AGPU, WORDS AND NEWS ROUND UP PLUS (for the first time) FACEBOOK COMMENTS

 

TVH3 The Words for 13th April 2026

The Lord Nelson, Kingskerswell

Run No. 2124

AGPU & " I do like to live beside the seaside"

HARE: Beeflicker

Who wuz there: Beeflicker, Man-Pig, Forrest-Stump, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Beefy, Pisswell, Archangel, Coldtits, Warmfront, Ablesemen, Wetfart, Slip-on-Me, Miss'ing, Threesum, Bass Camp & returnee - Shitfaced

Circle

 

The AGPU should be quite an important event for all Hashers. It is your opportunity to tell the committee what they are getting right and what they are getting wrong. You can even put yourself forward for a position should you be so inclined. It was, therefore, with some disappointment that only 17 were present for the AGPU. The pub had opened especially for us and given us exclusive use of the lounge bar. Just as disappointing were the number of takers for food; a solitary three. 

 

The Pig had guessed that 12 would be eating and the pub had prepared a casserole to cater for such numbers. It was with some embarrassment that the Pig entered the pub to impart the news that TVH3 must be on a group diet as there would only be three scoffers. After, having so delivered bad news regarding the trough, worse was still to come. On returning to the Circle he was told that he had been volunteered for the Words (Note to self....never leave the Circle).

 

In Smellie's absence, and as the scribe had already been press-ganged, there was only a single announcement. This was in respect of Desperate Housewife's funeral the following day. Wetfart advised those present of details for both the funeral and the wake. Teapot would be delighted to see as many Hashers as possible, and in Hash gear if they so wished.

 

Then it was over the the Hare, Beeflicker who advised that, given that the AGPU would be taking place, the trail would be relatively short. However, do not be fooled. It would also contain fishhooks as well as back checks.

 

Trail

As promised, the trail was indeed shorter than usual but none the worse for it. In fact, it delivered some spectacular views over Coffinswell. From the high point on the footpath section of Coffinswell Lane some could even see the sea....amazingly. Beefy's beautiful photos of the Devon countryside were quite stunning.....but only if you edited out the light pollution from the Hashers' dayglo jackets.

 

The trail started with a Long & Shorts/Walkers split. The Walkers headed up Fluder Hill and then down Daccombe Mill Lane. The Longs and Shorts (Beeflicker, Man-Pig, Warmfront, Beefy, Pisswell, Forrest & Archangel) were directed down the narrow ginnel and onto a check on the Newton Road. There was another check at the corner of the The Sloop/Hungry Horse which found us ascending Coffinswell Lane past Kingskerswell Primary School. Here we encountered the 17th Hash attendee. Miss'ing had decided to park her car safely away from the pub. She saw a hash mark and simply waited for the hash to come rushing by! Miss'ing was almost knocked for six by the pressure wave of the approaching FRB's. This was repeated 2 minutes later, but from the opposite direction. The FRB's had ran into the first fishhook and were now dashing back to the Hare as previously instructed.....whoosh!

 

Just past the fishhook, we arrived at the first L/S split. The Shorts carried straight on and onto Willowpark Lane near Coffinswell church. The longs took the left fork arriving at a check at the path's highest point on Kerswell Hill next to a gnarly, ancient oak. This is a fantastic tree as it has a split at its base forming a small cave...almost big enough for Warmfront.

 

The trail continued into Coffinswell and the inevitable check. The Longs went right towards the Linney before diverting right, past Only Here for the Beer's former abode. We ran into the Walkers (Piltdown Man and Georgie Porgy) just before another L/S split had us on Underway and arriving at a check at the footpath that runs along the Aller Brook. We inevitably embarked along the footpath that runs beside the brook to encounter the bizarre spectacle of an enamelled steel bath, replete with taps and full of water. It is a makeshift thrust block and has always been there during my 30 years in Kingskerswell. Given the stupidity of the Hash, I am amazed that a Hasher hasn't jumped in for a quick wash.

 

Oh dear, and now the hill. We turn left out of the footpath and join the Walkers trail up Willowpark Lane to its junction with Fluder Hill and Kerswell Road. We overtake Piltdown Man and Georgie Porgie for the descent down Fluder Hill; we pass Threesum and Bass Camp on the way. The Longs arrive back at the pub at 8.20 and, for the first time in ages, we arrive back before the Walkers and all are back in daylight!

 

Thankyou Beeflicker for a short but beautiful trail. It was well worth the run - as evidenced by Beefy's photos on the FB page.

 

Down-Downs

The Down-Downs commenced and, indeed, finished before 9pm. Forrest assumed the mantle of RA for the evening and started by thanking the pub for opening for us and for the beer. Then he enquired as to whether anyone had any awards from previous weeks, years or decades.

