BONFIRE NIGHT IN TINKLEY BOTTOM

Run #2048 Monday 4th November 7:15 pm Circle up from Forrest's abode at Tinkley Bottom down in deepest Teign Valley for the Bonfire night extravaganza.Entertainment , food and ale aplenty, provided by thine host Forrest with the trail niceties left to the long-suffering Man-Pig.

IMPORTANT PLEASE NOTE

If you want food and beer, you must bring your own drinking vessel and eating implements Namely, beer mug, plate, knife, fork and a spoon for the gravy. Also, bring a firework or two if you have them. 

 

 

"Hallow'een Fancy Dress Run"

TVH3 The Words for 28th October 2024

The Brunswick Arms

 

Run No. 2047

 

HARES: Soapy, Melonpicker & Palmolive

 

Who wuz there: Soapy, Melonpicker, Palmolive, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Beeflicker, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Wetfart, U-Bend, Strap-On, Ernie, Corey, Slip-on-Me, Coldtits, Satnav, Ablesemen, Smash, Psycho, Warmfront, Polyfella, Red Rum, Roger the Dodger, Ned & Nice Tackle visiting from South Hams H3

 

Circle

I was going to name this run Four Weddings and a .....er no, "Two Run Badges and A Naming". However, this might have been a distraction from the fantastic Halloween costumes and make-up adorned by almost all present. It was unseasonably balmy and this had an impact on some Hashers' body temperature as the run progressed. In fact, some were visibly misting up!

 

We had the usual smattering of witches and ghouls, Mr Hydes, skeletons, mad axe murderers (American Psycho apparently), polytunnels, ladies of the night and Slash from Guns & Roses. Some of the faceprint was remarkable. I am amazed that the make-up doesn't start running as one builds up a sweat but the faceprint looked as good in the pub as it had done in the Circle. Well done.

 

There were a few announcements. First was about the run in a fortnight's time. This would be Ablesemen's run and it is from the Highweek Inn, Newton Abbot. Able announced that Haldon Hash would also be running from the same venue. I do not know if there are separate trails or would we be sharing a common trail? I guess that we'll find out in a fortnight.

 

Man-Pig had received a telephone call from Forrest Stump regarding next week's bonfire Hash. Yes. It is going ahead and Forrest has already constructed a huge bonfire. Forrest will be providing roadkill stew and beer. However, Hashers are requested to bring along their own drinking vessel, KFS (knives, forks, spoons) and a plate each....if you want to eat and imbibe. Additionally, please bring along a firework or two.

 

Man-Pig also advised that he had spoken to Broken Man during the week. He is now contactable on Fallen Woman's mobile number. He has sold his large camper van and got a smaller one. He spent much of the summer travelling around France and Spain which he enjoyed very much. He is back in Brixham now. 

 

This week, being half term, he has his daughters and their families visiting him so he is going to be a busy grandpa. Nevertheless, he is planning on making a return to the Hash and I am sure that he'd be delighted to hear from any Hashers in the meantime.

 

So, what do the Hares have in store for us this evening?

 

Soapy briefs us that there is a single trail. No separate Long, Short or Walkers' trails per se. One trail but with 4 Long/Short splits. Walkers should do all the Shorts which will result in a distance of circa 2 miles. The last of the Longs is the Longest loop. Those embarking all 4 Longs will end up covering circa 4 miles. Mix and match your Long/Short splits to your preferred distance.

The pub is doing chips or cheesy chips and you can order after the run.

Soapy points to the western end of the car park; "On is that way".

 

TRAIL

We ran upstream and to the first Long/Short split. The Longs ran across a small footbridge over the river for a circular loop around Dawlish Water only to arrive back on the same footbridge....crafty. Soapy and Palmolive then had us back on the Short and on another loop around the edge of a park that took us onto Church Street and the second Long/Short split. 

