TVH3 The Words for 9th October 2023

Cockhaven Arms, Bishopsteignton

 

Run No. 1990

 

HARE: Well Hopped

 

Who wuz there: Well Hopped, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Bluebird, Forest-Stump, Beeflicker, Beeflicker's lady friend, Jane, (returnee), Smellie, Melonpicker, Soapy, Strap-On, Strap-Dancer, Wetfart, Fukarewe, Beefy, Pisswell, Big End, Wet Johnny, Manopause, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Threesum, Cheerio Beerio, Piddler, Rise'n'Shine, Mateus Rose, Twiggy, Polyfella, Forrest, Arkangel & very athletic looking virgins who are friends of Well Hopped.

 

Circle

Shitfaced welcomed the pack to an unseasonably warm car park at the Cockhaven Arms. We had one returnee (Beeflicker's friend, Jane). She was welcomed back with the usual liberal dosing of flour over what looked like a pair of new white tennis shoes. The GM was somewhat more polite with our virgins as they did not get the full flour initiation treatment. The virgins are all friends of Well Hopped and comprised 4 young athletic looking potential FRB's and, I hazard a guess, Mum & Dad?

 

After welcoming our svelte-like visitors, it was over to Wetfart for an update on Teapot. He is in better spirits but still not eating and losing weight. He has had more tests done but our illustrious NHS is still somewhat befuddled as to exactly what ails him. On the upside, Wetfart had spoken with Teapot and he is delighted with his card and the chocolates from TVH and he sends his thanks. We all wish him a successful diagnosis and to welcoming him back soon.

 

Smellie already has a Hare for 4th November but needs Hares going forward from that date.

Rumours abounded about a 14 miles trail. The pack turned a whiter shade of pale. Then the Hare came to the rescue with some pre-run clarity.

 

"Yes. I did do 14 miles this morning but the trail isn't 14 miles".

 

Thank goodness.

 

"The Walkers' is only about 1.5; Shorts' about 4 and Longs' about 6.5".

 

There was also some mention of marks being on the left apart from when they were on the right. If they are on both sides of the road you are on an out and back trail etc.

 

The Trail

The trail took us right, out of the car park, and downhill to an early Walkers & Short/Long split. Longs went right and uphill. Then left into a car park and along the edge of a park and play area. Bear left, through some undergrowth and out onto the Newton Road. 

 

From here, the trail crossed the Newton Road and onto a broad track at the edge of two fields. This took us onto the foreshore of the Teign estuary. We have done this part of the trail before on a Piltdown Man trail. From memory, I think that this is where there used to be a WW1 convalescent hospital.

 

At this point, the Longs had caught up with, and overtaken, the Walkers. Fortunately it was low tide and an arrow had us head east over the slippery shells, weed and pebbles. It wasn't long before another arrow had us going left and due north.

 

Beeflicker was leading the Longs with Beefy in hot pursuit. We turned right along the Newton Road passing Strap-On and Smellie. Then it was a left turn and up Church Street and another Walkers/Long & Shorts' split. The Walkers were now heading directly to the bar!

 

For the Longs and the Shorts it was up Shute Hill and Radway Hill before turning right along Coombe Way (I am sure we ran along Coombe way on a Polyfella hash but I may be mistaken) and then left, over a small stream, and along a short track to Ashhill Farm.

 

This is the juncture at which Man-Pig lost illumination. It was also the Long/Short split. Try as he could, the Pig could not get his torch to function. Fukarewe came to the rescue by offering his head torch as he was only doing the Short and this would be on road all the way back to the pub. The Longs, however, would definitely need a torch as there was quite a bit of off road with a lot of tree roots to contend with.

 

Man-Pig and Big End said goodbye to Wet-Johnny and Fukarewe as they ran down Old Wallis Hill and back into Bishopsteignton. Man-Pig and Big End had a big climb in front of them as they commenced the slog up Old Wallis Hill towards Little Haldon. We had lost quite a bit of time whilst the Pig failed to mend his torch. As such, there was absolutely no chance of us catching the FRB's who comprised Beeflicker, Beefy and Polyfella.

 

Just before the golf course, the trail went left and then immediately left again through a small car park. I recognised where we were. We were now on the pathway that runs past the picnic area where Bobbiball had his birthday drink stop two years ago. We could hear Beefy calling "On-On" ahead of us so we weren't that far behind.

 

Soon we were at the top of the public footpath near Higher Radway Farm. This is the point at which we've had a beer stop on a previous Big End/Well Hopped trails. I also recall an alcoholic sweetie stop here about 3 years ago where we sampled iPoo's treats.....lovely.

 

It was going to be all downhill from here (well, nearly). The trail now followed the public footpath across a steep field and down a footpath with a couple of stiles.

 

The footpath takes us back into Bishopsteignton on Teignview Road. From there it was right and uphill towards the cemetery. But, before the cemetery, an arrow had us turning left and down an alleyway.

We crossed Murley Crescent and followed the very well marked trail down another alleyway. Finally, we zigzagged around some housing estates in parts of Bishopsteignton that I've never seen before to arrive back at the Cockhaven Arms.