 

Shitfaced comes forward with a policeman's helmet that no-one's ever seen before. However, he does have an amusing story to regale. It concerns a strange voicemail:

"Hello Shitfaced. I've left my spare leg in the hire car. The owner of the vehicle hire place lives in Kingskerswell. I've asked him to drop it off at the Park Inn. I only noticed that I'd left it behind when I got out of my car and fell over".

 

Obviously a note for Forrest Stump whilst he dispatched the first DD.

 

Next up for a DD is Warmfront. Her misdemeanour? She'd only just got back from France where she'd entered a cross country race....and won. She was spurred onto glory in her pursuit of another female runner who she was determined to beat. Imagine her surprise when she passed her female competitor only to be acknowledged with a bearded grin! "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

 

On the continuing subject of short-sightedness one of our Harriets commented on how beautiful the view was of the lake above Coffinswell. "I've never noticed it before". The "lake" is, in fact, a new solar panel farm installed across two south facing fields above Coffinswell. "Here's to the short-sighted one" Pisswell.

 

Next, the Hare gets a a half pint of water for being the Hare and delivering a short, quick, scenic and thoroughly enjoyable run.

 

The final half of ale is looking for a taker. Continuing on the theme of beautiful views or, in this case not so beautiful views, Beeflicker has a story. A Hasher has had to attend to to the call of nature and he's not being too discreet about it either. The miniature pocket python is flailing all over the place. He's weeing on the bushes, on his trainers and then the Hare's trainers. This is just as a he turns around to admire a field full of "yellow bluebells" and did anyone else notice them? Errr, no Forrest. The bluebells are, um, blue! Another note for "John Thomas".

 

Where are we next week? Piltdown Man says it is his trail from The Kents, Torquay. Beefy says that it is his trail from The Rugglestone Inn car park. A frantic reaching for phones adjudges Beefy as the winner by a nose and a whole week.

 

AGPU

It is not even 9pm and we push onto the AGPU. This starts with Threesum advising us as to the financial health of the Hash. We had £2,200 this time last year and £1,800 now. Hence, healthy but not as healthy as last year. There are only 21 fully paid up members this year.

 

Zoot has stood down as Hash haberdashery and Georgie Porgy has volunteered to fill her shoes - well done. Cheerio Beerio would like to stand down as social sex but will stay on if no-one wants to take it on. No-one does so Cheerio is social sex for another 12 months....excellent. All other incumbents are happy to remain in post so it is over to the single bone of contention - the time at which the DD's take place.

 

This has already been discussed on by the committee via the committee whatsapp group. Threesum and Bass Camp assert that membership is down because the DD's are taking place too late at night (circa 9.30) and Hashers are complaining because they want to get home. Man-Pig queries if the real issue might be the time delay between when the Walkers arrive back at the pub and when the Longs arrive back i.e. by the time the Longs arrive back the Walkers have had their pint and a meal and are ready to go home save for the DD's. If this is the case the obvious solution is to make the Walkers' trails longer.

Threesum assures us that it is the absolute time at which the DD's take place that is the issue. The finger appears to be pointed at the Hares for setting trails that are too long. In truth, there are a number of issues that contribute to DD's taking place at 9.30 including:

 

1. Never starting at 7.15

2. Time lost at sweetie stops

3. Now having dedicated trails for the walkers, Shorts and Longs

3. Waiting for the Longs to get back or do the Walkers get back too early? 

 

As a case in point, Man-Pig explained that if we run from the King Bill in Totnes, the Walkers do not need to get changed after their walk. They simply go straight back to the pub. However, the runners need to spend 5 minutes returning to their cars in Victoria Road car park; spend 10 minutes getting changed and another 5 minutes walking back up to the pub. Hence the runners are a further 20 minutes later than the Walkers.

 

4. Waiting for lost Hashers to return

5. The absence of an RA from the Walkers or Shorts who could proceed with the DD's in the absence of the Longs

etc etc

 

Threesum was adamant that the DD's should start at 9pm. Man-Pig considered 9.15 a more realistic goal. A lively debate ensued which effectively pitched the Longs (i.e. the Hares) against the Walkers. The Pig mused that perhaps the Drinking Club with a Running problem was morphing into an Eating Club with a Walking problem. 

 

The obvious solution would be for more of the Walkers to come forward to lay trails. The stats for last year reveal that 80% of last year's trails were Hared by someone from the half dozen or so Hashers who regularly do the Longs.

 

Ablesemen stepped in to cool the situation by stating that everyone should thank the Hares for all the hard work that they put in throughout the year. Wetfart recalled the DD's taking place circa 9pm in years gone by; a time that was reaffirmed by Teapot after Desperate Housewife's funeral yesterday.