 

The Longs proceeded north along Church Street and then left along Weech Road and a back check. We soon found a near concealed alleyway that took us to Vicarage Gardens and Stonelands Park Roads. Once again Soapy and Palmolive were ahead of us and directed back down the public footpath off Aller Hill and back to the second Long/Short split outside the church....again.

 

The Longs are reunited with the Shorts as we climb up Oak Hill and then divert into and out of a footpath that runs parallel with the road. A check, or is it the third Long/Short, split has us descending down John Nash Drive before entering Oaklands Wood. This seems familiar. Were we anywhere near the Smugglers Inn? If so, this used to be well trodden TVH3 territory but many, many moons ago.

 

Melonpicker keeps calling "On-On", guiding us to the sweetie stop or, for some, the sweaty stop.

 

Psycho has misted up and is flapping around big time in an attempt to create a draft to dispel some of the accumulated condensation. I don't recall American Psycho having this problem. Everyone else tucked into chewy eyeballs and chocolate pumpkins....very topical/tropical.

 

We were soon at the final, and longest, of the Long/Short splits. I traipsed behind Ernie and Corey as we followed a footpath along the southern edge of Oaklands Wood up to Oak Hill Cross Road. The trail stayed within the field and looped back to Soapy and Palmolive who pointed us down footpath onto Bunting Way. The FRB's overshot another alleyway that took us onto the Teignmouth Road before we ended up heading up John Nash Drive then right and into Nash Gardens before following a footpath running parallel with Teignmouth Road.

 

Across the road and we were on very recent and familiar territory; at least for those on the TVH3 40th anniversary weekend. The marks took us down the cliff footpath, past the bandstand and down towards Marine Parade before crossing ver the railway line and down to the underpass at the railway station. At this point Polyfella was leading the Longs. 

 

The Pig was cheating and remained on Marine Parade waving at Polyfella who was now on the other side of the tracks. Meanwhile, the Topiary Twins were catching up fast. Pysycho could be mistaken for a steam train the amount of water vapour that was escaping from her fancy dress.

Just before the pub we came across the OH sign. Shortly thereafter we encountered the Walkers and the Shorts who had already got changed and were heading beer wards.

 

A good old fashioned Hash. Not a lot to separate the Longs, Shorts and Walkers time wise. I'd say that was the sign of a well laid trail!

 

Down-Downs

What did we think of the trail? Excellent. Very old school keeping the pack together with twists and turns. A good mixture of town and country with some lovely night-time views of the Dawlish seafront on the descent down to Marine Drive. Well done Hares.

 

So, who has an award from previous weeks? There is only one. It is the Jester's hat and it currently resides with Horny....but not for long. Horny has two stories. The first is about on Harriet who has been cultivating mushrooms in her hot house whilst on trail. This refers to Psycho who does not wish to get blood all over her new business suit:

"Saville Row ma'am?"

"No. Jimmy Saville"

 

In order to avoid the inevitable blood stains and accompanying dry cleaning bill as a result of her axe murdering rampage she has decided to protect herself by wrapping herself in transparent polythene. Clever eh? Perhaps not so clever when you're a fast FRB. As the trail progressed so did the build up of condensation. At the sweetie stop Pyscho was trying hard to introduce some air vents into her polytunnel....without success. Never mind. At least you will have had some fresh mushrooms for this morning's breakfast.

 

Despite Psycho's faux pas she did not get a Down-Down. Instead we have a short sighted Hasher. Barton Lane car park is huge and relatively empty. Some parts of the car park are well lit, other parts not. This particular Hasher parks in the best lit part of the car park. These are the spaces for the only two charging points for electric cars. Does he have an electric car? No. But he does have a conscience and elects for a half pint of water accompanied by, "The grand old Duke of York....." didn't you Wetfart?

 

Warmfront, she of the matching Man-Pig skeleton (definitely go faster) suit is summoned forth for what I think was asking if there was parking outside the pub. This was after she'd parked up in Barton Lane car park which is 100m from the pub!