 

The last long loop had been a real leg stretcher and I really enjoyed it. So my thanks to Fukarewe for the use of his torch and to Big End for staying with me.

 

Down-Downs

The original plan, if there ever had been a plan, was for Forrest-Stump to undertake the RA'ing for the evening; a break from the interminable Man-Pig. 

 

Regrettably, Forrest was feeling pretty poorly after having had both his flu jab and covid jabs earlier in the day. Hence he bailed out early. Step-in the Pig. Other absentees included Georgie Porgy and Piltdown Man who have tested positive for covid.

 

It has been a long time since we were last at the Cockhaven Arms (Cockhaven Manor prior to 2016). The pub had been kind enough to provide us with the Down-Downs so a big "Thankyou" to the pub.

So, "What did we think about the 14 miles trail?". Cheers all round. I think Well Hopped can take that as a resounding approval. It was certainly a well marked and interesting trail.

 

There appears to be group amnesia affecting the Hash recently. A lot of former sinners are arriving at the Hash but without their awards from previous weeks. Where are they all going? It would appear that the Bermuda Triangle of disappearing awards is centred around the Tinkley Bottom area of the Teign Valley.

 

Over the years, numerous awards have disappeared into the ether only to resurface at Tinckley Bottom. The original Checking Chicken hat had a 4 year sojourn under Wood-Lend's bed. 

 

The Horse's Head hat must have been stabled there over winter as, when it reappeared, it was chewing straw. More recently, two, rarely seen, awards had flown in to roost during Forrest's recent non firework hash. These comprised the Checking Chick hat and the Baby Bat hat. Initially, they had chosen an AA van to perch on and subsequently relocated to roost on a Range Rover wing mirror.

 

The latest Award to go Walkabout was the Hashshit shirt. In the Hashshit shirt's case, as long as it doesn't get anywhere near a washing machine there won't be a penalty to incur....Wet-Johnny.

And so it was that Wet Johnny (sans Hashshit shirt) came forward to name and shame the first sinner of the evening.

 

Earlier in the evening, Forrest had been trying to return some lost property that had been found at Tinkley Bottom. This was a battery pack - but there were no takers. Wet Johnny continued on the battery theme to enquire as to exactly what electrical device could be so important as to compel a Hasher's spouse to pilfer the batteries from a Hasher's torch?

 

Step forward Man-Pig who had a torch malfunction earlier in the trail (not as a result of stolen batteries I might add). Well, actually, it was a leg malfunction that resulted in said torch making contact with concrete. The outcome was not good. No illumination and a horizontal Pig. That'll teach you to save power by turning off your torch when you think you're running on a nice level surface, Mr Pig!

Man-Pig got the Baby Bat hat and a half pint of ale. Songmeister Pork Torpedo was in attendance and led the chant that accompanied the Down-Down.

 

Next up was Fukarewe who had also forgotten his award from last week. It was so warm when he drove into the Cockhaven Arms car park that he had his windows down. This enabled him to overhear a fellow Hasher say, "Here's Fukarewe. He'll get lost in the car park!" So, who was this critic of the directionally challenged? Beefy, come on down to don the Checking Chicken hat.

 

The Songmeister piped up with, "I don't want to join the army....."

 

No more tales but there is a 300 run badge to award. Lots of guesses all round: Piddler, Smellie - No. It is Wet-Johnny. Congratulations. Another tune from our Songmeister.

 

The final half and it had to go to our Hare for her sterling efforts; over a half marathon covered and all for the benefit of TVH3. Thankyou. But! Could there be anyone else even more (un)deserving? What sort of a man sends his girlfriend out to lay a 14 mile trail on her own? Step forward Big End and take your punishment - again accompanied by a PT ditty.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is at the Royal British Legion, Newton Abbot (near the Cricket Field car park). The Hare is Beeflicker. Scoff is around the £10-12 mark but this does include a free drink.

 

On-On to next week.

 

MONDAY 9TH OCTOBER

Run #1990 Monday 9th October 7:15 pm circle up from the Cockhaven Arms (formerly Cockhaven Manor) Cockhaven Rd, Bishopsteignton, Teignmouth TQ14 9RF with Big End and Well Hopped. 

 

Please try and park in the rear car park for the pub to be able to manage parking for other customers.

Homemade sausage rolls available for £3. Kindly indicate on Holly's post (Well Hopped) to give an idea of numbers. Thank you.   

HASH ROYALTY, A HASH HERO & WHATAMISTAKATOMAKA!

TVH3 The Words for 2nd October 2023

Lord Nelson, Kingskerswell

Run No. 1989 (#1988 struck out)

HARES: Shitfaced and "friends"

 

Who wuz there: Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Bluebird, Beeflicker, Piltdown Man, Smellie, Melonpicker, Soapy, Strap-On, Strap-Dancer, Coldtits, Wetfart, Fukarewe, Beefy, Pisswell, Big End, Well Hopped, Wet Johnny, Manopause, Broken Man, Fallen Woman, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Threesum, Martin, Bobbiball, Hotlips, Zoot, international returnees Wigwam & Mrs Sheen and special returnee Kingfisher (Dan, Winfield's son).

