Monday's trail

 

Run #2010 Monday 4th March 7:15 pm circle up from the Old Commercial Inn Bishopsteignton, Clanage St, Bishopsteignton, Teignmouth TQ14 9QS with the old firm of Man-Pig and Bluebird.

Man-Pig and I have just visited and put the order in for ten chicken, leek and bacon pies plus one veggie pie. Our order will be freshly baked on the night.

The parking will be a challenge. There is a tiny car park behind the pub which will accommodate perhaps half a dozen cars so be prepared to park on road and walk up to the pub.

A limited number of dogs will be accepted in the bar section as long as they are kept on leads at all times.

It's a tiny pub but quite atmospheric - like a real pub should be.

TVH3 The Words for 26th February 2024

The Bishop Lacy, Chudleigh

Run No. 2009

 

HARES: Hot Lips & Zoot

 

Who wuz there: Zoot, Hotlips, Man-Pig, Shitfaced, Only Here for the Beer, Forrest-Stump, Perry, Warmfront, Psycho, Amy, Beefy, Pisswell, Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Well Hopped, Big End, Ned, Roger the Dodger, Wet-Johnny, Slip-on-Me, Wetfart, Threesum, Strap-On & Ernie.

 

Circle

GM Shitfaced welcomed all into the Circle for our first 'Bring a Friend' Hash.....numbers were down. No visitors and no virgins. Indisputable proof that Hashers have no friends outside of the Hash. 

 

Shitfaced also reminded Man-Pig that he was laying next week's trail that may, or may not, be at the Old Commercial, Bishopsteignton.

 

For the benefit of those who could not attend Fallen Woman's funeral, Zoot gave a brief summary.

Fallen Woman was most certainly not short of friends. 

 

Approximately 250 attended the funeral including members of at least eight Hashes and the Pedal-bash. A fantastic turnout for a fantastic woman. 

 

Fallen Woman's daughters have now returned to their respective homes and Broken man would be glad of any visitors.....and perhaps a craft excursion to the Queens Hotel?

 

Wetfart gave us a new update on Teapot. Basically, there is no change. Teapot is still in Torbay hospital and had been given a zimmer frame to assist him with his balance. Again, any visitors would be most welcome.

 

Smellie phoned in to advise that she was feeling a little poorly so would not be in attendance this evening. So it was over the the Hares.

 

Hotlips imparted some surprising insider knowledge. "It is a bit muddy out there", and so it proved to be. There were two Long/Short splits and the Longs would be about 5 miles, Shorts 3 and the Walkers' trail even shorter.

 

For those that were hungry but had not placed a food order yet, we would be running past the pub, so pop your head in and Thomas Cook it.

 

Trail

The trail took us out of the car park via the footpath next to the Globe. We turned right down Fore Street and past the Bishop Lacy before coming to the first Long/Short split. 

 

The Shorts continued straight on whilst the Longs' trail looped down along Old Way and past the sewerage treatment works only to re-emerge near the slip road onto the A38. 

 

The Longs then headed back into Chudleigh before rejoining the Shorts on the footpath that passes Lawell House. The fields here were sodden and the track leading to the fields was very slippery.

 

Even when we started climbing, the going was still boggy. We had to get onto the farm track before we could gain any degree of traction.

 

The pack continued upwards towards Winstow Cottages. As per usual, Beeflicker was off like a shot with the Topiary Twins not far behind. 

 

This, at least, had the benefit that all the checks would be kicked out before the time that Wet-Johnny, Beefy and I got to them.

 

A little way behind us were Big End and Well Hopped who, in turn, had stolen a lead on Pisswell and Forrest Stump.

 

By the time we arrived at the edge of Ugbrook House, (easily recognisable by the stone wall surrounding its grounds) I had thought that we would have caught up with the Shorts. But no. What had happened to them I'll never know as I never saw any of them after the car park. 

 

I can only assume that the evening ended up comprising Walkers and Longs only.

 

We headed northeast along the lane that skirts Ugbrook Park until an unkicked-out check had us catch up with the Topiary Twins. A call from FRB, Beeflicker, and we were going downhill at last. 