 

There is a Run Badge to award. It is 400 runs. Piltdown Man has insider knowledge and correctly "guesses" Satnav. We have the Songmeister with us and I think Satanav gets "Twenty toes".

 

Amazingly, there are no more stories but there is an item of lost property, a witches' hat. But which witch is which? In a Cinderellaesque piece of detective work the RA goes around the room searching out a head to match the hat from the dozen or so witches gathered. Eventually a perfect fit. It is the Hare - Soapy. She selects a beer and the Songmeister pipes up with the Aladdin's Lamp song.

 

As there were no more stories, the GM produces another run milestone badge. This time it is a 100 run badge. Initial guesses fall upon Roger the Dodger. No. Not him. It is, in fact, Ernie. Ernie elects for a glass of water and is treated to part two of the Aladding song. Something about paint brushes and the Sultan's favourite camel.

 

A naming. A naming. Ernie's grandson, Corey, has yet to be named. Suggestions are few but those that are suggested all centre around Benny Hill's single, "Ernie", and he drove that fastest milk cart in the West. We get suggestions of: Ten Ton Ted from Teckington, simply TED and Triple T. We settle on "Ten Ton Ted".

 

Corey kneels before the RA who anoints him in the name of the Great Hash God. Then, lo and behold, a real miracle. In the blink of the eye Ten Ton Ted's beer has changed into water.....an anti-miracle. The Songmeister comes up with, "Old McDonald had tourets..."

 

With so many drivers wanting a glass of water there is a half of cider looking for an owner. This is a bit like last week when there was a pair of socks and a tracksuit bottom left at the Cockhaven Arms which were also looking for their owner, weren't they Coldtit's?

 

Coldtits dispatches the last Down-Down and it is "On" to next week.

 

A great fancy dress turnout. Thankyou.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Forrest Stump residence, Tinkley Bottom in the Teign Valley. This is IMPORTANT. If you want food and beer you must bring your own drinking vessel and eating implements Namely, beer mug, plate, knife, fork and a spoon for the gravy. Also, bring a firework or two if you have them.

 

On-On to next week. MP

HALLOWEEN HASH

Run #2047 Monday 28th October HALLOWEEN HASH

Circle up 7:15 pm from Barton Hill car park EX7 9QQ with Soapy & Melonpicker.

The On Down is at the Brunswick Arms, 10 Brunswick Place, Dawlish EX7 9PB

Chips and cheesy chips for the peckish.

A FANCY DRESS extravaganza, so dig out the fright gear! 

 

 

THE LAUGHING GNOME & A DRINK STOP FROM HEAVEN

TVH3 The Words for 21st October 2024

Cockhaven Arms

 

Run No. 2046

 

HARES: Roger the Dodger aided by minions Big End and Well Hopped

 

Who wuz there: Roger the Dodger, Big End, Well Hopped, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Beefy, Beeflicker, Pocket Rocket, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Melon Picker, Soapy, Wetfart, U-Bend, Strap-On, Strap Dancer, Ernie, Corey, Poacher, Slip-on-Me, Coldtits, Satnav, Ablesemen, Wet Johnny, Erection, Smash, Miss Mash, Threesum, Cheerio Beerio, Psycho, Wide Receiver and Justin & Dylan

 

Circle

Mild weather, a clear sky and the promise of a beer stop to rival that of last year's gnomaphonic affair attracted 35 Hashers and Harriets to the Cockhaven Arms. Despite its large car park, parking is always a bit a game. The key to winning it appears to be to arriving late. Wide Receiver pitches up just as a local is leaving and glides straight into the last available space. This is just after Psycho has to reverse backwards down and through the narrow car park entrance and park elsewhere........so elsewhere that when she returned after the run she couldn't find her car!

 

Announcements were fairly brief.

Threesum has raffle tickets for the Christmas Draw.