 

Circle

Shitfaced needed numbers for the chicken casserole and bread which was being laid on by the pub especially for us.

 

There then followed a number of announcements regarding future trails and events:

 

Soapy promoted the Day of the Dead Hash on 30th October. This is to celebrate past Hashers who have passed through the pearly gates. It is a fancy dress run to celebrate the lives of those Hashers who are no longer with us. It is NOT a Halloween Hash and do not dress for Halloween. If you cannot access appropriate attire, red dresses are acceptable.

 

Hotlips is planning on organising a train based pub crawl from Exmouth on 25th November. More details to follow.

 

Smellie needs Hares from November onwards.

 

Finally one of Shitfaced's "friends" managed to get a word in about the trail.

"It's appallingly marked...even by my standards. The Longs' is up a long hill and right at the first junction. This part of the trail is unmarked. Bluebird will take the Shorts. Walkers? I have no idea if Shitfaced has laid anything".

 

The Trail

Having done such a great job of marketing the trail, we ended up with eight stalwarts on the Long: Beeflicker, Beefy, Fukarewe, Pisswell, Big End, Well Hopped, Kingfisher and Man-Pig. 

 

Bluebird had even less takers for the Shorts' trail: Strap-On, Manopause, Coldtits and Smellie. Zoot and Hotlips commenced the Long up Fluder Hill but said that they would do their own thing. I can only assume that the balance of 17 did a live Walkers' trail with Shitfaced.

 

The beginning of the Shorts' trail was also the end of the return trail so it was probably just as well that Bluebird was there to guide the easily confused quartet.

 

Meanwhile, the Longs climbed the mile up Fluder Hill before turning right and down Kingskerswell Lane to join the Shorts near the Wighton public house.

 

The trail was predominantly on road/pavement and the Hares had used blue and yellow chalk to mark the trail. The reflection off the damp tarmac made it particularly hard to see the marks.

 

Eventually, a call of "On-On" from Beefy. The dedicated pack carried on along Newton Road and the first check at Rougemont Avenue. It was straight on and right up Cadewell Lane to Torbay Hospital and the second, and last, Long/Short split.

 

The Shorts, guided by the Bird, carried on up Cadewell Lane to its junction with Collaton Road. The Longs crossed Cadewell Lane into the hospital grounds - and promptly got loss. In fairness, this is where the marks, such that they were, were...errm.....shockingly laid or plain absent.

 

First everyone got lost in the woodland walk before the Hare called them back up to the helicopter landing pad. Fukarewe and Pisswell had been given direction through the main hospital approach by the Hares. In Fukarewe's case, the insider knowledge imparted by Bluebird gave him a head start. In Pisswell's case, the directions imparted by Man-Pig resulted in Pisswell getting lost in her own hospital and ending up at Torquay seafront!

 

The bulk of the Longs went this way and that, but, with the aid of several "On-back"s called by the Hare, they eventually found themselves back on trail behind the nurses' accommodation.

At the eastern edge of the hospital grounds, there is a footpath/cycle path that runs parallel with the railway track all the way down to Shiphay Lane. The last time we ran down here, 20 years ago, it was mud and gravel. Now it is tarmac and lit at night.

 

The trail took the Longs up Shiphay Lane and into the grounds of the grammar schools. This is where we caught up with Fukarewe who was standing forlornly over a back check.

 

It wasn't long before Beeflicker picked up the trail which ran between the lines of the two security railings that separate the girls' grammar school from the boys' grammar school. It looked like part of the Great Escape filmset but without Steve McQueen and his motorcycle. This is an official footpath and it was also virgin territory. At its end, it exits onto Queensway.

 

The trail took us all the way down Queensway and then right at the Haywain pub and the slog up Sherwell Valley Road.

 

Where it levels off, Sherwell Valley Road turns into Hawkins Avenue before meeting Upper Cockington Lane at a T-junction. The trail took us right, along the part of Upper Cockington Lane that forms the eastern boundary of the grammar school.

 

At Marldon Road, it was right and along the top end of Shiphay Avenue.

 

The Longs had just completed a huge loop (well, more of a square really); another 200 metres and we would have been back at the entrance to the grammar schools. But it was not to be.

 

The trail now took us down Dairy Hill and past the Devon Dumpling and along Collaton Road. Amazingly, the Longs did seem to be finding the indistinct chalk marks as the sweeping hare couldn't keep up with them.

 

The junction of Collaton Road and Cadewell lane is where the Shorts' and the Longs' trails rejoined for the final descent into Edginswell opposite the Vauxhall dealership.

 

The trail now veered left and into the new industrial estate, part of which is still under construction. This did not deter visually impaired Hashers and the trail now took us through an unlocked five bar gate and across a large levelled building plot. 