 

We were now on a public footpath crossing two fields before arriving at the second Long/Short split. The Shorts' trail remained in the field heading northwest, over Kate Brook, and back into Chudleigh.

 

The Longs were heading northeast and along a broad, but watery, track that runs into Garden Spot Lane. An arrow had us head left and downhill back towards Chudleigh. A check at Waterside Meadow fooled Wet-Johnny as the trail was just a few yards further away and running past the skateboard park, now heading for Old Kate Bridge. 

 

I was hoping that the next check or arrow would have us go left, past the bowling club, and back into town. 

 

Oh no. I knew what was coming. An arrow pointed dead ahead. This was going to be a straight lane up to Brimley Corner, then a left at Brimley Stile and back to Chudleigh Sports fields across three waterlogged fields that never dry out (apart from 6 days in mid summer according to local girl Warmfront).

 

The trail finished by climbing up Brocklands before turning left and down New Exeter Street and back to the car park.

 

Well, mud is what we were promised and mud is what we got. The day had been warm and windy and I had rather expected some of the trail to have had a bit of a blow dry.....evidently not!

 

Down-Downs

Roger the Dodger awarded the Hashshit shirt to Man-Pig for being a good samaritan and coming to his aid in his time of need. 

 

Roger the Dodger hadn't seen anything on trail so could anyone help him out? 

 

Man-Pig jumped to the rescue with a story about the Topiary Twins yakking all the way around the trail about all that is inane and useless. In particular, Warmfront's penchant for taking her trainers into work so that she can make use of the Met office's drying room. 

 

However, whilst imparting such drivel to RTD, the Pig was blissfully unaware that the Topiary Twins were right behind him and they heard....EVERYTHING! So much for Man-Pig's act of kindness. A note for the sneak.

 

No more awards but Beefy had a story about a hasher failing to dress himself properly in the car park. Someone spent several minutes attempting to put on a shirt whilst being oblivious to the fact that his difficulty was due to the fact that he'd left the coat hanger in the shoulders..... come on down, Forrest Stump. A note for the natty dresser.

 

Warmfront deservedly received a Down-Down. I think it was for popping home and changing her socks but not her knickers that were still a trifle damp. 

 

The Down-Down should really have gone to Psyco who popped home and changed everything. "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

 

The last half pint could/should have gone to our only faller of the evening - Roger the Dodger. 

 

However, it eventually went to someone who was slip-sliding her way around the trail muttering, "Mud, mud, mud". But not before the Down-Downs were rudely interrupted by two enormous farts. Johnny Fartpants would have been proud of those. 

 

It was made ten times worse because they were let go during a quiet period in the proceedings. A hasher's rather florid complexion gave the game away. Nonetheless, it was not enough to prevent virgin Amy from receiving the final Down-Down - "Here's to the dirty one".

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Old Commercial in Bishopsteignton.

The Hares are Man-Pig & Bluebird.

On-On to next week. MP

TVH3 The Words for 26th February 2024

The Bishop Lacy, Chudleigh

Run No. 2009

 

HARES: Hot Lips & Zoot

 

Who wuz there: Zoot, Hotlips, Man-Pig, Shitfaced, Only Here for the Beer, Forrest-Stump, Perry, Warmfront, Psycho, Amy, Beefy, Pisswell, Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Well Hopped, Big End, Ned, Roger the Dodger, Wet-Johnny, Slip-on-Me, Wetfart, Threesum, Strap-On & Ernie.

 

Circle

GM Shitfaced welcomed all into the Circle for our first 'Bring a Friend' Hash.....numbers were down. No visitors and no virgins. Indisputable proof that Hashers have no friends outside of the Hash. Shitfaced also reminded Man-Pig that he was laying next week's trail that may, or may not, be at the Old Commercial, Bishopsteignton.

 

For the benefit of those who could not attend Fallen Woman's funeral, Zoot gave a brief summary.

Fallen Woman was most certainly not short of friends. 

