

 

Over to the Hare, who was a little red in the face as he'd only just arrived back from laying the trail. Beefy explained that tonight's trail was not so long; about four and a half for the Longs, three and three quarters for the Shorts and the trail could be as low as two and a half for the Walkers BUT....only if they heeded the marks. 

 

Beefy then proceeded to put two new style marks on the ground - a " "T" and an "XX". I think the idea was that, if you wanted an ultra short, simply walk through these marks.

 

Trail

The trail crossed the main road and into Yarner Wood and the first of three Long/Short splits. The Shorts and Walkers carried straight on whilst the Longs went left and down the broad track that leads down to the Southwest Water pumping station. 

 

Runner Bean, Beeflicker, Justin and Dylan were runaway FRB's with Man-Pig and Peter chasing hard. Also on the longs were Miss-Ing and Ernie but we didn't see them again until we were back at the car park.

 

For all things that go down there must be an equal an opposite part of the trail that goes up. 

 

Sure enough, just after running through the SWW car park, the trail diverted onto a narrow upward path before opening onto a wider track. Peter succumbed to a stitch and slowed down just before we overtook Slip-on-Me and friend. 

 

The broad track was initially flat and then dropped a little before a sharp U-bend where we passed Soapy, Melon Picker and Ollie. 

 

A little further on, we passed Zoot and Hotlips just before arriving at the second Long/Short split. A sharp left and downhill for the Longs on what proved to be a large loop that took us back to this L/S split to rejoin the Walkers & Shorts' trails.

 

At the bottom of the Longs' loop, I caught up with Beeflicker, Justin and Dylan and stayed with them for the rest of the trail. Runner Been was well out in front and all of the checks had been kicked out.

On our return to the second L/S split, we caught up with Red Rum just before the final L/S split. The last Long took us around the western periphery of Yarner Woods before we again rejoined the Walkers and the Shorts. 

 

Once again, we passed Slip-on-Me and friend, Ollie, Melonpicker, Soapy, Zoot and Hotlips in exactly the same order as we'd encountered them previously. 

 

We dropped down to a semi-open area where some Dartmoor ponies had congregated. They would have made a good photo had we stopped.

 

In next to no time, we were at the sweetie stop where we caught up with Shitfaced, Miss'Ing's daughter, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy and, of course, the Hare. We were treated to three varieties of Haribos and then the final trek home. down, down and down a broad track where we nearly overshot a tiny bridge to our left.

 

We now embarked on a climb up and along a narrow path and through a gate onto a wide grassed track. this was the final downhill and back to the gate whence we originally entered Yarner Wood. It was 8.38pm. A short but thoroughly enjoyable run and no need for torches. Time for a beer!

 

Down-Downs

Forrest-Stump had got waylaid at the Lustleigh show where Perry & Mitch had won the dog racing competition so it was down to Man-Pig to RA.

 

For a change there we're quite a few awards present from previous weeks.

 

First up was Hotlips who had the Hashshit shirt. This Hotlips awarded to Red Rum. Her misdemeanour(s)? Forgetting what almost every Hash mark stood for. Despite calls for red Rum to remove her top she sensibly wore the bio hazard over her blouse. "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy"

Wide Receiver has the Checking Chicken hat from Cheerio's Hash a fortnight ago. This he gives to Peter (Runner Bean's brother) for getting lost on trail and then getting even more lost after seeking some misdirections from a passing motorcyclist. This subsequently dictated that Pisswell had to go out in her car and rescue him from Trendlebere upper car park. A note for, "The misguided one".

 

Shitfaced has the Jesters' hat. This he awards to Pisswell. this is not for being a knight in shining armour and for recovering a young man (Peter) from Trendlebere upper car park. This is for suggesting that they stop at a lay-by on the way back.....should have brought the camper van! A note for "The sex pest".

 

The RA was just about to give the final award to the Hare when there was a shout from the floor. "Justin has yet to be named".

 

There were some suggestions based on his Christian name along the lines of "two inches" but his profession is a potter. The unanimous vote/roar was for Wedgie...after Josiah Wedgwood. The RA gets Wedgie on his knees and duly anoints him under the powers invested in him by the great Hash God...."urbi et orbi I baptise you and from this day on thou shalt be known as Wedgie".