The absence of a RA from the Walkers was addressed by making Shitfaced an RA. Those gathered agreed to minimise announcements in the Circle and aim to get underway by 7.20 every Monday. 

 

I think that the general consensus was that the Hares should always enjoy full discretion as to the length of trails and the nature of the terrain whilst also endeavouring to get the pack settled into the pub for DD's nearer to 9pm rather than 9.30.

 

Desperate Housewife's funeral

There was a big turnout for Desperate Housewife's funeral yesterday which resulted in a significant proportion of the congregation having to stand throughout the service. A large number of those in attendance were from Sally's previous work with both the council and the police. Both TVH3 and Ashburton Hash were represented at the funeral, some in Hash attire. We hope that this brought some comfort to Teapot and his family.

 

Half a dozen Hashers attended the wake and it was somewhat humbling that the first group of mourners that Teapot wanted to sit with was the Hash contingent. We had a good old chat about the old times. I guess that the funeral and the wake went about as well as could be expected under the circumstances and we all look forward to seeing Teapot again soon.

 

Threesum has organised a card on behalf of the Hash and she was due to drop it round to Teapot's house today (Thursday). Teapot asked that there be no flowers from mourners. Instead, he requested that donations be made to a local South Devon charity called Children and Families in Grief (childrenandfamiliesingrief.co.uk). Donations do not need to be referenced but it would be in memory of Sallyanne Metcalfe.

 

Sally was a beautiful young woman with a natural ability to light up the Hash when she did make an appearance. She will be missed by all who knew her - RIP.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Rugglestone Inn car park, Widecombe-in-the-Moor. Our Hare is Beefy. Although the evenings are getting lighter, bring a torch!

On-On to next week. MP

 

FACEBOOK COMMENTS ON AGPU

 

Tony Perkins

Probably irrelevant to current hash membership but here's my three pence worth on DD times.

Point one.

When I started with TVH3 back before mobile phones, the hash kicked off at 7:30 not 7:15 but still the enginuity of the shares managed largely to have all of the pack back in the pub by 9pm at the latest.

Point two. More people were inclined to stay for two or three beers, more than current legislation allows.

Point three.

Walkers had no designated trail but just headed back to the pub in time for 9pm downdowns.

Point four.

I'm blowing my own trumpet here. A sign of a good trail was that the longs and shorts should finish the trail in reasonable temporal proximity. As they did at The Devenport Arms.

Point five.

It appears that there is an athletic cabral who see an 8 mile run as acceptable whilst the average hasher of old, ie over 60, welcomes anything from 4-6 miles. This is achievable if the trail is adequately planned and executed with loops, Back checks and long short splits.

So in essence I postulate that it is the responsibility of the hare to ensure the pack, with the exception of lost members, arrives back in the pub in good time for whatever time is designated for the DDs.

Bon chance, mes amies. A bientot.

Wigwam

Jez Knight

Tony Perkins we don't see eight-milers unless you include Bluebird's nine mile Short, a few years ago, where the Long was a "Spinal Tap amp" special.

Usually, I try to run, or pedal, to the Hash for extra miles and and it is thanks to the Hash that, at approaching 59 years old, I am the fittest I have ever been. I like to think, though, that I keep my Trails to a manageable distance for all, with the focus on them being pleasing to the eye as well as the feet. (They are shorter when the Trail is remote from the On-down.) Recent talk is making me doubt what I do as, probably, I fall well short of the standards expected by the Hash cognoscenti. It is said that action speaks louder than words but, inaction speaks loudest: I'm not expecting much of a turnout on Monday. I don't mind as a smaller group can be more fun and, I don't lay Trails to get tee shirts, anyway.

It was good to see back. I was hoping you would be around far a while longer.

On on.

 

 Calum MacIntosh

Jez Knight Ah! Yes! The trail that I laid jointly with BB from The Park Inn 2 or 3 years ago...pushing on 9 miles I think. I don't recall if this was officially a BB trail or a Shitfaced "friends" trail. The unfeasibly long trail was partially down to the Bird and the Pig arriving at what we thought was a public right of way but which turned out to be private land with a locked gate! This added an unplanned 2 miles to the trail....sorry. I do not know where Wiggers gets the 8 mile figure from. In my 30 years with TVH3 I can only recall 2 trails in excess of 8 miles - mine & Bluebird's being on one of them. On that occasion I recall arriving back at the pub at about 9.35 only to have Shitfaced bending my ear about the time and pushing on with the DD's - which I did.....immediately and as ordered! Almost all of the hashers disappeared as soon as the DD's were complete. Thus, after having run 6 miles laying the two Longs' loops and a further 9 miles sweeping the Longs, I found myself pretty much alone in the pub. I hadn't been afforded the time to have a wash, a pee or get myself a glass of water let alone a beer. So, I went home dirty, sweaty and thirsty. Not what I had anticipated. Instead, I had visions of quaffing a well-earned beer. Alas not to be. Now, there will be some members of TVH that will say, "Serves you right Man-Pig for laying such a long trail", others might say, "Well done. A really good leg stretcher". As the saying goes, "You can please all of the people some of the time. You can please some people all of the time. But you can't please all of the people all of the time". It is also worth recording that, whilst an 8 miler is a rarity at TVH3, they are not uncommon in SH4. Beefy usually posts his Strava record for the trails on the TVH3 FB page. I think that one would find that most Longs are in the 5.5.to 6.5 range. Regarding run time, I sometimes mention the time that the Longs arrive back at the On-Down in the Words. There are not many occasions when the Longs have been back after 9pm.