 

Approximately 250 attended the funeral including members of at least eight Hashes and the Pedal-bash. A fantastic turnout for a fantastic woman. 

 

Fallen Woman's daughters have now returned to their respective homes and Broken man would be glad of any visitors.....and perhaps a craft excursion to the Queens Hotel?

 

Wetfart gave us a new update on Teapot. Basically, there is no change. Teapot is still in Torbay hospital and had been given a zimmer frame to assist him with his balance. Again, any visitors would be most welcome.

 

Smellie phoned in to advise that she was feeling a little poorly so would not be in attendance this evening. So it was over the the Hares.

 

Hotlips imparted some surprising insider knowledge. "It is a bit muddy out there", and so it proved to be. There were two Long/Short splits and the Longs would be about 5 miles, Shorts 3 and the Walkers' trail even shorter.

 

For those that were hungry but had not placed a food order yet, we would be running past the pub, so pop your head in and Thomas Cook it.

 

Trail

The trail took us out of the car park via the footpath next to the Globe. We turned right down Fore Street and past the Bishop Lacy before coming to the first Long/Short split. 

 

The Shorts continued straight on whilst the Longs' trail looped down along Old Way and past the sewerage treatment works only to re-emerge near the slip road onto the A38. 

 

The Longs then headed back into Chudleigh before rejoining the Shorts on the footpath that passes Lawell House. The fields here were sodden and the track leading to the fields was very slippery. 

 

Even when we started climbing, the going was still boggy. We had to get onto the farm track before we could gain any degree of traction.

 

The pack continued upwards towards Winstow Cottages. As per usual, Beeflicker was off like a shot with the Topiary Twins not far behind. 

 

This, at least, had the benefit that all the checks would be kicked out before the time that Wet-Johnny, Beefy and I got to them.

 

A little way behind us were Big End and Well Hopped who, in turn, had stolen a lead on Pisswell and Forrest Stump.

 

By the time we arrived at the edge of Ugbrook House, (easily recognisable by the stone wall surrounding its grounds) I had thought that we would have caught up with the Shorts. But no. What had happened to them I'll never know as I never saw any of them after the car park. 

 

I can only assume that the evening ended up comprising Walkers and Longs only.

 

We headed northeast along the lane that skirts Ugbrook Park until an unkicked-out check had us catch up with the Topiary Twins. A call from FRB, Beeflicker, and we were going downhill at last. 

 

We were now on a public footpath crossing two fields before arriving at the second Long/Short split. The Shorts' trail remained in the field heading northwest, over Kate Brook, and back into Chudleigh.

 

The Longs were heading northeast and along a broad, but watery, track that runs into Garden Spot Lane. An arrow had us head left and downhill back towards Chudleigh. A check at Waterside Meadow fooled Wet-Johnny as the trail was just a few yards further away and running past the skateboard park, now heading for Old Kate Bridge. 

 

I was hoping that the next check or arrow would have us go left, past the bowling club, and back into town. 

 

Oh no. I knew what was coming. An arrow pointed dead ahead. This was going to be a straight lane up to Brimley Corner, then a left at Brimley Stile and back to Chudleigh Sports fields across three waterlogged fields that never dry out (apart from 6 days in mid summer according to local girl Warmfront).

 

The trail finished by climbing up Brocklands before turning left and down New Exeter Street and back to the car park.

 

Well, mud is what we were promised and mud is what we got. The day had been warm and windy and I had rather expected some of the trail to have had a bit of a blow dry.....evidently not!

 

Down-Downs

Roger the Dodger awarded the Hashshit shirt to Man-Pig for being a good samaritan and coming to his aid in his time of need. 

 

Roger the Dodger hadn't seen anything on trail so could anyone help him out? 

 

Man-Pig jumped to the rescue with a story about the Topiary Twins yakking all the way around the trail about all that is inane and useless. In particular, Warmfront's penchant for taking her trainers into work so that she can make use of the Met office's drying room. 

 

However, whilst imparting such drivel to RTD, the Pig was blissfully unaware that the Topiary Twins were right behind him and they heard....EVERYTHING! So much for Man-Pig's act of kindness. A note for the sneak.