 

On the other side, the exit onto a public footpath was blocked by two large panels of galvanised Heras fencing....or was it? If you breathed in you could just about squeeze through a tiny gap at the edge of the fencing. 

 

Here a large arrow took the pack onto a wide gravel footpath, under Hamelin Way, across a pedestrian footbridge over the railway and out onto the Torquay Road just east of the Hare and Hounds. From here it was a simple trot back to Nellie.

 

All back by 9pm. Well, almost all. Pisswell was enjoying a dip at Torquay seafront and Beefy was on parade as he was moonlighting as a big yellow taxi driver....or was that a chauffeur?

 

THEBIRDISTHEWORD

The friends of Shitfaced were faced with a possible dilemma for the trail from the Nellie. Man-Pig was doing the Salcombe marathon on Saturday and might be a little worse for wear come the Monday.

To try and take the strain, for once, I came up with what I thought might be a passable trail going Torquay side for a change.

 

Man-Pig successfully completed the full marathon and reported all was well on the Sunday. However, on Monday afternoon when we set off, Man-Pig suffered a delayed reaction and was pretty tired I can tell you.

 

We spent a drizzly few hours or so making it up as we went, encountering unfortunate trail interruptions along the way. 

 

In the hospital grounds, a public footpath was chained off and we were thwarted several times trying to escape the sprawling complex.

 

Shiphay Grammar school's former green and pleasant fields had now been transformed into a nightmarish Stalag. Razor sharp security fencing and locked gates were everywhere. My planned foray around our (Torquay Boys Grammar) cross-country circuit was now impossible.

 

I had thought the long would be about four miles and the short about three but the forced detour through to Queensway added considerably to the total mileage. Never mind, it was, as usual, an enjoyable trail lay for us.

 

Come the trail later on, there was excitement and drama aplenty out there for the loyal and dedicated hashers who actually went on trail on a drizzly, far from welcoming evening.

 

The plan went to the script as the longs and shorts joined up seamlessly at the traffic lights before the Wighton. A marvellous sight to see Beefy, Beeflicker and Kingfisher pouring it on.

I wish I could have been with you.

 

I continued with the shorts up to the final L/S split outside Cadewell lane Hospital entrance.

Sending them on their merry way, I had a rather unfortunate encounter with someone I thought was Wetfart. 

 

It certainly looked a lot like him and I was surprised he had got here in front of us. I approached and called out: 'Hi Wetfart, what are you doing this far out?' It was not Wetfart. Getting closer, it transpired it was someone much younger and he hadn't taken kindly to being called Wetfart.... I hastily retreated.

Whatamistakatomaka!

 

I saw Coldtits through the L/S and went back, avoiding the climb to the Dumpling.

 

Wet Johnny was sadly injured and could not do the long but did what he could - speedy recovery, I trust.

 

For Man-Pig to sweep the longs was necessary but extremely brave. He was tired in the afternoon, so gawd knows how he managed it. A hash hero.

 

Lovely to see Kingfisher after what we think a twenty year gap. In case the longs didn't know, he was a high class runner back in the day - and seems to still be able to go a bit!

 

Hash royalty were there with Wigwam and Mrs Sheen paying a flying visit from Poland. Quite a night!

The only 'low' was when I mislaid my phone and spent some time on the floor searching for it... sigh.

The Royal Bat Hat had an airing in celebration of Kingfisher, Wiggy and Mrs Sheen.

Once again, as is now the recognized protocol, neither hare got a DD. Strange, as all other hares get one, eh, MP?

 

Never mind, we had a really good evening! ON ON!

 

Down-Downs

The Down-Downs commenced by thanking the pub for the beer and laying on the chicken casserole.

Awards were thin on the ground. In fact, there was only one award present. This was the jester's hat which Man-Pig had from a fortnight ago. Man-Pig hadn't seen very much on trail....including his own marks! However, he did have a story relating to Saturday's "Rambo Salcombe Marathon 2023". 

 

Someone, with insider knowledge knew of a promising shortcut in the vicinity of the Garage Rock hotel. This SCB pleaded with man-Pig to join him in his heinous crime of shortcutting but Man-Pig's integrity remained intact. "No sir. I shall pursue the coast path to its bitter end". With that, the duo went their separate ways.

 

On arriving at the Salcombe/Eastportlemouth ferry, this SCB was looking very smug and tucking into his second ice cream. So what is the identity of this king of the SCB'ers?. None other than our very own Fukarewe. Well done. Songmeister Pork Torpedo piped up with the dodgy Aladdin's lamp song.

In the absence of any other awards, tales or even blatant lies, we gave two halfs to our international returnees, Wigwam & Mrs Sheen. Another ditty from Pork Torpedo.

 

We also had a huge run badge to award but who on earth had achieved 800 runs? Calls to the floor suggested Bobbiball as a top candidate but with Soapy and Melonpicker also in contention. The badge belonged to Bobbiball who, amazingly, didn't know how to drink a Down-Down after 800 runs! Well it was a pint of water - his first, allegedly, in 800 runs!