 

Smellie advises us that she has Hares up to the end of the year and, additionally, one for next year.....apparently the Bird is alive and fluttering somewhere and has made an early booking.

 

Soapy advises that next week's Hash is from Dawlish and that fancy dress is COMPULSORY.

Wetfart spoke with Teapot last week and advised that Teapot has, at least, found his sea legs. He has just returned from a cruise in the Azores. He continues to improve, albeit very slowly. Let's hope it keeps on going in that direction.

 

Finally, the Hare....or not. Roger the Dodger is out on trail setting up the drink stop. His Minions, Big End and Well Hopped, impart the following porkies/advice.

 

"Walkers about three and a half. Shorts about four and a half. Longs about five and a half. Left out of the car park".

Brief or what?

 

Trail

We turned left and ran up Cockhaven Road and an early Walkers split for the Longs and the Shorts. I think the Walkers went left and then up Bishops Avenue. The Longs and the Shorts continued up Cockhaven Road and then left up Shute Hill till its junction with Radway Hill and a check.

 

It was then up Radway Hill to The Bell where the pub's bright lights obviously disorientated U-Bend who took a tumble. Soapy and Pork Torpedo put Humpty together again.

 

Another check and now we were heading west along Manor Road and Teignview Road. At the bottom of a footpath, we arrived at the only Long/Short split. This was at the junction of Berry Hill and Teignview Roads. I think the Shorts trail took them down Berry Hill and back through Bishopsteignton.

For the Longs it was the inevitable UP. Up the footpath towards the golf club we wended. Somehow it seemed longer than I remember it. Through a metal gate and into a steep field. 

 

In front of me was Wide Receiver who, sensibly, was walking up this hill. Behind me was Big End sweeping the Longs. Past the reservoir, we hit tarmac and a check. Beefy had gone straight ahead. Psycho had gone right & wrong. Wide Receiver and Beeflicker had gone left and right. I followed. We were "On".

 

No golf course for us tonight. A long stretch of downhill allowed the pace to increase as we passed Radway Farm entrance to our left and cantered along what I think is Ashwell Lane. 

 

At Rowden Cross an arrow had us bear right. We were heading for the old Red Rock brewery....alas no beer stop. Surprisingly, I was keeping up with Wide Receiver and Beeflicker. We passed a peculiar road sign. It was the usual triangle warning sign, red edge white centre. What was not ordinary about it was the symbol at its centre. It looked to be a pair of juddering false teeth. Below this was another reflective sign. It read, "Incessant chatter next 3 miles!" Bloody council. It should have been placed a mile further back. Behind me were Beefy and Pyscho. They hadn't stopped yakking since the last check.

 

At the T-junction outside the back entrance to Lindridge Park was a check. I do not think that anyone was fooled. Beefy seized the opportunity to run ahead in order to snap some full frontals of the FRB's. Psycho was deposited with me. She did not break step. She did not break sentence. We ran down Humber Lane narrowly managing to skirt around the two large muddy puddles that are always here at this time of year. 

 

An arrow then had us sharp left and running down the rocky and muddy track southeast towards Colway Cross. "The sweetie stop" I thought, it would be at the same place as last year. Pete Tong!

Beeflicker and Psycho had a shoelace issue so I pushed on. Only Poacher and Beefy ahead. At the end of the muddy lane dismay. Beefy's torchlight had turned right. No sweetie stop at last year's pitch then!

Near Wolfsgrove an almost hidden public footpath sign took us left and past the side of a solitary house. This footpath led down a steep and usually treacherous slippery track. Just for good measure, there were also about four steps that surprised the unwary. 

 

As the slope began to ease, we arrived at a metal gate and the path now skirted the lower edge of a wood. More problems underfoot.....exposed roots. Eventually another gate and firmer footing heading downhill at the edge of a field. We hit tarmac but, just as we thought we were saved, it transpired it was poorly maintained tarmac on an unadopted road.