 

No more awards but Beefy had a story about a hasher failing to dress himself properly in the car park. Someone spent several minutes attempting to put on a shirt whilst being oblivious to the fact that his difficulty was due to the fact that he'd left the coat hanger in the shoulders..... come on down, Forrest Stump. A note for the natty dresser.

 

Warmfront deservedly received a Down-Down. I think it was for popping home and changing her socks but not her knickers that were still a trifle damp. 

 

The Down-Down should really have gone to Psyco who popped home and changed everything. "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

 

The last half pint could/should have gone to our only faller of the evening - Roger the Dodger.

 

However, it eventually went to someone who was slip-sliding her way around the trail muttering, "Mud, mud, mud". But not before the Down-Downs were rudely interrupted by two enormous farts. Johnny Fartpants would have been proud of those. 

 

It was made ten times worse because they were let go during a quiet period in the proceedings. A hasher's rather florid complexion gave the game away. Nonetheless, it was not enough to prevent virgin Amy from receiving the final Down-Down - "Here's to the dirty one".

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is probably (confirmed) from the Old Commercial in Bishopsteignton.

The pub does open on Monday's but it was not open this Monday. Hence, Bluebird is currently rechecking if this will, indeed, be next week's On-Down. (It is, I'm popping over Friday to reassure the landlords as they've never heard of hashing! There will be a pie and pint for £9 might be a spare one or two if Able wants one.)

Monitor the TVH3 Facebook page for updates. The Hares are Man-Pig & Bluebird.

 

On-On to next week. MP

BACK TO THE BISHOP LACY!

Run #2009 Monday 26th February circle up from the main car park Chudleigh for the 'Bring a Friend' extravaganza with Zoot and Hotlips.

The OD is from the Bishop Lacy Inn, 52 Fore St., Chudleigh, Newton Abbot TQ13 0HY. The last time we visited the Bishop Lacy was run #1761 September 2018 so the old timers will be looking forward to raising their glasses at either of the two bars once more.

 

ANOTHER WET JOHNNY EPIC & A BIG, BIG BADGE

TVH3 The Words for 19th February 2024

The Corner Flag, Devon FA, Newton Abbot

 

Run No. 2008

 

HARE: Wet-Johnny

 

Who wuz there: Wet-Johnny, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Bluebird, Threesum, Forrest-Stump, Perry, Melonpicker, Fukarewe, Amy (virgin), Smellie, Beefy, Pisswell, Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Well Hopped, Big End, Ned, Roger the Dodger, Coldtits, Slip-on-Me, Manopause, Wetfart, Rise'n'Shine, Mateus Rose, Strap-On, Strap-Dancer, Squashed Balls, Twin Buffers, Popeye, Popeye's partner and Bobbiball (pub only).

 

Circle

GM Shitfaced welcomed all into the Circle including virgin, Amy. She was welcomed with the usual liberal dowsing of flour. 

 

Shitfaced mentioned that the Committee (the committed) were going to promote a "Bring a friend" hash (next week). 

 

There would be a prize on the Awards' Night for whoever had brought along the most friends. A lot of navel gazing took place as sad and lonely hashers contemplated:

 

a) did they have any friends?

b) if they did have friends, would any of them be potty enough to come out to get cold, wet and dirty?

Food for thought.

 

Smellie was absent. A miscommunication between her and her chauffeur, Coldtits.

 

Coldtits: "I am at the station".

Smellie: "So am I".

Coldtits: "I am at the front of the station and I can't see you".

Smellie: " I am at the front of the station and I can't see you!"

Coldtits: "Which station are you at?"

Smellie: "Teignmouth".

Coldtits: "Newton Abbot".

 

Here endeth the lesson; one less Down-Down to worry about.

 

Wetfart gave us an update on Teapot. Teapot is still in Torbay hospital. He is in good spirits but an MRI scan has confirmed that he's had two mini-strokes. On the upside, Teapot's speech is fine and the only apparent downside is that his balance is a little off. All visits would be much appreciated.