 

The final half pint of ale. Should it go to Bluebird for directing the co-hare across a building site and having the entire Hash squeeze through a tiny gap in some Heras fencing? Then a timely entry from behind. It was 9.50pm and Pisswell had just finished the trail. Apparently, she got lost in her own hospital. Obviously, she won the Down-Down hands down. Pork Torpedo came up with a rude song about rolling back foreskins!

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is at Cockhaven Manor, Bishopsteignton with Hares Big End and well Hopped.

On-On to next week.

PLEASE NOTE THE VENUE FOR 2ND OCTOBER

Run #1988 Monday 2nd October 7:15 pm from the Lord Nelson, Fore Street, Kingskerswell, Devon TQ12 5JB with Shitfaced & Co.

PLEASE NOTE: NO HASH THIS MONDAY

 

MONDAY 25TH SEPTEMBER

Winfield's funeral will be taking place from Exeter Crematorium at 4:30 pm.

 

As a mark of respect, there will be no hash on this day. 

 

The wake, from the Langstone Cliff Hotel, Dawlish, will proceed afterwards, possibly by 6 pm. 

 

The family would prefer that hashers who knew Winfield, do attend the service and not just go to the wake. 

 

The family has chosen 2 charities for donations:

1. Singing for the Brain

2. Memory Lane Cafe, Dawlish The Riverside Centre, Manor Grounds, Dawlish EX7 9AJ

 A CHOCOLATE SHEEP & CHOCOLATE BROWNIES GALORE

TVH3 The Words for 18th September 2023  
Park Inn, Kingskerswell
Run No. 1987

HARES: Shitfaced and "friends"

Who wuz there: Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Bluebird, Beeflicker, Piltdown Man, Georgie Porgy, Smellie, Strap-On, Coldtits, Wetfart, Ernie, Fukarwe, Beefy, Pisswell,Erection, Manopause, Broken Man, Fallen Woman, Threesum, Pollyfella, T-Humper and 5 virgins from the Park Inn,additionally, Park'n'Ride and
Martin (non-runners)

Circle

Shitfaced welcomed all to the stand-in Hash at the Park Inn; a late substitute venue due to the postponement of Winfield's funeral. The original trail had been planned to be Beefy's birthday trail from Widecombe and this will now be rescheduled. This may explain, in part, why Smellie does not require Hares till November.

Wetfart updated us on Teapot. He is still in Torbay Hospital and has lost a lot of weight but otherwise reasonably OK. He has undergone some  more tests, at Derriford I think, but they too have come back inconclusive.
All a tad frustrating and we all wish Teapot a speedy recovery...hopefully in time for his upcoming holiday.

Over to the Hare(s). Co-Hare, Bluebird, was absent from the Circle but en route. Man-Pig and Bluebird had spent a pleasant and mainly sunny afternoon laying the trail.
Along our route we had encountered a lovely, and inquisitive, chocolate brown sheep who had her nose in the flour bag. We also encountered a couple of friendly horses. But the Hash would not be
interested in that. They wanted to know distances. Man-Pig espoused the usual porkies:

"For you, Beeflicker, the Longs' is just under 6. The Shorts' is just under 5 and the Walkers' is just under 4...........miles!"

Groans all round. It had gone down quite well.

"If it's too long for the Walkers, you will know where you are and you can plan your own route back", which is what I think is what quite a few of the Walkers did.

The Trail

The trail took us through a housing estate and to the crossroads in front of The Hungry Horse/Sloop. It was then up past the primary school and up again the Coffinswell Lane footpath to the first check. The trail went left and climbed to its highest point and another check, but nobody was fooled as the pack descended down the broad track and into Coffinswell.
No check at the road junction but a dot was quickly seen as the pack swung left passing a nice property for sale by Knight Frank (it must be a nice property if Knight Frank are marketing it!). Then a grind to a halt - a back check.
Beefy was soon on trail heading up a public footpath but not before Erection was convinced that he could battle his way through a hedge and up a steep bank when he was less that 15 feet from the actual trail. Fortunately, a call of "On-On" from Beefy prevented Erection from causing
any more damage to a resident's hedge.

The footpath opens onto a flat and recently mowed meadow in front of two rather prestigious houses. It was already quite dark so we didn't get to see our inquisitive chocolate sheep again. Where the public footpath joins Connybeare Lane a check had been kicked out to the left. The next check didn't lead anywhere, so it was carry on along Connybeare Lane to the Walkers/Long & Short split at last.

The Walkers went left and across the new(ish) public footpath that skirts the field and opens onto Blackenway Lane. From here the Walkers had a simple descent down Blackenway Lane before turning right into Milber Lane and heading towards Paraprick's abode. Then it was down Yewtree Climb (so named on Strava), past the Zig Zag quarry and onto the "OH" sign at the junction with the main road.

The Longs and the Shorts carried on across St Marychurch Road and down the ragged and rutted footpath that goes by the name of Waterwell Lane.
By Wren Cottage, the track passes under a small bridge and then crosses two fields before ending at the tiny hamlet of Haccombe.
Here the trail went down to a T-junction and then left towards Netherton. Halfway along this lane, we arrived at the one and only Long/Short split.