 

We now arrived at Forde Lane and a turn left up towards the centre of the village. Initially marks were on the left but then an arrow had us move to the right of the road, and for good reason. The marks led us down The Drive and past a small park/playing field to our right and then to the main Newton Road. We headed left. 

 

Flour had given way to large blue chalk arrows and then another odd sign; two S's but they were not side-by-side, they were one above the other. Wide Receiver arrived to declare to the befuddled (i.e. me) that this was the sweetie stop sign. But the stop was not here. It was across the Newton Road and down to the banks of the Teign passing a camping lamp, a large garden gnome and a trolley on the way.

 

The Walkers and the Shorts had had their sweetie stop and were walking towards us. Their head torches blinded the Longs who, wholly inadvertently, ran through the unseen swamp splattering the Walkers and the Shorts in their wake.

 

Over the railway footbridge and down the, uneven, steps. Whoa...behold! 

 

The drink stop from Heaven. 

 

On the table there was beer, lemonade, water, mulled wine and spiced rum. In the food hall, a small tent, there was a choice of savouries or sweets; crisps and Doritoes plus Murry Mints, wine gums and marshmallows. All illuminated with fairly lights. 

 

The river was calm, the sky clear and there was still 20 feet of flat beach exposed despite a rising tide. All-in-all, very tranquil. 

 

Well done RtD and his trusty bearded assistant, whose name I'm afraid, I've forgotten.

 

The Longs spent quite a time at the sweetie stop as Roger-the-Dodger was keen to have us consume everthing in sight. Psycho took it upon herself to liberate the entire table of drinks. However, she had it broadside-on and had difficulty getting it up the steps. Nevertheless, amazingly, nothing was spilled.

Eventually we ate and drank almost everything and it was time to make our way back to the Cockhaven Arms.

 

What a lovely drink-stop....the run wasn't too bad either!

 

Down-Downs

We commence the Down-Downs by thanking Rodger the Dodger for the beers. It also seems fitting that he should receive the first DD for such a fantastic drink-stop. We have the Songmeister with us and he commences with: S.H.I..Y.T.R.A.I.L etc.....

 

"Are the any awards?"

Horny has the Hashshit shirt . She wastes no time in awarding this to the thoroughly deserving U-Bend for his early fall. Pork Torpedo adopts something apt.

 

Psycho has retuned from a 6 week absence with no excuses but with the Jester's Hat...or is it a boomerang? No sooner has Horny got rid of one award she accrues another. I think her misdemeanour was to direct Psycho out of the upper car park when there was one large empty space clearly available.

Oh dear. I rather feared what might come next. It is THAT SONG! The one that you don't sing to your sweetheart on 14th February if you plan on the relationship surviving into the 15th!

 

We have a badge to award.

"Guess the number".

Wide Receiver must have insider knowledge as he immediately, and correctly, guesses 50. But to whom? The Pig drops some unusuitable clues and Cheerio Beerio comes up to receive her 50th run badge and a half pint of water as we hadn't got her a WKD.

Pork Torpedo offers up 'She's a little flat-chested but she's all right' .... hmmmm, and then it is down to our last half of ale.

 

There are no more awards but Pocket Rocket has a story. It is about that swamp again, the one on the way to the sweetie-stop. This is a story about a discourteous Hasher; a Hasher who failed to warn Pocket Rocket about the swamp. A note for the discourteous Erection.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Brunswick Arms, Dawlish EX7 9PB. Our Hares are Soapy, Palmolive and Melonpicker for the annual Halloween Hash. 

 

Circle up at the car park just behind the public toilets further along Brunswick Place on the left. DO NOT FORGET YOUR FANCY DRESS!

 

On-On to next week. MP

COCKHAVEN ARMS

Run #2046 Monday 21st October 7:15 pm Circle up from Cockhaven Arms, 16 Cockhaven Rd, Bishopsteignton, Teignmouth TQ14 9R with Roger the Dodger.