 

Man-Pig updated all on Fallen Woman's funeral and wake this coming Friday. The dress code is, "Wear something colourful to remind us of Fallen Woman's colourful character". The funeral is at Torbay Crematorium at 10.30am. The wake will follow straight afterwards at Brixham Sailing Club. I understand that the wake will continue until closing time!

 

Over to the the Hare, Wet-Johnny.

 

Wet-Johnny explained: "There are Walkers', Shorts' and Longs' trails. The Shorts' trail will be about 4.5 miles". However, he might have gone a bit overboard with the Longs'.....ahem...."7 miles! There are two Long/Short splits".

 

Trail

For the second time in TVH3 history. we were back at the Corner Flag - again organised by Wet-Johnny.

 

The Walkers and the Shorts immediately dropped into Decoy Woods for a jaunt around the lake. Six fools elected for the long Longs: Beeflicker - never to be seen again, Beefy, Man-Pig, Big-End, Well Hopped and Pisswell.

 

The Longs went up to Coach Road and turned left and then left again down the broad and muddy track into the rear of Decoy Brake.

 

Initially, we all scampered and tiptoed around the shiggy bits. We always do it and I don't know why because we all know the futility of such actions. Inevitably, you're going to get wet and muddy, and so it proved to be. The tracks in the woods were like streams in places. 

 

At the southeast corner of Blackball Plantation, I was convinced that we would go right and across the 4 fields that would take us near the Priory in Abbotskerswell. BONG!Wrong! A cross barred our way.

We took a left and down the track and followed the excellent, clear and frequent marks back to the Keyberry Inn where we caught up with the Walkers. This was also the point of a Walkers/Long & Shorts split. 

 

The Walkers headed towards the Keyberry whilst the Longs and the Shorts stayed on Kingskerswell Road heading for, well, Kingskerswell obviously.

 

I was sure that we would turn right and upto the Priory and the next junction. BONG! Wrong again. There was a check but it had been kicked out straight ahead. 

 

Beefy passed me. Where had he been? He had been miles in front earlier. At the roundabout near the new Oak business park, arrows had us carry on past the Barn Owl and then left along Torquay Road towards Newton Abbot before turning up right behind Romany Jones. This was not what I had been expecting. 

 

Climbing up Yew Tree Climb (as named by Strava) we turned left at Paraprick's pad. In front of me, I could just see Beefy's torchlight. Behind me were two torches. Almost certainly Well Hopped and Big End.

 

It was a straight trail along Milber Lane to Wet-Johnny manning the sweetie-stop. This was also the second Long/Short split. Beefy and I headed towards Milber Industrial estate where an arrow had us turn right and up towards Hiller lane but no Hiller Lane tonight. 

 

A kicked out check had us heading on a track that we haven't been on in ages. We were heading towards Buckland. 

 

At Shaldon Road, it was straight across and then down Haytor Drive. At the bottom, we crossed over the yellow pedestrian footbridge and into the edge of the Brunel industrial estate. We took a left and back to the Penn inn roundabout. 

 

Under the underpass, after having stopped to admire oneself in the mirror that is supposed to keep cyclists and pedestrians on the correct side of the underpass - Popeye beware.

 

Exiting at Sainsburys, (I thought we were going to ban trails running past supermarkets - too much of an distraction for Smellie) the trail took us past Mcdonalds and back into Decoy Woods via a narrow ginnel running behind a row of houses. 

 

Again, the marks were clear and copious for a simple climb back up and into the Devon FA playing fields.

 

Another fine solo trail laid, marshalled and replenished by Wet-Johnny. Well done.

 

Down-Downs

Forest-Stump had asked Man-Pig to RA for the evening so it was:

 

"Thank you to the pub for doing the scoff and for the beer". From memory, I don't think that the pub does scoff on Monday after 7pm so it was good for the chef to stay on to cook for hungry hashers.

"What did we think of the trail?" Despite the usual jeers of "Too dry", Too flat" it was an excellent trail following an unexpected and circuitous route.

 

"Who has an award from last week?"

 

Manopause had the Hashshit shirt and looked straight at Smellie.