 

Derek Weeks (Beeflicker)

 

1stly thank you for the words man pig, was an enjoyable ready and so pleased you enjoyed the trail,

2ndly, sorry indidnt have food, 2 huge bills literally wiped me out

And lastly, I think for me, when I lay a trail which I lay a majority of, I will go forward laying a shorts and longs, of 4 and 6 miles, I won't be laying a walkers, i will lay the trails how i always have, making them enjoyable and worthy of doing. I will not be listening to any complaints about my trails from people who don't stup up and put their name down to lay trails. It is always the same people who are relied upon and this is unfair on the hares as they don't get to enjoy the hashing as it should be enjoyed. This is meant to be for all to enjoy but not all of us get to enjoy it as we should.

 

 Yvonne Burton

A good trail is a proper hash, to be laid with many circles and check backs. No arrows unless you are dividing shorts and longs, or maybe a dangerous road to cross?. A 5/6 mile trail should be completed by 1hour 30mins, for the longs, hence back well before 9.00am for dd's!

AGPU

Run #2124 Monday 13th April AGPU Circle up 7:15 pm from the Lord Nelson with Beeflicker. Food £6, show of hands at the circle.

 

 

TVH THE WORDS

Run #2123 

Monday 6 April, The Bridford Inn

Hares: Forrest Stump & Man Pig

 

Back in the beautiful Teign Valley territory this week for an Easter bank holiday hash. Not a bad turn out considering, with around 15 heading out for what promised to be a dry and lovely evening.

Forrest had been let down by Woodlend so he called upon Man Pig to assist, which answered our confusion as to why he was holding a bottle of flour. 

 

At the circle Wet Fart shared some very sad news regarding Teapot’s daughter Sally. We’re all thinking of you and your family Tea pot. Without any further announcements, it was over to the Hares - “there’s a walkers, a shorts and a longs and it’s on on that way” was all the info supplied and so we were off!

 

The trail:

We headed off out of the village, and missed a first check which the hare made clear he wasn’t happy about. Swinger and I returned to check up past the church only to find a cross. We had been on in the first place but I guess in the true spirit of hashing these things need to be done.

 

Then it was a steep descent down to the river, and a walkers long/short split. The first of two or three? That would become clearer later on. At the bottom of the road another check - I said it couldn’t possibly be where the “private property do not enter” sign was so checked left. It turns out, with Man Pig sweeping behind, that it was indeed that way. I called “on back” and waited for Big End and Pocket Rocket to catch up, when a concerned member of the public arrived enquiring if we had permission to be entering the quarry. Big End used all the politeness he could muster to placate the resident before we followed the trail through the quarry and then up the very steep and infamous ‘cable car climb’.

We caught up with the rest of the pack at the top, where Big End spent some time admiring the VP which was a rather inviting (for him anyway) fishing lake! 

 

There wasn’t time to check for signs of carp though as the FRBs were ahead again. We followed and crossed a field where we were treated to a panoramic view of the Haldon Hill range looking spectacular in the evening light, before leaving the private property behind and joining a lane that climbed up past Christow Common.

 

We were then met with a l/s split. Both hares were present at this point and neither could agree whether this was the one and only chance to cut short. Pocket Rocket didn’t hang about to find out more, and was gone in a flash in the direction of the short. Swinger, Big End, Ernie and I deliberated for a moment over which Hare to trust, and decided in the end that Man Pig was the more reliable of the two - so we took the short while Pisswell, Starsky and Beeflicker opted for the long which was an additional 2 mile(ish) loop to Laployd Plantation and Rowdon Rock.

 

It only took us a minute to catch up with the GM who’s lighting fast movements had fizzled out pretty quickly and he was found taking photos of the evening sky. 

 

We then ran on in the direction of Bridford village, taking a left through a beautiful garden and down a bridle path back to the stream. 