 

The poor Hare hadn't had a drink but he was a tad thirsty after spending the evening running around for 13 miles so he was appreciative of the last half pint of water. Some people are so easily pleased.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from The Moorland Hotel with Slip-on-Me haring. Bring your torches as it's just beginning to get dipsy now after 8.30.

 

On-On to next week. MP

TRENDLEBERE DOWN CP

Run #2035 Monday 26th August Circle up from Trendlebere Down C.P. Nr Bovey Tracey with Beefy.

What3words: intersect.slave.locals

 

On Down The Dolphin 1A Station Rd, Bovey Tracey, Newton Abbot TQ13 9AL

 

EATERS PLEASE NOTE

If anyone wants to eat from the menu, they must notify the pub by Sunday. If they want cheesy chips, they can inform the pub on the day.

 

 

Run #2034 Monday 19th August

Circle up from Heatree Activity Centre, Manaton

 

With Pisswell

 

FLINTSTONES HASH

 

Who Wuz there?

 

Pisswell, Beefy, Piltdown man, Georgie Porgy, Checkmate, Leyton, Oscar, Beth, ManPig, Forrest, Smellie, Beeflicker, Satnav, Wet Johnny, Johnny (the Wet Jonny Imposter wearing matching coats), Runner bean, Peter, Ernie and Cory (grandson), Strap on, Gaffa, Goldfish, Cheesy Nipples, Chessy Helmet, Coldtits, Elisa, Jonathon, Miss Inn, Soapy, Melon Picker, Palmolive, Andy, Sarah, Wetfart, Artful Dogger.

 

(Hope that’s correct as I couldn’t see very well by the firelight, nor could anyone)

 

Circle:

In the absence of a GM, Piltdown Man welcomed hashers to circle around the fire pit in the middle of the round house at Heatree. Manpig bravely ran through hot smouldering coals to make room for others and we all smelt smoky pig from there on.

 

A young virgin was announced and dealt with in the usual way! Returnees Gaffa and Goldfish ( I think) were welcomed back, although there were others just too frightened of joining the inner circle.

Lurking in the dimsy light were also Cheesy Nipples and Cheesy Helmet, not seen since their award winning Sandridge Barton wine tour hash last year.

 

Hare raiser Smellie only has one date left for “the last day of the year”, Dec 30th, if anybody wants to lay a trail.

 

On to The hare:

 

Pisswell thanked those who had worn Flintstone outfits and invited them to the inner circle. As Smellie was as yet undressed, the winner would be decided later. A free grout ( Rugglestone currency) would be awarded to the best fancy dress, which could be exchanged for a pint for the winner.

 

Pisswell explained the normal 3 trails. She had forgotten her tablet of stone to read from, so made up some distances, each one longer than the other. She had got very cold and wet so although there were some checks this week, they were only one and on. After Cheerio Beerio’s great swim at the beach success, there would again be time for a quick dip, no swim wear required!

 

The hare had left her square wheeled bike available for hire but had decided to take her hastily made cardboard car with enamel plated steering wheel. (Petrol not yet invented!)

 

The hash left to an on-on chorus of yabbadabbadoo!

The trail:

 

https://youtu.be/i4v0eHtAFBg?si=xhDmljKmZhY1GNuD

https://youtu.be/i4v0eHtAFBg?si=xhDmljKmZhY1GNuD

 

Yabba-dabba-doo!

Flintstones, at the round house

It’s the hash tonight for Teign valley

From the town of Heatree

Virgin ground wrote down in history

Circle in the Stone Age house we meet

Dressed up, now whose outfit can you beat?

When you’re with Teign valley

Have a yabba-dabba-doo time,

Best fancy dress time,

we’ll have a Flintstones time

…………

Lit up by the lights there

Pisswell (hare) will tell you all the way

All go to Heath-er-Combe

And then “make your choice”, what’s she will say

Walkers take a quick way if they like

Or bor-row the hare’s old square wheeled bike

Shorts go to Nats-worthy

Whilst the longs go up a steep hill

A bitter sweet pill

A Heathercombe steep hill

……………..

Pointless! You’ve the same place

Some more late as it is plain to see

Crossing the same road there

(Locals call it gate at Nats-wor-thy.)

Let’s run down the lane towards Jays grave

All will join to see her resting place

When you’re choosing splits there

Have a yabba-dabba chew time

A quick dip in time

A crunchy crisps old time!

…….

Walkers to the left there

Whilst the others look up Bowerman’s nose!