 

"Wrong station?" but it was such a cheap shot that the shirt went to a recipient for his performance at last week's Valentine's Day hash. 

 

Someone had ducked out of dancing lessons and headed straight to the pub. To make matters worse, he had placed himself in a window seat so that he could wave at passing Hashers whilst quaffing his beer.

So who had placed themselves squarely in a window looking for all the world as though he was sitting for a portrait painting? Roger the Dodger. In addition to the Hashshit shirt, he got a big turd hat (or was it a giant walnut whip?) courtesy of Beeflicker.

 

A note for the portrait boy.

 

Next up was Beeflicker himself. He had the Jester's Hat. He outlined a brief story about two SCB's. It concerned Fukarewe and virgin Amy. 

 

Eventually, Fukarewe did the honourable thing and stepped up to take the Down-Down. However, there was a new award, again courtesy of Beeflicker via Yorkshire Hash.

 

A pinny with a pair of ladies projecting 'accoutrements'. There was a snap taken but perhaps, on reflection, Fukarwi decided that he looked too much of a prize wally. Mind you, Roger the Dodger certainly looked the part in his shirt and walnut whip outfit.

 

A note for the SCB.

 

There was one award left over from last week. 

 

Last week Checkmate's virgin friend, Shay, was given the horned hat. He wasn't going to be present this week so he had given it to Miss Whiplash (AKA Coldtits) to give away. 

 

So what had Coldtits seen on trail? It was not so much what Coldtits had seen, it was more a case of what Popeye had seen.......a lot of himself. Apparently. Popeye had been seen running through the Penn Inn underpass but momentarily stopping at each mirror in order to undertake a bit of preening!

A note for the vain one.

 

Were there any more stories? Squashed Balls piped up that it was twin Buffers' birthday on Thursday.

Now, normally, this would have warranted a Down-Down. 

 

However, tonight was a very special night. There was a big, and I mean BIG, run badge to award. So big, in fact, that the RA had never seen one before......1100 runs! 

 

So who had wasted 1100 Mondays. My guess was that we'd be looking for someone old. Front and centre there was a table of contenders, Bluebird, Wetfart and Bobbiball.

 

"And the winner is..............Wetfart". What a fantastic achievement!

 

"Get a life. Get a life, life,life...." etc.

 

An echo of the Lurv hash, Strap-On distributed the contents of a box of Milk Tray chocs. Very generous.

 

My word, Smellie. How on earth you didn't get a Down-Down.....but there's always next week!

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is a long awaited return to a former favourite watering hole of TVH, The Bishop Lacey, Chudleigh. Our Hares for the evening are Hotlips and Zoot. 

 

And don't forget to bring a friend!

 

On-On to next week, MP.

Monday's details

 Run #2008 Monday 19th February 7:15 pm circle up from the Corner Flag bar, Devon FA, County Headquarters, Coach Rd, Newton Abbot TQ12 1EJ with Wet Johnny.

 

A HEART TO HEART HASH by Pisswell

TVH3 The words for 12th February 2024

Run No 2007, Valentines hash

 

The Dolphin, Bovey Tracey

 

Hares: Coldtits, Beefy and Pisswell

 

Who woz there: Shitfaced, Manpig, Manopause, Wet Johnny, Big End, Wellhopped, Slip on me, Cheerio Beerio (dance venue only and bringing professional dance experts, Eva, AKA Puddle Plopper, and Darcy AKA Twinkle Toes,) Able Semen, Zoot, Hotlips, Mateus Rose, Rise and Shine, Wet Fart, Melon Picker, Ernie, Piltdown Man, Georgie Porgie, Checkmate, Checkmate’s mate (Shane), Warm Front, Pyscho, Beefy, Pisswell and Coldtits.

 

The circle

People unfortunately had not persuaded their “unwilling partners” to attend our Romantic valentines hash, but many had turned out inappropriate [sic] clothing!

 

There was no Smellie re further hash dates. Apparently, she had better romantic ideas for herself! No Pisswell at the circle either, so hope everyone paid up!