 

It was then a short distance to the OH where we met Wet Fart taking his usual cold water wash in the car park. The other walkers were already inside. 

 

The OH:

The landlord of the Bridford Inn was staying up past his 8.30pm bedtime and was very hospitable, and, as it turned out, good with a mop and bucket! The sausage and chips was really good, even if the price was slightly higher than what was shared by the Hare in the circle.

As for the downs downs, what can be said other than they were Easter themed and messy! Pisswell took charge of proceedings as RA and fortunately the landlord didn’t seem to be too upset by what transpired. 

 

Downs downs awarded to:

Starsky for his “cracking” Easter joke

Pocket Rocket for almost breaking a sweat

Smellie for going to the wrong pub (it’s Bridford not Cridford)

Ernie for stealing Pisswell’s parking space

The two Hares for a very enjoyable trail - thank you

On, on to next week. Well Hopped x

Remember, The Bridford Inn NOT the Cridford Inn!

Run #2123 Monday 6th April Circle up 7:15 pm from the Bridford Inn, Bridford, Exeter EX6 7HT with Forrest and Woodlend.

 

TVH THE WORDS by Beefy

 

Words for Teign Valley Hash #2122, Monday 30th March 2026 

Awards night, at Devonport Arms, Paignton.

Hares: Wigwam and Bobbiball.

 

6.28318 radians:

Wigwam, Bobbiball, Piltdown Man, Georgie P'Orgy, Satnav, Coldtits, Slip On Me, Wet Fart, Bee Flicker, Able Semen, Bass Camp, Threesum, Pocket Rocket, Strap On, Pisswell, Broken Man, Soapy, Melon Picker, Man Pig, Ollie, SMEllie, Roger the Dodger, Well Hopped, Hornie, Pork Torpedo, Rent Boy, U Bend, Swinger and Beefy.

Late arrivals: Warm Front and Psycho. 

 

On the pavement, at a seemingly uninteresting crossroads, in an ostensibly unloved backwater of an otherwise too busy seaside settlement in South Devon, Piltdown Man called for order and for a Circle to form. He used the word "please" and twenty nine hashers formed a polygon of sorts, much to the bafflement of the occasional passer-by.

 

Our GM welcomed us to Hash number 2125 (it was 2122). He mentioned, also, returnees in the form of Satnav, Broken Man, Rent Boy, Ollie and, of course, Wigwam. Other, short-term absentees included Hornie, Pork Torpedo, U Bend, Bass Camp and Threesum.

 

The Hares, Wigwam and Bobbiball, gave us their spiel (which I didn't hear as I was wandering around taking photos). "You'll be back in an hour!" was what I heard and that was all I needed.

 

The Trail:

So, "On on that way." and we were sent up Elmbank Road (coming the other way were Psycho and Warm Front, in a car) to a left turn onto Totnes Road, crossing it to enter Primley Park. The Longs parted company with the Shorts, for loop around the meadow, to rejoin them on a climb to a Check, where we found Wigwam who gave us the tip so, we were On left, along Primley scramble and up through the woods. A couple more checks brought us out onto the green at the top of Primley Park. Pisswell, Man Pig, Well Hopped and Swinger, all had seen marks on the path which led out on Westleat Avenue where we encountered a very relaxed-looking Bobbiball who would follow the Shorts, I believe. 

 

On on along Clifton Road and a check sent us left into Winner Hill Road which, in turn, descended onto Winner Street where, in centuries prior , the salt spray of a rough high tide might well have made contact with you. Bearing left, we headed for the junction with Colley End Road and past the former laundrette (which I used for three years), into Colley End Road and Colley End Park.

 

The Trail took us to Monastery Road, Berry Drive , Berry Road and back onto Colley End Road. Next, there was a right into into Copley Close leading to Foxhole Road and we emerged at, and crossed, King's Ash Road to follow Luscombe Road until we reached Queen Elizabeth Drive. The Longs and Shorts divided here. The Longs quit Q.E.D. for Trelissick Road and went onto Lutyens Drive until a left turn took us through a pedestrian gate which gave onto the Westerland Valley Country Park. It was getting dimpsy by now and I was trying to take a photo of the post-sunset skyline to include the Beacon Hill masts. Bee Flicker and Man Pig were ahead of me at this point so, I was pleasantly surprised to hear a familiar Harriet's voice ring out across the field. "Evening!" called Warm Front and emerged from the enclosing gloom to join me. 

 

We ran on and chatted until we caught up with Man Pig and Bee Flicker, who were walking. By now, we were back on the Shorts and following Great Parks Lane. Bee Flicker joined us and we ran the narrow path which brought us back to the ring road. We dodged the traffic at the PeLiCon crossing to run up Waterleat Road where, who did Warm Front spy but Strap On, one of the twain she had scared witless, last week, with her needlessly loud "On" calling; it didn't work this time. On to Totnes Road, which we crossed to join Penwill Way and a sharp left into Hayes Road with the"OH" marked as well as all the Trail marks we encountered on the run. I tried to keep pace with Warm Front as we dashed down the road back to the Devonport Arms.