 

"And then there was One"

TVH3 The Words for 14th October 2024

The Kestor Inn, Manaton 

 

Run No. 2045 

 

HARE: Poacher

 

 

 

Who wuz there: Poacher, Man-Pig, Beefy, Beeflicker, Pocket Rocket, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Roger the Dodger, Big End, Well Hopped, Melon Picker, Soapy, Johnny Walker, Coldtits, Satnav, Threesum, Red Rum and Wide Receiver

 

Circle

I was having difficulty in finding a suitable tag line for last night's Hash. Given the various antics and challenges faced by several Hashers (predominantly as a result of their group stupidity) I came up with the following shortlist:

 

"And then there was one" - this is a play on the title of the Genesis album "And Then There were Three". This refers to the original details contained in the Hash Diary as to who would be Haring: Poacher, Compo and Ollie. On the night in question we were blessed with Poacher as the solo Hare.

"The Only Way is UP". This title will become obvious as you read on.

"Riding the Scree". This is a Genesis track from their double album, The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway. Again, dear reader, press on for the blindingly obvious.

"The (In) Famous Five". This particular quintet of halfwits comprised Beeflicker, Johnny Walker, Pocket Rocket, Smellie and Man-Pig.

"Lost in Space" - well, it would have been if we'd climbed any higher!

Ultimately, I settled for the first tag line as it reflects Poacher's commitment in providing another excellent trail single-handedly; a trail that will be talked about for weeks to come!

 

In the absence of Shitfaced and U-Bend, Piltdown Man assumed GM duties.

"Are there any announcements?"

Smellie piped up, "Oh yes" and got her aide memoire out...I think the youngsters refer to it as a smart phone. Unfortunately, Smellie did not get her glasses out. She announced that she had some important information from Roger the Dodger regarding food at next week's Hash. Namely, the pub would like an indication of numbers by FRIDAY night. The scoff is hand made sausage roll and skinny fries at £6 a head. As to why Roger couldn't have announced this himself, I have no idea....and he was standing right next to Smellie!

 

So, over to Poacher.

 

"A lot of back checks and false trails. It is well marked in flour on the right. Avoid the hornets' nest. There is one Long/Short split. I have no idea as to distance".

 

Trail

I always have a little reservation when it comes to running on trails at night on the moor - particularly in poor weather. Fortunately, this evening, the weather was reasonably warm. Manaton lies in a protected valley and the Hare did not have us going up and onto the moor. So far, so good.

 

The cunning Poacher had us running downhill on the main road and our first check. We were running around in circles whilst waiting for various FRB's to return only to announce that they found crosses. Behind Poacher there is an old iron gate leading to a footpath and it is "On"....or is it?

 

The Hare calls "On back". We are diverted across dodgy stepping stones spanning a small brook. Next it is up a public footpath to Deal Cottage and another check which is, incorrectly, checked uphill by Wide Receiver. 

 

We cross the road and continue along another footpath that exits onto the main road by the telephone box. Poacher puts down a new arrow and we find more crosses. Soon we are all on trail and heading downhill on a wet and rocky footpath through woodland towards the River Bovey.

 

We are beginning to get spread out. Johnny Walker and Beefy are ahead. Behind me I hear Beeflicker and Red Rum chatting about an upcoming 100 miler (nuts!). Just before the single Long/Short split Beeflicker sails past. I follow him on the Long; a steep and slippery downhill section. Too slippery for some as I am sent flying like a skittle in a bowling alley. The bowling ball is a tumbling Hare. Poacher brushes himself down and disappears into the distance, not to be seen for the next hour. 

 

At the timber footbridge over the Bovey I catch up with Johnny Walker, Beeflicker and Pocket Rocket. They are checking out a non-existent trail on the other side of the bridge. Poacher has run ahead to catch up with Beefy....and, I am assuming, Wide Receiver. Then a voice behind me. It is Smellie.