 

Georgie Porgie and Piltdown Man announced that they would not be attending for the next four weeks and so Able offered to take names for attendees.

 

Wetfart said that Teapot had been unwell again and it would be a while before he would be back to the hash. DIY Scoff orders for the evening to be placed at the bar please.

 

No 1 Hare: The other hares being out on trail, Beefy explained that there would be three trails from the Dolphin, with regroups. The regroups would be overseen by two dominatrices.

 

Hashers were reminded that it was important to be obedient and be submissive as there would be prizes for those that obeyed.

 

The trail

Hashers ran from the CP in all directions as expected but where was the trail? Beefy herded the hash, and the odd cat, to the first regroup, just across the road in the Riverside community hall. 

 

There they were greeted by hares no 2 and 3, Coldtits and Pisswell, and also Cheerio Beerio and her two professional dancers Eva and Darcy. (Their real names are listed above, but they used their professional names for the evening!)

 

The 5 had decorated the hall in balloons, banners and lots of fairy lights. Love potions were served, roses were placed between teeth and hashers were given a pre hash warm up, by learning some dirty dancing.

 

A simple sexy salsa was taught to them all to the tune of Despercito. Coldtits and Pisswell wielded their whips to keep everyone in line and having a go.

 

Heart Trail 1

Beefy had lovingly and romantically devised the same route for everyone with a heart being incorporated into each trail. So if you are a Strava or Garmin fan, you will have gone home with at least two, if not three, extra hearts.

 

Pisswell and Coldtits tried cleverly to stagger the intervals between departures from the hall, pretending that some groups had tried harder or done it better, (ha ha!) and hoping that everyone should return at the same time, whilst Beefy tried to ensure that it happened.

 

As you can imagine, it was like herding cats! The first trail was a simple 1/2m around the Mill Marsh park, but obviously not as simple as the people doing it!

 

However, eventually all returned to the hall to dance party no 2. 

 

Again, all were welcomed with any left over love potions. Actually, I think it made all the difference to these “close encounters” with the opposite sex hashers! This time there were strawberries, some of which were dipped in chocolate.

 

The rest had a promise of chocolate, slightly spoilt by Pisswell’s emergency run to the camper van to do some more. She found Beefy lying unconsciousness from his running efforts, and despite their best combined efforts, they were unable to produce enough gas to light the stove!

 

For the health conscious, there was also oyster (mushrooms) at the party, to get you going, and carrots to see whereyou were going! All sugar free, gluten free, wheat free. In fact just free!

 

So to the accompaniment of some Irish music, we then attempted to “Strip the willow”. In fact the Irish dancers “tie their laces” or, is it “ undo the laces”? But it all happens in the middle of sets. (not sex!) 

 

Well, I have no idea how our hashers ever get to a hash on time with their shoes on, because it was hilarious! How hard is it to “Right hand turn your partner”, “left hand turn” the next in the line? It was!

Anyway, again the walkers won the contest, followed by shorts and leaving the longs to shape up those moves!

 

Heart Trail 2

This time, Beefy directed the hashers up to the recreational ground, where they picked up marks ( dashes) to form a new heart. 

 

The mileage this time was about 1m, giving the walkers a total of 1 1/2m covered, before their return to the pub. 

 

For some, this was sooner than others. Wet Fart said he was exhausted from the dancing! Do I believe that? ….No.

 

Well, eventually more filed in to the music from Chris de Burgh, Lady in Red. So our last dance was an up close and personal, smoochy number. 

 

Again, the whip was out encouraging people to swap partners and phone numbers or whatever.

Unfortunately, at this point, I totally forgot there was one more run! So my plan to send out the shorts, then longs, then walkers went for a burton!

 

I think I thought, “ ok that’s enough drooling, hand wandering, sexy stuff” but instead said, “ ok, you can go now. Get lost!” And so they did, to trail 3. (shorts and longs only).

 

Heart Trail 3

Trail 3 was up past the fire station and into Parke. There the trail went up beside the road and then right to the Dartmoor pony heritage centre. 

 

It then went right down towards the road, crossed and up again.