Shorts straight on to Blissmoor,

Whilst the longs go right up to his toes

Sneeze blows, Bowerman is full of snot

Blissmoor is now bog, with tors on top

On home to Heatree now

Have an on downs Rugglestone time

At Widecombe time

We’ll have a great old time!

We’ll have a gay old time!!!!

Yabaa-dabba-doo!

 

Out takes from the trail:

Coldtits arrived late and then got lost on the Heatree grounds before the start!

Wetfart had a lift up the first hill and then asked if the rest was all downhill!

The first hill for the longs was endless, causing Pisswell to wheel spin when she stopped to offer oxygen from her car!

 

The resulting downhill through a bog (in an eerie Dartmoor mist) was I imagine pretty hard core as the hare was pretty scared laying it. Even brave fire fighter Cheesy Helmet said he left deep skid marks!

Natsworthy gate seemed to go without incident but the quick dip did cause a little confusion! Kitty Jay turned in her grave as she hosted crisps, bread sticks, Doritos and a selection of dips, so why were hashers taking their clothes off? Beefy and Beeflicker had barely anything on!

 

The split at Jays grave was getting late. Most walkers could get off road to Cripdon Down South Tor and then home. shorts and longs went to varying views of Bowermans nose. Lovely to see some photos of the heather and gorse there. And sorry, I must apologise, but the maniac cloud burst earlier at that point, had caused the hare to climb down over steep rocks from Hayne Down North Tor and just shelter in Bowerman’s nasal passages (nasal hare) and not give a shit! ( meant to say that at the circle). So bit rubbish there.

 

Jonathan tried out Manaton road a few times (nice pub, the Kestor) and then decided to go through Blissmoor with everyone else. The hare had snipped away the brambles, flattened the bracken, hoovered the ticks, sponged the bog so it was quite easy in the oncoming dark!

 

Eventually, all returned by phone light but with firefighter Cheesy Helmet leading the rescue mission of Cheesy Nipples, Pisswell, Manpig and Elisa (super hashos), and rescuing Ernie and Cory, Coldtits, Jonathon and Forerst. (who was already at the pub I think!) Please let me know if this was correct. Hope I didn’t forget anybody! Is anyone still out there?

 

The down downs at the Rugglestone:

The latecomers came in to an empty pub! Had they all gone home? In fact, there was no room at the Inn and they had been offered a lowly outdoor shed for the miracle of all getting home in one piece!

 

Unfortunately, some hashers had chosen not to stay as their welcome had not been fitting of the importance of their mighty conquest! All jokes aside, I am really sorry about that.

 

The pub had provided free down downs though, although they took some time for the hare to obtain. Maybe that’s why the RAs Forrest and Manpig forgot to thank the pub for the beers and they wouldn’t have heard us anyway!

 

Manpig was an amazing songmeister but I can’t remember what we sang so I will make it up or miss it out.

 

First up was Beeflicker who had gone off piste into an angry farmer's field.

“Here’s to the piste taker, he’s so blue….”

 

Strap on had noted Beefy and Pisswell had swapped matching hash t-shirts. Beefy had said that he was “unable to pull it off without help!”

“Here’s to the pulled off….”

 

The hare, whose hash was “too dry”, “too much sun”, “too flat”, “too much swimming”, “too many graves”, or some thing like that, was given a down down. She asked if the longs were exhausted from the hills. Had they preferred it up? Or preferred it down? As there was a quick recovery from all involved, everyone appeared satisfied!

 

And then to the free pint for the best dressed. As Smellie was not in the running anymore, votes were given for Wilmur Coldtits, Caveman Beefy, Cavewoman Pisswell and then Forrest. Winning by the most decibels was Forrest, who looked great swinging a huge mallet and club and wearing a black wig and dead rabbit skin waistcoat! He not only won the grout for a free pint at the pub but awarded himself the remaining down down!

 

Before leaving, he amused us by the tale of Archangels missed down down from the week before. Apparently, whilst paddling his kayak (and offering his David Hasselhoffs lifesaving ability) at Cheerio Beerios hash and dip in the sea, he was so swept away by the skimpy bikinis and thongs that he mislaid his paddle. So he is now dobbed in and definitely up the creek without a paddle!

 

Next week: Beefys hash at middle car park at Trendlebeer down, with the on down at The Dolphin at Bovey Tracey (That’s Bovey, Shitfaced)

 

On on to next week or ….

Yabbadabbadoo!

Yabbadabbadoo!