The Longs comprised Beefy, Beeflicker, Pisswell, Pollyfella, Ernie and Fukarewe. The trail took them right and onto a farm track that loops around and onto Shaldon Road at Netherton. Then came the interminable climb up the aptly named Hiller Lane to rejoin the Shorts at the junction of Long Lane
and Haccombe Path near the Newtake playing fields.

For the Shorts (Manopause, Erection, Smellie and Strap-On) it was up and up again,following the public footpath up to the eastern end of Long Lane...or not as turned out to be the case.
The lower end of this footpath has recently been fenced off so as to separate the footpath from the fields. However, the fencing is absent in the top field. This had Smellie and Strap-On searching for an exit in the middle of the field.

The next stile was hidden behind a large gorse bush in the top right hand corner of the field.

Back on track, it was a short trot down Haccombe Path before an arrow had us head due east  along the Milber Lane footpath and to rejoin the Walkers' trail above Zig Zag quarry. 

Home at last and time for a beer!

Down-Downs

All back safely and suitably replenished courtesy of Park'n'Ride, it was on to the Down-Downs. In the absence of Forrest Stump, U-Bend and Fallen Woman, who had to go home as she was feeling a ittle unwell, Man-Pig had to preside over his own trail.

"First, thank the pub for the scoff....and the beer". Cheers all round.

"What did we think of the trail?" Jeers all round.

Ernie. Poor Ernie, as the ditty goes. He still had the Hashshit shirt but this was only because Wet-Johnny couldn't make it this week - in Colombia, perhaps dealing with something, apparently.
Ernie looked at Smellie. "No. It's not you this week". Then Pisswell was named as a potential candidate before Ernie described Erection's understanding of theHare's description of what to do at a back check.
Namely, go back to the last dot and start looking for a trail from there. Not, "Create your own trail from there", as Erection started climbing through a hedge next to the dot!

"He was up the hedge like a rat up a drain pipe", recalled Ernie. Accordingly, a note for 'King Rat'.

It was good to have Bluebird back on the scene. He had the Jester's Hat from about 6 weeks ago. He described Sunday's monsoon weather and its destruction followed by the story of how Man-Pig was actually delighted by the downpour. This had resulted in the Pig's pool now being full enough to
engage the filtration system. Man-Pig jumped into his mankini and into the pool for the first time this year.....much to Mrs Man-Pig's surprise.....
"You're not going swimming are you? It's raining!"
Accordingly, the Pig received the second Down-Down; fortunately not sporting his mankini!

Any birthdays? Of course there was. This was supposed to have been Beefy's birthday hash from Widecombe. T-Humper was asked to explain how the Hash sing Happy Birthday to our blissfully unaware virgins, and off we went whilst Beefy despatched his half.
Beefy had baked some chocolate brownies for the occasion and duly shared them out from two sweetie tins. They all disappeared swiftly! Thanks, Beefy.

Someone had achieved their  big 500th run badge. This was an easy guess as Piltdown Man (who keeps a tally of these things) was pointing directly at Georgie Porgie. Georgie is not so keen on beer so she elected to have a glass of water instead.
Now, you would have thought that after 500 runs, Georgie would have remembered not to start drinking until after the singing had stopped. Well, errr, no. Georgie started drinking even before the singing had
started!

Was that it for the evening? No! Shitfaced announced to the very few people remaining in south Devon, who were not already aware, that T-Humper had become a Nan. That last half disappeared in an instant.
Congratulations Nan!

Next week

Next week's Hash is now at Forde Hall social club, Newton Abbot with Hares Hotlips, Zoot & Chuckles.
Note the change of venue and do NOT go to the Ten Tors as it shuts at nine o'clock apparently.

On-On to next week.

PLEASE NOTE - VENUE CHANGE

 Run #1987 Monday 18th September 7:15 pm from the Park Inn, 15 Coles Lane, Kingskerswell TQ12 5BQ with the Grand Master and friends.

TVH3 The Words for 11th September 2023

 

Tinkley Bottom, Trusham

 

Run No. 1986

 

HARE: Forrest-Stump (Birthday boy)

 

Who wuz there: Forrest-Stump, Mucking Fuddle, Man-Pig, Shitfaced, Beeflicker, Only Here for the Beer, Piltdown Man, Georgie Porgy, Smellie, Coldtits, Ablesemen, Wetfart, Ernie, Fukarewe, Melon Picker, Soapy, Arkangel, Palmolive, Beefy, Pisswell, Wet-Johnny, Erection, Manopause & Rearender (On-down only)

 

Circle

Shitfaced welcomed all to Tinkley Bottom - a place, not an affliction!