 

The On-down.

When I arrived back at the car to get changed, Well Hopped and Swinger were on the way to the On-down so, we exchanged a few words before they left me to carry on. Meanwhile, Psycho returned to her car and we walked down the road together and entered the pub to see no familiar faces at all. The company present looked around at us and, as one, directed us to another door, this with a makeshift "No entry" sign stuck on it. Feeling slightly unnerved by this, Psycho, nevertheless, pulled open the door. It was like gaining entry to your regular speakeasy: a secret room, full of your favourite people enjoying the atmosphere and each other's company. A great selection of food was on offer, paid for by the Hash.

The Down-downs. (What happened was...)

 

Wet Fart gave his hat to Bobbiball for, I think, riding his bike around the Trail. Bobbiball had to drink his beer from his own shoe.

 

Warm Front produced the hat she had gained the previous week to donate it to the worthy cause in the form of SMEllie who had, unsurprisingly, been caught in a loop of dots and arrows where escape velocity had been attained only with assistance.

 

The Hares were rewarded with a beer...tainted by drinking it through their own sock! Whatever next?

Poacher drank a beer for being a returnee: he must have been thirsty as i have seen him refuse beer in the past.

 

An organised fight broke out amongst the rest of the returnees and, it seems, Mrs Sheen was the winner but, passed her beer to Wigwam. It was a confusing but entertaining event.

 

The Awards were as follows:

Hasher of the year: Bee Flicker;

Harriet of the year: SMEllie;

Hash of the year: Pisswell;

S/S of the year: Roger the Lodger;

On Down of the year: Pisswell;

Newcomer of the year: Tongue and Groove;

Get A Life: Beefy;

Story Teller: Man Pig.

Thank you, Wigwam and Bobbiball, for a great Trail and an entertaining evening all round.

Here end the Words.

Next week: The Bridford Inn with Forrest Stump.

 

Thanks go to those who voted for my award: you may have a point.

On on,

Beefy.

NOT THE WORDS by Beefy

Not the Words.

There's a certain lack of idiots at the Circle to be found,

Teign valley offenders that you might have seen around.

We have a little list; it's in our little fist!

The owners of the running shoes we need back on the ground,

Of long-lost voices calling "On!" we want to hear the sound.

You're on our little list, 'cause all of you are missed.

Those who like to run and drink and have a bit if food,

And some who need to do the thing that bears do in the wood,

I think you get the gist, you're all on the list.

Those who like to spend their spare time dangling from rocks,

And some who like to run a Trail in just their pants and socks,

Expertise with tresses and cleverness with locks

Often comes in handy when you're out in the boondocks,

You who like to ride a breadboard down a river,

Navigating on dry land might leave you all aquiver.

If youre a guitarist, you're definitely missed.

Has your ocean wave gone flat or has your tide gone out?

Get out of the doldrums and give "on on!" a shout,

Don't be feeling rudderless with no fuel in the tank,

It's time to take your ship to shore; it's time to weigh the anch(or).

We really must insist, you're on the little list.

Don't pull the plug on life and leave yourself all sparkless,

Reject the moniker "the Prince of Darkness"!

Attendance at the Circle is bound to be recorded,

If you find you have no life, a run badge is awarded.

Come sun or rain or mist, you're surely on the list.

Come back, we implore you: see the dots before you,

The sight of mud and fields and trees can only help restore you.

You'll get to hear what you might call something like a sermon

On the merits of a garden sauna from some-one who's German.

You can hang around with other folk of robust sobriety,

Until the Trail is over then it's back to Hash society!

Joking and laughing and quipping and quaffing as the daylight is fading,

Stories are told of stupid or bold with Down-down songs serenading.

If your feelings are requited by the words that here are cited,

Your showing up is sure to make us

More, or less, delighted!

AWARDS NIGHT

Run #2122 Monday 30th March AWARDS NIGHT extravaganza Circle up 7:15 pm from the Devonport Arms, 42 Elmbank Road, Paignton TQ4 5NG with the legendary old firm of Wigwam and Bobbiball.

Words of wisdom from Bobby which should be noted:

The Devonport Arms is on the corner where Hayes Road meets St Michaels Road.

Parking is difficult - there is no pub car park.

One suggestion is to come along the ring road to Tweenaway Cross turn left straight on past the zoo turn right at the brow then first left into Hayes Road. Then find the nearest space or try a side road. Parking past the pub is not advisable.