"Oh. Am I on the Long?"

"Yes".

"I'll go back and rejoin the Shorts".

 

The back trail to the L/S split is steep and even Poacher got a little lost on it after his bowling ball impersonation. Hence, Smellie elects to remain with the Longs. Would she live to regret it?....somewhat!

 

After a fruitless 5 minutes looking for a trail on the north-east bank of the Bovey, we eventually get back on trail on the south-east bank heading downstream. Beeflicker, Johnny Walker and Pocket Rocket run ahead whilst Smellie and Man-Pig follow at a more sedate pace. 

 

There are a lot of fallen trees and the track is rather wet. Our three FRB's kindly wait for the meandering Pig and Smellie to catch up....twice. 

 

The footpath now takes an almost U-turn and we arrive at another wooden footbridge which we cross and turn right. Although we are heading upstream on a very broad track, I am thinking, "If we cross one footbridge we're going to gave to cross back again at some stage". Not so. Now that I am looking at the OS map I can see that this second footbridge spans Becka Brook and not the River Bovey.

 

Ahead of us, trouble....big trouble. An arrow has us climbing up a quite wide and very steep incline of scree. It is totally out of keeping with the surrounding woodland. It looks as though a tree, or trees, have blown over at the top of the hill and the forestry commission has dragged them down to the brook leaving a scar of exposed earth and stones.....very slippery. With an angle of 45 degrees, or greater, this is a bit of a challenge - especially for SMellie. We blindly follow Beeflicker almost to the top. We must have struggled up nearly 150 feet of a 1-in-1 incline. Beeflicker and Wet Johnny are almost at the top but can go no further due to dense vegetation. SMellie and the Pig are 3/4 of the way up. SMellie is doing remarkably well but cannot wait for the climb to end. We have not seen marks for about 100 feet. This would be a jolly challenging trail in the summer and in daylight let alone mid October. 

 

It gradually begins to dawn on us that we might be off trail. The only Hasher who appears paying a smidgen of attention to the trail is Pocket Rocket. He says that he has seen marks on the way up but they were some way back and they were on the LEFT. This would, of course, mean that they would be on the right if we were to descend.

 

The look on SMellie's face said it all.

"No way. I am not going back down there!"

But, "Down there" was exactly where we were going, like it or not.

Here Hash team play fell into action. A rather tired and highly unhappy SMellie was going to require a lot of assistance and encouragement to get her back on trail.

 

Beeflicker took up point position. He clambered down the scree and confirmed that he was back on trail. Johnny Walker and Pocket Rocket kept close to Smellie, assisting her down the scree with a combination of push-pull, hold and support. The Pig shuffled down on his bottom just in front of these three lest Smellie start a landslide....I'd be the first thing she hit.

 

Safely at the bottom a quick check revealed no damage or injury. However, SMellie had acquainted some extra weight. She had her kagool knotted around her waist and the hood has acted like an excavator bucket during her descent....it was full of stones. Once destoned were were back on trail but it was already 9pm. We had lost at least half an hour on our 300 foot excursion....c'est la vie.

 

We start climbing away from Becka Brook and arrive at a crossroads and a check on a forestry track. It had been marked out straight across. Very soon, too soon, an arrow had us off track and going uphill again through foliage.

"Oh no. Not again", sighed SMellie.

 

At least this time it was not quite so steep and there was no scree to worry about. Once again, Johnny Walker and Pocket Rocked took on the role of trail finders and always stopped and waited for us to catch up. The Pig occupied the middle ground whilst, to the rear, Beeflicker became SMellie's climbing partner.

 

We reached another broad forestry track and could hear calling....BELOW US!?

It was Poacher who'd come back to look for us. We were on trail and met up with Poacher at the broad track that leads up to Beckhams. We were on the level now and decided to trot the last mile home. Behind us were Poacher, SMellie and Beeflicker with Poacher lying to Smellie saying that, "It's only a quarter of a mile to the pub". A quarter of a Poacher country mile maybe?