 

There were no announcements from Shitfaced, so over to Man-Pig for an update on Winfield's funeral. Details have been posted on the TVH3 Facebook page but, just to recap:

 

The funeral: this will take place at Exeter Crematorium on Monday 18th September at 2.30pm

Charitable donations in lieu of flowers to either or both of the following charities: Singing for the Brain and/or Riverside Memory Cafe (Memory Lane Cafe, The Riverside Centre, Manor Grounds, Dawlish EX7 9AJ  PLEASE NOTE - FUNERAL POSTPONED

 

 

The Wake will be at the Langstone Cliff Hotel, Dawlish. This is where Winfield celebrated his 70th birthday which many will recall. ALSO POSTPONED

Dress code: no dress code is specified in the Order of Service. Winfield's love of the Hash extended to his daughter (Gobbler), son-in-law (Sparky), son (Dan) and even grandson almost straight after he was born (Point 4). Accordingly, I would suggest that wearing a hash related item at the Wake might be appropriate. For those attending the funeral, I would suggest dressing appropriately out of respect. If I hear any differently, I will let everyone know via the Facebook page.

 

As the funeral is taking place on a Monday, Beefy has kindly agreed to defer his birthday hash at Widecombe to a later date. The current plan is that an ad hoc trail will be run (but not necessarily laid) in Dawlish after the Wake. PLEASE NOTE VENUE CHANGE - MONDAY 18TH HASH NOW FROM THE PARK INN

 

Pisswell updated us on Teapot who remains at Torbay Hospital and is still undergoing tests. Beefy and Pisswell saw him on Thursday. He is a little frustrated that there is no firm diagnosis, but otherwise he is in relatively good spirits. Sally (Desperate Housewife) has asked if Hashers wishing to visit Teapot could contact her first at beavercottage@hotmail.co.uk.

 

Smellie needed Hares for two dates in October. I think Beefy has offered to reschedule his birthday hash to accommodate one of those slots.

 

The Trail

The Teign Valley is a beautiful part of Devon and, without the Hash, most of us would be blissfully unaware of what it has to offer. The Hare's instructions were brief. The Walkers' could be as short as a half mile. The Longs' about 5 miles, and the Shorts' anything in between as there were five Long/Short splits!

 

With that, the Walkers were sent down Forrest's driveway whilst the Longs' and the Shorts' commenced with a lap around Forrest's meadow. The trail led straight across the end of Forrest's drive and along the route of the old railway line for 200 yards. The trail then bore right and up to above the flooded quarry to a lovely viewpoint, now safely fenced off. It has been a long, long time since we were up here.

Shortly after leaving the viewpoint, we all got slightly off trail. Some had crossed a stile into a field, others remained in woodland. Still no marks. Then a cry of "On-On" as a check had been located just the other side of a five bar gate. Up or down? The Pig checked uphill and scouted around a newly planted woodland plantation....only one mark.

 

Eventually, a call from down below in the valley where we picked up the trail at the Walkers/Long & Short split at the entrance to Whetcombe Barton.

 

The Walkers returned to chez Forrest to kick-off the barbecue whilst the Longs and the Shorts ascended a broad track up towards the edge of Trusham.

 

Before reaching the road, a Long/Short split had the Longs' divert into and around a field before rejoining the aforementioned track. 100 yards later, we were on the road at the edge of Trusham and at the second Long/Short split. Here, the Shorts had the opportunity to drop down the road and straight back to the On-Down. Otherwise it was head for Trusham and the first of three checks in a row.

 

Beefy went to check left at the first check. Beeflicker checked right at the second check which would have led to the dreaded ravine. Man-Pig checked straight ahead and came to a check outside White Cottage. The Pig decided to check up Church Lane and did, indeed, find two dots and an arrow. The fly in the ointment was that the arrow was pointing the wrong way.

 

Ernie had caught up so we decided to do the trail in reverse. We dropped down a footpath towards the road near the Cridford Inn. This was only to find another Long/Short split.

 

Up and into the woods it was, heading towards Shortridge and Bramble Bridge via the upper footpath. The Pig experienced a feeling of deja vu. This was the trail that he had laid for South Hams hash a fortnight earlier. Well, at least he knew where he was going. However, this time it was dark and torches were a must.

 

The eerie peacefulness of the deja vu experience was then shattered by a careering Wet-Johnny. "I need to get past. I can't stop". Ernie and the Pig heaved too in order to let the trail blazing FRB past. This was just before reaching the final split of the evening. We all went Long.

 

We could hear Wet-Johnny calling "On-On" below us but, nevertheless, the next two checks had not been kicked out. Ernie and Beefy were aghast. This was a crime against Hashing. The Pig, assuming that this was a repeat of the SH4 trail, correctly kicked out the trail straight ahead. In fairness, wet-Johnny was still calling but the calls were becoming fainter. He was on a mission to get back to the barbecue before Manopause and Erection had scoffed the lot.

 

The Pig led the remainder of the pack though a small gate which lay near the last Long/Short split. We were now out of the woods and venturing into scrubland.

 

The trail meandered upwards and finished at the end of Church Lane. This is where we came across the arrow that we had first encountered from the other direction on the outward trail. It looked pretty clear that we would now be rejoining the Shorts' trail all the way back to Tinkley Bottom. And so it proved to be but all was not straightforward.