I would try to get there as early as possible!

 

 

TVH THE WORDS by Warmfront

Sandygate Inn

Run #2121

Monday 23rd March 

We circled up in the car park on a miraculously dry and benign evening outside the Sandygate Inn. Able reckoned it had been 15 years since the hash had last met there. An intro by the GM, a plea from Smellie for hares, and onto tonight’s hare; Beeflicker was remarkably still standing after running 47 miles at the weekend, and even more remarkably had managed to lay a trail. 

 

There would be plenty of checks, no false trails, one and on. So off we set. We were sent off up the lane out of Sandygate and into the darkness. The walkers soon peeled off left and the rest of the pack headed up towards Gappah, across a field and into the woods with Polyfella leading the way. The longs were spat back out onto the road (I think we lost Man Pig here who got confused by the arrow) to ascend to the top of Gappah whilst the shorts carried on through the woods and were (mostly) not to be seen again until we returned to the pub. 

 

The FRBs took some lucky guesses at checks and once almost in sight of Chudleigh hung a left down through fields and emerged out onto the main road. We carefully crossed it as instructed and followed the trail down into Chudleigh Knighton. I was confident we’d go left to cross the Teign at the little bridge but I was proved wrong and had to back track. Thankfully Beefy had kindly marked the check with a bit of reflective metal for me. I soon caught up again with Beefy and Polyfella and we took the trail under the A38 and along the Teign. I think Beefy was hopeful of a river crossing but I was quite pleased to keep my feet dry. We pegged it over the narrow humpback bridge, then up the road as quickly as possible. I think Polyfella’s blue flashing anklets may have saved us from being run over. I breathed a bit easier once we’d gained the cycle path which we then followed all the way back to the pub.

 

There was already a merry crowd in the pub and the hash had almost completely filled the bar. Once everyone was assembled the awards were given to Woodlend for animal abuse (leading his unwitting dog straight into a parked car), Warm Front for over enthusiastically calling the trail, Wet Fart for taking his clothes off in the car park, Man Pig for taking photo of a harriet’s bottom, and the hare Beeflicker for a fabulous trail.

 

On on to awards night!

SANDYGATE INN

Run #2121 Monday 23rd March Circle up 7:15 pm from the Sandygate Inn. Kingsteignton TQ12 3PU with Beeflicker.

No food but they do Peperami - it's a bit of an animal!

TVH3 The Words for 16th March 2026

The Upside Bar, Paignton

Run No. 2120 - Park Runs

HARE: Man-Pig 

 

A very light drizzle greeted the 12 intrepid souls who had made it into The Upside Bar. We ventured outside just in time to call back Ernie who had either:

a) embarked on the trail early

or b) had got lost within 15 feet of the pub

 

In the absence of our GM, who had no car and probably not enough pocket money to pay for the parking, Piltdown Man assumed role of GM.

 

Numbers were a little down at 12 but this was swollen by the late arrival of Warmfront and Psycho and the even later arrival of Coldtits sans Smellie (who we thought, incorrectly, might be on the next train).

There were no announcements, not even when Psycho advised us that she was expecting (she didn't actually say this. What she actually said was that she was "late"). The Hare gallantly volunteered to do The Words.

So, without further ado or any other late arrivals, it was over to the Hare. There were three trails: Walkers', Longs' and Shorts'. Being in town all three would be predominantly on road. However, on the "Upside", the Hare guaranteed us the opportunity to try a selection of beers that we are unlikely to have encountered previously.

"Does anyone want to know distances?" enquires the Hare. The only affirmation came from Georgy Porgy who wanted to know how long the Walkers' trail was.

"About two and a half miles" guessed the Pig. The Pig then took the pack over to the nearest mark and said, "This is what the marks will look like when on tarmac or concrete". Barely visible against the reflection of streetlights and passing cars was a small, faded, single-headed, chalk arrow.

"It's so small" commented Warmfront.

"So my wife keeps telling me", retorted the Pig. "I don't need to come to the Hash to be insulted".

She did have a point though. The chalk arrows, whilst clear when laying the trail earlier in the day, were now.....ahem.....faint.

Trail
And with that we were off - and off trail in an instant! The pack was directed down towards the seafront but all missed the first mark which took them right and to Paignton Bowling Club. "On back" and back they came to the near invisible mark. The trail now took a right and left through Torbay Park, across the Esplanade by the Vue cinema and then left along the seafront towards Preston.

Miss Mash, Smash, Strap-Dancer, Georgy Porgy and Piltdown Man were intent on the Walkers' trail so the Hare attempted to catch up with Longs and the Shorts. At the end of Paignton Green, a check had slowed the pack. Eventually, the Hare caught up with the pack at a second check at the entrance to Parkfield House. The trail now traversed the skateboard park, crossed a public car park until we arrived at the Walkers/Longs & Shorts' split.