 

Any shortcuts here would have broken or ruptured a heart, but everyone seemed to have survived! Shortly afterwards, at the cattle grid on the main drive, hashers found our only long/ short split.

 

The shorts returned through the deep mud out to the fire station and on home. The longs went left and then onto a woodland trail, which eventually took them back through muddy fields to the National Trust carpark. They returned to the short trail and on home.

 

At this stage, Shane, who is Checkmate’s mate, took a fall, landing in the mud and giving himself a chocolate coating look. (unlike the strawberries).

 

Heart(y) Down downs

Meanwhile, back at the Dolphin, the hash was awaiting the returnees.

 

The longs had completed another 3.8m, making just over 5m and the shorts did somewhere between.

It was a sheer delight for me to be sat in the pub waiting for others, especially as, on this very rare occasion, Manpig was the last man in!

 

After a quick pint placed in his hand, he was able to perform his RA duties. 

 

The pub was thanked for its beer and the hares for their hash with a difference. 

 

Psycho had the jesters hat. It was awarded to Shane for his spectacular fall. The hashit shirt had boomeranged back to Pisswell last week, and in the absence of Wetfart, (who deserved it back), was given to Manopause for his dirty dancing or was it sweaty dancing in his posh, flowery, non-absorbent shirt!

 

Two remaining pints and no further tales. Slip on me and Able Seaman received a down down for something that had happened with Ernie. He did say his end had dropped off so what had they been doing to him?

 

Beefy accepted a down down on behalf of the hares for his dashing outfit (great tie), or was it his dashes instead of dots? Even then, all was not over!

 

As promised, it was on to the dancing awards. As Melon Picker rushed home to make full use of the slow to work love potion, he was handed a small bottle of Prosecco, winning the title of most sexy dancer.

 

Next was the award for the most romantic couple, a meal out to celebrate their togetherness. Well Hopped and Big End were delighted to receive their lady and the tramp bowlful of spaghetti and sausages. (we were on a tight budget). 

 

Unfortunately, the food was cold, (gas problems again) but they fed each other lovingly with forks, even attempting the romantic spaghetti kiss as per lady and the tramp!

 

It was so tasty, even Pyscho joined in later! The best male outfit was awarded to Shitfaced for his suit and bow tie, winning a bottle of red wine. 

 

Best female outfit was to Slip on Me, with a beautiful dress and makeup, winning a dozen red roses.

The award for best dancer went to Warm Front, particularly for her boisterous swinging. She won a romantic evening kit for two, comprising a candle, body spray, lubricating jelly, condoms and a chocolate heart.

 

The most promising dancer was Checkmate’s Mate (Shane) for being game and having a go. He won a box of chocolates. The best dad dancer award went to Wet Johnny for his unique style. He was awarded a small bottle of Prosecco. 

 

The most impressive dancer was awarded to Pyscho and she therefore had the most impressive prize. She rushed out to try her new Pellet battery toy and had full hopes of the batteries being exhausted by next weeks hash!

 

Realising that the goody bag was now empty, we hurriedly tried to find an award for the best dirty dancer, Manopause. 

 

Unfortunately, he declined the left over two glasses of pure Dolphin water, but I’m sure was very grateful to the many people who took their time to vote for him!

 

So a big thank you and well done to everyone who came, and to all your efforts with outfits & dancing.

Special thanks to Cheerio Beerio & her lovely 2 young girls for helping prepare & de-rig the dance hall, & showing us their own wonderful dance moves.

 

And lastly, as I usually do my words as a song, just a quickie…. To the music of Lady in red, as below:

 

https://youtu.be/Vt2YIpZWBqA?feature=shared

 

I've never seen hashers look so lovely as you did last night

I've never seen such fairy lights, mhm hm

I’ve never seen so many men try avoiding to dance

They're looking for much more than romance

Given half a chance…..

We’ll never forget the way you looked tonight!

 

Next week. Beat that Wet Johnny! In fact, It will be lovely to get back to normal next week! We will be circling up at the Corner Flag bar, Coach road, Newton Abbot.