 

Nevertheless, somehow the Pig, Pocket Rocket and Johnny Walker missed a turn even though the marks suggested that we were on trail. Wet Johnny consults his iPhone map and we backtrack. We now follow the phone's guidance back to the pub but come across no marks. Somehow, Smellie, Poacher and Beeflicker have got back to the pub before us.

 

I eventually get my hands wrapped around a pint of beer at 9.45. This is better than the last time but one when Poacher laid a trail from here. Back then it was nine miler and 9.50 before I got my hands on a beer. I'd say that this was an improvement.

 

Seriously though, it was a good trail and well marked. Only the inherent laziness of Hashers blindly following the person in front led to our mountaineering detour. So a big "Thankyou" to Poacher for Haring again and, additionally, for coming back out to look for us. Also, a "Thankyou" to the Famous Five. Team play came to the fore and thus we avoided a catastrophe turning into a disaster. I think we all deserved our beers last night.

 

Down-Downs

Once again the pub had been exceptionally generous in providing 6 halves of ale for our Down-Downs. Although, by the time 9.30 had been and gone, they may have thought that there may have been no worthy candidates to take advantage of their generosity. How wrong they were.

 

At nearly 10pm the Pig calls for Hash Hush. We start by thanking the pub for the beer. Now, to whom to award it? Wide Receiver had already gone home so, for the remainder, there was a one-in-three chance of getting a Down-Down.

"Does anyone have an award from last week?"

Beeflicker has the Checking Chicken hat. Almost inevitably he awards this to Poacher for being Hare and providing us with a somewhat interesting trail. Poacher does not drink ale so was happy to down half of his own cider; "Here's to the Hare....."

 

There are no more awards but are there any stories? Strangely, there is silence. The Pig breaks the silence by asking the pack about voice-overs on the TV and does anyone know who does the voice-over for Thomas the Tank Engine. They all know that it is Ringo Starr. But who does the voice-over for Roger the Dodger? SMellie of course. We still have all 6 halves intact so it is one half to SMellie and another half for Roger the Dodger for letting Smellie speak on his behalf. A note for, "Thomas the tank engine".

 

For some reason Poacher has thrown the Checking Chicken hat over to the Pig. Not a wise move as the Pig recalls the incident of Poacher falling over and rolling into him like a bowling ball. The Checking Chicken hat sits back on Poacher's head as he downs the remainder of his pint of cider. A note for, "The ten-pin bowler".

So many beers, so few stories until Coldtits lets the cat out of the bag.

"There was another faller."

"Who?"

"Beefy".

So a half pint to, "The faller".

 

The story of the mountaineering exploits is just begging to be told. Now, as kind and as necessary as it was to assist SMellie both up and down the treacherous scree, it was not without its issues. Mainly, where does one put one's hands so as not to cause offence? Oh dear what a dilemma to havva. Our principal heroes, Pocket Rocket and Johnny Walker are called up for a beer each accompanied by a wholly uncharitable and undeserved, "Here's to the sex pests...."

 

There is now only one beer left and no stories.......but someone has yet to be named. This is Johnny Walker (yes, this is his real name). There are suggestions of Red, Blue and Black Label (whiskies). We then get to learn that Johnny Walker is a court manager. Now there are quasi-legal suggestions for names: Judge Dredd, Jail Ale etc but the outright winner, suggested by Beeflicker, is Judge-Mental.

"On your knees. From this day forth thou shalt be known as Judge-Mental. Drink it Down, Down, Down....."

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Cockhaven Arms, Bishopsteignton with Hares Roger the Dodger, Big End and Well Hopped. Food orders via the TVH Facebook page before Friday night please; hand made sausage roll and skinny fries at £6-a-head.

 

On-On to next week. MP