The Walkers were directed up Manor Road for a jaunt around the grounds of Oldway Mansion but somehow never actually found their way into Oldway. Meanwhile, the Longs and Shorts cut through Marine Gardens and along Marine Drive to a check outside the the WC's at the junction of Marine Drive and Seaway Road. I think that the pack had got their eye-in with respect to spotting the fading marks as it wasn't long before "On-On" was called from the public footpath that runs along the edge of the railway.

By this point we had lost Bobbiball who was doing the trail by bicycle. His undoing was the sea wall construction works being undertaken along the seafront.

The pack crossed the pedestrian footbridge over the permanent way to another check at the entrance to Hollicombe Park. Beefy checked out the park whilst Warmfront followed some marks from an old Hash trail until she came to a chalk arrow. "On-On" up Hollicombe Lane to Cockington Lane and a check. This check had Beeflicker checking downhill (never do that) towards Ten Acre Brake (Hollicombe Valley). The rest of the pack had correctly embarked on an uphill incline in the opposite direction, alternatively being led by Warmfront, Beefy and Psycho.

The trail remained on Cockinglon Lane, crossing Upper Headland Park Road to a check near Lower Penns Road. It was then up Preston Down Road one way system to the L/S split at the end of Upper Penns Road (be careful how you spell this!). All went Long as, by now, we had lost contact with Ernie and Strap-On who, in turn, had lost contact with the trail and were now enjoying a selection of craft beers at the On-Down.

More road as the marks (now in reasonably conspicuous flour) guided the pack along more road towards Sandringham Gardens. Two checks later we were, eventually, off road and into Occombe Valley via Merryland Close. The Pig and Pisswell formed the rear guard of the Longs - unaware that the Shorts had short-cutted back to the bar.

Initially broad tracks in woodland gave way to narrow tracks in open pasture on Preston Down before arrows had us descending back into woodland. Not far ahead, we could hear the calls of the FRB's. A slightly slippery descent had us emerge from the woods onto Coombe Road. But, by now, the FRB's were neither in sight nor earshot.

Pisswell and the Hare then enjoyed a leisurely canter back to the OD via Barcombe Lane, Oldway Mansion, Mount Ganja, Higher Polsham Road and Victoria Park. The sole check in Victoria Park had not been kicked out...I never did enquire as to whether or not the FRB's had undertaken this part of the trail.

Down-Downs
By the time the Longs arrived at the On-Down, it rather looked as though the Walkers and the Shorts had been there sometime. It was 8.55pm and, as the OD closes at 10pm on a Monday, we pushed on with the DD's.

Pisswell has returned from panto duty and undertook the RA'ing duties. She also had a bag of full of Hash paraphenalia (this was just as well in the absence of any awards being present).
The first DD went to Ernie. This was for not being able to find the OD when he was only 15 feet away from it and the rest of the pack were standing outside. The Hare had got a selection of 3 different beers and a cider for the DD's. Ernie sensibly opted for one of the pale draught beers. "Here's to the short-sighted one".

Next there is a story regarding pronunciations - Cycle, Psycho, Sci-co. The candidates were Warmfront, Psycho and Bobbiball for cycling around parts of the trail. The Hash decibel meter was called into play in order to establish the Hasher most culpable. By a gnat's crotchet, Bobbiball was declared the 'winner'. He opted for the other light draught ale accompanied by the usual ditty.

Are there any stories? Only one it would appear. It transpired that the Topiary Twins had been up to their usual mischief when kicking out checks - especially the chalk one's which were proving quite a challenge to mark in the correct direction. These are recessionary times. Historically, the Twins would pull down a huge bough, usually of road blocking proportions, with which to mark the direction of onward travel. Not so this evening. Three checks were marked with a solitary blade of grass.....Hard Times indeed Mr Dickens.

Pisswell envelops the half pint glass of cider with a dirty sock and invites the demon duo to drink the cider through the sock. Eventually, after a lot of coughs and splutters, Psycho and Warmfront finish their joint DD to the rendition of, "Hold it in your Hand Mrs Murphy".

The final DD is the draught Porter. This goes to the Hare who elects to drink it from the Turd mug!

Finally, we thank pub for having us; for the most part the Hash were the only customers present which was a shame given the great selection of beers.....I don't think that anyone dined out on the pickled eggs!

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Sandygate Inn, Sandygate, Newton Abbot. Our Hare is Beeflicker.

On-On to next week. MP

Epilogue
Some important information was imparted during the DD's. It relates to parking charges. Apparently, on road parking where there are roadside parking meters is free after 6pm. Thank you for that Ernie. We are now so informed.