 

We would now be running through the three checks that we'd previously run through but on a reciprocal bearing. Of course, they would now all be kicked out in the "wrong direction". The Pig was now on his own. He did his best to remark checks with twigs and a red dog lead. The Hare had forgotten to mention that parts of the out and back trail were shared and this led to a bit of confusion.

 

Eventually, all were back safely to avail themselves of Forrest's excellent hospitality. With ale distributed and the BBQ sizzling away, it was over to Man-Pig to commence the Down-Downs.

 

Down-Downs

"What did we think of the trail?" Cheers all round.

 

First up to give an award was Archangel. He had had the Turkish wedding hat (for about 6 months!). A story of downright perverse goings-on in the Teign Valley unfurled. Forrest had lured Pisswell and Archangel up to the Teign Valley last Tuesday on the pretence of recce'ing tonight's trail. Upon arriving they found no maps, no flour, no sawdust not even a pair of trainers. What confronted them was a man in a rubber suit. Oh dear.

 

Not only that. He also had a boat. This was going to be some trail. And so it was. From Tinkley Bottom to Coombe Cellars. Was this going to be another inflatable Hash?

 

Forrest was going to receive a note for the "rubber fettishest". However, being his birthday, he got away with all the right notes - but not necessarily in the right order.

 

Next was Ernie. Poor Ernie had been trying to give away the Hashshit shirt for three weeks. Last week it was like a boomerang and came back to him in under three minutes. Initially, Ernie's gaze turned towards Smellie.

 

"Have you ever had the Hashshit shirt three times in a row?"

"Err, maybe?" uttered a surprised Ellie.

"Well, tonight's your lucky night!"

A look of unbridled astonishment from Smellie.

"You're not going to get the shirt".

 

There were, nevertheless, three other contenders for the shirt. Pisswell for cycling up on her own at the far end of the meadow. Wet-Johnny for failing to kick out checks and Beefy for his complete incredulity when stating, "Checks not kicked out. This will never do".

 

A vote was called for with Wet-Johnny winning by a mile. He got the shirt but not the Down-Down as he was driving. A nomination was not needed as Manopause attained the highest speed of the evening as he rushed forward to dispatch the Down-Down in pretty swift order.

 

Forrest then awarded Beefy the final Down-Down for not doing anything wrong. Perhaps it was in recognition of Beefy's willingness to reschedule his birthday Hash? A note for "the innocent one".

The official Down-Downs may have been awarded but that was not the end of the Down-Downs. There was a badge to award. But first Hashers had to guess the number of runs on the badge. Eventually, Fukarewe guessed 500 runs correctly. Forrest's guesses of 1 and 69 were disqualified. But who had attained such esteem? None other than our host for the evening, Forrest Stump. "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

 

The evening concluded with us all raising our glasses to salute a gentleman and stalwart of the Hash. RIP Winfield X

 

Next week

VENUE CHANGE - NOW FROM THE PARK INN, KINGSKERSWELL

On-On to next week.

FUNERAL POSTPONEMENT

Gobbler informs us that Winfield's funeral has been postponed due to unforeseen circumstances. We will let you know when it has been rearranged.

Hash no 1985 The Warren House Inn’s Eternal flame.

Here are the words that Pisswell provided after her dramatic and memorable trail from the Warren House Inn. The coinciding of Winfield's passing the day after, caused a breakdown in the usual posting that Pisswell provides. My apologies for the confusion.

Please sing along to this tune

The Bangles - Eternal Flame (Official Video) - YouTube

Close your eyes, give me your hands, hashers

Do you feel the fire beating?

Do you understand? It’s the Warren Inn

Fires been lit for ever!

Is this burning an eternal flame?

I believe they’ve lifted their ban hashers

Best behaviour at down downs

Circle up with me

Can you see Pizwell? Can you see to Grimspound?

Or is that Birch Tor, heather clad, on trail?

( change of tune)

Some folklore

Deep inside the moor

Hairy hands at Postbridge

What the devil are cards for?

I don't want to lose this card game, oh no

Vitifer

Running through Tin mines

A whole trail of gulleys

A BB split is signed

I don't want to lose at cards here, oh no

( back to original tune)

Close your eyes, show me your hand, hashers

B’neath the tor your hearts beating?

Devils looking on. See those glowing eyes?

Or is that just a puma?

Are those eyes burning, an eternal flame?

Close your eyes, won’t see the snakes, hashers

Sweetie stop is there waiting

Chance to go on home, near the miners ruin?

Rest on on to Birch tor

Is the sunset an eternal flame?

Open eyes, look at the view, hashers

Can’t you feel your hearts beating?

Did you do the long? Did you see the bees?

Anyone been flicking?

Oh (no tarmac, (too tame!))

Getting dark, turn on your lights, hashers

As you run the two moors way.

Stop at Bennett’s cross. Safely made it back.

Scaredy cats all dreaming

Back to Warren and eternal flame

Dartmoor hash, give me your feed back hashers….